Posted in Life

Life’s Greatest Mysteries; Crop Circles, Who Killed JFK and a Child’s Thought Process


The three items listed in my title will probably never, ever be explained.

Are crop circles an elaborate hoax perpetrated by a bunch of schemers?  Who really killed JFK, was it one shooter or the CIA or the mob?  And how kids brains work…

Since this is a daddy blog first and foremost, let me expand on the last item.

Readers of this blog will recall the issues we’ve been having getting Stewie out of his night-time pull ups.  He was quick to train during the day – 2 1/2 if my memory serves me correctly, but it took him until about 4 1/2 to stop soiling his pull-up at night.  The most difficult thing to do has been to get him to understand what he was doing because when he went to sleep he knew not to do that, but when he woke up, he seemed surprised – and a little disappointed – that it had happened.   And to be honest, I don’t think he consciously stopped doing it, I think he just created a pattern which did not include a night-time bowel movement.

Getting him to stop peeing at night, however, has been a disaster.

I tried waking him up ever couple hours to pee, I tried no water before bed, I tried making him pee three times before he sleeps, we tried the double pull up… He hated that one! I tried explaining it to him and I tried mocking him (sorry), by telling him babies wear diapers. His response to that was to not wear a pull-up to bed, then sleeping in a pool of pee.

For the past year and a half he’s slept with a rubber sheet under his sheet and on top of that is a towel which absorbs some of the pee but never enough as he continues to pee through his diapers, then pull-ups.  Neither Huggies nor Pampers helped.  We tried all brands, all styles.  The Pampers Under Jams have worked the best of all the night-time items, they hold a lot of urine! I told him they are night time underwear, and not diapers… Whew. The Huggies Pull-ups, on the other hand worked for one pee, but when the floodgates were open they were pretty much useless. 

Compounding this problem was the fact that he wanted to sleep in bed with mummy, every night for the last 5 months and she couldn’t have him in her bed without him peeing first, changing a full pull-up and a towel on the bed… A lot of work at 2, 3 or 4 in the morning for either of us.

I think the most frustrating part here is that the whole time Stewie knew he was doing this.  He said he was “too tired” to get up to pee. 

A couple of times I would take him to pee and he a little bit of pee would trickle out, then we would put on his pull up and within seconds it would be full. 

I would glare at him, he would smile.  Such a cute face…

Then out of nowhere, just days after his 5th birthday, the little bugger woke up completely dry. I asked him what happened and he said he got up to pee (I know he did not).  I think he just decided he was going to hold it… Finally. 

He just decided to hold it.

Every night for that week, I would walk into his room, and check to see that he was wearing his pull-up, then see how wet it, or he was. It’s been completely dry.

Then he started getting annoyed.  Annoyed that for the past year and a half we’ve been doing the poke test on him.  Poking to see if he’s wearing his pull-up, poking him to see if it’s full and now in the last 3 days, poking him to see if he’s wet.

Just last night, he came into our room, I rushed to move him back to his room, but he returned shortly thereafter (“I NEED mummy!”) he cries, so I took him to his room again and laid down with him. 

Every now and then I would reach over and give the poke test, to which he promptly replied; “Stop poking me, Daddy.  I’m still dry!”.

Well… Excuse me!!!

How he just decided to do this after all this time and all the pee… Is a mystery!

But the mystery gets even more clouded when just over a week later, he was back to his old ways. Fll pull-ups, wet bed, sometimes right through to the towel, or sheets.

Since this is very normal and very common, I’m not overly bothered by it. I hope he turns it on again soon, but in the interim He’ll keep peeing and I’ll keep bugging him.

How did they get the caramel in the Caramilk bar?!?

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Posted in Life

How did you spend your weekend?


Holy!

It’s Monday.  Man that weekend went so fast!  With kids programs, and putting together all the Ikea shelving we bought last week, there was no time to rest, relax or blog.

There is so much to catch up on, I don’t even know where to start.  So I’ll start with bullet points and expand where necessary;

