Posted in Community, Daddy, hockey, The Urban Daddy, Toronto

Insert Toronto Maple Leafs Joke here…


Fine, okay, I get it… Being a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs has never been easy. No Stanley Cups in my life-time, and very few players to get excited about.  Save for Rick Vaive, Wendel Clark, Mats Sundin, Doug Gilmour, Jiri Crha, and likely the best goaltender they have had in a very long time, Ed Belfour.

There are teams retiring the numbers of legends that people actually knew about. Among the Leafs retired numbers is Ace Bailey, who was almost killed on the ice, and the NHL held an all-star game to raise funds to benefit his medical bills – and we’ve suffered through all-star games ever since.  Then there is Bill Barilko, who I know about from a Tragically Hip song, 50 Mission Cap.  There is also the number up in the rafters which my middle child pointed at during a Toronto Rock Lacrosse game and said; “Dad, that’s my favourite former Leaf.” After going through pretty much the entire list, he blurted out, “it’s Tim Horton… I love his coffee.”  So I had to explain the who Tim Horton’s situation to him (Leaf, traded, Buffalo, Coffee Shop, Died, Wife sold the 2 shops for like $36,000)…

But this current crop of Leafs is the absolute best I have ever seen. They are very talented, and very skilled and very young, and even though the Marleau contract is not paying dividends, having his leadership is hopefully helpful. If it is not, they can always ship him to Robidas Island where Jeoffrey Lupel lives.

But when I look at this team I cannot help but see the elephant in the room that people are not talking about. The elephant is what caused the Leafs season to turn from being one of the best to being eliminated in game 7, yet again at the hands of the Boston Bruins.

Willie Nylander.

He held out much like his old man did when he played in the NHL, and he was rewarded by the Leafs rookie GM Kyle Dubas for doing so.

The day they brought Willy back was the day the team was destined for failure.

Need proof?

I have some.

The team was 20-8 with out Willy (.714 win percentage), and they ended 46-28 which means with Willy (I am a superstar so pay me like a superstar), they were 26-20 (.565 winning percentage).

Willie Nylander scored 7 goals and 20 assists for his $12,000,000 salary this year.  12-million. The percentage of points per dollars is so small, I’m not even going to put it here… It’s embarrassing.   The player who was filling his role at a $832,000 salary was Kaspari Kapanen and he managed a mere 20 goals, and 22 assists for 44 points. It’s fair to say that if Nylander had stayed home, Kapanen would have had upwards of 60 points and he wouldn’t demand $12,000,000 in salary.

For all of the players who say its a business, there are some players on the team who really love to play the game and seeing Nylander take care of himself and not help the team, it had to have a negative impact on the team morale.

Watching Nylander on the ice and you could see clearly that he was disinterested, disengaged and not giving it his all. Could it be from missing training camp and getting up to the same pace as the rest of the players? I don’t buy that. If he’s a true superstar, then he should have had no issues getting back into the swing of things within a few games. Instead, he had brain cramps on the ice, didn’t hustle where they needed him to, and scored a couple of garbage goals – either empty nets, or when the score didn’t matter.

And how did the “superstar” do in the playoffs? 1 goal, 2 assists (all points were even strength) and a whopping 14 shots on goal. WOW.

I think the fact that the team performed as they did, Matthews, Marner, Kadri (when he was suspended), Marleau, and to a much lesser extent Tavares, Brown, Hyman and Kapanen, the Leafs didn’t play like a team. It’s Nylander that I blame for that.

The Buds would be best to move off from Willie in the off-season. Unfortunately, before his selfishness and lack of interest in playing like a $12,000,000 player I felt they could have gotten a really good player in exchange, however, now that his true self has shown through, I don’t feel the team can get back anything of value if they can trade that salary at all.

I think the Nylander money can be used to keep Gardiner, and the team will be better without him.

Thanks Willy! Enjoy counting your money.

 

 

Posted in Canada, Community, Daddy, family, Food, Life, Parenting, The Urban Daddy, Toronto

Ice Cream Cake: Fork or Spoon?


When you’re given a piece of ice cream cake – not to be confused with a piece of cake that has a scoop of ice cream on it – but an actual piece of ice cream cake, do you eat it with a fork or a spoon?

 

I know the answer, and there is only one answer, ahem, fork… It’s cake!

