Remember Those Two Old Grumpy Men From The Muppet Show?


Do you remember those 2 grump old men from The Muppet Show?  The critics?

Well, I’m waiting for a client at The Second Cup and they are here!  2 old grumpy men sitting in the back of this coffee shop criticising everyone and everything.  They even called a third grumpy old man into their party but after telling him to go buy a Tim Horton’s coffee and bring that into the café.

So after an hour of chiding and complaining – especially once a poor woman left the key in the washroom – they told every single woman who went to the washroom after wards, “don’t forget the key”, and “wash your hands”, they then opened a discussion into the meaning of superficial… Shocking!

On the way out they poked fun at a woman drinking her tea who had her own yoghurt by saying quite loudly, “Next time I’m here I’m going to order that yoghurt” and all the while they never ordered anything, they just took up space.

For those of you who don’t know these characters, their names are Statler and Waldorf, and they are known for their cantankerous opinions and mutual penchant for heckling.

Apparently the two hecklers were friends with Fozzie’s mother, Emily Bear.

Who knew?

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Man, I Feel Old… Or Uncool… Or Both


What the heck is a “dab”?

Seriously…

Where did it start and why are kids “dabbing” all the time…

When I was young, me and my pet dinosaur never dabbed… We were too busy walking 20km to and from school in 10 feet of snow, uphill both ways, with shoes which had holes in them because we used to actually go outside and run around when we had a free moment.

We didn’t dab!!!

The world is not a better / safer place from the Dab!

Unless I can dab while karate chopping someone with my lead dabbing arm…

Ugh.

Whatever!

This fad will go the way of the Bell Bottom jeans, the Beehive hairdo and the Macarena, right!

Monday, Tuesday, Happy Days. Wednesday, Thursday, Happy Days…


 
the character Fonzie from the sitcom Happy Day...
Image via Wikipedia

Man, I’m old.

I’m 40, I still have my pregnancy weight and my hair, or what’s left of it, makes me look even older.  Fortunately, I’m immature so it makes me feel young, right?

Today, however, I felt old. Painfully old.

You see, after a long complicated call with the government, there was a consensus between me and “the man” so when I hung up the phone, one of my staff members looked at, somewhat nervous until until I gave him two thumbs up and said, “Ayyyyyyyy”.

He cocked his eyebrow and looked at me very puzzled.

Happy Days
Image via Wikipedia

Still holding up my thumbs I realized this poor young man, not born in Canada, may not know who the Fonz was.  Neither would he know that his “real” name was Arthur Fonzerilli who was by far the coolest character on TV when I was growing up.  Yes, Happy Days, started in 1973 when I was 2, but I remember watching the shows and finding the Fonz cool well before Scott Baio joined the cast.

Fonzie snapped his fingers and girls arrived, he banged his fist on the jukebox and it played and his offce was the boys bathroom of the local diner – Al’s Diner, no less.  Fonzie couldn’t saw “sorry” and he always bailed out his buddy, Richie.  He wore that black leather jacket and was very cool.

He was just plain cool.

But as I tried to explain, I looked out to my team and looking back at me was a bunch of blank faces.  So I asked them all.  Did any of them know who the Fonz was?  Nope.

None of them knew that the Fonz’s leather jacket was in the Smithsonian Institute on display.  The knew very little about this show.  Not just my team now, but most of the staff on the floor.  WTF?!?

So I gave them homework…  Look up the significance of “Ayyyyyy” and tell me the name of the diner and the name of the lodge that Mr. Cunningham belonged to.  As a bonus, what was the real first name on the show of “Potsie” Webber, who was Richie (Ron Howard’s) friend along with Ralph the Malph.

Ahh, what a show.  I bet no one will get those right…  Kids these days, I tell ya!

So I was not able to tell my Henry Winkler story about meeting him at the UJA event in Toronto many years ago.  It turned out that he was a guest speaker and before his speech, my wife had gone to the bathroom, and Henry was preparing to go out and they bumped into each other and started talking.  She had told me that when she returned and after the event she asked me if I wanted to meeting Henry.

Hell yeah, I thought.  Meet the Fonz!  Sign me up.

