Sometimes You Just Want To Help… NSFW

I’m sitting at Tim Horton’s enjoying an XL double-double thanks to Roll up the Rim to win, and the, ahem, gentleman beside me has literally blown a gasket.

He’s said;



“For Fuck sakes”

“Jesus Fucking Christ”


Bigger Sigh

“Jesus Christ”



Toss in a couple more “Fucks”, no “shits” but lots of “fucks”…

and SO much more colourful language, quietly, mostly under his breath, but considering that I’m sitting next to him, it’s all I can hear.

All the while he’s on his cell phone, pounding away on the keys (they click).

I just want to ask him what’s wrong…

It’s not that I think I can help him, that is unless his question is about parenting or taxes, but I just feel like he needs a friend right now to vent to.

If I were a bartender, he’s be talking up a storm, but he’s just pounding away on his device, either frustrated or upset at something he has either read, saw, or because he doesn’t know how to stop his phone from clicking.

What would you do?


Note: I actually thought he was cussing up a storm because he was trying to set his ringtone.  I kept hearing all these beeps, whirls and whistles.  One would think that R2D2 was beside me, but then the sounds stopped and the cursing didn’t.

Note2: He grumbled his way to the bathroom, then left.  He’s known here.  From this day forth I shall refer to him (silently) as the inept-smartphone-twit, or FIST, for short.

Fucking Inept Smartphone Twit, to more accurate.


What the Fup??? A 6-year-old boy just taught my 6-year-old boy a swear word. WTF?!?

You know…

I always thought the kids would be older when it came time to explain the birds and the bees, and whwn I would need to educate them on which words are the good words and which words are bad words.

I always imagined this conversation would occur when the kids were around 8 or 9 years old.

But 6-years-old???

No way.  This never even crossed my mind that at this age, we would have had the conversation that we did.

So here is the official transcript of the conversation at dinner last week between myself, Linus and my wife / his mother.

As an aside, this came out of nowhere…

Linus: “I almost got in trouble today”.
Me: “Oh, why?”
Him: “Because I said “Fup” and my teacher thought I said a bad word.”
Me: “Fup???”
Looking at my wife in alarm. I said.
Me: “What??? Fup???”
Him: “Yes, Fup.  Fup is not a bad word.  It is Puff backwards.”
Us: “Whew.”

It’s over, right?

Hell, no.

Him: “But you know what is a bad word??? I’ll whisper it to you”.  Then he leans toward my wife and whispers in her ear.  She throws me a look and suggests he tell Daddy too, so he leans over to me and whispers this in my ear; “Cuff backwards is a bad word.”

My wife and I exchange glances of awkwardness.

“Err, yes it is”, I said.  “Who told you that?”

“Einstein did”, he said.

Einstein happens to be the smartest kid in grade one.  Last year he was the smartest kid in senior kindergarden.  Einstein is perfect.  He reads at a grade 6 level, gets extra words for spelling and all the teachers love him.  The kids, on the other hand, are suffering from an inferiority complex because instead of teaching to the masses last year, the teachers instead praised Einstein and compared all the kids to him. 

It was a tough year for a lot of kids.  Lofty, unreasonable expectations lead to disappointments and those can crush kids at that age. 

So anyways, Einstein taught his class this word.  Wonder if he learned it reading a University textbook before bed.  Then again, he was also the kid who told his entire class that Santa Claus was born in Asia…

So now my kid knows that “Fuc(k)” is a bad word.

Great.  We handled it by telling him it was a bad word and could get him tossed out of school, and then we droipped it.  He mentioned it the next day, but never again since.  That is the key to moving past these kinds of obstacles.

Looking forward to Einstein teaching his class about making babies.

Sit tight!

Remind me again why I blog?

