Thursday Thirteen: 13 Hilarious Search Terms…


After reading this post below at That’s What Anxious Mom Said, I felt compelled to add my own list below.

Some odd people visit my blog, and I don’t just mean those of you who pop in on a regular basis. More often that not, the terms search terms WordPress shows me that people used to get to this blog are fairly unusual. Sometimes they’re downright creepy. (Thank god I can’t see them all, or […]

via I Said What? — That’s What Anxious Mom Said

 

Here are the most recent hilarious search terms which brought visitors – maybe even you – to my blog;

  1. Belinda Stronach is married to Han Solo

  2. Michael Jackson’s favourite Starbucks drink

  3. I called my kid a dumbass

  4. My Dad called me an asshole

  5. Our nanny is pregnant!

  6. How to pay a nanny under the table

  7. How tall is Todd Talbot

  8. Santa Claus porn (ugh)

  9. What is one-month after Valentines Day called

  10. Where does Belgium border Canada?

  11. My Dad called me a dumbass

  12. My son is a dumbass

  13. My daughter is a dumbass

 

And so much more…

It would appear that in the past month, my posts about calling your child a dumbass, my interview with Todd Talbot and my writing on the Canadian Live-In Caregiver Program have been the most active.

I’ll have to re-visit this again next month, but excuse me while I cross the border into Belgium…

 

 

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How You Came to me, Part II


In light of all my posts in the recent Toronto Municipal election, I expected a ton of search engine hits which were political in nature and I was not disappointed.

What did make me laugh, however, were the REALLY odd terms which brought people here.

I feel like sharing tonight.

Here is the list beginning with the most frequent used search term(s), then a dash (-) then my comment;

dusan kralik ward 23 – This of course brought people here to check out my piece on my friend Dusan, who came in 2nd in Ward 23.

urban daddy – Errr, that’s me!

reasons to vote for rob ford – People who typed that into Google would be very happy if they read my many posts on the reasons to vote for Rob Ford.

nescafe encore chicory – Yes, I did write a post on this coffee – which is my favourite instant coffee, but might be surpassed by Starbucks VIA Colombia.

beth mclellan ward 21 – Beth ran in my ward, and while she got some positive publicity, she came a distant 4th in the polls.  Better luck in 2014 Beth.

urbandaddy.com – If you searched this and wound up here, I’m sorry.  Tell that website to change their URL!

captain lou albano – Geez… Still.  What’s the fascination with Captain Lou?  Sure I get thousands of hits a year to my post about his life and death, but people please…

toronto george smitherman donor list – First of all, I’m not on this list, secondly, if I had it, do you think I’d be hiding it like George still is…

why you shouldnt vote for ford – Yeah, this site is not going to please you if you are looking for reasons to NOT have voted for Rob Ford…

will rob ford cut transit – Well, I can’t see him removing transit already in use, and I cannot see him allowing another St.Clair fiasco, so you might want to ask him instead of asking Google.

1717 avenue road 2010 – Yup, this monstrosity is almost complete and believe it or not it almost cost Councillor Karen Stintz her seat.  Shame considering that moron who hijacked the process still remains nameless…

is george smitherman a daddy – Yes.

toronto google street view garbage – You really expect to come to this quality website in order to see street view of garbage?!?  Dude, if the street view shows garbage, it’s been picked up already… Duh!

work permit starbucks canada hrsdc? – Do you need a work permit from Human Resources Social Development Canada to drink in Starbucks or work in Starbucks?  Well, it depends… Where are you and what are you drinking?!?

capt lou albano and cindy lauper – The only search term worse that just Captain Lou…

dusan kralik + liberal party – Bet you left here disappointed… Dusan is NOT a member of the Liberal machine!

can i vote out of the area in live – Like for President of the US?  Or you live in the boonies and want to vote for Mayor of Toronto… This answer is a resounding no!  Puhleeze…

toronto vote tax impact – Convoluted search terms like that brought you here.  Sucker!!!  Try again.

trip to the dentist for a filling – Thanks for sharing…

dusan kralik urban daddy – He is NOT the urban daddy, but a friend of urban daddy.

why i should not vote ford – You should not vote Ford because you researched policies of the other 23 candidates for Mayor and found one that better suited your needs, not because some guys blog tells you otherwise… Oh, shit… That’s not good to point out.

urban daddy people who work there – Umm, me.  Just me.

will rob ford toronto mayor cut summer – I guarantee, Rob Ford will NOT cut summer.

