No Tres-Passing… Once, Twice or even Three Times…


It’s amazing what you get from a 6-year-old who blends the English language with another language and processes it using their special wit and humour.

While stopped at a red light, my daughter must have noticed a sign which read;

She asked me; “What does No Trespassing mean, Daddy?”

“It means you are not allowed on that property / land… Why? Where did you see that?” I asked.

“Oh, over there, in the construction site” she answered.

Then she continued… “But I thought “trespassing” meant you had to pass the place 3 times… Like Uno, Dues, Tres… you know, Daddy… Tres-passing…”

“Ah, I know dear… Very clever!”

I love it.

 

Stewie Writes! The Adventures of Stewie and Boo: Lunch for Lions.


My 7-year-old son has decided that he wants to get “published” and fast! He’s started writing some stories for me to post on my blog so that he can work on his stories for his book. I have not edited it in any way. He actually wrote it into a word document which I pasted here.

Here is another one of his short stories. He is Stewie. His protégé and 4-year-old sister is Boo.
2 lions

Once upon a time there were 2 children in the house named Boo and Stewie.

One day when they were walking in the rainy jungle they saw a hungry lion, so they SCREAMED for help but no one came, so they ran away from the lion as fast as possible.

As they were running away from the lion as fast as they could, they saw a house where they thought they could be safe from the lion. As they got closer to the house they realized it looked to be haunted, but they did not want to be lunch for the lion so they ran right into the house.

When they were inside the house they immediately saw a ghost. They asked the ghost, “what is your name?” The ghost said my name is Spooooooooooooooooky and they wanted to talk more to the ghost, but Boo said “the lion is coming in 20 seconds; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20. Oh no. He’s here. Run everybody!”

So they all ran away from the lion, but the ghost stopped because it did not need to run. It is a ghost. The ghost flew up in the air which confused the lion.

The lion was very hungry and wanted to eat Boo and Stewie for lunch but now they were gone and all the lion saw was a ghost and the ghost was not running away. The lion wondered why. Was the lion going to have a yummy ghost lunch or maybe the ghost was not running because the ghost was not scared of the lion, which made the lion worried, because everybody runs away from him.

But instead of chasing Boo and Stewie, the lion decided to eat the ghost.

Silly lion.

You cannot eat ghosts.

Is This What Brothers Do?


Parenting questions to follow:

Last year was all about Skylanders!  My children HAD to have as many game pieces as possible (and that I totally understand from my hockey card collecting days).  If their friends had 25 characters, my kids needed the same 25.  Keeping up with the Joneses, I believe.  But then came the search for the elusive Ninjini character they HAD to have.  Only one other kid had one, and he got it from the United States.  Ninjini was selling on eBay for $80.00 and my kids would have ordered them all if given the opportunity.

I finally found one by fluke, when I walked into an EB Games location in downtown Toronto, but by the time I let the kids open her (only a week as I contemplated selling her on eBay) their interest in Skylanders was waning because the new phase of Skylanders were coming – Swap Force – and no one wanted to play with the older once anymore.

Geez.

In fact, Linus would play the game and Stewie would watch… for hours. Sometimes. Boo would use the character names or expressions and we would laugh because it was funny coming from someone who never played the game.

In our house, that fad has fizzled.

Now it’s all about Pokémon.

First Linus, the oldest, became interested, then midway through the school year, Stewie expressed his interest in collecting the cards and learning to play the game with his classmates.

What I don’t understand – and it might just be because they are brothers – and I don’t have a brother, is that they trade cards, they give away cards and they steal each others cards.

What’s up with that?

Do they not understand that if one kid has a gold card in their room at 9am, and by noon that card is missing that it is painfully obvious that the other took it?

But they deny it.

They yell.

They scream.

They accuse.

They write notes to each other.

They send each other bills for the missing cards based on a value clearly decided upon while reading a Richie Rich comic ($1,000,000).

Then the card(s) turn up with an elaborate story involving wind currents, forgetfulness, and finger-pointing at anyone and everyone but themselves.

We know what’s going on.

They know what’s going on.

Why do they do it?

Is this what brothers do?

I Am A Stupid Idiot!


Daddy is a stupid idiotI m a stupid Idiot.  My 4-year-old daughter Boo, just told me this after smacking me on my backside.  I just have 2 questions… 1) How did she find out, and 2) What took her so long?!?

This is a recap of how it all came to be:

My daughter loves hiding! Loves it so much that when we announce that she should come out of hiding or there will be consequences (meaningful ones) she ignores it and stays in hiding and does so very quietly.

