What We NEVER Tell New Dads…


My lunch today;

 

Dads lunch

 

All 3 “sandwiches” are peanut butter and jam.  One is crusts, and the bread is challah.  The other which appears to have been leaking out is stale.  The one with the bite taken out survived 3 hours of synchronized swimming practice in a bag, a car, and then left in the laundry room until I rescued it at midnight before bed.

The half eaten, mangled cliff bar is Chocolate Almond Fudge and must be consumed with a lot of water.

I ate the cucumber slices, carrots and green grapes for morning snack.

This is the reality of being a Dad!

When you put all of your efforts into your family, your career, and making sure other things are done, you run to the fridge hoping to take a lunch for yourself and this is what you get.  Not complaining.  At least I had lunch today!  Can’t buy lunch everyday, it’s expensive and unhealthy.  A well balanced, home “cooked” meal it is / was… Sort of.

 

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Tuesday Newsday: The End of the World is Near…


The end of the world is near, and I’m not referring to the threats coming from North Korea and their “Rocketman”.

Okay, I am referring to this… somewhat.

I couldn’t help but notice today as I sat down to write about doctors declaring that sports drinks and energy drinks are bad for kids, or to vent about the weather, that the top 2 trending topics WORLDWIDE were these;

  1. Donald Trump
  2. Kylie Jenner

Seriously.

Trump I get…. He’s taunted North Korea, told the NFL owners that their players should be fired for bowing during the national anthem, and tells lots of stories daily, which may or may not be true.

But Kylie Jenner?

WTF!

All of this because she may, or may not be pregnant.

I mean, who cares.

Every time I turn on my computer and the news comes up there are pictures of this girl with a bump, without a bump… Have we not always been told that you cannot be half pregnant?!?

I just don’t see the fascination in these people and their lives.  What started with a sex tape and a naturally large / maybe surgically enhanced ass has become the daily obsession of millions of people.

Kylie might be pregnant.

Kim has 2 kids and bought them ice cream.

Bruce is no longer Bruce.

The other one… the tall one is married to a NBA player, then he flips out, then he almost dies, then they’re back together, then she loses weight, then he almost dies, then they’re back together.  Wait, she’s out clubbing again…

Doesn’t even get me started about the other sister who has 3 kids, but divorced her husband because he’s an adulterer – oops, sorry – addicted to sex.  Now he’s with a girl who could be his daughter…. UGH.

Breaking news!  Kim farted!!!

Maybe the Kardashians and Donald Trump were sent to us as a test.  A test of our patience, our morals and our compassion for others.

If we can survive them, we can do ANYTHING!

 

PS Saudi Arabia is going to allow woman to drive… in 2017.  How ass-backwards is that!

 

Holy Hell! Please Tell Me Today is NOT Monday!


I woke up this morning at 6am with a feeling of dread that today might actually be Monday…

I turned to my wife who was already awake and I asked her, “Is it Monday?”

“Yup”, she responded with a sigh.

It’s not that we hate our jobs, or that we had something to do today which we were dreading, but today came way too soon.

For those of you with multiple children – especially those of you with children in activities – know that this is one hectic time of year.

Programs are ending, programs and starting, and that means 8am-10pm programming and with 3 children and 2 parents, it means a whole lot of juggling and lots of mileage on the car!

Take Sunday for example.  My oldest boy umpires baseball, and as his baseball season came to an end yesterday, he found umpiring work at the Toronto Girls Baseball League, an upstart league created by Dana Bookman, which has taken the city by storm.  Very well run, extremely well-organized, and extremely well supported it’s been a huge success and is growing by leaps and bounds.  Our daughter has played in the league and would play more if it didn’t conflict with her dance classes.

As the oldest, and considering the park was close enough to home, he was the lucky one who had to make his own way to and from the games.  He gathered his umpire gear, made sure he found his bike lock, and set out his water bottle, snack and sun screen the night before.

His younger brother had Sunday school in the morning, followed by his Select hockey practice, followed right after by his baseball playoff game.  He made muffins in the morning which made him happy, and he loved his select practice and his baseball team won (even though he wanted to pitch and his coach wouldn’t let him pitch – which made him grumpy).

