Posted in Canada, Daddy, Parenting, The Urban Daddy, Thursday Thirteen, Toronto, urbandaddyblog

Thursday Thirteen – 13 Things You Should Never do in a Coffee Shop


I spend a lot of time on the road as a result of my business, and that means a lot of time in coffee shops working, drinking coffee and eating coffee shop food.

I’m a huge fan of Starbucks for making the space and WiFi available for entrepreneurs and I find the Second Cup comes in a very close second.

Spending time in these places means that I see a lot of people come, go, and stay at these locations and I know what the 13 things that people do at coffee shops that you should never, ever, do!

Yet, I see these, almost daily.

Here are the 13 Coffee Shop WTF’s

 

  1. Watching videos without ear phones! OMG, people do this all the time!  They watch movies, or stupid YouTube videos and loudly because the coffee shops are loud.  Just last week, I swear, 3 construction workers were watching porn…
  2. Playing games without ear phones – what’s worse than listening to some idiot watching a movie really loudly?  Listening to someone playing a video game loudly.  The shooting, or the music or the pings, and beeps… AArgghh.
  3. Dancing – On more than one occasion, I have seen men, random men, get up and start dancing in the middle of a coffee shop, in the middle of the day, and it’s most often older men, and not young men.  Then, as quickly as they get up, they sit back down and continue with their day.
  4. Singing – Yes, people with headphones on, usually sing along with their music, and knowing that coffee shops are generally loud with music and conversation, its safe to hum along, that is until the music goes quiet, the buzz dies, and their voice rises.  Then they’re entertaining the entire place, or giving us all reason to put in our ear plugs.
  5. Leaving your cup at the table – This is a dick move!  You buy a drink, take up space, then just get up and leave your stuff everywhere.  It’s usually a guy-move, the odd girl does it too.  I honestly feel like getting up, grabbing their stuff, following them, and handing it to them and saying; “Dude!  You mommy isn’t here to pick up after you.  Put your garbage in the garbage, and never do that again!”
  6. Being a dick, then asking for someone to watch your stuff – So what makes someone a dick?  Aside from the items identified above, and the ones below, there are other obvious signs that someone is a dick, such as dragging the chair out, even though it is really loud and distracting, then slamming your stuff on the table, having loud conversations, letting your phone ring without answering it (it can be silenced) or by the way you treat others.  Then after causing destruction, you get up and ask the entire table to watch your stuff so you can use the washroom?  No, so you can go outside, have a smoke, then come in smelling like an ashtray… No less that 4-times and hour…
  7. Not showering / putting on deodorant before sitting all day, in the sun – Then please, come in and sit beside me, so I can’t breathe!  Then take off your shoes… Barf.
  8. Really smelly perfume / body spray / Cologne – Remember those scents which you used to love?  I was always a HUGE fan of Maki.  I’d smell it and then spin to see who was wearing it.  I had a girlfriend when I was younger who wore it which brings back great memories.  In the present, however… People are sensitive to scents, so coming in to public place smelling like you have drunken half a bottle of perfume / cologne, and it’s oozing out of your pores, is cruel.  Especially those scents your grandmother used to wear 40-years-ago.
  9. Walking in to the mobile order area and just taking a drink  – This is not cool any time, but it’s so much worse if you then telling the guy you’re with that you’re doing it, or worse, taking a drink, then taking a drink of that drink and then putting it back…
  10. Being a pervert – It’s summer.  We get it, it’s hot, people wear less clothing – men and women – so don’t leer, drool, comment, make faces, gestures, etc. It’s gross and inappropriate.  I especially feel this applies to the old men who sit there with their wives, and take it to an extreme… Watching people come and go is one thing, but checking out peoples asses as they walk by, and leering takes it to a whole different level
  11. Joggers – I’m a huge fan of joggers, and I respect the effort you make to run for that long, but if you want to come in and grab a drink, after a 45-minute run, in your teeny-weeny running gear, and you’re smelly, and sweating all over the chair, and table, you might want to run home first and then come and perspire over everyone.
  12. Farting – Here’s the deal… people fart. I get it. But if you’re in public and listening to really loud music / TV, etc., and you think you are letting a little one slip out, it’s really a very loud blast which echos because of the curvature and texture of the seat you are sitting on.  That is not cool, and when you wonder why everyone is looking at you…
  13. Being creepy – There are creepy people and then there are creepy people.  The guy / girl who stare at you like they want to steal your stuff, or ask you out are common.  You learn to watch for them, but the guy who is leering at the 10-year-old girl across the coffee shop like he’s trying to picture her naked crosses a line!  Or, the guy with the cell phone taking random pictures or videos of people in the place, or who keeps dropping things to see if any of the women are wearing skirts, takes creepiness to a whole new level.  To that person I saw this; Everyone knows what you are doing!  We want you to leave, get help, and never do that again.

