Urban Daddy Digest: 30 things I should not have needed to say to my children this weekend.


I feel like I could remove myself from the family and be replaced with a giant robot with my voice to repeat over and over gain the same statements / rhetorical questions as I did this weekend, and probably have every other weekend.  As a parent, you get it.

How many did you use this weekend?

1) “Stop fighting!” when breaking up a 3-way fights between the 2 boys and the girl when the girl is kicking their asses with her shrieking and bossyness.

2) “Get your finger out of your nose” or “get your fingers out of your mouth” followed by “Go wash your hands… again”, over and over again

3) “We’re in a restaurant / store and you have to behave.”  But behave like you have to in one of these locations where others will look at me and I will be ambarrassed by your behaviour.  Shouldn’t this just be common sense now?

4) First the story: Friday was Urban Mummy’s birthday and the kids and I bought her this magnificant glass necklace from the Petroff Gallery on Eglinton Avenue (www.petroffgallery.com) and a glass wine stopper.  The Gallery had a lot of beautiful stuff there.  After that purchase, we went to our favourite Indian restaurant, Indus Tavern, to pick up Indian food for dinner, over to Pharma Plus for chocolate and then on to Pizza Pizza for the kids dinner before heading over to Baskin Robbins for an ice cream cake.  The cake was all the kids wanted.  As a result, I must have said 40 times this weekend; “No, you cannot have cake”.

5) “Don’t hit your brother”

6) “Don’t hit your sister”

7) “No, you cannot stay up until the morning comes.”

8) “What do you say?” (after you have burped or farted – and the answer is “excuse me” sans giggles)

9) “Can you please stop banging your spoon on the table… You’re going to be a bad influence on your sister”

10) “Now go wash your hands again.”

11) “We don’t use those words.” (Used by 5-year-old Stewie to describe 7-year-old Linus.  “He’s an ASS”.)

12) “Go to your room until you have clamed down, please.”

13) “Can you keep it down, please”

14) “Turn down the music.”

15) “Can you please put the food back in the fridge”

16) “Where do your dirty dishes go?”

17) “He’s not trying to “kill you”

18) “For the last time, can you please clean up your toys”

19) “Are you sure there is no laundry under your bed?”

20) “Did you pick up all the Cheerios off the floor?”

21) “Please stop clucking in my house!”

22) “Do you really think you should be making that noise at 7 in the morning?”

23) “Please go back to your room until I come get you!” (It’s only 5:30 in the morning!!!)

24) “No, we cannot go to the park now.” (It’s 6am or it’s 7pm or it’s pouring outside)

25) “No, you cannot watch TV”

26) “No you cannot have your iPad.”

27) “No, you cannot use the treadmill.”

28) “Please stop bouncing on the couches.”

29) “Is that a ball in your light fixture?”

30) Did you empty that entire bottle of organic shampoo into the bathtub?  That is a $15 bottle!”

My personal favourites:

“Please start acting your age!”

“Don’t make me get up!”

and

“You want something to cry over!!”

OMG.  I’ve become my parents!!!

I’m telling you this list could have gone on for 300 more.

Which are in your most popular list?

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3 thoughts on “Urban Daddy Digest: 30 things I should not have needed to say to my children this weekend.

  1. Rachel June 4, 2012 / 20:38

    You want something to cry over sounds awfully familiar to me!!! And when I read it to her, it had your mother laughing loudly in her seat!!! 😀

    Like

  2. austinja June 8, 2012 / 00:14

    Hilarious. “Please start acting your age” Because, that is kinda what they are doing, right?

    Like

    • Urban Daddy June 12, 2012 / 16:04

      Yup. Pretty much. But it’s more like; “Starting acting your age… Not the age you’re acting now!”. It never works either.

      Like

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