Not sure what I mean from the title of this post? Well let me explain. There are times I have wished that I could have a camera crew following around my children.. More so my 2nd and 3rd kids due to their uniqueness but since that is never going to happen, blogging about them seems to be the perfect fit. The only problem I have, is remembering all the crazy / zany / witty stuff they say to each other, to us and to others. I make a mental note, or start a draft post, then something better comes along and I forget the previous thought… Kids are hilarious. Admit it.
Take this evening, for example. Child #2, Stewie was showing a childhood friend of his grampa a new toy that he has called Bey Blades. In explaining what they are, the question was asked of him, “are they like dreidels?” to which Stewie replied, “they are like dreidels but they are not. These are made with very sharp steel and if you spin them on your tummy they will slice you in half.” Oh yes… Very serious boy.
Then there was the day after fathers’ day when Stewie made his 5th consecutive appearance into our bedroom in the middle of the night. Sometimes he arrives because he’s scared of lightning, other times because he had a bad dream. This night it was because he was “bored”.
So I walked him back to his room – without talking to him – and tucked him back in the bed.
He started wailing and came back to our room, I swear, the second I closed my eyes. So I got up and walked him back. He was starting to complain so I asked him to tip toe. He was clearly pissed because tip toe to him meant stomp as loud as you can.
So I got mad and told him if he was going to make any more noise, that I would shut his bedroom door.
He started to wail.
I took a deep breath (probably a very deep breath as it was past 2 in the morning and I made sure I was clear in the way Alyson Schaffer taught us and I said to him, “This is your choice. Do you choose to be quiet and go to sleep, or do you choose to make noise, wake up your brother, sister and mother, and sleep with the door shut”.
He chose to be quiet.
So I left.
Laid my head down on the pillow… closed my eyes… then heard wailing.
So I walked into his room and calmly said to him, “I believe you have chosen to sleep with the door shut” and with that I quietly shut his door and walked away.
He wailed louder than before.
I went into our bedroom and my wife was now clearly awake. We huddled in for a strategy session. She suggested I bring him into our bed to sleep before he wakes up the rest of the house. Not wanting to be a sardine in my own bed, I went to sleep in his bed.
He must have still been upset in the morning because while I was brushing my teeth, he confronted me in my bathroom (he’s 4-year-old). “Are you going to be nice to me today, Daddy?” he asked.
“Are you going to sleep in your bed tonight?” I countered with.
“If you are not going to be nice to me, I am not going to give you back your fathers’ day presents”.
“You took back my fathers’ day presents???”
At which point I heard giggling from our bed. My wife had heard this exchange and apparently knew he took back my presents.
I got down to his level, gave him a huge hug and kiss, told him I love him and with that, he disappeared into his room, only to return with a bad full of presents he had given me a week prior. He unloaded the presents as I stood there wondering how we gave birth to the repo man…
Another interesting parenting moment came one morning last week as we were all struggling though this stomach virus. Linus was sitting on the toilet in his bathroom, Stewie was on the toilet on the main floor of the house and our bathroom was occupied. Only 30 minutes later did we find that Linus’ toilet was never flushed. We called him in but he denied it was him. He said it was Stewie.
“Stewie was on the main floor,” I responded. “It was totally you!”
“Not it wasn’t” defended Linus.
Believe it or not, this conversation went on for 5 minutes, with myself and my wife defending our position and there was Linus with his one line of defense, “It wasn’t me, it was Stewie”.
He kept this up until we dropped it.
Some battles are just not worth fighting, eh?
Tonight, Stewie has made his way into our bedroom at only 10pm. He was watching my wife work on her laptop, happy to see her looking at ordering angry birds stuffed animals. I decided in front of Stewie to suggest she not order them until Stewie was able to sleep in his bed for 5 nights in a row. She agreed and together we explained to him why we thought this was a good idea. Well let me tell you, for those of you who have not met Stewie before, that this bright idea of mine did not go over well at all! He broke into a fit and through part exhaustion, part stress, he said to my wife that she was the “meanest mummy in the universe”. All we heard about for the next 45 minutes through tears, anger and an unwillingness to forget, was that he wanted / needed / was going to get an angry bird or he was going to “break down our house”. He was so over-tired we tried to listen without giggling. Maybe it was us that were so over-tired…