Posted in Life

Thursday 13: 13 Things that I do because, I’m a Dad. A Father. Therefore I do “Dad” things.


As a Dad and a father, things change, and there are now certain expectations or responsibilities which make me who I am. 

Here are just 13 things that changed when I became Dad.

  1. Changing expectations when eating vegetables.  My broccoli no longer includes the flourettes, instead my portion is the stems – the part that no one likes to eat.
  2. .. Yum.  But that would be plain cheese pizza because that’s what the family eats. Or, if I’m lucky. Otherwise, I get a whole lot of crusts, and I hope and pray that those crusts have some sauce or cheese on them.
  3. Leftovers? What are those? As Dad, leftovers are my meals.  After “Daddy, daddy, daddy, I want oatmeal for breakfast” and then after refusing to eat it, I pack it up, toss it in the fridge, and then I either eat that oatmeal for breakfast, lunch or dinner in the next few days.
  4. Sniffing or tasting food which someone suspects may not be suitable to eat. If it looks funny, smells funny, is close to the posted expiry date, or has been in the fridge just a bit too long to feed to the kids, it goes into my tummy. Yum.
  5. Cleaning up Poo.  All Poo, anywhere.  Kids, poo, toilet poo, poo in clothing, poo on floors, animals poo, things that might be poo…
  6. Cleaning up vomit… (see above). Nuff said.
  7. When there is a night walker in the house, I intercept.  If there is a line up to sleep with mommy, I move.  If there is a child falling out of bed, or anything nightly disturbance, Daddy is on the scene! That usually means that within a week, I’ve pretty much slept everywhere in the house, but that’s okay so long as everyone else has a good night’s sleep because I’m so exhausted all the time I can sleep anywhere, anytime.
  8. Carpool / Taxi service, call it what you want, but it’s daddy’s territory.
  9. Back-up school help in areas where I am so not qualified, often at the end of a long day:

“Do quotation marks go before or after the period or question mark?”

“Huh?”

“I think I missed that day in public school”. (Child not accepting that answer).  “There is an American way and a Canadian way.”

Still not buying it.

Stalling long enough to Google that question and come up with this answer:

“There is a difference between US and British/Canadian punctuation styles.  In the US, trailing periods and commas always appear inside the quotation marks, for example, “Let’s go to the zoo.” Or, another example, like the spelling of the word is “ampersand.” Or, final example, He said, “Go now,” and turned away.
But in Canada and in the UK, they follow the logical extension of the quote. The period or comma goes outside the quotation mark, except where the period is part of a quote. For example, He said “The day is long.” Or, the movie was called “Benji”.

How about question marks? Well, If you’re quoting a question then the “?” goes within the quotation marks, as in this example, Sally asked, “Where are you going?”

Not to be confusing, but if you’re asking a question about a quote, then the “?” goes after the quotation marks, as in this example. Did Sally say, “We are going to the zoo”?

Clear as mud, eh? I think I taught them to stop asking me questions.

  1. Act responsibly behind the wheel.  I can only slightly exceed the speed limit if everyone in my car is sleeping and if I do so without putting anyone in harm’s way (like weaving in and out of traffic).  Duh.  Learning to not swear at / talk to other cars was WAY more difficult.
  2. Going to the toilet will / has never been the same. If it’s not trying to figure out how the seat got wet when the boys are supposed to pick up the seat to pee, and how the floor got soaked when nobody in my family admits to having used that bathroom, like ever. Or when there is pee on the wall, or all the toilet paper is in the toilet, or someone forgot to flush, or the icing on the cake, whenever I’m in the bathroom and manage to lock the door only to have it unlocked and before I know it I’m face to face with a child.
  3. Promote the playing of sports for fun, while competing, but always within the rules.  I don’t want to be that Dad who forces my son to play a sport because I never had the chance or was good at it.  That’s the best way to build up resentment and that’s not what our generation does…
  4. Keep lines of communication open at all times, and make sure that children are able to read situations and most importantly that they are able to learn what it is that their mother wants / needs and to be sure that she gets it.  She did, after all, birth those kids which I think trumps (not the Donald) everything else that I can and do as a father / dad.

 

What’s changed for you?

Posted in events, family, Parenting, The Urban Daddy, Toronto

Father’s Day: Young Kids vs Teens


Father’s Day!

Every day is father’s day, in my eyes, and this day is just another day for me – thankful for being a father, and thinking of my father who passed away 17-years ago at such a young age and who never got to see my children.

Thank goodness my wife’s father is alive, healthy and have developed such a wonderful relationship with my kids.

So with that being said, and having been at this blogging thing for almost 15-years, I have a great perspective of what it’s like being a father for the first time, when the kid(s) are young, and now that they are approaching and in their early teens (my oldest is 14).

First Father’s Day

The novelty of having children and being a father is finally sinking in, which makes your relationship with your father / father-in-law / father figure / grand father, etc., a bit more enriched.