 

What have you seen in a coffee shop which either grossed you out, or found to be inappropriate?

 

 

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Posted in Canada, Coffee, Community, Daddy, disaster, family, government, health, news, Parenting, The Urban Daddy, Thursday Thirteen, Toronto

WTF is Going on? 13 WTF Events from The Urban Daddy: Thursday 13.


This has been a WTF kind of week!  I had so much going on that I had to take all my notes and throw them into a Thursday 13 list, of 13 WTF Moments.

  1. North and South Korea peace – WTF?  Does anyone believe that peace is going to change the way poor North Koreans live?  This guy in North Korea had his brother poisoned…

  2. Now I’m CERTAIN that Donald Trump is going to take credit for North Korea coming into the fold and agreeing to de-militarize, and seek peace with South Korea.

  3. Bill Cosby – Guilty – WTF took so long?  He was a great role model and changed the way TV portrayed African Americans, however, he drugged women and raped them.  That cannot be forgiven.

10.  Am I the only person who works out of coffee shops when meeting clients and who always checks his earphone when listening to something on the phone or computer to make sure it’s the earphones I am hearing, and that I’m not annoying the rest of the shop?  3 times this week patrons were listening to crap with their headphones on, and the sound was blaring out of their device.  They kept cranking up the volume until I had to notify them…

9.  I’m creating the Coffee Shop Police Etiquette Program

8.  Remember when a former Toronto Mayoral candidate threw a sexual harassment complaint against TVO host Steve Paikin, and instead of firing him, TVO hired an investigator to determine the legitimacy of the complaints?  Turns out no proof was found to substantiate the claim.  Good on TVO for getting on top of this right away (pardon the pun) and now what happens to the host, Paikin, and complainant, Thompson?

7.  Why do people bring food into coffee shops, then proceed to sit there – chow down their meal – then leave without buying anything?  More importantly, why does it always appear to me that these people have either really huge amounts of food, or are extremely messy and chew with their mouths open?  Is this a subtle way the coffee shop is trying to tell me to buy more food / drinks or leave?  They have this guy in the back and they sick him on patrons?  Better him, than the mouth-noise guy, the guy with the disgusting mouth noises, or the dancer who – no matter the weather – is wearing a tank top and just gets up and starts dancing…

6.  There is a “thing” for men who cannot get “laid”?  Is this real?  When I was growing up, if the girls didn’t look at you, you changed.  Your clothes, your hair, your weight, you got better educated, you learned to be a better person…  Clearly, for Millenials, this is WAY too much work, so it’s better to complain to others and then kill innocent people.  Enough already!

5.  With a Provincial election coming, FINALLY, in Ontario, and the Liberal government preparing for the crash, word comes out that a policy they created has come back to bite them in the ass.  LOL.  They created a policy where the Auditor General would review the books and records of the government prior to an election and confirm the amount of surplus or deficit the government has.  Well… The Liberals said the deficit would be only $2-3 billion dollars, but the AG said, nope.  It’s closer to $11-billion.  Thanks for the lies, deceit and for bankrupting this province!  See ya, Libs!

4.  I have a GREAT piece on minor hockey corruption coming shortly.  A must read!

3.  I agreed to coach my eldest son’s baseball team again this season, and I only had one request of the league… As a die-hard Toronto Blue Jays fan, please, please, please do not make us the Yankees again this year.  I cannot for the life of me say, “Go Yankees”.  I can’t.  Like the Fonz cannot apologize.  Guess what???  We’re the Spankees again this year.  UGH.

2.  A 23yo Quebec mother was charged with 2nd degree murder after her 2-year-old daughter was stabbed to death, then her body dumped in a garbage can.  I don’t know what to say about this other than what kind of a person takes a child’s body and dumps it in the trash… Words cannot describe…

… and the number One WTF Moment from this week…

  1. Toronto – my city, my home, streets from where I grew up, worked and where my family lives and works… The tragedy, the senseless violence.  Such and evil human being.  Thank goodness for the residents of Toronto who tried to stop this lunatic, or save the victims, or pull people out of the way… Toronto the good, overshadowed Toronto the sad.

