As a Father, if you’re going to disappoint some of them, you might as well disappoint all of them…

I wanted to post this last week when it happened but did not get a chance but since that night this scenario has come up over and over again, just not to the same extent.

The night it first happened, was a special night in the Urban Daddy household.  Determined to get back into some semblance of an exercise routine, I made up my mind early in the day that I would run on the treadmill that evening, by hook or by crook.

Since I’m still within my 3 month window of a new job with much greater responsibility, and the stress / excitement of meeting new people, learning new systems, figuring out acronyms and being on my toes all the time, I have found myself quite exhausted by about 10pm, which means that is around the time I tend to fall asleep on the couch when trying to; watch TV, read, blog, play Cityville, or… exercise.  Very unusual for me as I’m used to 1-2am sleeps with 6am wake-ups.

This night was exercise night and the beginning of a new schedule for me.

New Routine – Thursday night.:

Eat dinner with the kids (not unusual at all)

Stewie piano lessons

Give Berry a bath

Linus annoy mummy during math lesson

Then switch…

Linus piano.

Berry and Stewie before bed snack.

All kids in bed by 8:15 and I’m going to treadmill for 1/2 hour before I have a shower, then run out to grab milk.  I really want to begin getting to bed at a reasonable hour – it is currently 12:33am so that is not happening.

Then it all fell apart.

Urban Mummy wanted to talk to me.  We didn’t talk much the previous night and she barely saw me today and she wanted to chat but I patted my flabs and said, “Sorry hun!  I have to treadmill”.  She was disappointed.

I went to check on the kids and here is what happened;

Walked into Stewie’s room, and surprisingly he was still awake.

“Stay with me, Daddy”, he said.

“Sorry kiddo.  I have to treadmill right now so I can shower, get milk and talk to your mother before she falls asleep or kills me”.

He was disappointed.

I went from there to Linus’ room where he was sitting up in his bed too.

“Lay with me, Daddy and tell me a story, please”.

“Can’t buddy.  Have to go treadmill before mummy goes to sleep.

He gave me his pouty disappointed face.

Out I marched and right into Berry’s room where surprisingly she was up too.

“Rub my back and stay with me Daddy”, she said.

“Sorry, sweetie, I have to treadmill.  Sing for me and I will tuck you in when I’m done.”

She was not happy either because she didn’t sing for me and she usually does.  “Bla Bla Blacksheet”

Out I walked.

4 people wanted me to stay with them and 4 people got nothing.

Like I said in the title.  Go big or go home.  If you’re going to disappoint someone you might as well disappoint all of them.

Dads…  You turn.  What would you have done?

Related articles

• Ah, those kids and the things they say… Was I this clever / funny as a kid? I doubt it. (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)
• Should I be concerned that my kids are smarter than me? (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)
• Are you hungrier than a 5-year-old? (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)

 

It is that time of year… Tax time!

For those of you who are new to this site, or who drop in occasionally, you may not know that in my real life, I play a tax manager.  I post tax information that I find interesting, or that I have to dig up and research on at www.intaxicating.wordpress.com, soon to be at www.intaxicating.ca once I find the password and username that I misplaced.

So what that means is that this time of year – actually beginning in August -is super-hectic.  Beginning December 1st, my walk hurried into a jog, and now in mid-January I am already in full sprint.  I’m not sure ho long this pace can keep up with 2 1/2 months to go…

I had an idea how this day was going to shape up, when the first song I heard on my iPad was ”Under Pressure” by Queen.  I spent most of the day pushing ahead tasks and projects where there was room to move them, while trying to get other projects completed ahead of schedule, while putting out fires that happened throughout the day.  Nothing new for me, and to be honest, since I really like doing this a lot, it makes for a fun time.  I’m just reminded as I get more and more tired that I need to get to the gym as that got me through 2 previous tax seasons.

