Guest Blogger: Stewie writes!


I heard this story on my way home from afterschool pick-up.  6-year-old Stewie was telling me this story that he really wanted me to believe was true.

“There’s no way that could ever happen.”, I told him.

“It’s true.  It did happen.  I saw it.”

But I had to keep on him until he caved and admitted it was a story that he made up in his head.

Then today, I left my computer on and viola, this below post appeared.   He had made a few spelling mistakes, but his 7-year-old brother swept in after he finished this story and he corrected the mistakes.  Teamwork!

Here is what he wrote;

Once I saw a snail pick up a stick with his eyes because he thought it was a weight.  His snail friend copied him.  Then all the snails did the same thing with a leaf.  Then more snails came and did it to because it was so much fun.


Thanks Stewie.


Maybe I should have let him put on my cufflinks…

Poor Stewie!

He’s not feeling well.  He’s been sleeping a lot and not eating as much and if you know him, or have read this blog enough, you would know this kid loves to eat.

Just yesterday morning I called to him to come into our room so he could pick my cufflinks and put them on my shirt sleeves but he did not show up. 

His older brother Linus did so I let Linus pick the cufflinks and put them on.  I think he wanted to do it because Stewie does it and likes doing it, and after trying to put the first one in he got bored and I have to remind him I have two arms.

As we left my bedroom, I said to him; “We don’t need to tell Stewie about this.  He’ll just get upset.”

Linus replied, “Okay Daddy”.

Then within 10 seconds of leaving the room, I heard Linus yell to Stewie, “Hey Stewie!  I just picked and put on Daddy’s cufflinks and you didn’t”.

Then came the tears, followed by the rage.

After a couple minutes of explaining to Stewie that I had called for him to come but he did not, I allowed Linus to do it and tomorrow if he wanted he could pick my cufflinks.  He demanded that I take my cufflinks out “RIGHT NOW” so he could put them back in.  He told me he hates me and he said he wanted to “Kick my head off”. 

After hearing that, I walked over to him, knelt down in front of him, placed my head at his waist level and said to him; “Okay, go ahead… Kick my head off.  Go.  Do it”.  wisely, he declined but while trying to explain to me that I should have waited for him, he was secretly undoing my right cufflink. 

I yanked away my arm, cufflink dangling from the loop. 

He then started to cry as I walked towards the door to leave for the office. \

“I hate you”, he yelled, “I love you enough for both of us”, I replied.

“I hope you have a terrible day” he screamed, “I am so far”, I replied, “But I won’t once the door shuts”.

Then he made some silly noise which sounds like a combination between a hiss, a mouth fart and a grunt.

I hope he felt better.

Poor nanny.  🙂

Taking a break from Toronto politics to post about recent things my kids said…

I’m taking a break from talking about Toronto politics – temporarily – so I can post about my kids.   Ahhh… Kids.  Here are some recent things they said which were worth posting (so I thought).

My 4-year-old looked up in the sky at the clouds and said; “clouds are like mountains in the sky what are (made of) like cotton”.

When describing the park that he wanted to go play in, instead of describing the park to us, he recalled the photo shoot we had there together instead when he said; “I want to go to the park where that girl took pictures of us so you will remember what we look like when we are older”.

My 6-year-old has been super-helpful recently and in doing so he wanted to tell a bedtime story to his brother and baby sister but he needed help getting going, so I helped him along by saying; “Once upon a time…” figuring he would tell them a story about a prince or a princess, or make something up, however, in typical Jewish day school training, he picked up my intro and continued with; “… Jewish people were slaves in Egypt to a bad, bad Pharoah who was very mean…”  Yup.   What every 20 month old needs to know.

Things my 20-month-old Berry are afraid of;

  • Subways
  • Bugs
  • Bath / Shower
  • Bed

All of these raise her blood pressure instantly and make her cry. 

While eating dinner at Safari on Avenue Road, 4-year-old Stewie was told by the waiter that he was a good eater and a good guest to which my son replied; One day I will own this store!”.  The waiter stopped and said, “Pardon Me???” to which Stewie replied – now slightly turning his head back so the waiter could hear him – “One day I’m going to own this store!”… Oh yes he did!

I’m not sure where they get this stuff from since we’ve never mentioned to him that we are going to buy restaurants, stores, or anything like that.

This morning Stewie and I walked to get bagels at about 6:30am, and when we came to an intersection, Stewie squeezed my hand and made me stop for an extra few seconds.  His rationale;

“Daddy, do you know why we had to wait a few extra seconds before we crossed the street here?”

Me: “No, I don’t know why… why?”

Stewie: “Because we are wearing sandals so we have to make sure no cars are coming for if they run over our toes it will hurt SO much. ”

Me: “Errr, okay.  Thanks bud!”.

And finally, my wife bought a couple stuffed giant microbes (science teachers tend to love this stuff), one was E. Coli and the other was penicillin.  Well my 6-year-old and I are allergic to penicillin so when she showed it to him he thought it was real and suddenly he started to feel sick and refused to go to his day camp today.  It wasn’t for a good 30 minutes before he fessed up that he thought it was real and that was what made him sick.  Funny that he wasn’t worried about his little sister hugging the E. Coli…

Here is another example why it’s great to blog if you’re a parent…

Not sure what I mean from the title of this post?  Well let me explain.  There are times I have wished that I could have a camera crew following around my children..  More so my 2nd and 3rd kids due to their uniqueness but since that is never going to happen, blogging about them seems to be the perfect fit.   The only problem I have, is remembering all the crazy / zany / witty stuff they say to each other, to us and to others.   I make a mental note, or start a draft post, then something better comes along and I forget the previous thought…   Kids are hilarious.  Admit it. 

