Posted in Canada, Daddy, Parenting, The Urban Daddy, Thursday Thirteen, Toronto, urbandaddyblog

Thursday Thirteen – 13 Things You Should Never do in a Coffee Shop


I spend a lot of time on the road as a result of my business, and that means a lot of time in coffee shops working, drinking coffee and eating coffee shop food.

I’m a huge fan of Starbucks for making the space and WiFi available for entrepreneurs and I find the Second Cup comes in a very close second.

Spending time in these places means that I see a lot of people come, go, and stay at these locations and I know what the 13 things that people do at coffee shops that you should never, ever, do!

Yet, I see these, almost daily.

Here are the 13 Coffee Shop WTF’s

 

  1. Watching videos without ear phones! OMG, people do this all the time!  They watch movies, or stupid YouTube videos and loudly because the coffee shops are loud.  Just last week, I swear, 3 construction workers were watching porn…
  2. Playing games without ear phones – what’s worse than listening to some idiot watching a movie really loudly?  Listening to someone playing a video game loudly.  The shooting, or the music or the pings, and beeps… AArgghh.
  3. Dancing – On more than one occasion, I have seen men, random men, get up and start dancing in the middle of a coffee shop, in the middle of the day, and it’s most often older men, and not young men.  Then, as quickly as they get up, they sit back down and continue with their day.
  4. Singing – Yes, people with headphones on, usually sing along with their music, and knowing that coffee shops are generally loud with music and conversation, its safe to hum along, that is until the music goes quiet, the buzz dies, and their voice rises.  Then they’re entertaining the entire place, or giving us all reason to put in our ear plugs.
  5. Leaving your cup at the table – This is a dick move!  You buy a drink, take up space, then just get up and leave your stuff everywhere.  It’s usually a guy-move, the odd girl does it too.  I honestly feel like getting up, grabbing their stuff, following them, and handing it to them and saying; “Dude!  You mommy isn’t here to pick up after you.  Put your garbage in the garbage, and never do that again!”
  6. Being a dick, then asking for someone to watch your stuff – So what makes someone a dick?  Aside from the items identified above, and the ones below, there are other obvious signs that someone is a dick, such as dragging the chair out, even though it is really loud and distracting, then slamming your stuff on the table, having loud conversations, letting your phone ring without answering it (it can be silenced) or by the way you treat others.  Then after causing destruction, you get up and ask the entire table to watch your stuff so you can use the washroom?  No, so you can go outside, have a smoke, then come in smelling like an ashtray… No less that 4-times and hour…
  7. Not showering / putting on deodorant before sitting all day, in the sun – Then please, come in and sit beside me, so I can’t breathe!  Then take off your shoes… Barf.
  8. Really smelly perfume / body spray / Cologne – Remember those scents which you used to love?  I was always a HUGE fan of Maki.  I’d smell it and then spin to see who was wearing it.  I had a girlfriend when I was younger who wore it which brings back great memories.  In the present, however… People are sensitive to scents, so coming in to public place smelling like you have drunken half a bottle of perfume / cologne, and it’s oozing out of your pores, is cruel.  Especially those scents your grandmother used to wear 40-years-ago.
  9. Walking in to the mobile order area and just taking a drink  – This is not cool any time, but it’s so much worse if you then telling the guy you’re with that you’re doing it, or worse, taking a drink, then taking a drink of that drink and then putting it back…
  10. Being a pervert – It’s summer.  We get it, it’s hot, people wear less clothing – men and women – so don’t leer, drool, comment, make faces, gestures, etc. It’s gross and inappropriate.  I especially feel this applies to the old men who sit there with their wives, and take it to an extreme… Watching people come and go is one thing, but checking out peoples asses as they walk by, and leering takes it to a whole different level
  11. Joggers – I’m a huge fan of joggers, and I respect the effort you make to run for that long, but if you want to come in and grab a drink, after a 45-minute run, in your teeny-weeny running gear, and you’re smelly, and sweating all over the chair, and table, you might want to run home first and then come and perspire over everyone.
  12. Farting – Here’s the deal… people fart. I get it. But if you’re in public and listening to really loud music / TV, etc., and you think you are letting a little one slip out, it’s really a very loud blast which echos because of the curvature and texture of the seat you are sitting on.  That is not cool, and when you wonder why everyone is looking at you…
  13. Being creepy – There are creepy people and then there are creepy people.  The guy / girl who stare at you like they want to steal your stuff, or ask you out are common.  You learn to watch for them, but the guy who is leering at the 10-year-old girl across the coffee shop like he’s trying to picture her naked crosses a line!  Or, the guy with the cell phone taking random pictures or videos of people in the place, or who keeps dropping things to see if any of the women are wearing skirts, takes creepiness to a whole new level.  To that person I saw this; Everyone knows what you are doing!  We want you to leave, get help, and never do that again.

