Guest blogger post – Matt P of therealmattdaddy.com

It’s guest blogger time again on urban daddy, and today’s post is an wonderfully creative post from Matt P. of The Real Matt Daddy (his URL is below). This post compares Canada vs. The US from an American point of view and this is a must read post.

I did not edit or touch this post in any way, however, I will say that on the weather side, when Toronto was 50 degrees celcius (122 farenheit for our American friends) in July and the hottest place on the planet, I would dispute that Canada is “Cold”. Big yes, but not cold all the time. That’s all. 🙂

Please read. Enjoy, then drop by Matt’s blog and say hi.

Hello Urban Daddy readers, my name is Matt P. and I’m a blogger over at The Real Matt Daddy (link to www.therealmattdaddy.com). I was invited to guest post here, so I thought I would have a little fun with my neighbors to the north and create a pop-culture showdown between Canada and the USA. I have to admit, this idea came from the fact that I know next to nothing about Canada, other than it being big and cold.  So this post forced me to do a little bit of research.  I hope you enjoy, and feel free to debate my totally subjective Americentric point of view in the comments section below.

Television

Canada has had a few great shows that have truly made a cultural impact, and I have even seen a few of them! So, let’s compare each of these shows to its obvious American counterpart.

Degrassi vs. Saved by the Bell – Winner: Saved by the Bell – While Degrassi probably dealt with common issues in a more serious manner, Saved by the Bell was always used humor to make their point. It was a cultural “must” for any kid growing up in the ‘90’s. I also think the Saved by the Bell spinoffs were more successful than the Degrassi spinoffs, mostly because, although Wikipedia says they exist, I have never actually seen any of the Degrassi spinoffs.

The Red Green Show vs. Sanford & Son – Winner: The Red Green Show – This was really close. While I love Sanford & Son, I don’t think it was as widely appreciated as The Red Green Show is in Canada. The Red Green Show is just plain funny to watch, especially late at night, which is the only time it seems to come on in the US.

Kids in the Hall vs. Saturday Night Live –Winner: Saturday Night Live – You can’t argue with over 35 seasons of success. Had Kids in the Hall lasted that long, we would argue that there were weak points, but it only lasted five seasons. I do appreciate the Kids in the Hall series though, and I have seen many episodes that are funnier than the average SNL sketch.

Canada 1, USA 2

Movies

I could have debated about Canadian comedians versus American comedians all day. After all, Canada has given us greats like Jim Carrey, Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Rick Moranis, Norm McDonald, Howie Mandel, Caroline Rhea, Dave Foley, Phil Hartman, and young talent like Will Arnett and Seth Rogen. But what I found was that for each great Canadian, there is also an American from the same time period that is at least as funny and successful, so I chose to ignore this category as it would most likely end in a draw.

David Cronenberg (kinda scary) vs. John Waters (kinda weird) – Winner: David Cronenberg – Canada, you don’t know how lucky you are to win this category. If I were judging solely on each individual’s most successful work, John Waters’ Hairspray blows away anything that Cronenberg has ever done, including Crash. I also think that John Waters is the better all-around artist, but if you look at pop-culture, you have to look at what is cool. I think that Cronenberg’s classic horror flicks like Shivers, Scanners and Videodrome outdo anything that Waters has on his résumé when it comes to “cool”. What Cronenberg wins with are his most recent works including Crash, A History of Violence and Eastern Promises. So, USA, blame it on Viggo Mortensen, because he made two out of those three movies totally awesome.

Strange Brew vs. Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle – Winner: Strange Brew – The winner of this category mostly depends on if you are drunk or high. Both are awesome movies, but only one is a “classic.” Harold and Kumar made it close with Neil Patrick Harris, but not quite enough to win.

Canada 3, USA 2

Food & Beverage

Since I have never actually tasted a traditional Canadian dish (unless fries and gravy counts) I did not feel as though it would be fair to compare actual cuisine. In the same light, the USA has so many foods that are popular regionally, that it is hard to decide what the quintessential “American” food is (probably a hamburger or pizza, but neither were invented here). So, I picked several brands that each country likes to claim as their own, and I decided to compare them.

