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I think the couple behind me are breaking up… Or trying to hook up… I can’t tell anymore…


I’m working in the Starbucks this morning and I cannot help but overhear the discussion behind me because the couple are really loud and seem to forget that they are sitting in a Starbucks.  At first, I thought they were breaking up, then I thought they were hooking up, but now I really have no idea what is going on and, to be honest, neither do they!

Here are some highlights of this loud and public conversation;

Him:

  • Oh, you’re taking advice from him?  Of all the guys I’ve wanted to beat up for looking at you, he is at the top of my list.
  • You’re dressed like you run drugs
  • Look at yourself… Don’t you have any shame?
  • I’ve gotten over you twice.
  • I’m going up north for a week of total partying.  Nothing else.  You’re not invited.
  • Between last week and this week I made a lot of plans with people and they all fell through so I need to make plans about how to make better plans so they won’t fall through.

Then his side gets kind of weird and awkward…

  • These plans that fell through messed up my son, because, he needs to nap and stuff… He overheated, had sand in his ass and stuff
  • My son hates water ever since I pulled his feet out from under him and he went under the water… He hated that.
  • He won’t even bathe.
  • He must have a red ass, or stuff that he doesn’t want cleaned.
  • He’s cried in the bath every time for months…

Yikes!

 

Since he did most of the talking…

Her:

  • We should go dancing!
  • Why?
  • Oh, I hope he’s okay.
  • You’re not supposed to do that to kids
  • You have to clean him up
  • Where will he be while you are partying?
  • Can I come with instead?
  • I’m not running drugs.  I’m not a whore.  I like the way I look.  Look at you?  You’re in a Starbucks looking like that… Eww.
  • Oh yeah?
  • Can we get out of here?

And off they went… Together.

The guys at the table beside me started to clap and said that would make for a great soap opera.

I’m more concerned that this father thought it was a good idea to pull out his kids feet from him while the kid was standing in the bathtub.  He was trying to explain to the girl that he tried pushing the kid down to the seating position but the kid is really strong.  He wanted him to sit and this was the only way… Sure, he could have smashed the kids face into the side of the tub, or worse give the kid a complex / fear of the water having almost drown.  But this kid is dirty, red and smelly and the dad needs to start again and get this kid into the tub before the kid grows up afraid of the water because his dad is a partying moron…

What have you guys overheard in public space before?

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There is a Fine Line Between Smart and Smart-ass…


I’ve always said there is a fine line between being smart and being a smart-ass, and as parents, it is our responsibility to make sure our kids stay on the smart side as much as possible because children usually do not have capability to determine if their smart-ass comment was actually funny, or if it is offensive.

Case in point:TUD Header

Grandfather to child who has just returned from 2 weeks away at sleepover camp: “How was camp?”

Child: “Good”.

Grandfather: “Did you have a good time?”

Child: “Yes”.

Grandfather: “Will you go back next year?”

Child: “Yes.”

Grandfather: “How was bus ride home?”

Child: “Long”

Grandfather: “How long?”

Child: “4-hours.”

Grandfather: “Oh, did you make any stops along the way?”

Child: “Yes. At stop signs and all red traffic lights…”

BAM!

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Why You Should Subscribe to My Feed!


I’ve got a great reason why you really need to subscribe to my feed!  Some one or some thing has kicked the ass out of my blog and thus the last visible post is from April 2nd, 2015.  Rest assured, there are about 10-15 more posts between that time and about 15-20 more before that time which have gone AWOL.

I will find them.

I will post them.

They will reappear in a bunch, and unless you’re likely to scroll back a couple of posts, you might not find these gems, but… If you subscribe to my feed, then you get them all, and you can read them at your leisure.

Point made!

Oh, and you can subscribe quite easily by following the instructions on the side bar, or at the bottom of this blog depending on where you are reading it.

Thank you again for your support!

Warren aka The Urban Daddy.

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Nowhere To Go But Up: ESPN Ranks The Toronto Maple Leafs the worst sports franchise in North America


ESPN The Magazine has released its “Ultimate Standings” for 2014, ranking sports franchises in Major League Baseball (MLB), The National Basketball Association (NBA), the National Football League (NFL) and the National Hockey League (NHL) according to a variety of categories and in a couple of them, the Toronto Maple Leafs ranked dead last at 122, and fared poorly in most of the rest of them.  Great.

To come up with these rankings, ESPN took the following steps:

First: Consulting firm Maddock Douglas surveyed 1,002 North American fans to form 25 criteria for what you want most in return for the emotion, money and time you invest in the 122 MLB, NBA, NFL and NHL teams.

