In case you have ever wondered just how fast you can get out of bed in the middle of the night when you home alarm system starts wailing, I can tell you this… Seconds!
Last night, at about 1:50am, while Toronto was in the midst of a very windy weather “situation”, the home alarm that we have on to, you know, keep us safe, started to wail.
As I shot out of bed, I was met in the hallway by 2 of my 3 children, ready to defend our house from intruders.
The teenager… slept.
I slapped on the lights, ran to the front door… closed. Surveyed the windows… Intact. Raced to the back door… WIDE OPEN!
“Intruder alert!” I screamed. Gather your weapons!
Then the phone rang… alarm company. Wanted to know what’s up.
As my wife spoke to them, I walked to back door to see that there were no footprints in the snow, and no possible way that anyone could enter the house that way.
Did I mention it was REALLY windy?!?
I looked at the door, it was still locked. The force from the wind pushed on the door so much that the bolt slide over allowing the door to fly open.
So we told that to the alarm company, bolted the door back in place and then secured the door was the top and bottom with the extra latches – likely meant for really windy days like last night.
The kids, clearly traumatized, could not go back to sleep. In fact, they “had” to sleep with mummy…
I took them into their rooms while I grabbed a hockey stick and checked the rest of the house, just to be safe.
I came back to sleeping children except of the one child who may or may not get anxious every now and then, and I sat with him explaining what the sound was, why it occurred, showed him that I barricaded the back door so that we could go back to sleep and then sat with him while he quickly, but restlessly dozed off.
As I lay there, wide awake at 2:30am, I thought back to when we first moved into the house and started putting the alarm on at night… One morning I forgot to turn it off, and opened the door and the alarm screeched away. This child must have been… 3 or 4-years-old, and from that day onward for a good year or 2, he would get up, race into our bedroom, see if the alarm was still red (armed) and he would point at it and yell, “red light, red light”, so that we would turn off the alarm in his presence.
He wanted to make sure that never happened again.
It was quite the responsibility for a little child to take on, but that was his thing.
Then again, this was the same child who – after a couple of days of very heavy rain – asked us if he should build an ark so that we could all escape safely…
So the answer to the above question is seconds, and the answer to the question: How fast can you get back to sleep.. That answer is not as quickly as I got out of bed and downstairs… Not even close.
I felt that there were quite a few noteworthy news items this past week and instead of writing on each one, I thought it might be easier to toss them into a Thursday Thirteen format and cover off all of them at once. So without further delay, please buckle up, hid the children and be prepared to read about a whole lot of stupidity which made news headlines this past week. you can also now contribute at the water cooler in conversation about any of these topics today or tomorrow.
13. Happy Valentine’s Day! Today is Valentine’s Day which is good, yet bad, for many of us. First off, do we really need on specific day to tell the one we love that we love them through over-priced cards, chocolates, and flowers? As a father of three children this is one expensive holiday once I purchase a gift (and chocolates and flowers) for my wife, and then from each of my kids for their mother when all she really wants from them is a homemade card, hugs and kisses.
On the other hand, the other day my wife was recounting how her Dad always bought her a Valentine’s gift and how that tradition continues to this day, so last year I bought my daughter a card, with flowers and this year she’s getting the same from me (and a Hello Kitty Valentine’s Beanie Baby). A great tradition, for sure and I like the idea of keeping it up with Boo.
As an aside, my boys wanted me to buy them something this year – one wants chocolates while the other wants something that “will last” because flowers die and chocolates get eaten. They’ve also tried to keep me in check this past week by threatening to withhold or tear up the Valentine’s day cards they made for me if I didn’t treat them nicely. My middle child, Stewie, actually did just that and when he saw the gifts I bought him, felt bad and tried to take one of the 2 cards he gave his mother – which of course upset her, and then upset him. I asked him to make me my own special card on Friday when he’s off school.
12. I want to slap North Korea… really hard. They remind me of the little snot-nosed kid who hides behind his big bully brother and yaps his mouth off because he knows he is safe. Then one day big brother isn’t there and little snot-nosed kid gets his ass handed to him on a platter. By threatening the United States and South Korea and then testing three missiles – the last one underground causing an earthquake tells me that North Korea is either really brave or unbelievably stupid. If they blow up the earth where is the supreme idiot going to live?