Nestlé vs. Hershey’s – Winner: Hershey’s – First of all, the only reason that Canadians claim Nestlé is because they have a huge plant there, and Nestlé purchased the European parent company that made Kit Kat and Smarties at this huge plant. This company used to make a lot of other candies that are famous in Canada and Europe as well. But if you’re going to go to war with Hershey’s, you have to bring more than Kit Kats and Smarties. Hershey dominates the candy market, second only to Mars, Inc., and also has an awesome theme park, a zoo, a gigantic garden, a children’s school, various charitable foundations, an creamery, a decent concert venue, not to mention the Hershey Bears, an AHL hockey team that has won eleven Calder Cups! You hockey fans have to appreciate that.

Molson vs. Yuengling – Winner: Yuengling – If I was voting on alcohol content alone, Molson wins with 5.1% to Yuengling’s 4.4%. Molson is North America’s oldest brewery and Yuengling is America’s oldest brewery, so the age argument is null and void, both are old. The first reason Yuengling wins is on taste. I have tasted both beers, and yes, Yuengling is superior. The other reason Yuengling wins is because the brewery is still family owned and it is the second-largest family-owned brewery in the U.S. (The Boston Beer Company, which makes Samuel Adams, is the largest. And for the record, Sam Adams would also slightly beat Molson. Sorry Canada, but at least your beer is better than any American beer giant like Bud, Miller, or Coors – the company that owns Molson.).

Red Rose Tea vs. Luzianne Tea – Winner: Red Rose Tea – Luzianne was the biggest US run tea company I could find. Honestly, I don’t know which tastes better, but you get a ceramic figurine with Red Rose Tea, and I used to collect those as a kid. Way cool, Canada, way cool.

Canada 4, USA 4

Sports

CFL vs. NFL – Winner: NFL, duh.

Hockey – Winner: Canada, eh. Even though there are some good American teams, Canadian kids are born with skates on, and their players dominate the NHL, AHL, and the Olympics too.

Blue Jays vs. Yankees – Winner: Yankees – As much as I hate to admit it, the Yankees are the best team in baseball history. The Blue Jays had a good run in the early 90’s, but most of the time, they are fighting for third or fourth in the AL East just like my home team, the Baltimore Orioles. Plus, the Blue Jays play on turf.

Basketball – Winner: USA – Raptors and, at one time, the Grizzlies… sorry, Canada, one of your guys might have invented it, but he did it in our country and we dominate you.

Curling – Winner: Canada – You guys do rock the rock. The US has only medaled once, and it was a bronze.

Canada 6, USA 7

Music

Canada’s Best vs. USA’s Best – Winner: USA – Canada, your top artists are Alanis Morisette, Justin Beiber, Nickelback, Celine Dion, and Avril Lavigne. I hate, and I mean literally hate, Alanis and Nickelback. I’m too old for Beiber, too young for Celine, and Avril is only good for karaoke. Sorry, Canada, Bryan Adams doesn’t win you any awards here and Neil Young is only good when he sings with those American dudes and that British bloke.

Canada 6, USA 8

War of 1812

Burned most of Washington DC to the ground vs. We won the war – Winner: Canada – We won the war, and we get to sing about it at sports games, but you guys actually came down here and burned our capital city. That’s pretty badass.

Canada 7, USA 8

90’s Female Hottie Then

Pamela Anderson vs. Cindy Crawford – Winner: Canada – Everybody in America had a C.J. Parker Baywatch poster on their wall or tucked under their mattress.

90’s Female Hottie Now

Pamela Anderson vs. Cindy Crawford – Winner: USA – Cindy Crawford still looks amazing. No kidding, check out her website. She’s still hot. After seeing what Tommy Lee did to Pamela on that boat, she just looks kind of “used”. Too bad, Canada.

Final Results – Canada 8, USA 9 – WINNER: USA!!!

Wow, that was closer than I thought it would be. Great job Canada! You totally surprised me. You’re not just a massive tract of land that is famous for lumberjacks, Mounties and beavers. The real winners here today are the Americans who read this list and discover some great Canadian culture. Thanks to Urbandaddy for letting me take over, and make sure to check out The Real Matt Daddy (link to www.therealmattdaddy.com) if you get a chance.