As an aside, he’s an outstanding kid – all about fairness and equality for everyone – he knows that he has pitched the least out of all the kids and out of frustration he declared that he’s not playing baseball next year.  Never ever again.  All of this because he’s had the same coach 2 years in a row and he feels that he’s going to get the same coach next season and that coach will not let him pitch.  It’s NOT fair.

Our daughter, fresh off a Saturday afternoon dancing at half-time of the Toronto Argonauts football game, had her day filled with another dancing gig at the Girl Expo Canada, which coincidentally was created and run by Dana Bookman along with Alison Cepler.

After that event, she headed downtown to synchronized swimming practice where 2 hours in the pool tuckered her out.

Back at home, the oldest had a play date with a former school mate, and by the time we all settled in together, it was 8pm and I left my equally exhausted wife with 3 hungry, tired children while I raced out to a 8:30pm business meeting.

I finally returned just before 11pm to find my wife laying in bed – too tired to sleep – but so tired she needed to sleep.  We planned Monday’s responsibilities and I headed down to the kitchen to clean up from dinner, and take care of the load of laundry she ran.

Midnight came very quickly.

She was still awake.

I was wide awake.

“You know, we’re going to close our eyes and it will feel like seconds before it’s Monday morning.”

With that thought, we closed our eyes…

 

(For those of you who are thinking about commenting that it’s our fault for having 3 kids, and for programming 3 kids and that we’re just being whiny for complaining… Yup.  Saved you from having to enter that comment.)

Just thinking about myself as a kid – my parents put me in the one program that they thought I should have been in – and that was the way it was done.  I want my kids to experience plenty of things – we’re smart enough to plan the schedules accordingly, but when programs overlap… So not cool.

 

 

How to talk about sex with our kids


I’m not ready to have the conversation with my daughter about anything sex-related.  She is just 7-years-old, and after 2-boys, she’s my little girl… I know that sounds like a complete cop-out, but I think I need to leave that conversation to my wife.  Thank goodness my wife is so awesome and started the conversation with the boys, long, long ago.

I thought I was close to having to have that conversation with her in the car the other day, after we heard a news story on the radio about a robbery.

Turns out there were 2 burglars who had broken into someone’s house and instead of robbing it and leaving, they hopped on the couch and starting having sex.

The homeowner arrived and started hitting them, called the police and they were arrested… duh, eh?

Well, my daughter apparently overheard the news report and we had this conversation;

Boo: Daddy what were the burgers doing on the couch that they were arrested for?

Me:  Ummm, they were burglars… Robbers, thieves, criminals and they were, ummm, kissing.

Her: No, I heard the radio.  There were burgers on the couch.  What were they doing on the couch?

Me: They were burglars and they were, ummm, kissing..  watching TV… No, I think they both fell asleep.  I didn’t hear it.

Her: No.  I heard the radio.  Oh, I know.  They were hit because they had sacks on the couch.

Me: NO.  They were kissing!

Her: No daddy.  It was sacks.  They had their 2 sacks on the couch.  The sacks must have been dirty and the owner told them to remove them, but when they didn’t, she hit them.

Me: (phew)… Yes. That was what happened.  Good thing you were listening.

They grow up so fast!

 

Stay safe! And for those of us who are, be greatful 


As I watch the coverage of Hurricane Irma, and the aftermath of Harvey, I’m overcome with sadness, fear, despair and gratitude.

I’m so sad and scared for those being affected by these disasters. The idea of having to rebuild my life, possibly literally brick by brick, is horrific – frankly I can’t fully begin to image it.

The desperation is a result of knowing I really can’t do anything to help those affected. Sure, I can donate to relief efforts, and have, but that just eases my conscious – I still feel like I’m doing nothing. I wish we could all do more.

One thing I can tell you is how incredibly greatful I am that my family and friends are safe. Knowing my kids will be sleeping in their own beds, warm, safe and dry is not something I take for granted, nor should you.

Love and prayers to our friends down south.