I always thought the kids would be older when it came time to explain the birds and the bees, and whwn I would need to educate them on which words are the good words and which words are bad words.
I always imagined this conversation would occur when the kids were around 8 or 9 years old.
No way. This never even crossed my mind that at this age, we would have had the conversation that we did.
So here is the official transcript of the conversation at dinner last week between myself, Linus and my wife / his mother.
As an aside, this came out of nowhere…
Linus: “I almost got in trouble today”.
Me: “Oh, why?”
Him: “Because I said “Fup” and my teacher thought I said a bad word.”
Looking at my wife in alarm. I said.
Me: “What??? Fup???”
Him: “Yes, Fup. Fup is not a bad word. It is Puff backwards.”
It’s over, right?
Him: “But you know what is a bad word??? I’ll whisper it to you”. Then he leans toward my wife and whispers in her ear. She throws me a look and suggests he tell Daddy too, so he leans over to me and whispers this in my ear; “Cuff backwards is a bad word.”
My wife and I exchange glances of awkwardness.
“Err, yes it is”, I said. “Who told you that?”
“Einstein did”, he said.
Einstein happens to be the smartest kid in grade one. Last year he was the smartest kid in senior kindergarden. Einstein is perfect. He reads at a grade 6 level, gets extra words for spelling and all the teachers love him. The kids, on the other hand, are suffering from an inferiority complex because instead of teaching to the masses last year, the teachers instead praised Einstein and compared all the kids to him.
It was a tough year for a lot of kids. Lofty, unreasonable expectations lead to disappointments and those can crush kids at that age.
So anyways, Einstein taught his class this word. Wonder if he learned it reading a University textbook before bed. Then again, he was also the kid who told his entire class that Santa Claus was born in Asia…
So now my kid knows that “Fuc(k)” is a bad word.
Great. We handled it by telling him it was a bad word and could get him tossed out of school, and then we droipped it. He mentioned it the next day, but never again since. That is the key to moving past these kinds of obstacles.
Looking forward to Einstein teaching his class about making babies.