Posted in Parenting

Who Doesn't Love Those Teen/Tween Years?


Who doesn’t love when our kids hit those teen / tweenage years? I certainly do not. In fact, I hate it, and it makes me feel bad that I didn’t apologize daily to my mother for likely being a know-it-all little asshole during those years.

I’ve got one child entering the Tween/teen years and one who is finally starting to find his place as a teenager.

The things that bug me the most aside from the swearing, and the smells, is the fact that by the time a child hits the age of the 13, they know every fucking thing on this planet. It’s amazing!

Forget trying to get a woman President of the US, the US needs to elect a 13-year-old. They know everything. Could you imagine a 13-year-old trying to dissuade hostile regimes like Iran, North Korea or Russia by commenting on whose rockets are bigger before breaking out into hysterics because rockets look like penises.

Sigh.

I cannot count the number of times, I have already had to correct my son when he says something looks like a “penis” or he uses the work “cock” or “pussy”. I hate that. I’ve said to him, imagine you’re at a fancy function and you meet the person of your dreams, and in the process of speaking to them, you use those words… They’re going to think you are an uneducated twit and not give you a second chance.

I’ve also explained every time that body parts have proper names, which should be used. I always found it odd to hear family members refer to a penis as a “wee wee” or “pee pee”. Sounds so babyish. That’s for a different post.

With all of that being said, here was the conversation that I had with my son halfway through our cruise that we took over the Christmas holidays on the Royal Caribean’s Oasis of the Seas. Him and I came down with something – likely brought it on board, and after sleeping away the first couple days of the cruise, we started to eat a bit, and use the gym a bit. The first day using the gym was fun, but that day after was tough! Every muscle ached, and it hurt to walk.

So I said to my son after the 3rd day of the gym, when everything didn’t ache so much; “It’s nice to wake up in the morning and not be stiff and sore from the gym.”

“Stiff?” he quickly asked.

Before I could roll my eyes, he said, “That’s what she said!”

UGH.

That’s not what she said… I don’t want my kids to grow older. I love them the way they are, but I can’t wait for this phase to end.

Posted in family, Parenting, The Urban Daddy, Toronto

I just wanted to know how late the donation centre was open. Not this…


All I wanted to know was how late the closest Value Village location was open. I’m helping my sister sort through the belongings and paperwork which belonged to our mother (and in some instances, our father), and after packing up 16 boxes to donate, I went to ask Google how late the store was open.

All I managed to type was, “When”, as in “when does… close”, and before I could type any more, Google fired back with the most popular searches beginning with “when”, and they were;

  • will I die
  • will minecraft shut down
  • will it snow in Toronto
  • does the time change
  • will Iran retaliate
  • will the sun die
  • when will it snow

Those are some pretty deep questions, along with a timely one (re: Iran). I mean, when the citizens leaving your country want to be referred to as Persian rather than Iranian, it’s a pretty good sign that the government is not looking after the best interests of the citizens…

So, being an Internet dinosaur – according to my kids – I decided to type “why” and see what is stressing out the world wide web on this day.

I think the “whens” won the day.

Here are the “Why” questions:

  • why is Australia on fire
  • why is the sky blue
  • why don’t we
  • why am I so tired
  • why do cats purr
  • why is it called black Friday
  • why am I always so tired

Much deeper questions, however, outside of Australia, I’m not sure why someone would type into Google questions like “why don’t we”. It just seems like an unusual question to ask…

Now I’m thinking that it might be a kid thing… Maybe I’ll have to look it up. OR not.

So what showed up as the top item when you typed one of those things into Google? And… Why don’t we???

Posted in Canada, Daddy, family, Parenting, The Urban Daddy, Toronto

Words of Wisdom


I’m so lucky when I am able to capture a gem that one of my kids says to me, or to one another.

Take, for example, these words of wisdom;

“If you were a cyclops, you would have a lot of trouble finding glasses, but you would save a lot of money on eye drops.”

 

True… So very true…

Posted in Parenting

Hello America… It’s Canada Calling!


Hello America.

Hi. How ya doing?

It’s Canada.

The country above you that you are hopefully not going to want to place a wall between.

Yeah.

It’s us, eh!

Just wanted to let you know a couple of things, this Thursday, September 12th, 2019.

  1. Our hearts are with you today, tomorrow, and yesterday – September 11th. The attack on the World Trade Centre was not just an attack on the US, but an attack on democracy, freedom and all of North America. We’re here for you, always and forever.
  2. In 40-days, were going to boot our Prime Minister from power because he lies, and obstructs justice. Our election was called yesterday. You don’t need 2-years to figure this out. You  can do it! It’s called democracy. I think that you need more options for your people than just 2 parties. In your country, you’re either a Republican or a Democrat. In Canada, you can be a Conservative, Liberal, New Democrat, and more recently, a Green. Heck, we even have a further right party called the People’s Party or something like that, and we have Liberatians, Communists, a  Marxist-Leninist Party, and a whole bunch of other parties.  We get this whole thing wrapped up in a couple of months. Not years.
  3. On a more serious, note, we’re coming for the Stanley Cup.! We have your US Open Tennis Championship and your Larry O’Brian NBA Championship. The Stanley Cup will be ours again soon. 
  4. As for your gun-play, I’m super disappointed that it’s making it’s way up here in Canada. Shame on you guys for not dealing with this and making us do it.  Understanding that the Right to Bear Arms was a constitutional right to allow citizens of the US to take up arms against your government way back in the day, there is absolutely no reason to have them now. You don’t need to take someone’s life, nor do you need to keep a weapon in your pants in case something comes up. It’s time to grow up, stop fear mongering people and deal with criminals who access and use weapons with disdain and not make them heroes for your distorted cause. 

Posted in Parenting

Do You Carry Your Child’s Backpack? Don’t!


Do you carry your child’s backpack for them when you pick them up from school?

Don’t.

It’s not your backpack.

It’s theirs and they need to be responsible to know that they need to bring it to school, keep it’s contents safe, and then remember to bring it home with them.  If you carry it for them what message are you sending to them?

I’ll tell you.  You’re telling them that when you’re around they don’t have to carry their backpack.

Today, you’re carrying their backpack because you want to be kind. They must have had a very hard day at school, and you want to show them how much you love them, so you take their backpack and carry it to the car for them.

Tomorrow, and then next day, and the next day, your child walks out of school and hands you their backpack to carry, with a look on their face that it was a very tough day and they totally would feel better if you helped them out and carried their backpack fully of crumpled papers and a bunch of toys.

Then next thing you now it, they’re heading out of school and expecting you to carry their backpack for you.

Or worse, they’re walking away and leaving their backpack expecting you find, it and get it for them.

The entitlement creeps in, but when it arrives, it’s hard to go back on.

You’re setting a bad precedent and creating unrealistic expectations.  You’re not always going to be able or want to carry their backpacks – no matter how heavy it is or how tired they are or how hot it is outside.

Plus, kids don’t know where this kindness starts and where it ends.  Carrying the backpack today, cleaning off the table after dinner tomorrow… Next thing you know, your child will be expecting you so do things for them all the time or when they don’t want to / feel like doing it.

Do yourself a huge favour and make your kids carry their own backpacks.

Additional tips for parents who have already started carrying their kids backpacks:

When they ask why won’t you carry it, tell them it’s their backpack. When you were their age you carried your own. Others kids carry their own.

When they threaten to leave it because they don’t want to carry it – they are testing you – you have to be prepared to walk away from it and leave it there.

Setting clear expectations while they’re young will go a long way towards developing into responsible young adults.

Trust me.