North Korea is banned under U.N. sanctions from developing missile or nuclear technology after its 2006 and 2009 nuclear tests. Good work, UN. Absolutely useless organization, then again with peace-loving nations like Iran, Venezuela and Cuba on the security council that do you expect…
I wish there were other countries who felt as threatened as Israel does, and will just fly into North Korea, blow up their nuclear facility and be done. Then that useless UN could walk in, remove their leader and start feeding the people. Imagine the amounts of money being spent on building nuclear weapons while the people of North Korea are on food rations, starving and dying. Next step would be to unite the North and the South, let the South run the country and be done.
11. Just under 11,000 took in the Toronto Rock lacrosse game the other week in which Rock came from behind to beat the Minnesota Sward 13-12;. I have not seen the Swarm at the ACC since 2007 and must have forgotten how silly their uniforms look – Google it. They look like bees (I know, they’re called the Swarm). Now I’m craving honey…
On the other hand, 11,000 is a shame for these games because not only are they affordable, but the Rock are an elite team in the NLL, and the environment is incredible. It’s fun, loud, entertaining and worth supporting. There should be 15,000 people at every game!
10. Pope Benedict is stepping down at the end of this month at the age of 85 as the first Pope to not die in office in 600 years. I guess in these recessionary times, even God had to lay off staff…
9. Did you see that Tina Turner is renouncing her US citizenship over the upcoming FATCA cash grab (tax) that the IRS is imposing on US persons worldwide… They’re going to have to wake up and address this before they are left with no wealthy individuals or no one to collect their wealth tax from. This is a slippery slope!
8. Mali and Timbuktu – Al Qaeda moved in an imposed Sharia law on the residents of these two cities which remained below the world’s radar until these terrorists began stoning to death adulterers, amputating the hands of suspected thieves, and destroying historical sites and documents belonging to the region – which are on UNESCO’s list. Then the French came in and scared them away. Now comes a report that a manifesto was left there outlining al-Qaeda’s true intentions for that region. Good. One more peice of the puzzle to hopefully force these thugs to cease and desist altogether.
7. Iran’s nuclear facilities and their trip to Egypt – Iran can join North Korea as a nation which is developing nuclear weapons for bad instead of good and while the Koreans want to threaten the world, Iran is trying to slime their way into agreements with other Arab nations such as Egypt by offering them money in exchange for a renewel of diplomatic negotiations. I do not trust this holocost-denying nation who are funding terrorists in Syria, Lebanon, Gaza and the West Bank. If they truly wanted peace and not the destruction of Israel adn the West then they would help these countries educate their own, learn to grow their own food, build an economy and rise from the ashes. Firing rockets at Israel and blowing themselves up are not going to further these people along in any way. It’s a shame.
6. Kathleen Wynne (Kathleen’s win) – If you’ve come here before then you know that I am not a Liberal supporter, especially of this Liberal government, but even moe so, I could care less if Kathleen Wynne was a woman, gay, straight, purple, green or had three heads. If she is able to make Ontario right, then we deserve to give her a chance. Anyone who compares her to Kim Campbell, the former Prime Minister of Canada who was appointed PM just before an election in which the Conservatives lost – feeling that she was given the role to show that women / gay women, etc., are capable leaders or to promote equality in that party are out of their minds. Let’s judge her on her ability to get things done only.
5. The NHL is rolling along, but I’m still not watching. I have not watched a single game this season. Not interested at all. But I would like the coverage of the Raptors, Rock and Blue Jays to be more detailed, please.
4. Ron Jeremy almost died – that’s enough said on that topic…
3. Have you seen “The Priestley”? It’s a Timbit stuffed inside a strawberry-vanilla donut at Tim Hortons, and the coffee chain and their savvy marketing department landed Tim Hortons some feel-good publicity, thanks to some heavy placement in Monday’s Canada-centric episode of How I Met Your Mother entitled “P.S. I Love You,”
In the episode, several Canadian celebrities including former Barenaked Ladies frontman Stephen Page, Rush’s Geddy Lee, Alex Trebek and Jason Priestley appeared on fictional MuchMusic program Under The Tunes to discuss the breakdown of the show’s Canadian teen superstar Robin Sparkles. During a scene in which each celeb remembers which Tim Hortons they were in and what doughnut they were eating when Sparkles “lost it,” Priestley claims to have crammed a Timbit inside a strawberry vanilla and invented ‘The Priestley.”