You are likely to get a card from your wife, from your child, parents, siblings, etc., and a picture or baby hand imprint, or paper with drool on it – something like that which you will keep.

Future Father’s Days

The kid(s) ask what you want, and they usually make stuff at school. Cute stuff, like the hand print, or the paper saying that your dad is 83-years-old, and have no hair, and your favourite colour is blue, and that for a living you yell and them and burp a lot.

This is the age of BBQ’s and “Best Father” mugs, and ties, and stuff like that. Father’s day is still super awesome, if not more awesome because you’ve realized the amount of work your wife has put into the family so you whisk the kids away for the day and take them to the zoo, to a movie, to the park, or to see your mother.

Caution: The Teen / Tween Years

I’m still relatively new to this, but thus far, Father’s day goes something like this;

  1. Remind the kids father’s day is coming up
  2. Remind the kids that you really like a homemade card or craft but a hug and kiss will suffice
  3. Ask them halfway through the day is they know what day today is…
  4. When the kids fight or disagree with each other, try making peace between them by saying, “Hey! It’s Father’s Day!!”
  5. Try not to laugh when told, “You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine”, or “You’re not the stupidest person on the planet… But you’d better hope that person doesn’t die.”

 

(If you laugh they think it’s acceptable – or really funny – and they’ll want to quit school and go on tour as a comedian… OY!)

So you end up wishing yourself a Happy Father’s Day, and you think about how great it’s been thus far as a father, and then you try to figure out where on earth it all went so wrong.

 

 

Posted in Parenting

The Urban Daddy Hates Siri – The Weekly Feature


Welcome to what is now going to be my newest feature: The Urban Daddy Hates Siri.

I don’t personally hate the voice behind Siri – she follows me on Twitter and I follow her, and yes, there was a time when I preferred the British voice behind Siri because I was finding that the Australian and American ones just didn’t get me…

In our hands-free / distracted driving world, having Siri available at the call of “Hey Siri” is an assets to parents and business owners.  No fidgeting with a cell phone, or pulling over to text, when you can just summon Siri, and have her do your bidding.

Well, I can’t.

Most of the time I can’t.

Actually almost all of the time I can’t.

I thought it was because I speak too fast, or possibly because I mumble my words, or maybe it’s because I’m not very clear in my pronunciation of certain words..

I’ve come to realize that it’s none of that.

Siri is out to get me.  It’s because I called her stupid and told her to “fuck off” a couple of years ago, and she’s holding a grudge.

Case in point.

“Hey Siri”

“Please send me an email”

Siri: “What is the subject of your email?”

Me: “To do on Monday”

Siri: “Okay, what do you want your email to say?”

Me: “This Monday make sure to go to Splashables (for swimming products for the kids), make a doctors appointment and… well… I have no idea.”

Here is what Siri emailed me: “I Monday you need to make an appointment as washable know I need to make a doctors appointment and you need to go you fossil to pick up some goggles for your son.”

WTF?!? That’s not even close to what I said, and she called me a fossil…

 

Thanks Siri… Bitch!

Posted in Canada, Community, Daddy, Life

Do People Know About This? Or Just Me?


I feel like everyone knows or should know the following fact, however day after day, in fact multiple times a day, I see people doing this, so now I’m wondering if maybe only I know this fact…

Doubt it.

Cell phones do not work in elevators.

Not all elevators.

Not all cell phones.

Most cell phones will not work in most elevators.

This isn’t news, right?

Aside from the fact that it’s really rude to get into an elevator while on a call, it’s also pretty funny to see people so distracted on their call that they decide to get on the elevator, rather than wait in the lobby, they walk onto the elevator, talking away, then the doors close, and then you hear this;

“hello?”

“Hello!”

“HELLO?!?”

Then they realize the call was dropped, so they keep their heads down and wait for the elevator ride to end before taking their phones again and making a call.  Sometimes, they try calling the person back, and amidst the lack of reception, will yell things like; “Can you hear me?!?” and “I’m in an elevator.”

Think about it…

Inside an elevator there are at least three layers of concrete and/or steel between your phone and the cell signal source. That’s three layers of construction blocking and weakening the signal.

Makes even more sense then, that even if the tower signal could get to your phone inside the elevator, it would be virtually impossible for the puny transmitter on your phone to send its signal back to the cell tower to complete the communications loop. There are just too many layers of concrete and steel for your signal to pass through.

So why are people doing this?

Posted in Daddy, events, family, health, Life, Parenting, The Urban Daddy

Happy Birthday to The Urban Daddy Dinosaur


So today is my birthday.  I’m not normally a fan of birthdays – something about getting older, and all the unnecessary attention that it brings – but I had to share a conversation that I had with my son.

Him: “Happy birthday Dad.  What do you want for your birthday?”

Me: “Nothing, thank you.  Just lots of hugs.”

Him: “Okay.  That’s easy.  What are you going to do differently this year?”

Me: “Ummm…. I’m going to lose a pound of weight for every year old that I am.”

Him: “Won’t it be difficult trying to lose 150 pounds?”