Sometimes, “NO” is the only answer!

With all that is going on in the world these days, sometimes the best answer, or solution is just to say no! Then remember what prompted you to say no, and follow up and be heard.

For example;

Russia… You think it’s okay to invade Ukraine? NO. What about lying to the citizens? NO. Poisoning anyone who opposes you… NO NO NO.

Alabama removing bathrooms for transgendered kids… NO. No you are not. NO NO NO. Sorry, but not sorry. NO

Florida requires kids and teachers to out children who are gay… NO. NO. NO. NO. Then suggesting you would prosecute parents of trans kids… Heck NO.

Texas and their abortion ban… NO

Truckers honking all night and terrorizing citizens in Ottawa because they think they know what’s best for you and for me… NO

Siding with this fringe element saying they just want “freedom”… NO

Brining in the emergencies act because you want to be able to overreach and leave your legacy… NO

It’s time to say no, and mean it.

Giving a Nazi salute to a Jewish teacher… NO! Especially when the teacher comes from a family who survived the holocaust… Disgusting.

…and sadly the list goes on!

I think we’re entering the era of saying no and meaning it. Saying no to tyranny, stupidity, hate and intolerance. Hopefully we’re not just saying no in the moment and then letting something else distract us from following through on our “no” and getting these people out of office, off our media and get their antique ways gone forever!

Our futures should be about love, positivity and inclusion, and saying no is a good way to get there!

Being racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-Semitic, or anything else where you are giving an opinion on how others live their lives… NO. As my mother used to say, when my sister or I chimed in on what someone else was eating at dinner or doing with their food, “look at your own plate!” Don’t concern yourself with what others are doing. Just take care of yourself.

Abusing transit officers, or anyone providing service to the public because you feel the need to comment your personal comments or concerns around anything, including mask mandates… NO.

Honestly… This list could be endless, but keep your opinion to yourself unless it’s kind, considerate and helpful. Just be nice!

Father’s Day is Here (Father’s Day is every day!)

Father’s day makes me realize a few things.

1. I Love being a father
2. I miss my father – he would have loved my kids – had he been alive to meet them – and they would have loved him.
3. Considering the traditional role that mother’s play in the raising of children, I believe in being an involved father, being there as much as possible – supporting your children, and you wife, girlfriend, partner, baby-mother, etc. It’s nice to have a day to recognize what it means to be a father, but every day is father’s day… Or should be.

If you’re a father and not involved with your kids by your choice, then snap into it and realize that it’s not about you. It’s about the way your kids grow up, treat others and expect from adults. You’re setting them up for potential failure. Having a relationship with your children is a privilege and to stubbornly walk away from them because you’re feelings are hurt is a reflection on your character – which your kids pay the price for – and will have to deal with long after you’re gone.

That being said, my friends at Dad Things Social, have provided me with this cool infographic for Father’s Day.

You can follow Dad Things Social, here;

https://www.instagram.com/dadthingssocial/

https://www.facebook.com/dadthingssocial/

And their blog: https://dadthings.ca/

Dads / Moms… Is it just me?

This is a question for the Dads and Moms out there in cyberspace.  Is it just me, or is it necessary to identify yourself as a parent when you approach another father / mother with small kids and offer assistance?

This morning, for example, I’m waiting for a client in my local Starbucks and it’s fairly busy in the store when in walks a mother carrying a baby in the bucket car seat in one hand and holding hands with a toddler in the other hand.

She orders her coffee, buys her daughter a treat and then finds the only open table which has one chair placed beneath it.  She places the bucket on the table, and sits her daughter in the chair.

Seeing this, I know that there is a bit of space at the large rectangle table in the back and I could totally go there to work, so I get up, and offer her my chair.

She politely denies.

Then I start thinking… I’m in my 40’s, and what’s left of my hair is pretty grey, I’m in a grey suit, and I don’t wear my wedding band because it doesn’t fit my finger (hello 1st child 25lb weight gain – 13 years ago) so maybe she politely declines because I’m a creepy guy offering her a seat.

Then I remember that creeps don’t wear suits.

Work with me here…

So I tell her it’s okay, she can have the seat because I’m going to sit in the back.