Take this evening, for example.  Child #2, Stewie was showing a childhood friend of his grampa a new toy that he has called Bey Blades.  In explaining what they are, the question was asked of him, “are they like dreidels?” to which Stewie replied, “they are like dreidels but they are not.  These are made with very sharp steel and if you spin them on your tummy they will slice you in half.”  Oh yes… Very serious boy.

Then there was the day after fathers’ day when Stewie made his 5th consecutive appearance into our bedroom in the middle of the night.  Sometimes he arrives because he’s scared of lightning, other times because he had a bad dream.  This night it was because he was “bored”. 

So I walked him back to his room – without talking to him – and tucked him back in the bed.

He started wailing and came back to our room, I swear, the second I closed my eyes.  So I got up and walked him back.  He was starting to complain so I asked him to tip toe.  He was clearly pissed because tip toe to him meant stomp as loud as you can. 

So I got mad and told him if he was going to make any more noise, that I would shut his bedroom door. 

He started to wail.

I took a deep breath (probably a very deep breath as it was past 2 in the morning and I made sure I was clear  in the way Alyson Schaffer taught us and I said to him, “This is your choice.  Do you choose to be quiet and go to sleep, or do you choose to make noise, wake up your brother, sister and mother, and sleep with the door shut”.

He chose to be quiet.

So I left.

Laid my head down on the pillow… closed my eyes… then heard wailing.

So I walked into his room and calmly said to him, “I believe you have chosen to sleep with the door shut” and with that I quietly shut his door and walked away.

He wailed louder than before.

I went into our bedroom and my wife was now clearly awake.  We huddled in for a strategy session.  She suggested I bring him into our bed to sleep before he wakes up the rest of the house.  Not wanting to be a sardine in my own bed, I went to sleep in his bed.

He must have still been upset in the morning because while I was brushing my teeth, he confronted me in my bathroom (he’s 4-year-old).  “Are you going to be nice to me today, Daddy?” he asked.

“Are you going to sleep in your bed tonight?” I countered with.

“If you are not going to be nice to me, I am not going to give you back your fathers’ day presents”.

“You took back my fathers’ day presents???”

At which point I heard giggling from our bed.  My wife had heard this exchange and apparently knew he took back my presents.

I got down to his level, gave him a huge hug and kiss, told him I love him and with that, he disappeared into his room, only to return with a bad full of presents he had given me a week prior.  He unloaded the presents as I stood there wondering how we gave birth to the repo man…


Another interesting parenting moment came one morning last week as we were all struggling though this stomach virus.  Linus was sitting on the toilet in his bathroom, Stewie was on the toilet on the main floor of the house and our bathroom was occupied.  Only 30 minutes later did we find that Linus’ toilet was never flushed.  We called him in but he denied it was him.  He said it was Stewie.

“Stewie was on the main floor,” I responded.  “It was totally you!”

“Not it wasn’t” defended Linus.

Believe it or not, this conversation went on for 5 minutes, with myself and my wife defending our position and there was Linus with his one line of defense, “It wasn’t me, it was Stewie”.

He kept this up until we dropped it.

Some battles are just not worth fighting, eh?


Tonight, Stewie has made his way into our bedroom at only 10pm.  He was watching my wife work on her laptop, happy to see her looking at ordering angry birds stuffed animals.  I decided in front of Stewie to suggest she not order them until Stewie was able to sleep in his bed for 5 nights in a row.   She agreed and together we explained to him why we thought this was a good idea.  Well let me tell you, for those of you who have not met Stewie before, that this bright idea of mine did not go over well at all!  He broke into a fit and through part exhaustion, part stress, he said to my wife that she was the “meanest mummy in the universe”.  All we heard about for the next 45 minutes through tears, anger and an unwillingness to forget, was that he wanted / needed / was going to get an angry bird or he was going to “break down our house”.  He was so over-tired we tried to listen without giggling.   Maybe it was us that were so over-tired…

Today is June 21st, the First Day of SUMMER!!!

Today, June 21st, is the first day of summer, or specifically, the summer solstice.

So what does this mean to you?

Well, my kids know today is the first day of summer and both are expecting something to “poof” at 1:16pm when summer becomes official. I tried telling then that the word “solstice” comes from Latin and essentially means “Sun-standing”, and that today meant more thousands of years ago then it does today, but they still have questions.

So what information about the first day of summer can you tell your 4 and 6 year olds… Well, try this;

Today is the day – and 1:16pm is the time – when the Earth’s axial tilt is leaning the most towards the sun, resulting in the longest time from sunset to sunrise, or the longest day of the year (and shortest night).

In a little more detail – today, the North Pole tilts directly at the Sun (be prepared to answer questions about poor Santa) and the Sun is at it furthest point from the equator.

What you might not want to tell them;

“Midsummer was thought to be a time of magic, when evil spirits were said to appear. To thwart them, Pagans often wore protective garlands of herbs and flowers. One of the most powerful of them was a plant called ‘chase-devil’, which is known today as St. John’s Wort and still used by modern herbalists as a mood stabilizer.”

Thank you to

You can also explain to them that many, many years ago ancient peoples used to celebrate the magical sun as a recognition of sign of the fertility, involving holidays, festivals, gatherings, rituals or other celebrations around this day.

So go find a Pagen or Native Canadian / American and ask them how they celebrate this wonderful day and if you’re lucky, you might just get invited to join.