Kids say the funniest things!

Actual events in the urban daddy household today;

Our 15 month old daughter getting ready for bed – the transfer from her cloth diaper into her night-time disposable diaper – when she decided instead to sit up, and try to put the diaper on the stuffed bear she was carrying.

She tried to put it under the bear – the bear was not centred, and she could not get it centred.

She tried again but this time to put the diaper on top of the bear.

She tried a third time, happily trying to put that diaper on the bear – all the time saying “Bear” and “da-paa”.

Then she looked at me… Smiled…  Pick up the bear by it’s feet, and then proceeded to slam it on the bed from over her head on to it’s back.

Then she said, “Power Bomb!”



6-year-old to 4-year-old, “I bet I can make you say why?”

4-year-old to 6-year-old, “How?”

6-year-old :Oh.”

6=year-old to 4-year-old, “Bet I can make you say how”

4-year-old to 6-year-old, “… How?”

6-year-old, “Ah ha!  See I made you say it!”

4-year-old to 6-year-old, “Bet I can make you say cabbage”

6-year-old looks at me, I look at him… both of us puzzled.

“Cabbage?!?” the 6-year-old says.

“See” says the 4-year-old as he smirks and walks out of the room.


Very far left-leaning Toronto street rag/mag Eye Weekly coins Toronto’s new moniker to be “El Toro”

My immediate response was WTF! You see what happens when you lock a bunch of lefties in a room and ask them to come up with a story that does not bash right-wing conservatism… Crap.

They come up with a new nickname for Toronto that, quite frankly, is bull.

El Toro?!?

Why? How?

Read the article in the Toronto Star;–eye-weekly-readers-give-toronto-a-new-nickname

I’ll guess they chose this topic to try to make Eye Weekly relevent again. I swore I would never publish their name again after reading all their anti-conservative garbage around election time. It made me sick. Them and NOW Magazine, Toronto’s other free weekly think it is okay to waste newsprint in order to spread their socialism. I feel like they are trying to convert me or send me to the cross every time I (used to) pick up the magazines. I’m thinking this article came about because they had no other news to publish. No Rob Ford fat jokes to make, no Stephen Harper is the devil exclusives, no socialism is the best and conservatism = Marxism…


El Toro?

So I am going to use this garbage that I wouldn’t line my birdcage with as a seguey into a Thursday Thirteen post, on 13 better nicknames for Toronto than El Toro Poo Poo.

Here is the list;

13. Hogtown
12. T-Dot
11. The Queen City
10. T.O.
9. The Big Smoke
8. The 4-1-6
7. Trauma
6. T-dot. O-Dot.
5. Toronto the Good
4. Ta-raw-na
3. The MegaCity
2. Hollywood North
1. The Centre of the Universe!

Let’s stick with these ones as the Eye / Star choice smells like bullsh%t.

I mean even the Star’s own Editor-in-Chief Michael Cooke, who was a judge in this “contest” was quoted as saying about the El Toro nickname: “It’s meaningless, but it’s funny.”

Ha ha ha… who’s laughing now?

El Toro!?!

Shame on you!

Happy 40th Birthday to me! Time for a mental, physical and procedural tune-up.

Ever have one of those days? One of those months or even one of those years?

Well I’m having all of those.

Today is my 40th birthday and while I am no where near having a mid-life crisis, I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on the kind of person I have become and whether or not I like it.

For the most part, I do like where I am now, but there are some issues – some pretty big issues – which have been issues from as long as I can remember and I don’t see any way they are going to go away unless I focus on fixing them myself… Starting now!

I have even considered professional help (again) to get over the hump.  I sought professional help about 4 years ago to help me figure out why I was resistant to change. I was in a job I hated and I had people telling me to suck it up and stay because I’d fail in the private sector, and I had my support system encouraging me but doubting me nonetheless. I knew I needed to change… For me, and I had to figure out what was holding me back. Fear of the unknown was not a good enough reason to dread doing what you are doing on a daily basis. Once that played out I was ready to embrace change – however – I was now in possession of anger issues. I swear. I think it was just me being pissed off at the quack that the EAP program had hooked up for me.  He pissed me off each and every time we met.  I wanted to talk about moving life, especially my career, forward, and he just wanted to sit back and smirk at me, adding very little to the conversation.