  • So Libya killed Gaddafi and the new rulers, propped up by many nations around the world, are bringing in Islamic rule, Sharia law into Libya.  Not good for the Christians or Jews there.  Already the new government is booting out the Jewish residents and denying any changes to the Synagogue in Tripoli.  Can you say Nazi Germany???  My wife and I have been in Poland where Hitler did the same and used the Synagogues as horse stables.  How nice…
  • Did they really need to kill Gaddafi?  They had him, his was begging to live.  I think having him alive to see the citizens he tortured taking his possessions is enough torture, no?
  • So after having what I thought was a terrible karate class, Linus was rewarded with a stripe.  Now he only needs one more and he can grade for his green belt.  All this is moot because he hates the classes – they are slow and he loves playing around and being goofy – and he really only uses his correct techniques when punching his brother at home.  If he displayed that same form and intensity in class he’d be on his purple belt!
  • Stewie on the other hand, who just turned 5, was moved up to the yellow belt class with kids 6 years old plus.  He’s not developing in the lower class and unlike distracted Linus, Stewie is VERY focussed and wants to move up… NOW!  They’ll be in the same class by January.
  • On the cute front was watching Linus and Stewie teaching Berry karate.  Seeing her making the moves and yelling Key-yi was hilarious.
  • Speaking of Berry… She’s potty training.  Thank goodness.  Sure, she’s not 2-year-old until the end of next month, but we bought her Hello Kitty panties and to wear them she has to sit on the potty.  I hope all this potty sitting translates into no diapers.  I’m getting tired of the cloth diapers – the diaper wraps are showing their age.  But a huge thank you to Comfy Cotton in Markham for getting my kids potty trained at 2 1/2 and 3 1/4.  Let’s see how quickly the girl gets moving.  I know having a cold wet diaper next to their bottoms was the major reason for the push.
  • On the weekend along with karate, the kids helped me take down the Sukkah.  Which kids?  Linus and Berry, of course.  Linus shlepped the heavy metal brackets from the backyard to the storage under the front steps while Berry helped him sweep the leaves off the patio.  Linus was awesome.  Such a big boy.  And no, the gate was not open enough for our neighbour to see it and threaten to “sue” us.  He was out with family.
  • I let the boys put up the Halloween decorations this year.  I looked and they did an awesome job.  They said we need more decorations and I think because a neighbour has 30 life-sized zombies on his front lawn.  His house gets converted into a cemetery and compared to that, our house does suck.
  • I signed up to play ball hockey this winter.  I received a call from the captain and he seemed interested but has not called back to give me the details of the first game.  I know the team name and where the games are played, however.  I wonder if he was having second thoughts after finding out I was 40?!?  I didn’t mention to him that in 20 years of playing my team has won 4 league championships and more recently, the teams I have joined have gone from giving up more than 5 goals a game to less that 3 goals per game and in those games I’m playing even strength, power play and penalty killing.  I join the rush and am a plus-player.  Oh, well.  This Thursday is the first game and my wife and I have theatre tickets.
  • Thinking I had free time, I have proven it is impossible for me to say “no”, by joining the Boy Scouts to be a leader in my son, Linus’ Beaver troop.  It’s Wednesday nights, and after being there for one meeting I felt they needed additional support to keep the kids in line.  20 kids aged 5, 6, or 7 can be crazy.  Plus I was a Beaver, Cub, Scout and Venturer… I signed the application form and it needs to be sent for reference checks and a police check and then I’ll be good to go.  My Dad was my leader and he would be so proud of seeing Linus in Scouting.  Oddly enough, Stewie does NOT want to join Beavers as he doesn’t want to “wear a costume”.  OY.
  • Visit number one to the Holistic Naturalpathic Doctor resulted in me now taking a crap-load of supplements.  I have 5 bottles with drops, one bottle of seaweed pills, and 4 other pills.  The good part about them is that the Glyco Support is keeping my blood sugar at a constant level and I feel great all day.  No ups and downs.  My temper is in control and I don’t cry watching Grey’s Anatomy.  The most difficult challenge for me, however is going to be getting more sleep and eating the diet she wants me to eat for my blood type, which I found out was A+.  No beef, no dairy, no wheat, no coffee…   I know I’ll lose weight but I don’t know how much of this I can pull off.
  • So karate, swimming, Beavers… No wonder we spend all weekend cleaning and resting instead of heading out to do stuff as a family. 
  • So I was up until almost 1am last night organizing toys in the basement, putting them in the correct bins.  Care to guess how long it will take before stuff winds up in the wrong bins???  That drives me crazy!  I’ll bet they’re in disarry right now!
  • I saw that 26 members of the Toronto lingerie league football team have left the team as a result of bad coaching and “poor equipment”.  I have not paid attention to this league because I don’t get football, but these athletes are playing in a bra and panties, no?  So if that’s what you signed up for, how can you complain about the equipment?  I understand the helmets are hockey helmets and not football helmets.  If they are that concenred about safety, then the league needs to get these girls elbow and knee pads too.  If it’s supposed to be real football, make it safe.  Leave the wardrobe malfunctions to attract the audiences, but keep the girls safe.
  • Under the category of EWWWWW; I am always after my boys to not pick their noses and then put their fingers in their mouthes.  Tons of kids do it and it’s gross.  This past Sunday at karate took the cake as a girl sitting beside Linus picked her nose, then immediately sucked it off her finger.  Then went to the next nostril, and into the mouth.  But what made it super-ewww, was when she wiped her nose with the back of her hand, then I had the “pleasure” of watching her see there was nose-stuff on her hand, and then see her lick it all off the back of her hand.  UGH.  Sorry.  Had to share!
  • I hate, hate, hate that when I’m trying to put gas into my car, the #$%^&^% machine tells me “pump is ready” and stupid me clicks the handle and it’s not ready.  It’s never ready.  Why can’t the message wait 2 seconds then say it’s ready when it’s actually ready… Drives me crazy!
  • And finally, have you ever noticed that replacing cash with debit cards, and credit cards, etc. was intended to make it “easier” for us to pay for things, but it’s not!  With PIN’s and chips, swiping and passwords, you now need a friggin computer science degree to pay for a loaf of bread.  Cash please!
Posted in Being Jewish in Toronto, family, government, health, hockey, Life, Linus, sleep, Stewie

What shall I post about? Cottage life, Pork, “Fuck” or me NEVER going back to the Government?