10 reasons to vte for rob ford – I’ll give you one reason… A vte for Ford will give you your “o” back.

why should i vote for george smitherman – You too were disappointed because the only reason I would have posted on this blog was the prevailing reason those on the left used, that Rob is fat…  So if you knew that already, you wasted your time here, but thanks for the hit. 

robert ford campaign promises ttc – News flash… We already have the TTC in Toronto.  Plus all candidates wanted to improve the better way.  In order to optimize your search you probably should have typed, “Rob Ford campaign promises for the TTC”.  That way you could hit all the left-wing media and bloggers who would tell you that he wants to rip it up. 

why dont my boys want to play sports – Maybe because you google it looking for an answer instead of asking them… Do you even have kids?!?

adam vaughan fraternity – That would be Alpha, Beta, Nerd.  And yes, Vaughan wants to remove the frat houses on U of T grounds.  But you lefties voted for him instead of Mike Yen… I don’t want to say I told you so.

george smitherman ehealth – Scandalous.  $1 billion dollars of taxpayers money wasted under his watch, you stupid Torontonians voted for him anyways.  What that tells me is that those who live in the downtown core are either too far left of centre to have any hope, or they voted with their eyes and not brains.  Then again, maybe they’re just that rich and wealthy that they don’t care about paying REALLY high taxes for REALLY shitty services…

chicory instant coffee 70s – I did write a post on Encore instant coffee earlier, but someone is having a flashback on the 70’s.  Dude!

dusn father mine by j.r. ward com on aud – The person who typed this was not speaking English at the time…

All in all, thank you for your visits.

Feel free to leave comments.

Cheers!

Terrorism in the Skies. My solution.


So Al Qaeda has decided to claim responsibility for the failed terrorist attack on Christmas day in Detroit.  Convenient.  Not sure why they are so proud that their specially trained mercenary almost burned himself to death instead of blowing up the plane, but then again, at this point in order to keep up appearances, if my toilet over-flowed, Al Qaeda would claim responsibility.

As a result of this near-disaster, CNN news and other stations have been buzzing with experts and eye-witnesses giving trade secrets and showing how terrorists have managed to circumvent the security of these airports and how easy it would be for this to occur on a daily basis. 

You’d think they were wide open for these attacks on a daily basis – like allowing wacko’s with bombs strapped to their backs to board planes, but security has been tight – not as tight as say El Al (Israeli airlines) but it’s tight.  

After 9/11, airlines responded swiftly by barring boxcutters and other sharp items like scissors and knives.  Smart move.  Hard to cut my food, so they removed the food to save money.

Then that idiot Brit they called the “Shoe Bomber” tried to set off explosives in his shoes, so now we have to remove our shoes as we pass through security.

Seeing the pattern now?

So no knives, blades, shoes, food, liquids, long waits and lots of searches to make sure families like mine are not carrying bombs and what results have been achieved?

None.

Some piece of shit from Kenya decides he wants to create more flying terror for the civilised world – he fails to do what he intended to do – but the airline industry has responded loudly.  No more than one carry on, unable to leave your seat during the flight, no blankets, no pillows. 

Way to react.

But I’ve given this some thought and I have a solution.

The way I see it from up here in Canada, there are some countries really pissed off with the US.  They tend to come from some very radical counties like Kenya, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Iran, Nigeria, Afghanistan and a bunch of other countries who hate democracy.

So here is my thought.

Do not allow anyone from these countries to fly over International airspace.

The way I see it is like this.  If I’m playing street hockey with my neighbours and one neighbour keeps hurting all of us, he’s no longer allowed to play.  Now it may take some time and some more injuries before someone has the balls to speak up, but it will happen.  Guaranteed.

So I challenge the international community to not allow citizens from these countries to fly.  If they must come, they can use their own planes, full of their own citizens once and only once the flight is full, and all the people and all the bags have been thoroughly searched.  Kind of like they do for transporting prisoners.

Then land the plane at the nearest airport to water, away from anything and anyone, and put them on another plane to their location.

Better to inconvenience a few than jeopardize the lives of the innocent, no?

If someone has been coming over to the US from Nigeria often, then allow them to fly.  If not and it seems odd, it usually is.  When a guy buys a one way ticket and travels with very little luggage, even I get suspicious. 

If you want the privilege of travelling to the US (and Canada) then you have to go through proper authorities.  Geez, if it was legal, the safest way for people to travel is nude, no?

So I forsee a bunch of really rich sheiks from the middle east flying in their own jets anyways and tourists come with their families, so question the single travellers who are making their first trips to the US, possibly the ones coming from the UK who may or may not have been hanging out in radical mosques and whose parents may or may not have been trying to tip-off US authorities as to the lack of common sense their child has been exhibiting.  That might be a good place to start.

Then if all goes well, the sale of picture books of US tourist sites should sky-rocket as less and less people will be flying to the US in order to cause shit.

I just feel that closing off airways to Nigeria right away might send a strong message to terrorists.  Keep your terrorist views to yourself or your country will suffer.

You never know…

Update: Someone was listening!!!

Announced Monday January 4th.  U.S.-bound air travellers from 14 countries considered either state sponsors of terrorism or “countries of interest” now face tougher screening measures.