 

What have you seen in a coffee shop which either grossed you out, or found to be inappropriate?

 

 

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Posted in Berry, Life

Toilet Humour from a 2-Year-Old


Berries
Berries (Photo credit: SeanMcTex)

My 2-year-old daughter Berry has quite the personality and being the third child, she seems to have picked up the seriousness of Stewie, and the goofiness of Linus.  This was her conversation with a member of this urban family today when she whipped open the bathroom door and found them on the toilet.

Berry: “Are you peeing and pooing?”

Anon “Yes, can’t you tell?”

Berry: “The poo is stinky but the pee is okay.  It’s fun.”

Anon: “It’s fun?”

Berry: “You can play with pee, but you cannot play with poo.  It’s yucky.  You can make eyes with pee, and smile with pee and play with pee.  Put a hat on pee and take pee to the park.”

Anon: “You cannot play with pee, you cannot take pee to the park and you certainly cannot put a hat on pee.  On a pea, maybe, but not on pee.”

Berry: “SILLY!  Yes you can.”

Upon overhearing this conversation, I think I need to investigate this further.  I’m glad she knows you don’t play with poo, however I’m not sure if someone has been telling her it’s okay to play with pee or if she’s just showing her toilet humour.

Crazy kids!

Posted in family

Christmas Eve


We had a wonderful night full of surprises.

Our almost one month old baby girl had the biggest poo of her little life.  Poo flew right out of her diaper, her 3 layers of clothes, right through my shirt to my skin.  We were not at home.  We were invited to some friends for the first time and this will forever be their memory of me / us.   Our hosts had to get me a t-shirt and sweater to wear.  Not pretty.

What could top that event off?  How about both my boys going to the bathroom to poo there too.  Huge poo’s.

So poo aside, the food was delish, as was the company.  Had a great time. 

For dessert our host made rice krispy squares but instead of using marshmallows, she used 8 mars bars… WOW. It was wicked!!!

We talked about Santa. And the tooth fairy.

But all everyone will remember is the poo…

Posted in Life

It must be Monday


For a month (and probably all of last year) I really wanted to get my winter jack dry cleaned. The once while collar was greying and the jacket as a whole was getting a little on the, say, ripe side. Totally not cool.

So last night I decided on the plan. I was going to stop for a Tim Horton’s this morning and right beside it is a dry cleaner. While I’ve never been in there I see him putting his sign on the main street, shooing cars that park in the cleaners spots and passing out flyers for discounts. He even offers to do minor alterations for free.

But an odd thing happened along the way. I bought my large double-double, and when I carefully went to put it in the car (sorry… My wife should stop reading at this point)…

… and when I reached across the seat, it spilled a little puddle onto the seat. With no napkins in the car and either too fucking dumb or lazy to go back into the coffee shop to get one I reached for my jacket and used it to wipe of the spil. I mean, geez, it’ll be in the cleaners in a few minutes, right?

So I walk into the cleaners with a proud grin on my face, drop my jacket on the counter and the guy behind it looks at me and says this;

“Sorry. I cannot clean your jacket. I’m closing up the business in, ummm, an hour because no one come to have clothes dry cleaned”.

So I stood there… Thinking about how “wisely” I wiped up my coffee spill with my jacket and how inconvenient this was. It’s supposed to be 18 degrees today. Probably the warmest day before winter and everything was aligned to have this jacket cleaned…

… It’s Monday.  If  had brought my jacket in before and maybe a couple dress shirts here and there, the dry cleaners might still be in business.  Now all I have is a coffee smelling jacket and I’ll have to wait another year before getting it cleaned.

I’m not sure how I feel…

Posted in Baby Boy, Being Jewish in Toronto, family, government, Happy Boy, Happy Wife = Happy Life

A little bit of this and a little bit of that…


How was your weekend?  Mine?  Are you asking me?  Really?  Well then… We spent this weekend with a child who really wanted to eat and drink, to the point of having a tantrum if he could not, but then, after eating and drinking, would throw up the contents of his little tummy – food not even slightly digested.  In between vomit-fest, were mega-poo’s of the very wet variety seeping through diaper, clothes, towel, bed and whatever else was in it’s way. UGH.

I was so glad to leave the house this morning to go to work (imagine that!) so I wouldn’t have to smell poo or vomit anymore… It was getting to be too much.  It was everywhere!

It’s true Dads… Mums do have it harder when kids are sick!