With all that being said, I highly recommend sitting with a professional to discuss your feelings, your fears and your quirks. You don’t have to do what they recommend, but a good mental health tune-up should be mandatory for everyone every couple of years.


I’ve always had weight / body image issues. I’m over-weight. I know that, but not horribly out of shape. I go to the gym (in spurts), I stay active (in spurts), but I’ve got 30 pounds of stay-at-home-dad around my waist from child #1 and I always seem to be either too tired or hurt to get rid of it.  I know I should not be eating at night, but I do and I feel like shit after. I know I should cut back on stuff I put in my mouth, but I don’t do that, and instead, when I have to inhale to put on my dress pants (I must be quite the site for sore eyes) but my commitment to losing that weight comes and goes. Tonight I’ll drink lots of water and get a good nights’ sleep, tomorrow I’ll be up until 2am working and eat a small bowl of cereal at 1:30 because I’m hungry… or bored… I can’t put my finger on it.  I’m inconsistent.

Sleep is another matter on its own. I should be getting to bed by 11pm at the latest, but once the kids are in bed it’s usually 8pm and after a long day I’m tired and it takes me forever dragging my ass around the house to do my chores. Next thing I know it’s 2am and I’m still hanging laundry / washing dishes, or playing CityVille on Facebook. During the tax season especially, I can log into the office every night and weekend day from December and I can fall asleep with my laptop on my lap within a second and sleep for 45 minutes to an hour, but instead of waking up refreshed, I wake up groggy and tired. It’s brutal.

I’m not even going to get into detail about the way I feel I treat my kids… inconsistent comes up again. I’m getting better at this part, and have really improved on some areas, like always getting down to their level when they are hurt, letting them sort out their issues instead of doing it for them (thank you Urban Mummy via Alyson Schaefer) but still sometimes when I don’t have the patience I should, I sshhhh them and grab them by their clothes to move them from an area where their ear-piercing screams can break glasses. Let’s just say it doesn’t look so good to others, and it’s not fair to the kids. I think every parent wants to treat their kids better than they feel their parents treated them and I’m in the same boat.  I know what to do and how to handle them, but in the moment those “anger issues” must be popping up and I get all grabby.  It’s like my patience runs out and I go back to what works easiest for me… being a brute. I feel terrible and I want my kids to respect me the way I respect them, not fear me – unless I want them to fear me 😉

I have to stop taking the easy way out. I know better, but sometimes being that father of three kids who is overwhelmed and tired I don’t think. I know a mop is wet and a broom is dry, but I always ask the kids for the mop and glare at them when they correct me. I also fuck up mittens and gloves. They’re all gloves to me and I don’t know why. It’s when I speak without thinking that I have to do away with. It’s a BAD habit and as my kids get older and correct me more and more, it makes me realize that taking a couple extra seconds to think about what I am going to say is what I want my kids to do too.

  My eating issues are also messed up. I’m an emotional eater. I have zero resistance when there is a treat in the house – I will eat an entire solid chocolate easter bunny because then it’s finished I won’t have the temptation there to want to snack on it at all hours of the day and night. I’ll eat the whole thing, feel guilty, then eat better for a couple weeks – using that episode as my motivation. Warped, eh? It’s borderline compulsive.

I could also use to be more organized.  That’s a big problem too… If I were more organized I’d  have arranged more date nights, more outings with my friends and maybe even fit in some time for sports… But I’m not that consistent.  I find a toll that helps me get organized – reminders in Outlook, a personal calendar, an online calendar, a notebook – but that lasts for only a couple of days, then I’m using something else.

Is it wrong for me to feel that my age finally caught up to my hairline and stomach size? For someone in my 30’s I was in rough shape. For a 40 year-old, I’m doing just fine.
Here’s hoping 40 is the year that things change for the better.

