Daily Prompt: Replacement


via Daily Prompt: Replacement

Thoughts swirling through my head around the word “replacement”.  In my life, what could replace me, or what (whom) could I replace?

What about in other aspects of society?  Where could the world benefit from replacement, aside from the office of the President of the United States of America where some recent decision scare the crap out of many, while bringing the “protectionist” US back to a time when they turned away other immigrants who were slaughtered by the Nazi’s.

Instead of having a “Trump” card, or a “Veto”, the US needs a “Replacement” vote which should allow the majority of their citizens to have stupid / racist / sexist decisions replaced by common sense ones.

Just a thought….

 

But about me, as a Dad, husband, and tax services professional – I recently had that conversation with my kids about my wife’s new best friend… Art.  She loves Art, and Art makes her feel good.

Art, you see, is not a person, but is what artists do, and my wife has become one seriously talented artist.  Watching her create is exciting and seeing the final product is awe inspiring, but I digress.  “Art” would be a suitable replacement for me.

My kids, however, wonder if “Art” were to be their next daddy, how “he” would treat them.

I told them since “Art” is not a real person, we could pretend that “Art” was really rich… like Bill Gates rich, and “Art” would buy them whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted… And then if “Art” had a huge family then it could help expand our super-small family.  That would be cool right?

They liked the thought, but felt that getting what they wanted, whenever they wanted would become boring after a while, and they kind of like me as their Dad… Awwww.

So “Art” would replace me as a husband, but not as a Dad, while common sense would replace dumb, racist political decisions.

Replacement might be the word of the day, but it offers the best opportunities for everyone to be happy.  At least I think it does.

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“Daddy, I think I have a loose tooth” and whose thong is that?


So about 3 or 4 weeks ago, 4 1/2 year old Stewie says to me, “Daddy, I think I have a loose tooth”.

Sure, I think to myself, there is no way at that age you have a loose tooth.  You just want to be like your brother…  So I reach into his mouth, he points to the bottom row of teeth, and I grab 2 or 3 of them and perform the wiggle check on them all at the same time so I can assure him there are none that are loose.  Satisfied, he moves on and being Stewie, he understands nothing can be loose – and now he really believes it.

Fast forward to just over a week ago, when Stewie blurts this out while watching TV with his brother; “Daddy, I think I lost a tooth”.

(Hey, I just noticed that the word “Brother” is really “Bother” with a “r” – maybe they are meant to be pains in the ass to each other…)

So I walk over to Stewie, he opens his mouth and he’s sticking his tongue through a space in the bottom of his teeth where a tooth once was.  The tooth?  No where to be found.

So off he went to write a letter to the tooth fairy to explain what happened with that tooth and it was that note that got him $5.00 and a reply note from the tooth fairy – which told him to keep up the good work brushing his teeth.  He was so happy he carried the letter with him for days and he read it over and over again… Cutie.

He then took the $5.00, and $2.00 that I had given him earlier in the week and he used it all when he was at the park with his mummy, nanny, brother and sister when he bought them all ice cream from the ice cream truck. 

What a little man.

 

And one last Stewie story…

Last week he came with me to Linus’ t-ball game under the promise that he would play in the park and not hang off my arm the entire game as he had each time he came to a game.  I was helping to coach, so having him there was a bot of a distraction to say the least.  He promised to go to the park.  Needless to say, he didn’t,  and instead hung off my left arm, holding my hand for most of the game (such a cutie!!!)  So while we’re standing watching the game, Stewie looks over at the woman sitting with her legs crossed and part of her thong showing. 

I notice he’s staring at her thong looking confused.

“What’s that daddy? He asked.

“What does it look like?” I asked

“A whale’s tail” he  shot back.  “Why does that woman have a whale coming out of her underwear?”

Worrying that she might hear this conversation we head over to the field, but the questions continue; “Is that a whale?  Will it bite her?  Why is she wearing it?  Is it wet?” and so on and so on.  So to remember this conversation, I snapped a picture of said thong and sent it to my wife with a note attached about a whale tail.

She didn’t reply – she was tutoring, saw the picture and wisely ignored it. 

The game went on, the woman got up and walked away with her kid after spending what seemed like every minute checking her ass and pulling down her shirt to cover her underwear, each time drawing the attention of Stewie who was looking, I’m sure, for the whale to come out.

What was funny was when Linus came to the plate, cracked a hit up the third base line, trotted down to first, then noticed this woman walking away and yelling to me, “Daddy, that’s my teacher!” 

DOH!

I quickly deleted the picture I had taken.

Oops.