After the event had ended, we walked out of the venue and there in the middle of the foyer was the Fonz himself surrounded by what appeared to be 250 people trying to get his attention.  I was disappointed that I wouldn’t get to meet him and seeing this, my wife turned into a super hero.  The events that unfolded after, I will never forget.

She started to make her way through the crowd, holding my hand and pulling me along with her until she was a good ten feet from Henry.

“Henry!” She yelled.

Turning, he yelled back to her “Urban daddy’s wife” and with that the people parted and she approached him with me.  Time seemed to stand still as we had a brief chat, a handshake and if memory serves me correctly, he gave her a hug.

People were looking at us, or really at her – who was she that he knew her name…

But I couldn’t tell this story… I wanted to… But no one knew who the Fonz was.  It would be lost on them.

Maybe after tomorrow if they’ve all done their homework and watched an episode or two online.

Although I mocked them all afternoon, I, unlike the Fonz, can say I’m sorry.

A post about my biggest boy on his 6th birthday


Today is my oldest boy’s 6th birthday.  As the youngest kid in his grade, it’s nice for him to be “catching up” to the rest of the kids.  Sure when he comes back to school there will be some kids turning 7-year-old, but to him he’ll be 6 like most of them.

In honour of his 6th birthday (besides our regular celebratory trips to the Mandarin) I have a post I’ve been keeping to post on this day, about a conversation him and I had a couple of weeks ago.  It just seems to fit – him turning 6, and me turning 40 in the new year…

Here it is;

In early December, Linus came up to me and asked me to give him some money for school.

“What do you need to buy?” I asked.  “Does mummy know?” figuring he’s already hit her up and is now trying to extort money from me…

“I’m not buying anything”, he said. ” I need old money for show and tell… I have some already but I need more.”

He proceeds to show me a penny with the year “2000” on it.  “Yes, that’s old… To you!”  I say to him.  “But surely we can do better than that!  Let me find some older coins for you.  Like when Daddy was younger.  Let’s go look”.

So off we went looking through my change where I found a 1972 penny.  “Here buddy… This penny is one year younger than Daddy”, I say.

“GASP!  He says, before he turns and bolts out of the room.

“Stewie!!!  Daddy gave me REALLY, REALLY, REALLY OLD money!!!”

“Hey!… It’s not that old!” 

So off I went to find older money to show the kids that 1972 is not super-museum old.  I found a dime from 1968, a penny from 1956 and then a penny from 1932.

We discussed how old this money was by comparing it to ages of family members.    He seemed generally unimpressed by it all, even when I handed him another old penny, a 1944 one on his way to school.

So I kept giving him old coins figuring if he wasn’t going to be impressed maybe his teachers would, or some of the other kids in his class would tell their parents… I went and found a whole lot of old coins and gave them to him.

When I came home from work that evening I made a point to ask him right away how his show and tell went and if anyone like his coins. 

“Oh yes”, he said. 

“My teacher liked them, as did my classmates… Which is why I put them in the charity can, so others can like them too…”

“You did WHAT?”

“Gave them to charity”, he said.

“OH… Okay…”

So the point of this story is… I’m really, really, really old and my son likes to give to those less fortunate than he is.

Happy birthday Linus!

Thursday Thirteen


Thirteen things I hate… Today…

13. BMW drivers – Think they own the world because they drive a BMW.  I was always told that Mercedes drivers represent old money and BMW driver’s new money.  So I am coming to the conclusion that new money means having to show people you have money and that equates to buying / leasing a beemer and driving like you don’t give a shit about anyone else on the road.  I must honk 2 of them a day for not signaling or cutting people off.  Assholes.

12. My office keyboard.  Stupid thing got wet (something to do with me spilling water on it) and now when I type capital letters the Ucking thing drops the first letter and capitalizes the next one… 

11. Swine flu / H1N1 / influenza panic… Good g-d, people are going to make themselves sick worrying about the damn vaccination.

10. The NY Yankees.  They won the world series last night and, well, see my post on them on my sports blog; www.daddyknowssports.wordpress.com.

