Wordless Wednesday: NOT a Ford Baby…

baby in drunken stupor


Being Daddy for a Day (and surviving without any visible scars)

Saturday was a great day in the urban daddy household.  Urban Mummy was at the Ontario Science Centre all day for a nutrition seminar, and that meant I got to play full-time Daddy to my own kids for the day.

Originally the plan was a trip to karate for the boys, then meeting my mother and sister for brunch, then to visit my grandmother with the kids, and take them home so the baby could nap… The rest was up in the air.

Unfortunately someone forgot to tell the City of Toronto that it was going to snow so it was near impossible to drive this morning on the slippery unplowed roads, so I told my mothersister to stay home and the plans changed.

Firstly, karate was great!

Stewie got his green advanced belt.

…and Linus got another stripe for his yellow belt.

Special thanks to Elliott @ Supernova for the pics.

After karate we came home and the boys earned 2 cookies by shovaling the neighbours sidewalk and driveway.  They worked SO hard.

Then we came inside and while the baby slept for 3 awesome hours, the boys and I played, cleaned, watched some TV, read and had a great time.

At 5pm it was bath time for everyone, I put up the last of the mezuzahs in the upstairs, and UM came home just before 6pm.

Upon seeing her, Berry said, “Mama meh” (Mummy-milk) and in the process of getting her dressed in her PJ’s she fell off the bed backwards on her back / bum.  She barely cried, but fell asleep feeding – an exhauting day for her.  She was is in her crib for the night by 6:30pm. 

The boys ate dinner, then snack and were off to bed by 7:30pm, as UM and I had dinner plans with some friends later tonight – no kids.  I can’t wait!

Oddly enough neither boys wanted my wife to leave (not me) and one developed a tummy ache and the other was having nightmares (without having been asleep yet).  We managed to get both settled and we left.

Dinner was fantastic as was the company.  We had a great time and returned home around 1:30am with a new found understanding as to why you do not google things when playing the game “Headbandz”.

The kids of course we up well before 7 this morning… Oh well…

So there!  I not only survived the day with 3 kids – my three kids – but I had a blast.

2010 Year in Review – Entertainment news that mattered to me…

Here is my take on what mattered in the entertainment world during 2010.

 I started this in November but as the list got bigger and bigger, I started to get worried that I would never get to post it.  Well, here it is…   So let’s begin this urban daddy’s look at 2010 with;

The most memorable moments of the year.

On January 12th, a 7.0 magnitude earthquake devastated Haiti 10 miles outside the country’s capital Port-au-Prince, taking almost 250,000 lives and reducing the city to rubble.  While the public outpouring of support and money was appreciated, I feel the world missed an opportunity to do the right thing and rebuild this country and provide homes, clean water and hope for the survivors.

Just over a week after winning her first Academy Award (Oscar), Sandra Bullock was blindsided when her husband of five years, some unheard of douche bag named Jesse James (parents who call kids that should be sent to jail or charged with neglect… Or the guy who names himself this might be a wee bit arrogant, no? admitted he had been unfaithful with some tattooed nazi-chick. They divorced.

Heidi Montag’s a role model for the plastic industry, not little girls…
While Heidi Montag faced several personal setbacks – filing for divorce from “husband” Spencer Pratt in July and losing her plastic surgeon to a fatal car crash in August – 2010 will go down as the year the “reality star” underwent a shocking 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day.  She went from looking young and kind-of hot, to old, plastic and about 50 years old, where she will remain (barring a drug overdose or premature end from yet another procedure) for the next 200 years. Gross.

While I really didn’t know much, or have a special appreciation for Brittany Murphy, I did find it spooky that 5 months after her death, blamed on an OD, her husband Simon Monjack was found dead in the couple’s home. It turns out he died from the same causes – pneumonia and severe anemia – that killed her.

What would a year in review be without mentioning that lunatic Mel Gibson. 2010 brought this wack-job back into the spotlight after his split from girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva ignited a heated custody battle over baby daughter Lucia. Grigorieva claimed that Mel had assaulted her (punched her and broke her nose) which led to a domestic violence investigation, and soon multiple audio tapes arose allegedly featuring Gibson’s hate-filled rants hit the web. The “leaks” were funny and made Mel seem closer to the looney-bin than to an Academy award… Poor nut-job.

But I think the biggest story of 2010 in entertainment involved Tiger Woods. Starting with the car crash / gash over his head, to the multiple mistresses each now getting their 15 minutes of fame and the resistance big business had in tossing this role model down the river. There were a lot of people hoping and praying it was not true, and if it were not for the mistresses, I doubt we would have known the full story to date.  Can anyone look at Tiger the same way again?