 

 

Posted in Life

Toronto Blue Jays Fail to Impress. Still More Promising Than Leafs, Raptors and Toronto FC. Nowhere Near the Toronto Rock!


It’s been one of those years… Again.  The Jays look destined to fail in a weak American League East with great bats but terrible pitching.  As the team leads the major leagues in walks given it makes one wonder aloud how long the Jays pitching coach Pete “Walker” has left.

Or manager John Gibbons…

Or the GM.

Or if there are any moves that can be made to salvage the season at the 40 game-mark.

It makes me wonder if any of the pitchers from Triple-A Buffalo will come in and steal a spot for themselves through the throwing of strikes, the consistency outing after outing, or the putting out of middle-inning fires, or if the GM is going to be looking for guys like BJ Ryan or Gustavo Chacin to come in and settle things down.

Hey, what is Dave Steib doing?  Or Jimmy Key?  What about Jim Clancy or Juan Guzman?

Are there no pitchers in the minors that the Jays can resurrect and use for a couple of starts or through this season who can keep their ERA under 6?

I have no idea, but I love the Jays, and hope for a winning streak to push the team back to the top of the sports news and remove the Leafs from our discussion as they have hit rock bottom with no way out…

Or… Toronto can turn their attention to the best Toronto sports team – The Toronto Rock lacrosse club which was outdrawing the Jays not too long ago and who finished 1st in the National Lacrosse League and are in the Eastern Division Finals at the Air Canada Centre this Saturday, May 23rd at 7pm.

The Toronto Rock win in a league with tough competition, and in a very tough, demanding sport, and draw between 10,000-13,000 fans per game…

The most exciting game in Toronto played by the most exciting team, and hey, they win!  They went 14-4 on the season, and their leading scorer, Brett Hickey scored 50 goals.  Josh Sanderson accumulated 83 assists.  These are numbers we, as Toronto sports fans are not used to.  There are no nights off or shifts off for these guys.  The run, hit, defend and score.

Come support the Rock.  Toronto should be thankful for Rock owner Jamie Darwick!

And loosen up your arm because you might just be the next call-up for the Jays!

Posted in Life, Thursday Thirteen

Thursday Thirteen – Men’s Washroom Edition


Urinal
Urinal (Photo credit: Ron Knox 2001)

Today’s Thursday Thirteen is an instant classic that you will want to re-post and share with your friends and family as it covers 13 types of men found in a men’s washroom which I have observed over my 20 plus years of office life.

So gather your friends and family members, lock away the children and be prepared to laugh so hard you’ll pee you pants.

Here we go!

13. The Talker – The talker is the kind of guy you come across in a men’s washroom who has started a conversation on his way to the washroom and continues it while walking into the washroom, even if he goes into a stall – which ladies, is big issue for men.  The talker will continue the conversation while he does his business and actually expects you to stick around and partake and not be wierded out by what is happening.  Ladies, let me tell you, in a men’s washroom if the stall is occupied, men get the hell out as quick as possible before they hear or smell anything.  Talking from beyond the stall… So not cool.

12. The Peeker – Gentlemen, you know these types of guys.  They’re a little odd, or a little curious and you know if there is an opportunity to sneak a peek, they’ll be the ones that do it.  Sometimes even though they know it’s wrong, they’ll throw a look while you’re talking to them or looking at them.  They can’t help themselves.  It’s competition to see what they’ve got and what you’ve got.  The peeker will never comment but it is very awkward and from that point on, the peeker pees alone!

11. The Grunter – Ahhh, the grunter… This is the guy who holds in his stuff for so long that by the time he gets to a stall he REALLY has to go and you know it.  There is grunting, moaning and the odd, “Oh yeah” with pauses for appropriate sound effects.  The grunter gets so caught up into his own bathroom experience that he forgets there are dudes on the other side of the stall cringing.

10.  The Clean Freak – These are the guys who immediately wash their hands upon approval to the washroom, but before they take a seat inside a stall, they takes soap and water and wash it down first.  Heaven forbid that some other guy’s stuff touched the toilet.  Putting toilet paper down, or a thin toilet seat cover, these guys need the bowl to sparkle and be “germ” free.  These are the driven folks who succeed in organizations so they can have a washroom all to themselves.

