Thursday Thirteen: 13 Hilarious Search Terms…


After reading this post below at That’s What Anxious Mom Said, I felt compelled to add my own list below.

Some odd people visit my blog, and I don’t just mean those of you who pop in on a regular basis. More often that not, the terms search terms WordPress shows me that people used to get to this blog are fairly unusual. Sometimes they’re downright creepy. (Thank god I can’t see them all, or […]

via I Said What? — That’s What Anxious Mom Said

 

Here are the most recent hilarious search terms which brought visitors – maybe even you – to my blog;

  1. Belinda Stronach is married to Han Solo

  2. Michael Jackson’s favourite Starbucks drink

  3. I called my kid a dumbass

  4. My Dad called me an asshole

  5. Our nanny is pregnant!

  6. How to pay a nanny under the table

  7. How tall is Todd Talbot

  8. Santa Claus porn (ugh)

  9. What is one-month after Valentines Day called

  10. Where does Belgium border Canada?

  11. My Dad called me a dumbass

  12. My son is a dumbass

  13. My daughter is a dumbass

 

And so much more…

It would appear that in the past month, my posts about calling your child a dumbass, my interview with Todd Talbot and my writing on the Canadian Live-In Caregiver Program have been the most active.

I’ll have to re-visit this again next month, but excuse me while I cross the border into Belgium…

 

 

The Urban Daddy’s Thursday Thirteen: Thirteen strange search engine queries which brought people to my blog


The Urban Daddy’s Thursday Thirteen this week contains thirteen (13) strange search engine queries which brought people to my blog.

Let’s get started…

  1. “Unprotected sex with me, my brother in his room” I don’t even know what to say about this search engine query, other than to wonder if it’s someone looking for this topic, or someone typing it in for kicks.  Either way, there ain’t nuthin’ here to help out.  Might I suggest condoms, or less alcohol at your family functions!

  2. “2010 coffee shop ranks” – Ah yes, it’s almost time for my 2011 coffee shop ranking so now you’ll know where to go buy your coffee.  Thanks for the reminder.

  3. “Most popular instant coffee” – That would now be Starbucks VIA – Colombian.  So, so good, but would you really take the opinion of some stranger on the Internet?!? Then again… Everything on the Internet is true, right.

  4. “9 is greater than infinity” – Err, no it’s not… I’m pretty sure of that fact.  9 is greater than 8…. and 7…6… Got it?!?

9.   “Best websites urban daddy” – I can handle this query in 2 ways.  The first is to say thank you and the second is to remind readers that the blogroll in the right column of my blog, there are some fantastic bloggers that you really should check out.  That’s why they’re there!

8.   “Street view porn” – Even I googled this to see if it’s legit, but it’s not.  I suspect I’ll have a search engine query next week entitled, “street view porn… made you look”

7.   “Men adjusting their penis in diapers” – I’m not sure if the person looking for this query were looking for text or pictures, old or young, but why?

6.  “George Smitherman donor list” – Yeah, where the fuck is that list, Georgie?!?  

  1.  “Toddler won’t get out of bed” – As the parent of 3 children, I’d love to know who searched for this because I would grab them by their shirt and pass along 2 pieces of advice.  First, you’re the parent.  If your toddler is already running the house you’re in trouble when they get older, and second, maybe you need to get them to bed earlier so they’ll get up when they need to, OR, if it’s your  bed that they won’t get out of, then enjoy it.  It won’t last forever.  They need you..  You’re welcome.

4.  “Meth labs in Toronto” – Are you looking for one?  Either you’re an idiot junkie, or a resourceful police officer.

3.  “Elliott Hurst / supernova / family / club rockit”www.supernova.com, CEO Elliott Hurst.  He guest blogs here and buys me coffee half the time we meet up when our kids are doing karate together, but Elliott… Someone keeps googling your name and wife and kids.  To stop this from happening, I can proudly announce that yes you do have both…  Now stalkers, you can back off!

2.  “Laid off daddy bloggers Canada” – Are you asking for a list or are you one?  I didn’t know this was a profession, or is it an epidemic?  Do only laid off Daddies blog?  Don’t leave me hanging!

1.  “what is it like working at urbandaddy” – I’ll tell you this…It’s fucking fantastic!  Amazing pay, long vacations, tons of room for advancement… All you need to do is clean up after 3 kids – including tons of poo – and blog when you get a few free minutes which usually means at 1 am.  Ahhh, the grass is greener on the other side.

 

 

Keep those crazy searches coming folks!

How You Came to Me (the Adult Version)


A friend of mine told me on Saturday that my blog was getting soft and sentimental and if it stayed this way she was going to stop reading.

“Wait”, I told her.

“I’ve been holding back a post which has some sizzle and slime in it.”  I promised to post it this weekend.

Basically this is another list of how people come to me using the search feature in their preferred browser.  This list is not the fun, happy list, but instead makes me scratch my head.  For example, someone was directed to my blog after typing “Google Street View Child Pee”.  Yes, I’ve written a few posts about Google Street View and about my own kids and peeing, so that’s how they get here.