Then the panic in her eyes leaves, and she says that she appreciates the offer but she’s waiting for her coffee then she’s jetting out of here to a play date.

That told me 2 things;  Firstly, she recognized that I’m a parent too and I totally understand how brave she is with a child in a bucket and a toddler – just leaving the house should be commended.

Secondly, she might not have panicked if I had started with something like this; “Hey, would you like to use my seat? I’ve been there – have 3 of my own – you might be more comfortable, even for a minute, knowing your kids are safe and you can wait comfortably with them.

Or is that worse?

Am I reading too much into this?

Or being approached by a stranger, the default is to reject, not to engage and protect the kiddos.

Would love to hear everyone’s thoughts.

 

Holidays, Money and a few last minute ideas…

I hate to break it to you but the holidays are here, and for many of us this means spending far too much money on gifts our kids and families really don’t need. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-gifting, I just don’t like having to buy gifts as a result of socially constructed consumer norms (to be addressed in a future post). That said, I’m a mom of 5-year-old twins and explaining what a social construct is will result in the consumption of far, far too many bottles of wine so I’m opting for conforming – at least to a certain extent.

Everyone knows the holidays are about family, friends, spending time together and sharing the love and,  if you’ve done your job well, your kids know this well. Ya know what else kids know? Holidays = presents! So, since I’m buying into the holiday crap, I’m at least going to do it in a way that doesn’t put my family into peril. Peril? yes, peril.

The holidays are expensive. If you’re not careful, the parental guilt that inevitably comes with the knowledge you can’t get your kids everything they want could put your family into a negative financial situation that’s difficult to recoup from.

“No, you can’t have the Nintendo, doll house, race car and Barbie… many kids don’t even receive gifts during the holidays…we’ve very fortunate to have everything that we do… when I was your age I got a matchstick for Christmas/ Hanukkah/ Kwanza…” Sound familiar? As parents, we want to give our kids the world and everything in it. We also don’t want to raise assholes. And this principle is what often alleviates that guilt I was talking about earlier. Now, we’re not just trying to save money, we’re teaching our kids a valuable lesson, right?

I dunno about you, but I still feel like total shit when I can’t get my kids what they want or, more to the point, what I want to get them. That said, DON’T GO INTO DEBT FOR THE HOLIDAYS. IT’S NOT WORTH IT. Yes, like a crack addict, you’ll get that initial high of being the ‘best parent ever’, but come January you’re going to crash and it’s gonna be ugly. (Please trust me on this, I watch people do it every day, let alone every year, it’s the line of work I’m in.) So, how do you avoid this scenario? Here are my 5 top tips I use to financially survive the holidays:

Tip 1 – Everyone loves photo gifts. Sign up for all of the online photo-gift sites and throughout the year they send great freebies, ranging from mugs to calendars to bags and prints.  You pay the shipping (which isn’t cheap but it’s far cheaper than paying for a gift and shipping) and that’s it!

Tip 2 – Shops the sales before the ‘sales’.  If you’re like my husband and don’t plan all that far in advance for gift giving then wait until September to take advantage of the back to school sales for toys, home stuff, clothing, make up etc. they often end up being cheaper than all of the sales that are currently out right now.

Tip 3 – THE DOLLAR STORE IS YOUR FRIEND. There is absolutely no good reason to spend five times the amount of money on a brand name toy or game when you can get the exact same one at the dollar store? They’re all made in China so why spend $20 instead of $4 for a logo? For the record, half of my son’s gifts are from Dollarama (no, they didn’t pay me to endorse them, I’m just a big fan)

Tip 4 – New does not mean better. I just bought half of my daughter’s gifts from kijiji, craigs list and Facebook market (again, no endorsement). If the toys are in good condition then who gives a crap about the plastic package? This way, you’re saving yourself some $ and giving Mother Nature a hand!

Tip 5 – It doesn’t have to be fancy. My kids are getting books, markers and fun earmuffs as gifts. They’ll love it because it’s all about the delivery. I’m in my 30’s and I still love getting this stuff as gifts, but maybe that’s just me.

I hope these tips help ease your guilt and keep enough money in the bank to pay the bills at the end of the month.