I also realized today that taking care of my kids on Saturday, while awesome, really set me back a bit, when on Sunday I took the boys tobogganing for a couple of hours in -25 degree celcius (with windchill) weather and boy did that fresh air mess with us all.

Both kids were exhausted at night and I was a disaster on Monday. I actually went right to sleep at 8pm after all the kids were asleep and slept right through until 7am the next morning.  I would say that was the most uninterrupted sleep I have had in 6 years.

It was also today when I realized how much I appreciate my wife, and that she does what I did on Saturday each and every day.  Sure we have a nanny to help her out but she still works, feeds us, pays the bills, programs the entire family and keeps the house running smoothly…  Zowie.  I feel like such a wuss now.

I often ask her opinion on how to manage a situation because while she has not managed people per se, she manages the household, the kids, the nanny, and in her former life as a high-school teacher, she managed to stay sane.

I think the task of managing kids is very similar to managing adults as in both cases you are looking to make sure both groups do what is right for themselves and for the rest of the team / family, while at the same time you want to make sure there is no conflict and you have to work together to get the job done. 

For both kids and adults, working towards a goal is key.  IT’s easier to track progress that way and having a prize at the end of the maze makes the race more worthwhile.

In reading “Honey, I wrecked the kids” by Alyson Schafer, I am learning new less physical ways to interact with the kids and get them to do what my wife and I expect from them.  I am finding success.  Instead of asking Linus to remove his plate from the table night in and night out, Alyson suggests that since kids know their responsibilities, a simple one word reminder should suffice, so this morning when Linus got up and walked away from the table, I said; “Linus.  Plate.”  He turned around, walked back to the table and removed his plate.

Another tool is the re-direct.  Linus was making a spitting noise that I cannot stand and instead of asking him to stop and give him all that attention for the wrong reasons, I merely asked him different questions until he forgot what he was doing and started chatting with me.

Good one Alyson!

The last technique that I am finding to be a great help (I’m halfway through the book) is the introducing of consequences.

You don’t have to clean your room if you don’t want to put I will not read a book to anyone is a messy room, worked wonders the other day.  As does the line, you can stay downstairs and play if you want.  You will miss snack before bed and if that is your choice, that is okay with me.

Can’t wait to get through the book… One night parenting, next night taxation, following night parenting…

As an aside, I’m looking for a beginner yoga class in the Toronto area that begins after our kids are in bed, so around 8pm.  Anyone?

 

Winter Break… At least it was for someone…

Let me begin with a wish for a very Happy New Year for you and your family.  May 2011 bring you health, happiness, patience, peace on earth and goodwill towards everyone.

That being said, I have not been a good blogger these past couple weeks.  It’s a super-busy time of year for me generally but even crazier this year because of some new IRS regulations which made my tax season preparation even more difficult and time-consuming.  

While I was working, or reading up on new regs, my wife was taking care of the kids during the 2 weeks (was it only that short?) they were off school.   She managed to do a lot of cool stuff with them and for them, like setting up daily playdates for all 3 of them, and taking them places.  It must have been a lot of work for my wife, but the kids loved spending time with her and doing fun and exciting things on a daily basis. 

Some of the things they did, or she did, were memorable for the kids and I wanted to highlight the activities and my kids thoughts here.

For example.

The boys had a tea party.  They used Berry’s dishes she received for her 1st birthday and in attendence at this event was, Linus’ animals and Stewie’s animals, including; squeaky-bear, mousey housey, kitty, beary, Poppy, Doobie doo’s, etc.  The boys served “coffee and tea.  Chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream.”

On one day last week, Stewie was barred from his room for a day because there was a “show” going on in there, and “they” wouldn’t let him in.  The “they” were all the stuffed “friends” who were in attendence at the tea party.  Granted, Linus and Stewie spent the better part of a day practicing the show but they were not allowed in the room, it was animal only.  It was so funny that when we tried to get Stewie up to his room for a nap, he agreed, then went up only to come down again to tell us that the show was still going on and as a result, he was not allowed in his room…

The boys also went with Mummy to see Yogi Bear in 3D – they thought it was “funny, scary, weird and had yummy, yummy popcorn.  There was juice there too.”  For some reason there were 25 minutes of previews prior to this show which seems a bit excessive, no?