2. Canada is adding another eight countries to a list of safe places, making it harder for refugee claimants from those countries to get asylum, Citizenship and Immigration Minister Jason Kenney announced. Mexico, Israel, Australia and others to a list of “designated countries of origin,” safe countries
The refugee claimants of these new 8 safe countries, below, must follow a streamlined process to prove they have genuine need for asylum, as opposed to being granted access right away:
Mexico.
Israel (excluding Gaza and the West Bank).
Japan.
Norway.
Iceland.
New Zealand.
Australia.
Switzerland.
1. The Greater Toronto Area will welcome two new area codes to its directory next month as a result of a rise in demand for phone numbers. Starting March 25th, 2013, area code 437 will overlay the existing 416 and 647 areas in Toronto while 365 will be added to 905 and 289 areas.
1. In Canada clear bevereges are not allowed to contain added caffeine, hence the reason why Sprite is caffeine free.
2. Only one of the following list of hot dogs has any amount of nutritional content in it.
Care to guess?
Beef
Pork
Chicken
Turkey
Vegetable
If you guessed veggie, you are correct.
This tidbit came from my wife who is nearing the end of her training to become a nutritionist.
3. Did you know that Iran’s nuclear facility (for “energy” not “weapons”) has a system glitch and is offline.
While the entire world was waiting for Israel to blow up the facility, a computer worm has attacked the facility and set back the program by at least 4 years. Added to that the fact that the scientists who were working on this have been killed, means trouble for the Iranians. Bombs… Worms… Who knew the worms would be more dangerous!
4. WTF Taco Bell?
Taco Bell is being sued for having less actual beef in their “taco meat” than the USDA standard amount requires for a product to be called “beef”. UGH.
The USDA standard considers beef to be “flesh of animals”. To meet this standard a product must have at least 40% beef, or flesh of animals in it. On it’s website, Taco Bell states: “Our taco meat is made from USDA-inspected beef and is subjected to quality check points. It tastes great because it’s simmered in 12 authentic seasonings and spices and is never frozen. Moreover, our taco meat is leaner than what you’ll find in a restaurant-cooked hamburger because of the unique way that we prepare our taco meat and remove fat.”
Rather than beef, Taco Bell uses a substance known as “taco meat filling”, which has 36% beef in it.
So what the hell is in my taco? you ask. Well the remainder of the Taco Bell’s “meat filling product” consists of “extenders” like water, Isolated Oat Product, wheat oats, soy lecithin, maltodrextrin, anti-dusting agent, autolyzed yeast extract, modified corn starch, sodium phosphate and silicon dioxide (which is sand). All meant to increase volume while keeping costs down.
Here is the entire list of ingredients;
Beef, water, isolated oat product, salt, chili pepper, onion powder, tomato powder, oats (wheat), soy lecithin, sugar, spices, maltodextrin (a polysaccharide that is absorbed as glucose), soybean oil (anti-dusting agent), garlic powder, autolyzed yeast extract, citric acid, caramel color, cocoa powder, silicon dioxide (anti-caking agent), natural flavors, yeast, modified corn starch, natural smoke flavor, salt, sodium phosphate, less than 2% of beef broth, potassium phosphate, and potassium lactate.
This explains why there is a question on the Taco Bell FAQ page asking if there is “sand” in my food… UGH. Yummy sand-tacos, or as my kids have said before, “GROSS BEEF”.
My friend googled Silicon dioxide and Google spit out a picture of a desert. Seriously folks!
I googled anti-dusting agent and all I got was that it is a secret agent who hates dust. LOL.
5. One year ago today, the International Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame had its grand opening in Arlington Texas. Yee Haw!
13. BMW drivers – Think they own the world because they drive a BMW. I was always told that Mercedes drivers represent old money and BMW driver’s new money. So I am coming to the conclusion that new money means having to show people you have money and that equates to buying / leasing a beemer and driving like you don’t give a shit about anyone else on the road. I must honk 2 of them a day for not signaling or cutting people off. Assholes.
12. My office keyboard. Stupid thing got wet (something to do with me spilling water on it) and now when I type capital letters the Ucking thing drops the first letter and capitalizes the next one…
11. Swine flu / H1N1 / influenza panic… Good g-d, people are going to make themselves sick worrying about the damn vaccination.
10. The NY Yankees. They won the world series last night and, well, see my post on them on my sports blog; www.daddyknowssports.wordpress.com.