Sick kid and all, we trekked up to Green Acres camp for a birthday party of Linus’ classmate and had a wonderful time. We petted bunnies, sheep (babies too) and fed the chickens. 

Me, personally, I hate zoos and farms because quite frankly they smell like shit.  I’m not a big fan of ducking poo here and there and watching animals take a dump. I’m still traumatized from seeing a elephant unload a whopper when I was young.  It’s was nasty and I couldn’t eat large quantities of ground beef for months after. But hey, it wasn’t about me and the kids had fun. Linus ran off an played on his own which he never does and Stewie wanted to eat. Grapes, specifically. One incident went something like this;

Stewie “Want gapes”

Urban Mummy “There are no more”

Stewie “WANT gapes”

UM “There are no more”

Stewie “WANT GAPESSSSS

UM “I told you there are no more”… followed by a angry-faced hair pulling and a smack.

UM “Don’t hit me or pull my hair”

Stewiesupid, supid, supid, supid, supid, supid“… (Read: supid = stupid)

Nice, eh? Anyways, there was food, games, shovels and buckets and a tractor ride. We all had fun… Except maybe UM whose jacket I left with the gift in the middle of a bench somewhere in the complex. Hope they found it before it rained or the sheep ate it.

Jedi vs Sith – That addictive facebook game! Damn that game!!! I have to finish all games before we leave for our trip (Wednesday) of I’ll lose by auto-win… Noooooooooo! I’m a geek. I know.

Now, for a more serious comment about family. Without getting into it too much, I have three cousins – sisters, that I babysat when I was younger quite a lot and got to know these kids very well. After their parents divorced, we kept in touch with my Uncle, but they went with their mom and we rarely heard from them, except for facebook… recently. Well before UM and I had Linus this cousin had a baby, got married, and I tried to keep in touch, she was now 27, not 7 and I thought as family the cousins should get to know each other, but to no avail.  Only excuses. I invited her and her hubby to both brises and to our annual New Years’ Day open house and heard nothing back. I did get some pictures for our grandmother so she could see the baby. Anyways, it is with great sadness that I find out this weekend that my cousin – now 30, had another baby – this time a boy, in April. No one in our family knew. She didn’t even have the courtesy to drop me an email… Nice. I’m contemplating emailing her or facebooking her sisters to say something because I can. That’s my style, but UM and my mother think I should leave it alone. Anyone have any experiences like this, and can offer some advice?

I’m stealing this story from Urban Mummy before she gets to post it. She told me that she was playing the new Barenaked Ladies children’s CD in the car for Linus, and she told him as such. When she got back in the car with him after his parent-teacher interview, he asked to listen to CD again, but referred to the artist as the “naked girls”. Cute, eh? Asked me the same thing after his last swimming class… “Naked Girls”… he he he.

We are all heading to the lovely US of A for a family function Wednesday and will return by the end of the week. This will be Stewie’s (all 1 1/2 of him) 4th or 5th flight. I was 35 by my 5th flight. 🙂

Now, a new feature and tell me honestly if you like it or hate it, but /I took a few minutes and typed down some insane talk I over heard at the office this morning…

Overheard:

“Before Jesus came they used to sacrifice lambs, and humans to these G-ds, before Jesus came, whomever they are. Then Jesus came and said you don’t have to do that anymore… that is why I have vegetarian blood. You can’t get iron from veg so I’m drinking protein shakes…”

“If you had to take a rocket to the moon, would you not check the gas?”

“We drink cows milk because “they” found something they wanted to sell, so they promoted it and forced everyone to drink it.”

“Coffee: caffeine – clogs your system – is the problem – stimulates your heart too much. Dehydrates you. Diuretic. I’ll go to green tea. (other person says: green tea has 4 times the caffeine of coffee)… Well then I’ll go to a lemon drink! Anything marketed is no good. I’ll show them! I need more lemons in my diet anyways”

“Problem with blood pressure – is you have high cholesterol and the bad is higher than the good – chance of stroke is high. “They” want you to go on pills right away. “They” don’t want to take the time to help you, they get money for the pills and not for helping you. If you’re overweight – stressed – blood pressure goes up – must be sick. You’re money for “them”.”

“Sodium – ratio of potassium to sodium is 3-1. If not 3-1 then high blood pressure. People are taking potassium in their diets to even out the ratio… Yeah!.”

Today is Grandpa’s birthday and the kids did some artwork and picked out a funky hoodie that I didn’t think Grandpa would like but they did and they desecrated – err, coloured – his birthday card… Hope he liked the effort. Those kids try so hard!

Tomorrow… Interview and a trip to police headquarters (details to follow).

Cheers all!!!