Overheard at Tim Horton’s – The WORST THING EVER!!!


I overhear this conversation at Tim Horton’s recently between a couple of millennials, which caught my attention because it started with one turning to the other and declaring, “OMG! Do you know what is the WORST!”

So I had to listen.

Now you get the details of the “worst”… You might want to sit down for this!

“OMG you know what is the WORST!”

“What?”

“When you order a Coke and they bring you a Pepsi…”

“GASP

“…Without telling you.”

“I know, eh?”

“I mean, it’s so NOT okay for that to happen. They’re two completely different products and you should be warned.”

“Totally… Like when you order coffee with sugar but they forget to put in the sugar…”

“No… Not like that at all.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

Now, I had always imagined the “worst” being something far more catastrophic, like losing a child, or a spouse, or war, famine, natural disasters, but hey… Getting a Pepsi when you order a coke could be pretty bad… Like not being able to download that song for free right away, or not having WiFi available…

I think the couple behind me are breaking up… Or trying to hook up… I can’t tell anymore…


I’m working in the Starbucks this morning and I cannot help but overhear the discussion behind me because the couple are really loud and seem to forget that they are sitting in a Starbucks.  At first, I thought they were breaking up, then I thought they were hooking up, but now I really have no idea what is going on and, to be honest, neither do they!

Here are some highlights of this loud and public conversation;

Him:

  • Oh, you’re taking advice from him?  Of all the guys I’ve wanted to beat up for looking at you, he is at the top of my list.
  • You’re dressed like you run drugs
  • Look at yourself… Don’t you have any shame?
  • I’ve gotten over you twice.
  • I’m going up north for a week of total partying.  Nothing else.  You’re not invited.
  • Between last week and this week I made a lot of plans with people and they all fell through so I need to make plans about how to make better plans so they won’t fall through.

Then his side gets kind of weird and awkward…

  • These plans that fell through messed up my son, because, he needs to nap and stuff… He overheated, had sand in his ass and stuff
  • My son hates water ever since I pulled his feet out from under him and he went under the water… He hated that.
  • He won’t even bathe.
  • He must have a red ass, or stuff that he doesn’t want cleaned.
  • He’s cried in the bath every time for months…

Yikes!

 

Since he did most of the talking…

Her:

  • We should go dancing!
  • Why?
  • Oh, I hope he’s okay.
  • You’re not supposed to do that to kids
  • You have to clean him up
  • Where will he be while you are partying?
  • Can I come with instead?
  • I’m not running drugs.  I’m not a whore.  I like the way I look.  Look at you?  You’re in a Starbucks looking like that… Eww.
  • Oh yeah?
  • Can we get out of here?

And off they went… Together.

The guys at the table beside me started to clap and said that would make for a great soap opera.

I’m more concerned that this father thought it was a good idea to pull out his kids feet from him while the kid was standing in the bathtub.  He was trying to explain to the girl that he tried pushing the kid down to the seating position but the kid is really strong.  He wanted him to sit and this was the only way… Sure, he could have smashed the kids face into the side of the tub, or worse give the kid a complex / fear of the water having almost drown.  But this kid is dirty, red and smelly and the dad needs to start again and get this kid into the tub before the kid grows up afraid of the water because his dad is a partying moron…

What have you guys overheard in public space before?

How My Kids Almost Disowned Me Over Treats: and how I got to stay as their Dad.


I happened to overhear a conversation between my 6-year-old son and my 3-year-old daughter regarding the fact that I was taking my 8-year-old son to the store with me;

6yo: “He’s going to buy him snacks! That’s not fair. We’re not going to get anything!”

3yo: “Yeah! That’s not fair. I don’t like Daddy anymore!”

6yo: “Me either! Unless he buys me a treat too. Then I can share it with you!”

3yo: “Or if he buys me a treat, I will share it with you!”

6yo: “Well, what kind of treat do you want? I want mint-chocolate”

3yo: “Well, I want mint-chocolate too… and strawberry and bubble gum and gummies and berries.”

Me: “Ewww, disgusting. I’m not getting anyone a treat guys. Relax”

6yo to me: “Why do you do that? Why do you dismiss everything you don’t like as being disgusting. Just because it is nothing you like does not make it disgusting!!!”

Me, thinking I’ve just been put in my place by a 6yo: “Errr, yup. You are correct. I think it’s disgusting. My opinion only. Sorry about that guys. But all that sugar will eat away at your teeth and that is disgusting, right?

6yo and 3yo: “Ewwww. Disgusting.  We don’t want a treat, Daddy.”