9. Our former nanny. Left us a couple weeks ago and has been texting me asking for more money – extra money that she thinks she is entitled to, but confusing with vacation pay which she received way more than she was entitled to. She thinks she was given extra pay our of the kindness of our hearts, I told her it was but there aint no more. Now she’s bitching about calling the labour department. I called first and we’re good. She’s a noob. 🙂
8. My Achilles. I finally stretched a lot and went for a run to test it out. Ran for 10 minutes and there was no pain, but it felt really weak, like any sudden movement would cause it to hurt. I hate that. I need to run to stay healthy.
7. My weight. I blame it on Halloween that I am forced to eat those fucking little chocolate bars like they are going out of style. Because they are small does not allow me to eat 10 of them at once, right? OR does it…
6. Fair-weather friends. Either you’re my friend and you want to hang out, or we’re not and that’s fine, but don’t string me along by being phony and they never come out. I can’t waste time on this whole being social thing… After planning a few outings, if it’s not reciprocated, I’m done with you.
5. Jedi vs. Sith on Facebook. I’m fucking addicted! Grrrr. As of last night I was 78th in the world. 14 million players have this application. I have 4100 points (3 points for a win, lose 1 for a loss) and the leader has 40,000.
4. Hulk Hogan signing with TNA wrestling. It’s a shitty promotion that might have potential if they cut the gimmicks and produced a decent show. Crappy writing and even crappier plots make me wonder why this show exists. Besides the fact that I hate the name “TNA” since it is too close to “Tits ‘n’ Ass” but Total Non-stop Action is not the name for a successful wrestling organization. And Hogan… 56 years old. Seriously.
3. My choice of area for trick-or-treating this year. Sucks ass. I expected the $2 million dollar home owners to kick out some kick-ass treats for the kids. But one candy-bar per houses?!? Cheapskates! How disappointing. Not making that mistake again!
2. Guns and Roses. I’m still pissed at them for their simply horrible release this year. I kind of wish they had released a bunch of stuff throughout the past decade so the shit they put on this album might have come out in other releases. There is no good hard rock nowadays and as I listen to a few of their songs on my iPod It makes me even more pissed off. They used to be great. Same for Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver. Where is the new Saliva, Disturbed and Rob Zombie?
1. Iran. Saw this news story and it pisses me off, considering Iran claims to be doing nothing wrong. Ever.
The seizure of a massive shipment of Iranian arms bound for terrorist organization Hizbollah, proves the arms flow to Syria and south Lebanon from Iran. The attempt to smuggle arms to Syria and Hizbullah was an Iranian violation of a UN Security Council resolution. Typically, Iran continues to smuggle arms to terrorists under the guise of legitimate international commerce, turning the Mediterranean Sea into a platform for illegal action.
The weapons seizure “unequivocally and without a doubt” proves the Iran-Syria-south Lebanon weapons-trafficking route.
The ship was released overnight Wednesday after 36 weapons-filled containers were unloaded, and the 12 crew members boarded the vessel and made their way back on their planned route.
Hundreds of tons of weaponry, the largest arms seizure in Israel’s history, were intercepted in the daring raid by Israeli naval commandos aboard the cargo ship sailing 100 nautical miles west of Israel.
The arms shipment was 10 times the size of the cache found on the Palestinian arms ship Karine A in 2002, defense officials said.
The different types of arms offloaded from the ship were familiar to Israel as those Hizbullah already possesses in its arsenal, Israel Radio quoted defense officials as saying.
Military sources assessed Teheran would be forced to change its smuggling routes following the Israel Navy’s successful operation.
The cache was hidden inside shipping containers belonging to the Islamic Republic of Iran Shipping Lines (IRISL) which departed from the Bandar Abbas Port in Iran some 10 days ago, were unloaded in the Egyptian port of Damietta and then loaded onto the Francop, a German vessel flying an Antiguan flag.
On Wednesday, Israeli PM, Netanyahu addressed the international community concerning Iran’s material support for terrorist organizations by saying, “Iran is sending these weapons to terror organizations to harm Israeli cities and kill its citizens. The time has come for the international community to exert real pressure on Iran to stop this criminal activity and to support Israel when it defends itself against these terrorists and their patrons.”
This is going to be a tough task considering the axis of evil lined up to denounce Israel left, right and centre every time something happens in the middle east.
The Urban Daddy® 