Second: Teaming with NetReflector, an opinion research firm, ESPN.com asked fans to rate their home teams in each area and more than 101,000 did.  They grouped grades into the categories listed below.

Third: In order to determine the “Bank for the Buck” calculation, ESPN.com used calculations developed with Oregon’s Warsaw Sports Marketing Center to figure how well teams turn fans’ money into wins.  Then they combined each team’s score across all categories into a weighted average.

The Categories, plus the highest ranked team and the lowest ranked team.

Affordability
Price of tickets, parking and concessions
1. Memphis Grizzlies (NBA)
122.  Toronto Maple Leafs (NHL)

Coaching:
Strength of on-field leadership
1. San Antonio Spurs (NBA)
122. Florida Panthers (NHL)

Fan Relations
Courtesy by players, coaches and front offices toward fans, and how well a team uses technology to reach them
1. San Antonio Spurs
122. New York Knicks

Ownership
Honesty; loyalty to core players and the community
1. San Antonio Spurs
122. Florida Marlins (MLB)

Players
Effort on the field, likability off it
1. San Antonio Spurs
122. NY Knicks

Stadium experience
Quality of venue; fan-friendliness of environment; frequency of game-day promotions
1. San Francisco Giants (MLB)
122. NY Islanders (NHL)

Bang for the Buck
Wins in the past year, per fan dollars
1. Indiana Pacers (NBA)
122. Toronto Maple Leafs

Title track
Championships won or expected within the lifetime of current fans
1. St. Louis Cardinals (MLB)
122. Minnesota Timberwolves (NBA)

A review of the ESPN website revealed that The Leafs fared poorly in every category. They placed last in both bang for the buck and affordability; second-last in title track; in the bottom 10 in fan relations, players and coaching; and 105th and 109th in ownership and stadium experience, respectively.

Possibly because this was done by ESPN and the majority of the respondents came from the US, all Canadian teams fared poorly in their rankings with the exception of the Montreal Canadians who appeared in the top half of the list. Here are the rest of the seven teams’ rankings at 55 out of 122.

The other Canadian teams ranked as follows;

Toronto Raptors – 74

Toronto Blue Jays – 81

Calgary Flames — 89

Ottawa Senators — 92

Winnipeg Jets — 97

Vancouver Canucks — 112

Edmonton Oilers — 115

 

The last 2 teams were the New York Knicks at 121 and the Toronto Maple Leafs at 122.

At least at last there is nowhere to go but up.  At 121, the Knicks could drop.

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Canadian Living Likes The Urban Daddy too…


Father’s Day is a great time to check out some of the great Daddy bloggers on the Internet, especially the – ahem – Canadian ones.

I was thrilled when I received word from David Eddie who writes for Canadian Living saying he wanted to add my blog, The Urban Daddy, to his article titled; Daddy Blogs You Should Be Reading.

David, in case you were not already aware, has blogged under “Mack Daddy” and has written and published (is this not one in the same) a few parenting books;

  • Damage Control: How to Tip-Toe Away From the Smoking Wreckage of Your Latest Screw-Up With a Minimum of Harm to Your Reputation (2010)
  • Housebroken: Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad, (2003)
  • Chump Change (1999)

You can see more of David’s work, here.

Here is what David wrote; “Moms have ruled the blogosphere, but daddy bloggers are throwing their ball caps in the ring. Here are the daddy blogs you should be reading.

While women are naturals at communicating and forming communities, it’s tougher for us guys. I was a stay-at-home dad for many years—I even had a blog called Mack Daddy, which quixotically tried to make being an SAHD seem cool—and I know that, as a dad, you can feel isolated, like you’re the only guy in the world going through what you’re going through. Reading some other dude’s blog is one of the best cures. Dad bloggers offer a unique window into what men think about their lives in the wake of having children.

Maybe in some utopian future when we’re all riding around in hovercars, we will speak only of “parent bloggers,” making no distinction between male and female. Until then, dad blogs add a spicy flavour to the blogosphere. A flavour kind of like…barbecue.

Here are some of my go-to sites that let me know I’m not alone:

The Urban Daddy is the blog for products and practical tips, especially for things to do when your kids are driving you up the wall. Warren Orlans, the Toronto father behind the blog, says he’s “not your typical daddy,” and I’m not quite sure what he means by that. (What’s typical these days?) But, like me, he has a three-kid, two-career household. Also like me, he and his wife have the odds stacked against them: three to two. He’s very good on the topic of “juggling”—which is especially useful for readers who live in urban jungles. Don’t kid yourself: It is a jungle out there, and Urban Daddy is a great guide to avoiding the bear traps, vipers’ nests and poison darts.”

Please go read the entire article, here.

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