The boys and their Mummy Kids also went to see a play called A Year with Frog and Toad.  I asked the kids for their feedback on the show and this was what came back.  Keep in mind, I did not attend the show so I can not confirm or deny any of it.  “Toad was funny in a bathing suit.  Even frog looked funny in a bathing suit.”

This was a very special day for the boys as my wife took them downtown on the subway, and over to the threatre via street car - it was their first time on a streetcard (theirs, not hers) and they LOVED it.  After the show the boys and my wife went over to St. Lawrence market and they boys did some sightseeing and had “vanilla and chocolate gingerbread cookie men”.

 

Happy Father’s Day!

I updated my status message on Facebook a few house ago and wished all my daddy friends a happy father’s day. I really feel that being a dad, makes us guys very lucky… For most of us, pretty much every day is father’s day. It all begins at conceptions. We don’t have to grow the child, carry it for 9 months, and birth it. And, if the child is breastfed only, we can’t help with that either. We kind of get off easy, I think. Plus, if you love being a dad like I do, then it’s even better getting to help out in every way possible… I wish I could be the stay-at-home Dad…

Regarding father’s day, I don’t need any fancy gifts from my kids – a hand made card is more than enough. I don’t really need anything substantial from my wife, as I think she’s already contributed the most to our family and is the reason I’m a father. I have never be 100% certain as to who gets and gives gifts for father’s day. We gave to my father-in-law and wife’s grandfather, and I received from my mother and sister… See how it’s odd?!? But all in all, hanging out with my entire family – wife and kids made the day super-special.

Sure there are BBQ’s and some gifts exchanged, but it’s just not the same as say mother’s day. If you miss that holiday… Look out. For us Dad’s… We go with the flow.

Take my weekend, for example…

Saturday:

I made the kids breakfast in the morning and we were going to have a nie healthy bowl of organic fresh oatmeal, until I was attacked by my family with great gifts, beautiful cards and a lot of love! My 3-yea-old, for example made a card for me in school where he has to fill in the blanks. So the first question was, “My Dad is ___ old”. He put 60. The next one was; “My Dad’s job is ____”. He put “Peeling apples”. The next one; “My Dad weighs ____”. He put “2000 pounds”. And there were more. LOL. I got an awesome book in gardening in small spaces. I CAN’T wait to read this book. It’s perfect! and my 6 custom tailored dress shirts from Maxwell the tailor showed up and my wife graciously paid the duty and included them in my gift. The shirts are… Interesting… 3 of them I love. One looks like a table cloth, one like wrapping paper and one… well… she said I need to keep 2 buttons open, hang big gold chains and put a ghetto blaster on my shoulder. It’s a little bit shiny… OK a LOT shiny.

After breakfast and lots of hugs and kisses, we set off to do some organic strawberry picking / strawberry buffet (fresh peas too) with our very cool cousins. We had a blast. We picked, ate and picked some more. I love strawberries!!!

After getting all covered in berries we went to have some yummy veggie Dim Sum for lunch at the Lotus Pond. We’ve been going there for years.

We headed home around 3pm so our 5-year-old, Linus, would have some rest before a 4pm birthday party.

After the party, it was a quick dinner, some packing and moving of boxes in the garage, then bed.
WHEW.

Sunday:

Sunday’s breakfast was yummy and simple, as we all ate Cheerios with fresh picked berries in it. Loved the way the milk turned pink and the sweet berries.
Then off to karate when both kids had awesome classes today. We dragged mummy and Berry (6-month old baby girl) along to see Stewie try for his yellow advanced belt. He got it! He was SO excited. That kid is all focus.