What other terms have people entered into search engines to come to be;

  • Sniff my nannies panties
  • I touched poo
  • Can I smak my child in public
  • can I lick a g-string
  • My penis hurts
  • what’s that smell?
  • Can I see you naked?
  • Will I like sex?
  • Can I merry my cousin?
  • I can see my neighbor nude can she see me?
  • is it better to wax or shave ass hair?

Folks!  Who types these into search engines? 

… and how pissed off each and every person must be upon actually coming to my blog… The answers are not here.

LOL.  I actually went and Googled whether it’s better to wax or shave ass hair.

How You Came to me, Part II


In light of all my posts in the recent Toronto Municipal election, I expected a ton of search engine hits which were political in nature and I was not disappointed.

What did make me laugh, however, were the REALLY odd terms which brought people here.

I feel like sharing tonight.

Here is the list beginning with the most frequent used search term(s), then a dash (-) then my comment;

dusan kralik ward 23 – This of course brought people here to check out my piece on my friend Dusan, who came in 2nd in Ward 23.

urban daddy – Errr, that’s me!

reasons to vote for rob ford – People who typed that into Google would be very happy if they read my many posts on the reasons to vote for Rob Ford.

nescafe encore chicory – Yes, I did write a post on this coffee – which is my favourite instant coffee, but might be surpassed by Starbucks VIA Colombia.

beth mclellan ward 21 – Beth ran in my ward, and while she got some positive publicity, she came a distant 4th in the polls.  Better luck in 2014 Beth.

urbandaddy.com – If you searched this and wound up here, I’m sorry.  Tell that website to change their URL!

captain lou albano – Geez… Still.  What’s the fascination with Captain Lou?  Sure I get thousands of hits a year to my post about his life and death, but people please…

toronto george smitherman donor list – First of all, I’m not on this list, secondly, if I had it, do you think I’d be hiding it like George still is…

why you shouldnt vote for ford – Yeah, this site is not going to please you if you are looking for reasons to NOT have voted for Rob Ford…

will rob ford cut transit – Well, I can’t see him removing transit already in use, and I cannot see him allowing another St.Clair fiasco, so you might want to ask him instead of asking Google.

1717 avenue road 2010 – Yup, this monstrosity is almost complete and believe it or not it almost cost Councillor Karen Stintz her seat.  Shame considering that moron who hijacked the process still remains nameless…

is george smitherman a daddy – Yes.

toronto google street view garbage – You really expect to come to this quality website in order to see street view of garbage?!?  Dude, if the street view shows garbage, it’s been picked up already… Duh!

work permit starbucks canada hrsdc? – Do you need a work permit from Human Resources Social Development Canada to drink in Starbucks or work in Starbucks?  Well, it depends… Where are you and what are you drinking?!?

capt lou albano and cindy lauper – The only search term worse that just Captain Lou…

dusan kralik + liberal party – Bet you left here disappointed… Dusan is NOT a member of the Liberal machine!

can i vote out of the area in live – Like for President of the US?  Or you live in the boonies and want to vote for Mayor of Toronto… This answer is a resounding no!  Puhleeze…

toronto vote tax impact – Convoluted search terms like that brought you here.  Sucker!!!  Try again.

trip to the dentist for a filling – Thanks for sharing…

dusan kralik urban daddy – He is NOT the urban daddy, but a friend of urban daddy.

why i should not vote ford – You should not vote Ford because you researched policies of the other 23 candidates for Mayor and found one that better suited your needs, not because some guys blog tells you otherwise… Oh, shit… That’s not good to point out.

urban daddy people who work there – Umm, me.  Just me.

will rob ford toronto mayor cut summer – I guarantee, Rob Ford will NOT cut summer.

10 reasons to vte for rob ford – I’ll give you one reason… A vte for Ford will give you your “o” back.

why should i vote for george smitherman – You too were disappointed because the only reason I would have posted on this blog was the prevailing reason those on the left used, that Rob is fat…  So if you knew that already, you wasted your time here, but thanks for the hit. 

robert ford campaign promises ttc – News flash… We already have the TTC in Toronto.  Plus all candidates wanted to improve the better way.  In order to optimize your search you probably should have typed, “Rob Ford campaign promises for the TTC”.  That way you could hit all the left-wing media and bloggers who would tell you that he wants to rip it up. 

why dont my boys want to play sports – Maybe because you google it looking for an answer instead of asking them… Do you even have kids?!?

adam vaughan fraternity – That would be Alpha, Beta, Nerd.  And yes, Vaughan wants to remove the frat houses on U of T grounds.  But you lefties voted for him instead of Mike Yen… I don’t want to say I told you so.

george smitherman ehealth – Scandalous.  $1 billion dollars of taxpayers money wasted under his watch, you stupid Torontonians voted for him anyways.  What that tells me is that those who live in the downtown core are either too far left of centre to have any hope, or they voted with their eyes and not brains.  Then again, maybe they’re just that rich and wealthy that they don’t care about paying REALLY high taxes for REALLY shitty services…

chicory instant coffee 70s – I did write a post on Encore instant coffee earlier, but someone is having a flashback on the 70’s.  Dude!

dusn father mine by j.r. ward com on aud – The person who typed this was not speaking English at the time…

All in all, thank you for your visits.

Feel free to leave comments.

Cheers!