Now let’s turn out attention to the most memorable (at least for me) splits of the Year:

1) Courtney Cox and David Arquette.
It was an odd coupling from the start, but the former Friends star and the goofy former WCW World Heavyweight champion seemed to have found lasting love, married since 1999. In 2010, Arquette confirmed it was a combination of his immaturity and their declining sex life that led to their divorce. Now he’s spouting off about how drinking heavily makes him feel better… My only question is what took Cox so long to get the balls.

2) Sandra Bullock and Jesse James Cheater Nazi. Previously discussed.

3) Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria and NBA star Tony Parker. Married in 2007, him like 6 foot 8. Her, like 5 foot 4. Longoria filed for divorce in November 2010 amid rumors of infidelity.

4) Billy Ray Cyrus and wife Trish are divorcing after 18 years of marriage (Hmmm… Miley Cyrus is 18…) filed for divorce on Oct. 27. The parents of six children are going to have a hard time finding someone to re-marry until all the birdies have flown the coup. Although with Miley acting out, is rehab or a sex-tape soon to follow…

5) 3 years seems to be the equivalent to the 7-year-itch in Hollywood as Christina Aguilera and Husband Jordan Bratman divorced after 3 years and one son together. She’s already being photographed holding hands with another guy…

6) For Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels, 9 years of marriage ended in a case of she said, she said as Etheridge said the split was “as mutual as those things can be,” while Michaels says she was “blindsided” and left broke by their breakup.

7) Al and Tipper Gore. After 40 years of marriage, the Washington power couple and parents of four announced their separation in June. The former high school sweethearts said in a statement that it was “a mutual and mutually supportive decision that we have made together following a process of long and careful consideration.”

8) Kids should not have kids! Bristol Palin and butt-wipe Levi Johnston, Bristol being the teen daughter of former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, first shocked the world two years ago – by announcing she and her high school sweetheart were expecting during her mother’s Republican vice-presidential campaign. Two months after the birth of the couple’s son Tripp in March 2009, the pair split, only to reunite this past July. But a month later, they called off their second engagement.  Levi is a douche-bag and he totally played the Palin family and is using them for fame and fortune, recently stating that he wants to run for governor because if Sarah can do it, then so can he.

9) Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva.

10) Canadian Pop star Shania Twain & Husband, producer Robert “Mutt” Lange, split up in May, resulted in her making some TV appearances and a lot of Canadian guys happy that they still have a shot.  But now in December she announces she is engaged to the ex-husband of the woman her husband left her for… Get it?  It’s a real-life wife swap.

11) This one is messed up.  Dean Sheremet was married to LeAnn Rimes.  Eddie Cibrian was married to Brandi Glanville.  Eddie and LeAnn hook up while working on a movie together – Both deny it.  Caught kissing they claim to be “rehearsing”.  Both get taken to the curb.  Then while “single” Eddie and LeAnn begin dating.  I hope they both know what they are getting in to…

12) Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris from the TV show Saved by the Bell) and wife Lisa Ann Russell (who apparently was also on the show), after 14 years of marriage.

13) Plastic girl and douche-boy, aka Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, after 15 months of marriage.  Pratt, who loves his “fame” was quoted as saying this; “Some say if you can’t handle the heat get out of the kitchen. Well, Heidi couldn’t handle King Spencer’s fame so she got out of the marriage.”   Really?  King Spencer?  Where are you now, numbnuts???

14) Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens – broke up, not divorced, but is there now going to be more leaked naked photos of Vanessa?  Chances are good.

15) George Lopez and his wife Ann Serrano had been married since 1993, and she even gave him a kidney when he needed a transplant in 2005.   This one stinks, man!

16) Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy after 5 years.

17) Kelsey Grammer and Camille Grammer after 13 years of marriage.

and the biggest breakup of 2010… #18 on our list, was Tiger Woods and about 16 other women…

Done with the bad, now the good… Here is who got hitched in 2010;

Megan Fox and 90201 “star” Brian Austin Green, after 6 years together.

Canadian Alt-rocker Alanis Morisette and rapper Souleye (real name: Mario Treadway).  Wonder what she calls him in bed?  No I don’t…

Pop star Katy Perry and the very unusual Russell Brand.

Ottawa Senators hockey player Mike Fisher married country star Carrie Underwood. 

Glee super-bitch, Jane Lynch married girlfriend Lara Embry.

Hilary Duff’s married hockey player Mike Comrie, and in an unusual turn of events, her tooth fell out in the morning.  Lucky for Duff, it was fixed before the wedding started. 

(Han Solo married a broom), aka, Harrison Ford married Calista Flockhart. Calista ate a whole raisin at the wedding to really celebrate and she missed the second half of the evening because she was “stuffed”. No truth to the rumours that Chewbacca served as best man.

Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former President Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton joined the tribe as she married some guy named Marc Mezvinsky in front of 400 guests on July 31 in N.Y.

Dawson!  James Van Der Beek married some model named Kimberly Brook in Tel Aviv. 

