Thursday Thirteen: 13 Hilarious Search Terms…


After reading this post below at That’s What Anxious Mom Said, I felt compelled to add my own list below.

Some odd people visit my blog, and I don’t just mean those of you who pop in on a regular basis. More often that not, the terms search terms WordPress shows me that people used to get to this blog are fairly unusual. Sometimes they’re downright creepy. (Thank god I can’t see them all, or […]

via I Said What? — That’s What Anxious Mom Said

 

Here are the most recent hilarious search terms which brought visitors – maybe even you – to my blog;

  1. Belinda Stronach is married to Han Solo

  2. Michael Jackson’s favourite Starbucks drink

  3. I called my kid a dumbass

  4. My Dad called me an asshole

  5. Our nanny is pregnant!

  6. How to pay a nanny under the table

  7. How tall is Todd Talbot

  8. Santa Claus porn (ugh)

  9. What is one-month after Valentines Day called

  10. Where does Belgium border Canada?

  11. My Dad called me a dumbass

  12. My son is a dumbass

  13. My daughter is a dumbass

 

And so much more…

It would appear that in the past month, my posts about calling your child a dumbass, my interview with Todd Talbot and my writing on the Canadian Live-In Caregiver Program have been the most active.

I’ll have to re-visit this again next month, but excuse me while I cross the border into Belgium…

 

 

THIS is What Weighs on the Minds of the Youth of Today…


I wish that I could get into the head of my children!

It seems to be WAY more fun in there, than in the “real” world and sometimes you can just tell when you look at them that they are off in their own world probably having a great time.

Sometime I forget that children possess a combination of curiosity, and I-don’t-care in the way they look at life and when you take into account their naivety, and their innocence, its no wonder they want to be in their own little world.

But to hear what they are thinking about can come at an unexpected time and can often be refreshing and hilarious, take for example the comment blurted out in the car by my son Stewie;

“By the time I am ready to buy a car there won’t be any good license plates left…”

Ummmm…

Yes, that might be the case, my wife and I struck with silence and as processed this odd comment, and of course, he was not finished, so he completed his thought with this;

“I’ll get stuck with a sucky license plate like Poop-so.”

So not only was he concerned that all of the good license plates will have been taken in, what, 10-15 years when he will have his own car,  but he has actually given thought to what that license plate he will be stuck with, will say.

“Poop-so”.

Well, son, Poop-so is a pretty cool license plate.

 

Funny Things Kids Say…


My kids are nowhere near as sporty as I was growing up, and I don’t blame them.  My favourite toy was a tennis ball because I could use it with my baseball glove or my hockey stick.  When we bought new tennis balls that I could actually use for tennis… Look out!

My kids, on the other hand live in a Toronto where ball hockey playing is prohibited or frowned upon in the streets and with advent of iPhones and iPads, they can read, play, learn, etc instead of waste time outside…

So hearing my kids talk about sports makes me laugh and makes me wonder if they get teased at school by the sporty kids for their lack of knowledge of terminology.

For example;

Saturday night, Toronto’s best sports team, the Toronto Rock lacrosse team, played the 2nd game of a best of 3 semi-final at the Air Canada Centre and me and my boys went to the game!  I’ve had season’s tickets since their first season and I cannot explain enough how nice it is to have one Toronto-based team that competes night-in and night-out and that wins having won 6 National Lacrosse League Championships.

The game is fast, exciting, hard-hitting and not for the faint of heart.  If I knew about this game growing up, I would have been a great defenseman – being able to whack the daylights out of guys!  Oh the fun.

So Toronto won the game over the Rochester Night Hawks 11-8 and as a result, they tied their series and a 10-minute game was to be played right after with the winner going to the Champions Cup Finals against the Edmonton Rush.  The outcome was never in question as Toronto scored a goal a minute for the first 7 minutes, hanging on for an 8-2 victory.

Just before the game ended, my son tried to impress the girl in the row in front and wanted to tell her that the game was “sudden death”.  I guess he thought if they lost they’re done, which they would have been but sudden death in sporting terms means the next goal scored sends one team on, and the other home.

Instead, he said this;

“Wow, I hope Toronto can win this game in instant death!”

“Instant death?”

“Umm, me too” was my reply.

The girl in front of us – who turns 18 in 4 months – smiled at my son, and said, “No, I hope it doesn’t get that far because we (Toronto) are destroying them right now.”

She winked at me.

This Saturday, we are heading back down to the ACC to support the Toronto Rock in game 1  of the NLL finals.  Hopefully they will exceed their previous crowd of 10,200.  I remember the ACC being packed full for many years.  I think we owe that to the team and to owner Jamie Darwick for fielding a winning team year-over-year.

Instant death.

lol.

What Exactly Will You (They) Be Suing For?


As Canadians, I’ve always been told that we are much less litigious than our neighbours to the south, which means we don’t use the expression, “I’ll sue you” all that often.

To be honest, I think we are more likely as a society to apologize, take responsibility for the situation and then come to a common resolution than to add fuel to a situation, find a lawyer and haul everyone off to court.

So, as parents, it’s not all that common to hear any conversation including the words, “sue” or “sued” or “suing” or even the expression “suing their asses off”. (I’m not sure if that’s a real expression but if I were suing someone, I’d want them to know that I was going to sue their ass off!”

Yet I swear I heard my kids trying to figure out if they combined their allowances, if they had enough money to hire a lawyer…

Hmmm.

Should I now put down some retainer funds on a lawyer?  I would if I knew that they were going to sue for, if it was even us, and where their grievances lie… Not enough treats?  Maybe they don’t like our “no electronics on school nights” rule, or maybe they want to stay up later than 7, 8 and 9 respectively.

Or maybe we just need to stop giving them allowance, or give them opportunity to buy more things with their money.

Got to love parenting!