I can’t decide what to post about today?

Should I write a big, long post about this past weekend that we spent at my in-laws cottage with the kids? The boys loved it! We really tired them out. Linus got to drive the boat, while Stewie did what he does best – eat, eat and more eat. While not eating, Stewie played and we got to see his “rain, rain, goway” dance on Saturday.

OR…

I could write a really long post detailing my strange (for me) eating and drinking habits at the cottage this past weekend. I drank 4 bloody Caesars> and a shitload of pork ribs. You see, being Jewish, we don’t eat pork… unless it happens to be at a Chinese food buffet, on my plate at a breakfast restaurant – in the form of bacon or sausage – or at the cottage. Boy did I eat a lot this weekend. Pork and alcohol… Not me at all. I feel like a piggy (pun intended).

OR…
I could post about how stupid I was Sunday night when I used the “fuck” when changing Stewie’s diaper – I said something like, “What the fuck?!?” and of course he picked up the word “fuck”. No matter how I tried to change the word to “fluck”, “flock”, “truck”, “fwock” or “flax”, he kept repeating, “fuck”. After a few minutes he settled on the word “fuock” and that was his word for 10 more minutes until he forgot it.

Of course, I could have posted about my son and soccer, which would mean I could have posted about Linus’ Sportball soccer games during which I turn into that dad, who stands on the sidelines and yells at his kid to stay awake, pay attention and run! How could I not? I looked over and he was standing beside the opposition goalie waving his arms… Even the goalie tried to send him over to play. Yup. I’m THAT Dad. Yikes.

Then again, I could have just posted about my 20 minute run tonight and how I really need August to be that month that I lose weight, tone up and run at least 3 days per week in order to prepare for the 5K race at the Toronto Marathon… 5K may not seem like a lot for most of you, but for someone like me who is not too long since recovering from a herniated disk in my back, it is a big deal!. Right now, I just feel gross.

Keeping with sports, I could post about my softball league whose game was rained out tonight – or that I joined a ball hockey team for September.

But what I would really like to post about is the fact that I have taken some time off of work at the government in order to spend with the family, for the rest of August as I try to use up some of my banked vacation and continue to look for that new career which will better utilize my personality and education. The one I currently have sucks, for me, and the majority of the people are worse. Truth be told, I’m never stepping foot back into that office again!

I should have posted about the great book I was reading this weekend called, “CyberTaxation“, but I doubt anyone would care.

I really should post a nice post about a very nice BBQ we had at the house on holiday Monday with Mr and Mrs. Mamalooper and Mr and Mrs Smickoz. We had invited 2 other couples with their kiddies but illness fell upon them, leaving just the 3 couples and man did we have a nice time. Good conversation all around. The kids played so well together and I burned almost everything on the BBQ which sucked considering just the Friday night before I cooked a blue steak for my mother’s birthday. I was so embarrassed. I’m a good BBQ’er.

I really want to post about the crap going on at the office – but it’s been quiet recently. Turns out, the whole kerfuffle is all about 3 individuals who are telling a colleague of mine not to “be friends” with me… Yup. I’m 37 years old and this is what I get to deal with at the office. Well, besides telling untruths about me and really being rude to my colleagues, these 3 – of whom I have bought many a coffee for, and had to my house, given lacrosse tickets to, and spent many an hour listening to their problems, have decided this is what they want to spend their time doing… Not working of their relationships, or on advancing their careers, or on being a better person, but they want to talk about me. I’m honoured. I really am. But, I am SO not worth it. I’m nothing like they portray me to be, and those of you whom I have met will have some image of me and that is more accurate. I’m quiet and polite to those I am just meet and in my arena – sports, politics, volunteering or work, I’m an animal. That is all. I’m not evil, don’t try to manipulate everyone, if anyhting, I’m awkword but learning to be better.

I guess I could post about my kids, like Stewie not sleeping, but pooing on the potty at 22 months, or about Linus loving camp and on his own dunking his head under the water while swimming, or the fact my sub-zero fridge isn’t working, the kids running around the house in rubber boots Monday, Stewie wiping out on the back deck while trying to grab the hot dogs I was BBQ’ing. He landed on his head but kept a hold of the dogs. (I think there will be MANY posts about Stewie and food in the coming years on this blog).

I should vent about the company I did consulting work for who implemented my ideas, yet never paid me, or the stupid trees still blocking the sidewalk as I walk to the subway.

But truth be told, I just want to go to bed. Stewie will be up soon. It’s midnight.

Good night.