I asked my colleagues and they were like, fork!

But there are some people who will remain nameless because they may or may not be related to me, and may or may not have given birth to our kids and then may or may not have corrupted our kids into thinking that ice cream cake is just ice cream in the form of a cake, thus should be eaten with a spoon…

 

I won’t judge you…

Fork?

or Spoon?

 

Posted in Parenting

The Urban Daddy Hates Siri – The Weekly Feature


Welcome to what is now going to be my newest feature: The Urban Daddy Hates Siri.

I don’t personally hate the voice behind Siri – she follows me on Twitter and I follow her, and yes, there was a time when I preferred the British voice behind Siri because I was finding that the Australian and American ones just didn’t get me…

In our hands-free / distracted driving world, having Siri available at the call of “Hey Siri” is an assets to parents and business owners.  No fidgeting with a cell phone, or pulling over to text, when you can just summon Siri, and have her do your bidding.

Well, I can’t.

Most of the time I can’t.

Actually almost all of the time I can’t.

I thought it was because I speak too fast, or possibly because I mumble my words, or maybe it’s because I’m not very clear in my pronunciation of certain words..

I’ve come to realize that it’s none of that.

Siri is out to get me.  It’s because I called her stupid and told her to “fuck off” a couple of years ago, and she’s holding a grudge.

Case in point.

“Hey Siri”

“Please send me an email”

Siri: “What is the subject of your email?”

Me: “To do on Monday”

Siri: “Okay, what do you want your email to say?”

Me: “This Monday make sure to go to Splashables (for swimming products for the kids), make a doctors appointment and… well… I have no idea.”

Here is what Siri emailed me: “I Monday you need to make an appointment as washable know I need to make a doctors appointment and you need to go you fossil to pick up some goggles for your son.”

WTF?!? That’s not even close to what I said, and she called me a fossil…

 

Thanks Siri… Bitch!

Posted in Community, Daddy, family, Food, Happy Wife = Happy Life, Parenting, The Urban Daddy, Toronto

Belch vs Burp: What’s the Difference?!?


Belch vs Burp

My wife and I disagree on this.  I said there is a significant difference between a belch and a burp.  She told me that according to Quora there is no difference between a belch and burp.

From Quora: Both make mention of emitting gas or air from the stomach.

Quora is wrong.

She is wrong.

There is a difference… A big one!

Burp

A burp is that noise you make while eating, then you are emitting gas or air from your stomach.

Burps are polite

A burp is a burp…

People burp!

 

Belch

A belch is that noise you make while emitting gas or air from your stomach and in doing so can say words, or make noises and in belching with your mouth open, can break glass or turn people’s heads.

Belches… belches, are high-school, and some-times University cool.

Kids like belches when you can belch and say words.

No one else needs to hear you belch.

 

So?

Agree or disagree?

 

Posted in Canada, Community, family, Life, Parenting, The Urban Daddy, Toronto, travel

Why I Hate Siri: She don’t understand me


I have a real problem with siri.

I feel that somewhere along the line, either myself, or one of my kids must have said something to offend her, because she’s held a grudge for as long as I can remember.

My rationale?

I’m not hearing a tone in her voice or anything like that, but I’m in the car a lot, and when I need to send myself a note, I summon Siri, and have her email me the note.  Usually these notes are trivial, like potential blog posts, or rants, however sometimes they are important.

Here is a recent message that I asked Siri to email to me while I was driving;

Things you must do today or else you will be hungry by your testicles

Contact Golddust at Nyack to let her know that my son is a big boy and the kids in his class are three girls babies to make jokes about seven-year-old kids like their dinosaurs so he needs a class that is either on Saturdays or where the kids at least talk to his armpits as well you have to contact Holt Renfrew and ask them what to do with the dress which is been torn to shreds from being in the closet or possibly just fell apart on wearing the first time because that is the cast you need to do prior to me leaving on my excursion in the next couple of days and I’m going to run over somebody is walking really slowly on the crosswalk by pick you up Savannah

Sent from my iPhone. Please excuse any typos.

WTF?!?

How does this help me?

None of this makes any sense, or reminds me to do anything… I have no idea what I was trying to say, or follow up on, nor will I ever know.

As an aside, since I detest siri so much now, I use the Australian Siri because at the very least I get to hear her awesome accent.

What’s your experiences like with Siri?