9. Our former nanny.  Left us a couple weeks ago and has been texting me asking for more money – extra money that she thinks she is entitled to, but confusing with vacation pay which she received way more than she was entitled to.  She thinks she was given extra pay our of the kindness of our hearts, I told her it was but there aint no more.  Now she’s bitching about calling the labour department.  I called first and we’re good.  She’s a noob.  🙂

8.  My Achilles.  I finally stretched a lot and went for a run to test it out.  Ran for 10 minutes and there was no pain, but it felt really weak, like any sudden movement would cause it to hurt.  I hate that.  I need to run to stay healthy.

7.  My weight.  I blame it on Halloween that I am forced to eat those fucking little chocolate bars like they are going out of style.  Because they are small does not allow me to eat 10 of them at once, right?  OR does it…

6.  Fair-weather friends.  Either you’re my friend and you want to hang out, or we’re not and that’s fine, but don’t string me along by being phony and they never come out.  I can’t waste time on this whole being social thing… After planning a few outings, if it’s not reciprocated, I’m done with you.

5.  Jedi vs. Sith on Facebook.  I’m fucking addicted!  Grrrr.  As of last night I was 78th in the world.  14 million players have this application.  I have 4100 points (3 points for a win, lose 1 for a loss) and the leader has 40,000.

4.  Hulk Hogan signing with TNA wrestling.  It’s a shitty promotion that might have potential if they cut the gimmicks and produced a decent show.  Crappy writing and even crappier plots make me wonder why this show exists.  Besides the fact that I hate the name “TNA” since it is too close to “Tits ‘n’ Ass” but Total Non-stop Action is not the name for a successful wrestling organization.  And Hogan… 56 years old.  Seriously.

3.   My choice of area for trick-or-treating this year.  Sucks ass.  I expected the $2 million dollar home owners to kick out some kick-ass treats for the kids.  But one candy-bar per houses?!?  Cheapskates!  How disappointing.  Not making that mistake again!

2.  Guns and Roses.  I’m still pissed at them for their simply horrible release this year.  I kind of wish they had released a bunch of stuff throughout the past decade so the shit they put on this album might have come out in other releases.   There is no good hard rock nowadays and as I listen to a few of their songs on my iPod It makes me even more pissed off.  They used to be great.  Same for Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver.  Where is the new Saliva, Disturbed and Rob Zombie?

1.  Iran.  Saw this news story and it pisses me off, considering Iran claims to be doing nothing wrong. Ever.

The seizure of a massive shipment of Iranian arms bound for terrorist organization Hizbollah, proves the arms flow to Syria and south Lebanon from Iran.  The attempt to smuggle arms to Syria and Hizbullah was an Iranian violation of a UN Security Council resolution.  Typically, Iran continues to smuggle arms to terrorists under the guise of legitimate international commerce, turning the Mediterranean Sea into a platform for illegal action. 

The weapons seizure “unequivocally and without a doubt” proves the Iran-Syria-south Lebanon weapons-trafficking route.

The ship was released overnight Wednesday after 36 weapons-filled containers were unloaded, and the 12 crew members boarded the vessel and made their way back on their planned route.

Hundreds of tons of weaponry, the largest arms seizure in Israel’s history, were intercepted in the daring raid by Israeli naval commandos aboard the cargo ship sailing 100 nautical miles west of Israel.

The arms shipment was 10 times the size of the cache found on the Palestinian arms ship Karine A in 2002, defense officials said.

The different types of arms offloaded from the ship were familiar to Israel as those Hizbullah already possesses in its arsenal, Israel Radio quoted defense officials as saying.

Military sources assessed Teheran would be forced to change its smuggling routes following the Israel Navy’s successful operation.

The cache was hidden inside shipping containers belonging to the Islamic Republic of Iran Shipping Lines (IRISL) which departed from the Bandar Abbas Port in Iran some 10 days ago, were unloaded in the Egyptian port of Damietta and then loaded onto the Francop, a German vessel flying an Antiguan flag.

On Wednesday, Israeli PM, Netanyahu addressed the international community concerning Iran’s material support for terrorist organizations by saying, “Iran is sending these weapons to terror organizations to harm Israeli cities and kill its citizens.  The time has come for the international community to exert real pressure on Iran to stop this criminal activity and to support Israel when it defends itself against these terrorists and their patrons.”

This is going to be a tough task considering the axis of evil lined up to denounce Israel left, right and centre every time something happens in the middle east.