Posted in Parenting

Who Doesn’t Love Those Teen/Tween Years?


Who doesn’t love when our kids hit those teen / tweenage years? I certainly do not. In fact, I hate it, and it makes me feel bad that I didn’t apologize daily to my mother for likely being a know-it-all little asshole during those years.

I’ve got one child entering the Tween/teen years and one who is finally starting to find his place as a teenager.

The things that bug me the most aside from the swearing, and the smells, is the fact that by the time a child hits the age of the 13, they know every fucking thing on this planet. It’s amazing!

Forget trying to get a woman President of the US, the US needs to elect a 13-year-old. They know everything. Could you imagine a 13-year-old trying to dissuade hostile regimes like Iran, North Korea or Russia by commenting on whose rockets are bigger before breaking out into hysterics because rockets look like penises.

Sigh.

I cannot count the number of times, I have already had to correct my son when he says something looks like a “penis” or he uses the work “cock” or “pussy”. I hate that. I’ve said to him, imagine you’re at a fancy function and you meet the person of your dreams, and in the process of speaking to them, you use those words… They’re going to think you are an uneducated twit and not give you a second chance.

I’ve also explained every time that body parts have proper names, which should be used. I always found it odd to hear family members refer to a penis as a “wee wee” or “pee pee”. Sounds so babyish. That’s for a different post.

With all of that being said, here was the conversation that I had with my son halfway through our cruise that we took over the Christmas holidays on the Royal Caribean’s Oasis of the Seas. Him and I came down with something – likely brought it on board, and after sleeping away the first couple days of the cruise, we started to eat a bit, and use the gym a bit. The first day using the gym was fun, but that day after was tough! Every muscle ached, and it hurt to walk.

So I said to my son after the 3rd day of the gym, when everything didn’t ache so much; “It’s nice to wake up in the morning and not be stiff and sore from the gym.”

“Stiff?” he quickly asked.

Before I could roll my eyes, he said, “That’s what she said!”

UGH.

That’s not what she said… I don’t want my kids to grow older. I love them the way they are, but I can’t wait for this phase to end.