Phew!  Got through that one okay, but barely.  How in the heck am I going to be able to navigate the serious issues?!?  Well that would be my wife’s responsibility!  I got them through diapers, she can get them through the teenage years!

Although I’m sill not sure how I feel about being put in my place by my 6yo.  I get the feeling this is going to be an ongoing issue with him.  🙂

Things overheard on a Monday Morning…


If you are a new reader you may not be familiar with the concept of this post.  Many moons ago I used to work for the government and during that time I had the pleasure of sitting near some wonderful and interesting civil servants. 

One year I had the “pleasure” of sitting near two good work friends who would spend about an hour and a half each Monday morning (from 7:30-9am) recapping their weekends and chatting about anything that popped into their minds. 

One time I heard something that sounded really odd and I wrote it down.  Over that year I must have posted 5 different Monday morning recaps under this title.

Below are snippets of actual conversations.  I did not make them up.

Read, laugh, scratch your head and enjoy. 

Things overheard on a Monday morning:

“Before Jesus came they used to sacrifice lambs, and humans to these G-ds, before Jesus came, whomever they are.  Then Jesus came and said you don’t have to do that anymore… that is why I have vegetarian blood. You can’t get iron from veg so I’m drinking protein shakes…”

“If you had to take a rocket to the moon, would you not check the gas?”

“We drink cows milk because “they” found something they wanted to sell, so they promoted it and forced everyone to drink it.”

Person A “Coffee: caffeine – clogs your system – is the problem – stimulates your heart too much. Dehydrates you. Diuretic. I’ll go to green tea.”

Person B “Green tea has 4 times the caffeine of coffee…”

Person A, “Well then I’ll go to a lemon drink!  Anything marketed is no good. I’ll show them!  I need more lemons in my diet anyways”

“Problem with blood pressure – is you have high cholesterol and the bad is higher than the good – chance of stroke is high. “They” want you to go on pills right away. “They” don’t want to take the time to help you, “They” get money for the pills and not for helping you.  If you’re overweight – stressed – blood pressure goes up – must be sick.  You’re money for “Them”.”

“Sodium – ratio of potassium to sodium is 3-1. If not 3-1 then high blood pressure. People are taking potassium in their diets to even out the ratio… Yeah!.”

Things overheard on a Monday…


For those of you who are seeing this post, and posts like this, for the first time, I need to explain…

In a prior work environment, and I have worked in a few places over my life, I encountered a couple men who began their work day at the exact same time as me – 7:30am.  So while I was gearing up for a busy week, they would chat about their weekends, and some current events.

It wasn’t until about a year into this work assignment when I actually decided to listen to their conversations and found that by only listening to bits and pieces, you only get part of what they are actually talking about. 

One morning I copied down their conversations and looked at it later that week.  What I saw made me laugh and I posted it… Instant hit.

So without these two gents, these posts would never have happened.

Thanks guys!

So please read on to what they talked about this Monday (my comments are in brackets)…

“I bought bran flakes. They good? Lost 5 pounds this week”.

“I went through the pantry and threw out 6 items this weekend. Not healthy. Wife bought ‘em and tucked ‘em away nicely, but I found ‘em and threw them away.”
(Wont she be thrilled, eh?)

“We are way behind on the nutrition list…”
(… and maybe on the evolutionary chain too)

“I’m starting to make meals that are interesting…”
(Because before today, everything he was was boring?!?)

“They are claiming that leeches are safe to swim… in Lake Ontario…”
(Safe for the leeches, or safe for us?)

“They don’t want them to appear a toxic dump.”
(I just write then, I don’t say them. Who are “they”? What do they not want to appear as a toxic dump? I suspect they were referring to Lake Ontario)

“I’m thinking of making vegetarian spaghetti.”
(Maybe that is what he is calling more interesting?!? Veggie spaghetti… WOW. What a novel concept.)

“It gets harder as you get older- nutrition – yeah, the brain gets slower…”
(Uh huh. Nuff said)

“I need to get me some of that stuff… The stuff that makes you healthy… You can never get enough of it.  Do you know where I can buy me some?”

(Oh yeah… That stuff…)

“I’m thinking I need to cycle into work more often.  Gives me lots of exercise and I need exercise… Do I smell?  Can you smell me from there?  Maybe so I don’t smell, I’ll just cycle in the winter”.

(Try a sleigh)

“So the boss man wants me to clean off my desk… Say’s it’s a fire hazard…  I told him to get me more filing space…  If he don’t I’m gonna teach him a lesson and file a grievance against him.  These kids need to be educated every now and then.

So that was this Monday’s conversation.  Please feel free to perform a search for others.