I get a lot of email spam for Viagra, so why the phone spam too?

Rock hard erection.
Increased sex drive.
Increase blood flow.
Multiple orgasms.
No side effects.

Now that I have your attention, you probably recognize all these words in the numerous email spam messages we all get.  But can you believe that this is what I got when I picked up my cell phone this afternoon… by a live human.

I did not order it.

I have not enquired about this.

These type of calls have been coming to my cell phone for a while now – about a year.  I get these phone calls from a phone number that would show up on my call display as being “002”, or “007” or some other 3 digit combination.  When I would answer they would ask for someone else… and hang up while I’m telling them this is my phone and no longer belonging to someone else. But did they take the hint, heck no! They would keep calling and calling… So frustrating. I would tell them the person was busy, or no longer there, and I would ask them not to call anymore, but none of that worked.

To be honest, since these pricks (pun intended) have been calling me for so long, and even though I have asked politely to be removed from their list, and I’ve flipped out on them (but each time they hang up on me, wait a few days then call again) I felt I needed a different approach.

Since they’re not looking for me. They won’t remove the number… They are driving me crazy…

… That is until today.

Today my cell phone rang.  I was at the office having just finished a few meetings and was exiting the boardroom.  I looked at the number and thought today was the day I get to the bottom of this. 

I walked to a quiet spot and answered the phone.  On the other end of the phone was a man with a heavy Indian accent.  When he asked for, I assumed, the previous phone owner, I said that it was me… So he continued. 

He began by asking me if I found that I had any side effects from the Cialis / Viagra I had purchased, so I said “yes”.

He asked me if I was suffering from headaches, back aches, blurred vision and any thing else. I said headaches, but the rest depended on how good I was.

He continued and asked me if I found it too expensive. I said, fuck yeah!

He said I might want to sit down because he had a one day offer for me… instead of $3.00 or $4.00 per pill for some generic drug, I can get the real deal for only $1.00 each. So was I ready to buy 120 pills for $120.00. No side effects… 6 hour erection… Increased blood flow to my penis.

“Why would I want a 6-hour erection?” I asked.

He started to explain to me that these new pills had no side effects and therefore I should want to be “rock hard” for as long as I needed to “please my woman”.

How could I argue… “Sure”, I said.

So he continued. “Can I verify your address, please.”

“What do you have on the system” I queried.

He then proceeded to read out an address, complete with email address and credit card info.


He then asked me if I wanted to order the 120 pills, and they would email me the invoice.

I hesitated. I really wanted to put an end to this, but I didn’t want the poor fellow who all this info belonged to to have to hassle with them to get his money back. On the other hand, maybe this was a great deal and he’d thank me!

But I said no, I did not want to order right now.

So the salesman on the phone put the full court press sales pressure on me.

“The pills can be stored for up to 2 years in the refrigerator!” he said.

“No, that won’t work”, I replied. “I have no woman right now and I’m REALLY ugly so I have no chances of getting one in the next 2 years”.

“Oh”, he said. Probably realizing he’s getting played.

“Well if you change your mind, don’t go to the website and look at the prices. Look at the product and call me directly for the prices. I’ll give you a way better deal.”

“Awesome”, I said. “What is your name?”

“Jeff Hardy”, he said… “Like the wrestler”.

“Jeff Hardy??? Really?” I said. “Come on… Give me your real name.”

“Just ask for Jeff Hardy”. he responded, somewhat pissed off.

Then I asked for and received his website.

And in closing I asked him to no longer call me on this number because was giving up the phone and I would not want the next person getting the cell number to know I used Viagra… It’s “personal” you know.

He understood.

I expect no further calls. 🙂

What would YOU have done? Placed the order or not?

How to Confront a Back-Stabber. This is going to come in handy one day soon!

I saw this post about how to confront a back-stabber and all these warm fuzzy thoughts came back to my head about being stabbed in the back by a former colleague at the Canada Revenue Agency.