9.  The Flusher – Someone told me once that if you flush your poo right away you flush the smell too.  Well studies have since shown that to not be true, yet there are some guys who still think it’s legit so they get into a stall and within the length of time it takes another guy to pee, the flusher has flushed the toilet 4 times.  On the bright side, the splashing from the toilet water must be really cleaning their bottom… UGH.

8.  The Blaster – This is the guy who holds his pee so long that the second he gets up to the stall his stream is so powerful like he’s trying to shoot a whole through the ceramic bowl.  Sadly this guy also likes to hit the pine smelling soap at the bottom of the urinal resulting in him getting sprayed in the mid-section from his pee.  He leaves the washroom covered in pee residue… Yucky.  You can recognize him because as soon as he leaves the washroom, his mid-section glows from the urine.  The back of his hand is also usually soaked but when he washes his hands, he’ll wash the inside and rarely the back.

7.  The Misser – This is the guy who gets into the washroom and doesn’t want to make any noise when peeing, or is playing with his stream trying to make the least splash and in process usually hits the porcelain edge and winds up peeing on the floor, hence the giant puddles guys have come known to look out for when approaching a urinal.  Then the next guy comes in, sees the puddle and does his stuff from a foot back from the urinal which means he too adds to the pool of pee on the floor and so it goes until guys give up on that urinal and go to the next one.

6.  The Unbuckler – This guy makes me laugh.  I worked with a guy who used to unbuckle his pants to pee, and he would drop his drawers to his mid-thigh, pull down his underwear exposing his ass cheeks and stand at the urinal with his arm leaning on the wall, legs spread to the max, and he would pee like that while looking around and trying to talk to other guys.  It’s a urinal, not a social club and who the hell wants to see his ass anyways.  It got to the point that when he was going to the washroom, no one else would go near it for 5 minutes for fear of meeting ass-man face to butt cheeks..

5.  The No Handser  – These are the guys – and we all have seen them, who think they can accurately pee in the urinal, not on the floor, not on themselves without touching their stuff at all.  They also think – like my 7-year-old son does, that if they don’t touch it they don’t need to wash their hands.  Well no hands is not cool, and you still have to wash your hands so grab a hold and get it over with.

4.  The Wiggler – The wiggler guy is the guy who finishes peeing and before he steps away he takes his stuff and frantically wiggles it all around, smacking it on the side of the urinal in efforts to get all the pee out.  The problem with the frantic wiggle is that there is no way to control where that left over pee goes so while some may drop into the urinal, the rest sprays all over the place.

3.  The Newspaper Bringer – Ahhh, the newspaper bringer.  This describes the guy who is heading for the washroom and intends on being there a while so he picks up a newspaper from someone’s desk along the way, tucks it under his arm, and proceeds to set up camp inside a stall.  What makes this guy so clueless is when he returns from his 20 minutes of quiet time and proceeds to drop that newspaper back on the desk of the person he borrowed it from with a cheerful “thank you”.  He doesn’t understand that the person he borrowed the paper from does not wish to have back the paper after he’s read it who doing his business and before he washed his hands…  Just the thought makes me shudder.

2.  The I’m Aloner – The I’m alone guy is the guy who is clearly uncomfortable in a public washroom with other men around.  Someone must have commented on the size of his stuff when he was younger because he stresses out in the washroom resulting in him walking in, ignoring everyone, doing his stuff, washing up efficiently and getting the hell out as quickly as possible.  This type of guy possibly holds his breath the entire time in case there is a foul odor in the bathroom.  It’s best to just get out of their way and let them go.

1.  The Held it Too Longer – This guy makes me laugh because he holds his stuff for as long as he possibly can and you know as he’s racing to the bathroom he’s already imaging the relief of doing his business that he is already unzipping or unbuckling even before he gets inside the washroom.

This kind of guy is in his own world because he doesn’t want to be the guy who filled his drawers so if he enters the washroom and there is no toilet or urinal available he actually looks at the sink as a viable option while trying to determine if he waits or heads to another floor.

Don’t try talking to this guy, he’ll bite your head off and he’s probably now having a conversation with himself as his kidneys begin to ache.  He won’t even buckle up as he flees the washroom in search of another and when he finally does get in there could be a dead body on the floor he won’t notice, he’s too busy saying “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” as he goes on with his business.