I am slowly approaching 500 posts covering almost 5 years of my life. I sit back sometimes wondering if that on it’s own makes me a blogger or if I really need to put some effort into my posts – like proof reading them – in order to for these posts to make sense. Someday I feel legit and some days I feel like a fraud. Some days I question why it is that I blog, and the answer to that questions is always found within myself whenever I see something or think of something that I must write about. 

I think deep down inside blogging allows me to put down my thoughts in case I need them in the future. 

Looking back, I have written some really good posts that I am really proud of, and some just horrible ones which have caused me grief from the second I pressed “publish”.  I have been nice, supportive and caring and I have been an asshole. But hey, it’s my blog and I can act how I want, correct?

One thing that has always puzzled me from the beginning is that I never really figured out how to attract readers to my blog other than the 20-30 who follow me on a regular basis.  I messed around with the tags and found readership would peak around them, but look funny days after with all the valleys.

For me, blogging changed the day 1980’s wrestling manager Captain Lou Albano died.  He was a manager in the WWE (then WWF) and he was good at what he did.  That was from my era, so I wrote a post.  To this day I get dozens of hits per day on that post alone.  At one point I had hundreds of hits per day, with the majority of them on the Captain.  

In messing with my tags, I also posted some comments around stuff I see on the net and used tags like, “penis”, “vagina”, “sex”, and the sort and that brought in hits of probably angry perverts in the 50’s to 100’s. 

Another odd success story for me was when I heard about a female bobsleigh whose pants ripped open and he black g-string was exposed, I commented on that at and that post gets me hundreds of hits per day.

So as I sit pondering life and how my belly button gets filled with fluff all the fucking time, I wonder if I should be trying to attract readers by taking my blog deeper into my inner-pervert – not so much like my friend and super-blogger Tanis @ the Redneck Mommy  and talk about dying my pubic hair (red: for Canada Tanis, not blue for the Toronto Maple Leafs) OR should I ride on the Captain Lou wave and post endless stories about 80’s wrestlers and the memories I have of them.


I keep posting interesting shit that matter to me only and if anyone else agrees, disagrees or wants me to shut the fuck up, they can comment.

P.S. I’ll be interested to see how many hits this post gets since I have touched a bunch of key points.  LOL.

How you came to me…

On December 29th I had a whole bunch of hits.  Here is how people found me that day:


One post was legit – homebirth – since we had a homebirth with #2 and planned one for #3. 

The other tags???  Put there to test and see how people get here… Very disappointing for them it must have been.

Don’t read this post!

I figure if I pick a title that is eye-catching it might attract traffic… Or probably not.

It was that or I fill up the tags section with words like “ass”, “fuck”, “sex” and “avatar”.  Well, Avatar might make the tags as it’s a movie I have zero interest in seeing.

Also of little interest to me is the argument in the US about health care.  I know you cannot make everyone happy and living in Canada our universal health care is one of the reasons our taxes are so high but then again I don’t need to call my doctor if one of my kids gets sick and have them meet me in the clinic after the confirm I have the right health insurance.  I pick my kid up and either take him to the doctor during the day, or a walk-in clinic or to the emergency area of a hospital without delay.  And it’s free.

 Another thing I do not understand is how some of my posts, like my coffee rankings, or my solution to terror in the air, receive so few hits or comments yet my post on Captain Lou Albano – who died recently – gets hit after hit after hit.

The Canadian Olympic hockey team is set to be announced tomorrow… And this is news why?  I lost interest in the Olympics when they stopped using amateurs.

My 3 year old asked me yesterday out of the blue if people use drains.  I assume he was asking if he can go down the drain when I drain the bathtub.

“No, people cannot use drains”, I replied.  He said thank you and away he went, looking quite relieved.

It looks like Tyra Banks is ending her talk show… Ooops.  Bad me.  Didn’t know she had one.

Saw there was a Gaza freedom march the past couple days… Against violence?  Against teaching their children to hate Israel and strive to become martyrs?  Doubt it.  But hey, they’re free to leave anytime… Oops.  No they can’t… Silly Egypt has built a giant metal wall.