I’m a scheduled kind of guy. I matured late in life (some would say I have yet to mature and for those people you do NOT need to comment that, thank you) and a big part of the maturation process was getting myself scheduled. I need that to remain focussed, but for one week I’m stepping outside the box once again. I’m going to walk the edge of the cliff, dive into the ocean full of rocks and dive into a volcano. I’m going to life my life according to my spam!
With special thanks to the Monty Python folks for creating the term SPAM, here are some of the items sitting in my inbox I intend on getting through this week – wild and crazy guy I am going to be!
Sit back, with your Spam sandwich, Spam cooking on the stove and your green eggs spam, with spam, spam, spam and spam. Here we go with this week’s Thursday Thirteen;
13. I going to finally get moving on that penis enlargement. I’ve ignored way too many emails already but the price is right and who wouldn’t want to be hung like an elephant? Right? Everyone is doing it, and it’s going to give me confidence!
12. Next, I have to get moving and finally send money to my friend stranded in Europe. It must be so tough for them there – I’m not sure which friend got “stuck” there but they need my help! I’ll also have to make a note where in Europe they keep getting stuck so I can stay away from there.
11. I will finally send TD Bank all my details that they have been requesting from me via email. What an efficient and effective way to deal with customers – through insecure email. I’ll just have to find my SIN card, account number and address to include in that email. I’m sure nothing will go wrong, but incase it does, I won’t have to worry because…
10. I’ll be collecting on that lottery I won! Woo Hoo. I just need to forward all my details to the lottery corporation and pay that very minor processing fee, and I can collect my $12.5 million I won. Party at my place!
9. Once I have all my money, I can begin to help that tribe in Africa that needs desperately my assistance. The email states that all I need to do to begin helping is to flip them my bank account number. That should help!
8. While saving Africa, I need some me attention to go with my soon to be supersized package. Even though I already have 3 children and the shop is closed, I guess I do need to keep my sperm count up, so I’m going to have to buy that super-formula being offered exclusively just to me to do just that. I can hear Big Balls by AC/DC in my head…
7. I’m going to be smart about my money and new-found confidence by keeping an eye on my security. I recall seeing an email that my account was hacked and I would need to follow the link in the email to fix it. I’ll attend to that and then…
6. Paypal is in need of my attention too. They also want me to update my information. Another simple link to follow and I can check that off my list! Wait. Do I even have a paypal account?!? Aww, I must.
5. Next I’ll need to claim my prize I won. I love prizes. I don’t recall entering any contests, but I’m getting a TV and an iPad I’ll just have to send over my processing fees to them through my PayPal account and I’m golden.
4. Whew. By Wednesday, I’ll be able to quit my amazing job and start to work from home because someone emailed me a no-fail work from home opportunity to make $5000.00 – $7500.00 / week. Sweet.
3. Without a job, I can turn my attention to finally losing those extra 30lbs of pregnancy weight I gained with Linus. I am on an exclusive list to purchase a miracle weight loss pill. No exercise, no dieting. YES!
2. Financially, my credit is in amazing shape but I saw an email the other day that will get it into ever better shape! Who wouldn’t want perfect credit…
1. Finally, I can spend the rest of the week clearing up few items. I have surveys to complete for cash, free lip gloss samples to collect, free airline tickets to order, free gift cards for pizza, Canadian Tire and for lip gloss and then I can get my lap top. I should go through the spam folder more often. This shit’s way more interesting than my regular email.
How do you like your spam?!?