Unfortunately he is traumatized and needs some considerable time to replay the encounter in his head and I’m positive he thanking his lucky stars that as he came into the washroom, already undone and ready to go that he did not run into Mr. Ass Cheeks.

Honorable mention to the take no prisoners guy who comes in, does his stuff and leaves a disaster in his wake – toilet paper everywhere, paper towels and soap everywhere else and body fluids in places it should not be in an office environment.

Posted in Being Jewish in Toronto, family, Linus, urbandaddyblog

It’s 2011 now. Can I please get some goddam customer service!


Hey look at that… We’re 5 days into 2011 and I’m already pissing off the pinkos, my neighbours and by the end of this post, the businesses in my area.

Sorry folks. I have not made my new years resolutions yet – they’ll be around soon, probably in a Thursday Thirteen, so until that time, I do not have to be nice.

I just want some goddam customer service!

Case in point, #1.

2 weeks ago we ordered a nut-free chocolate cake for my son’s birthday party from a local business even though a friend of our told us the cakes from this place were stale. Prior to ordering, my wife hopped on the phone, told the business about this and they guaranteed to us on the phone that our cake would be made Sunday morning for noon time pick up.  So we placed the order.

At noon on the Sunday I went to the business and dropped my $45.00 for a nut-free, kosher “chocolate” cake. I peek inside the box but the cake has a film on it of Superman. The bakery had a lot of cakes on the go, so it smelled great in there and the cake felt quite heavy, so off I went.

Fast forward to the end of my sons party where my wife is riling up the kids;
“Do you want a cauliflower cake?” she yells,
“NOOOOOO!!!!” the kids screen back. “Do you want a squash cake?” she yells,
“NOOOOOO” replies the kids…
“Do you want a CHOCOLATE cake!” she screams,
“YEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” the kids reply.

So I open up the cake, take my sharp henkel knife and proceed to hack off pieces. Problem is, I cannot get through the cake… Man is it dense.

And man is it vanilla.

Needless to say, they forgot some ingredients in this cake. It was terrible. None of the kids or parents ate it.

Upset, we drove by the store and my wife took back the cake them. They gave us back our $45.00.

And that was it…

I was really expecting to hear back from this bakery with a sample of their chocolate cake. By only giving us back our money what they have done is make us feel better but they have done nothing for their reputation. It’s human nature to talk about bad customer service or to tell people when something bad happens.  I cannot recommend this place, but I will share our story with them.

The only reason I’m not mentioning them by name in this blog is that they’re moving to a bigger location very close to our house and the thought is they have got a new baker, or 2 who can actually bake.

Case #2. Baskin Robbins on Eglinton. I took my son Stewie in there a couple weeks ago and I should have trusted my gut instinct and left right away. It was empty in there and the machines they hold the ice cream tubs in were so loud I had to yell over my son to have him hear me. The ice cream itself was very old. The top of each tub was stale and rubbery and tasted that way too. But what really frosted my ass was when I paid by debit and happened to look at my receipt to see a $0.25 charge for using their debit machine in the bill was under $10.00. I had cash in my pocket. The bill was $7.00.

So I came home, went online and proceeded to fill out the online survey (complete this survey and you could win $1000.00). It was then that I noticed the receipt said; “Baskin Robins” and not “Baskin Robbins” and the online store locator did not have this location on it.

I point out all my issues on the survey and sure enough not more than 5 hours later I had an email from Baskin Robbins corporate stating they were going to investigate the sound in the store, the condition of the ice cream and the practice of charging extra for debit and… the franchise owner will be reaching out to me to apologize and give me my money back.

Cool, eh?

I never heard from the franchise owner, and will never step foot in that store again!

Where was the follow up???

Last example occurred to my wife on Cyber Monday.

She wanted to buy some customized metal water bottles for our kids, but the coupon on the website would not go through in the shopping cart. She emailed the owners who after some debating finally agreed to allow her to use the coupon and with that coupon we bought 3 beautiful water bottles. My wife them updated her Facebook status to notify her friends of this deal and went to the companies facebook site to “like” them and thank them for honouring the coupon…

That’s better customer service, no?

Granted if I was sending the positive feedback that the Urban Mummy did, I would want at least a thank you back form the business.

Nonetheless…

I want customer service!!! Would it kill ya to say “thank you” every now and then instead of thinking it’s your right to have me spend my hard-earned money in your establishment.