With just six guests in attendance, longtime couple Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen said “I Do” in a traditional Jewish ceremony in Paris.  Wonder if Borat was wearing that giant green sling shot ball holder bathing suit under his tuxedo?

2010 WTF were you thinking:

A few stories in entertainment caught my attention during the year.  I present them to you here. 

1) Lindsay Lohan.  I remember when she was in court in July, and for some reason she thought it would have been a good idea to have “FUCK U” stenciled in nail polish on her left middle finger.  Lohan, who claimed it was a “a joke,” spent 13 days in jail and 23 days in court-ordered rehab for violating probation in a DUI case.  She’ll be back… In court and jail.

2) Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, eh?  In April, former NYPD Blue star Garcelle Beauvais publicly aired her husband Michael Nilon’s dirty laundry to his Creative Artists Agency colleagues in an angry, company-wide e-mail. “I found out today that MY husband of almost 9 yrs has been having an affair for 5 yrs with some slut in Chicago,” she wrote. “I am devastated!!! And I have been duped!!” A month later, the mom of two filed for divorce.

In May 2010, a British tabloid captured the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, on video accepting a $40,000 cash payment – and an additional $700,000 to be wired later – in exchange for access to her ex-husband Prince Andrew.

John Edwards’s former mistress Rielle Hunter finally broke her years-long silence in a GQ interview which led to the end of his 32-year marriage – Edward’s wife recently passed away after battling cancer for many years. I’m sure she needed this stupidity at that moment.


That was fun!

My Daughter is 1! Happy First Birthday Berry!!!

Has it been one year already?

Yes it has.

It seems like so much longer. I can’t believe how much she has grown in the past few weeks. Aside from her regular vocabulary, Berry has added the following gems;

She says, “yeah” now. Me: “Berry, do you want to eat?” Berry: “Eat… Yeah!”.
Me: “Berry, do you want more?” Berry: “Mowr… Yeah”.
Me: “Berry, do you want a kick in the head?” Berry: “Yeah!”

She calls all stuffed animals, “bear”.
She calls all dolls, “Dawl”

She looks to her big brothers for their feedback and will continue to act in a certain way depending on them, for example, when she was smacking herself in the head, they laughed, she continued…

When she doesn’t want to eat anymore, she shakes her head no.

She has become very loud… Not surprising as she has to keep up with the boys.

She has developed a fondness for the rubber duckies in the bath tub and treats them the same way little girls react to Justin Beiber… Shrieks of adoration.

She has crazy hair that comes down past her nose in the front and she can often be found pulling at her hair, usually with hands full of yogurt or oatmeal… UGH.

She has a boyfriend – let’s call him Neeson – who is a few months older than her.

And she learned to shake her head in the “no” manner but doesn’t know the world “no”… yet.  She actually makes herself dizzy and laughs while she’s doing it… She’s crazy like her big brother.

Happy 1st Birthday, Berry!

How do I know this is love? A Daddy’s view on the Relationship of his 3 Children (under 6 yrs old).

My kids love each other!

Well, let me clarify this a little. My boys love their baby sister, and my boys love each other but the boys don’t like each other.

When my boys are together, they play so well together but every now and then my older one grows devil’s horns and provokes his little brother who them beats the shit out of him. But fear not, since both boys are in karate there is some self-defense in there and now that the older one has some courage, he hits back and they both come crying to us with their wounds.

When my younger son used to draw family pictures we would ask him who was in the picture;

“Me, mummy, daddy, baby, nanny, cat”.
“What about Linus?”
“I don’t like him so I didn’t draw him”.

So when my youngest son gets upset, he yells at my oldest boy, “I’m NOT going to draw you in my pictures!!!” Oh, yes he does!

But I am finding more and more that my oldest boy and baby girl have developed a special bond. Not that I’m surprised. When we had Stewie – at home – Linus, who had slept through the birth in his room, came into our room in the morning to see if we had the baby. When he saw newborn Stewie, he ran over, gave the baby a gentle hug and kiss and very proudly held him. He loves babies!

Sure, as Stewie got older, Linus would pick on him and knock him over, but Stewie got even by poking him in the eyes on day and that evened the score.

So now that Berry is around, Linus is all over her, hugging her, kissing her, talking to her, laughing at her and getting her to laugh back. Then, last week I saw Berry and Linus share a laugh followed quickly by Berry smacking herslef in the side of the head. She hit herself three times then laughed, why??? because Linus had taught her this. He was encouraging her to do it, and after 8 or 9 smacks she began pulling her hair and then crying.

Now, he has taught her to make some silly mouth noises and he can get her to do them – including raspberries – by mouthing the action and smiling at her to encourage her to continue when we race to get her to stop. She usually tries the mouth stuff during dinner.

Like I said… My kids love each other.

I’m dreading the day the unite against us. LOL.