Her brother even helps her remain hidden, trying to throw us off the trail by announcing that he “swears” he has “no idea where she is.”

This morning instead of eating her breakfast, or helping me make their lunches and emptying the dishwasher, she hid.  This time it only took me 5-minutes to track her down through her giggles, but instead of finding her and playing her game, I announced that she had until the count of 5 to come out of her hiding spot otherwise, there would be meaningful consequences, that her and her enabling brother would have to make the rest of her lunch or she would go to school without one.

Meaningful consequence, right?

But she stayed hidden behind the door in our bathroom.

I thought for about 10 seconds about leaning on the door and squishing her until she gave up her hiding spot, but I was annoyed and frustrated, so I reached around the door and yanked her out.  Not being one of the boys she obviously did not appreciate this sudden end to her game and after protesting, she smacked me on the bum and said: “You’re a stupid idiot!”

I ignored her and was on my way back to the kitchen when she repeated it, a little less sure of herself, and with her mother looking her right in the eyes; “You’re a stupid idiot.”

Clearly my boys are teaching her all the good words, eh?

 

I walked into the kitchen and both boys looked at me open-eyed and silently.

I said to them as calm as I could; We don’t call people names because it is mean and we could hurt their feelings.”

They did not answer.  They knew that for the first time in her little life, she crossed the line.

 

What took her so long?  Is this what I can look forward to with girls?

April Fools Day! Origins and Best Of…


So today is April 1st, or April Fools Day (this is true, not a joke).

April Fools’ Day, also referred to by some as “All Fools’ Day” is an informal holiday celebrated every year on April 1st. The day is not a national holiday in any country, however it is widely recognized as a day when people play practical jokes and hoaxes on each other, called April fools.

Hoax stories are also often found in the press and media on this day – but not on the Internet, because we all know that everything on the Internet is 100% true, right?!?

Many believe that April Fools Day originated in In Iran, where jokes are played on the 13th day of the Persian new year (Nowruz), which falls on April 1 or April 2. This day, was celebrated as far back as 536 BC, and is referred to in Iran as “Sizdah Bedar”, making it the oldest prank-tradition in the world.

As far as April Fools Day pranks go – and many of us are already expecting there to be something so outrageous that it has to be a prank, but back in 1957, the BBC pulled a prank, known as the Swiss Spaghetti Harvest prank, where they broadcast a fake film of Swiss farmers picking freshly-grown spaghetti. The BBC were later flooded with requests to purchase a spaghetti plant, forcing them to declare the film a prank on the news the next day.

While that was a clever prank, some people take April Fools Da a little too far, such as, “An Australian woman called emergency services to tell them her baby had fallen off the bed and stopped breathing. When the ambulances arrived, there was no sick baby. It was her idea of a hilarious April Fool”.

But some fairly common pranks to look out for, and some classic pranks which garnered world-wide attention include these;

On April 1, 1976 famed British astronomer and radio presenter Patrick Moore announced over the BBC that a rare alignment of the planets Pluto and Jupiter would occur at exactly 9:47 a.m. during which the effects of gravity would be nullified and everyone on earth would feel weightless for a brief moment. “At 9:47, Moore declared, ‘Jump now!'”

A minute passed, and then the BBC switchboard lit up with dozens of people calling in to report that the experiment had worked!

But it was all a complete prank.

In more recent years some of the best April Fools jokes have been perpetrated by the advertising industry, specifically in 1996, when Taco Bell ran a full-page ad in the New York Times announcing it had purchased the Liberty Bell and would rename it the “Taco Liberty Bell.”

In 1998, Burger King announced the rollout of its “Left-Handed Whopper”, there has been stories about glasses for dogs, canned pizza, and in 2002 a British supermarket chain called Tesco published an advertisement in the British newspaper “The Sun” announcing the successful development of a genetically modified ‘whistling carrot.’ The ad explained that the carrots had been specially engineered to grow with tapered air holes in their side, which, when fully cooked caused the carrot to whistle.

On the Internet, hoaxes are such standard fare that April Fools’ Day is barely distinguishable from any other, but this one keeps getting brought up year-in-year-out, and makes me laugh – the announcement to that every computer connected to the World Wide Web must be turned off and disconnected for Internet Cleaning Day, a 24-hour period during which useless “flotsam and jetsam” are flushed from the system.

What stories have you seen today?

Did you get fooled?

Did you pull a prank on your kids, or them on you?

We toyed with the idea of moving all the kids into each other’s beds in the middle of the night, but geez, we’re so darn tired, I just told them about it in the morning.