Now for some examples of the aforementioned tips. (Disclaimer, I received all of these products as free samples, but you can bet your ass you’ll know if I didn’t like something about them.)

Books:

But I don’t Eat Ants is a super cute story for picky eaters and their parents. Not to spoil it, the lesson for parents goes back to tip #5: it’s all about the delivery! The final line of the book confused my kids a bit but  it was a fun story for all and every time I make tortellini they laugh hysterically yelling “TORTELLINI? TOTALLINI!”

Finding Gobi is one of the best feel good books for young kids that I’ve come across in a long while. The first time I heard the story was on CBC and the publisher blindly reached out a couple of weeks later. I wanted to see if the story I heard on the news was accurately depicted in the book and how they were going to adapt it for young kids.  Much to my surprise it was really well written, succinct and colourful, which is key for young kids. They also sent over the novel version which I didn’t have a chance to read but my friend’s son, who’s 8, said it was a great book – why would he lie, right?

Home:

I was never a coffee drinker and figured it was dumb to get one of the single cup machines for tea since they always tasted so diluted, so I never bought any of the ones on the market. I have seen the light thanks to the Keurig that was sent to us. It has a new ‘strong’ brew option which actually allows tea to taste like tea!  I also like that it doesn’t take up all that much counter space. The machine is also pretty tough, which I realized as I used pliers to pry the wrong K-Cup that I jammed in, out of the machine (don’t judge, I was running on 2hrs sleep!)

Random fun things:

Cozyphones are a super cute alternative to headphones, with the bonus of keeping your munchkins’ ears toasty. I’m hoping they come out with a version that can be worn in summer since these are fleece. Regardless, the kids look freaking adorable in them and love wearing them around the apartment.

Sigma Beauty reached out and sent over a bunch of items from their new Creme De Couture line. I was pretty hesitant to include makeup in a gift guide since I really don’t wear much unless I’m out for an event and because isn’t all makeup basically the same? Evidently not! According to my makeup-wearing friends quality varies drastically. So I figured I’d try a bit myself and share some with my mom (avid makeup wearer). I have to say I was shocked at how much I liked it! The colours are super vibrant and the Liquid Lipstick stays on the whole night (hubby can attest to that!). My next thought was that it must be super expensive since it’s pretty good quality but again I was pleasantly surprised! All in all, I really liked the products and I wear a bit more makeup these days. I hope these help in your last-minute shopping frenzy and I wish you good luck!!!

The Urban Daddy and Urban Twin Mommy would like to wish you all a very happy holiday season, filled with love and light. May the year ahead be filled with happiness, health and success (in whatever form that means to you!).

XOXO

 

 

Manchester Tragedy Crossed The Line

What happened last night in Manchester, England crossed the line.

The cowardly killing of innocent children – mainly girls – by a (hate to quote the US President, but I have to) LOSER, has repulsed pretty much every living and breathing person with a heart and a pulse.

The fact that this loser waited until the end of the show…

Ah, forget it.

He’s a loser.  A murderer.  A coward.  He deserves to be dead.  His victims do not.  He’s not going to heaven, he’s not getting any virgins.  He’s going to rot like the worthless piece of trash that he was.

Now the UK needs to do this right and they need to go round up anyone and everyone who knew him, who taught him, who called him a friend, or a family and they need to send the message that friends of losers and family of losers and teachers of losers are losers too.

The UK need to act fast and act swiftly, and go through their list of “suspected” losers and round them up now.  Screw their human rights.  Honestly.  They’re on the government’s watch list not because they’ve been good citizens but because they’re potential criminals, talking to bad evil guys and because they’re going to do something bad.

It’s time to take action for the safety of society.  Reasoning and rationalizing, sympathizing and understanding, banning and stereotyping and not the options that are going to bring a close to this problem.

Speaking up and being a solid contributing member of society will.

To each and every hero who helped the sick, dying, hurt and scared last night, I say thank you a thousand times.  It’s your courage and your kindness and your compassion which keep everyone’s faith in society.

If I believed in hell, I’d say rot in hell, losers.

I just hope and pray that we can continue to keep our kids safe, teach them right from wrong, and that we need to be a kind, supporting, inclusive society so losers don’t feel that they need to cowardly take their own lives and those of little girls and other people.