I hoped this article would give me all kinds of ways in which I could get even should the situation arise again, or given me some insight into how to handle myself professionally should our paths ever cross again because I hate confrontation just for the sake of confrontation.  I’m absolutely not going to seek her out to have a conversation with her.

The article, however, focuses on talking to the back-stabber in a non-threatening environment, and reminds the reader that a back-stabber act this way because they are insecure and that possibly they do this to protect a friend, or because they are finally in a position of power and don’t fully understand the repercussions of their actions.  The recommended approach takes the emotion out of the confrontation and provides a safe environment to let that person know you are on to their deceptive ways.

Here is the Coles notes version of my story;

While working for the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA) I had applied for many management positions in the almost 11-years that I worked there, but was never chosen to be a permanent Team Leader / Manager.  Many times it was because there were employment equity guidelines to meet, and as I was told, as a “white male” I would always be near the bottom of the list until our representation was met.

At first, I understood, but as I progressed and moved up in the CRA, it bothered me that I could “act” as a Team Leader, and I could manage teams but never permanently, as once I completed my MBA the decision made even less sense.

A Managerial position had posted in a different tax office, and I met all the criteria.  It would have been a new challenge, new people, new office, a fresh start and it would have been managing staff which I was quite good at, so I applied.

I was contacted right away by their HR representative which is unusual (to get into the CRA was an 11-month process)and she told me that I was by far the best candidate, and she asked me for 3 references.

I chose them, but in the process of checking them, the HR representative contacted my new Team Leader, who had been managing my team for only 6-weeks.  Not only that but she had been away from the office for 2-years on maternity leave and while she was gone, she had completed her qualifications, written the test and been selected to become the TL.

I was okay with that because when she joined the CRA, I had trained her and her friend and I had managed her on a couple of occasions.  In fact, prior to her return, I had been leading the team – handling any escalations, addressing staffing matters, set up the goals and objectives for the team and leading the team meetings.

When she arrived, I gave her all the information and took a step back.  She booked a meeting with me right away, sought out my opinions and asked me to continue helping out with the day-to-day operations, which I did.

Then after 6 weeks, she was gone.  Nobody knew where she went or what had happened to her, but I later found out that she left to accept another position (and she didn’t even telling the team), so the Assistant Director appointed another team leader to run our team, and she booked a meeting with me and asked me to continue to run it for her.

Sounds okay, right.

Here is where it gets wacky.

Since it takes ages for government processes to run their course, 5 or 6 months had passed when I was approached out of no where by a colleague about a rumour that she had heard that I was not going to get this position because this outgoing TL had told the hiring board that I was a terrible leader.

How this colleague even knew I had applied was a shock to me.

Silly as it seems (and those of you never having worked in government you may think this is all crap, but it is SO true and happens all the time) so I called HR, who told me that a “better candidate was selected”.

I waited until the posting was public and realized the candidate had nowhere near the experience, or education that I had, and clearly HR made this decision because of what the TL said.

It bothered me, but I was now looking for roles in the private sector, and found one as the Tax Manager of a large Transfer Agent.  Upon leaving the CRA, I requested access to all of my records and in doing so I was given a copy of the written reference that this TL provided to the board.

It was a joke.

In the area that asked if I had ever led a team formally or informally, she said “no”.

In the area where it asked if I had any experience with goals or objectives, she said “no”.

Under the last area asking if I was good with people and would – in her opinion – be able to lead a team, she said, “no”.

And as such, due to her treating this matter like it was a big high-school joke – I was denied this position.

I wanted to confront her but not because I hold a grudge but because with the casualness this woman lied to the hiring board, I wanted her to know that I knew what she had done.  If she can lie to her employer with such ease, she must be able to do the same to her children and her family.

I wonder how she would feel if that happened to her, or her kids?

I also wanted to let her manager know the situation but it would have all seemed so petty and was not worth my time, stress and effort.

But what would I say? I’m an emotional guy and while this really upset me at the time, it bothered me more because it’s not right, it wasn’t fair and it was wrong.

Thankfully this article gave me some suggestions.  Now I know.

I’ll update this post if I ever run into her again!