I also like Sunday morning karate because I get to hang with Supernova Elliott for an hour, drink an XL double double Tim Horton’s coffee and talk about being Dad’s to 3 kids. We also talk music, about why our wives won’t eat red meat, and our frustration with hate mongers.

After karate we hit up a high-end men’s store in Toronto called the Coop for a present for my FIL, and after that myself and the boys walked down to the flower / plant sore for some tomato plants, flowers and a ficus benjamina for my wife. The kids love flowers!!!

We came home, cleaned the garage for a couple hours - packed more boxes – then set off to my inlaws for a BBQ. We had 4 generations of her family there. It was pretty amazing.

Then home ,and bed.

Before long it will be Monday and I get to witness the impact of the G20 firsthand… Can’t wait!

 

What it means to be a working father of three.

This past weekend definitely a trying weekend for me in my efforts to be a great father.

I was on edge all weekend, probably because this would be the 3rd week in a row I’ve been suffering with my allergies.  I have been unable to wear my contact lenses. My eyes are very red and quite itchy, and my nose and throat have started to itch this week… UGH. I look like I’m on drugs… Not a great look for an office, eh?

I keep forgetting that I should be investing in allergy medication, as all this allergy action has come in the last 5 or 6 years only. I never had allergies as a child.

I am also a bit on edge because our little baby girl, Berry, has been up every 2-3 hours (shades of Stewie) every single night.  While I do not get up everytime the baby does – thank you honey – because this time around, for child #3 I actually have to work.

With child #1, Linus, I took 9 months off paid paternity. With child #2, Stewie, I was off for 4 months on paid paternity (2 of those months were spent laid up with a herniated disc in my lower pack) and with #3, Berry… 1 day at home. It was tax season and I needed to be at the office.

But there are some nights where I am feeling very good and as a result, I have been getting up so urban mummy does not have to, even if that means staying up with the baby past midnight hoping she’ll have that great night’s sleep she needs to stay rejuviated and the baby will tire out and sleep an nour or two more.

Neither of them do…

And to top matters off… the boys have been waking up at at 6am to play, waking me up in the process. 

So allergies, and exhaustion, coupled with 2 rowdy boys and an over-tired wife and look out!

As a result, every little thing drove me crazy this weekend.  Watching the boys play tug-of-war with their expensive throwpillow – with their teeth – drove me batty.  As did walking in the kitchen on cooked rice that the boys dumped on the floor.  Grrr.

I know this is what being a Dad is all about and I know that all I need is one good night’s sleep to get me back on track.

But until them… Look out!

SNAP.

 

Thursday Thirteen re-post

Thirteen Questions I’d like to know about my wife…

I posted this in 2006 and after 2 more children, wonder how the answers will have changed.  Only time will tell.

1. Whom are you named after? What was she or he like?

2. What did you want to be when you grew up? Why? What options seemed open or closed to you?

3. What did you do for fun as a teenager? As a young adult?

4. What volunteer or paid work have you done? How has it been important to you?

5. What has been important to you as a daughter? A life partner? A mother? As a friend? As a member of a community?

6. Who have been your role models? What about them do you admire?

7. What words of wisdom did your mother/grandmothers/aunts share with you?

8. Who are your favorite cultural heroines? What appeals to you about them?

9. What world and national events have significantly influenced your life?

10. What in your life has brought or given you the greatest satisfaction or fulfillment? Looking back, what would you have done differently? What would you do again?

11. What achievement in my life would bring you greatest joy?

12. What attribute would you like me to help you develop in yourself?

13. What mutual goal would you like us to accomplish?

 

Stuff that comes into my mind

For tonight’s entertainment we have some random thoughts that have entered my mind over the past couple days of little quality sleep and a ton of important projects to complete for my family and for work;

Sit back and be prepared to answer any (or all) of the following questions.

Channel No. 5.  What was the deal with Channel No’s 1-4?  Was Channel No. 6 not up to speed? 

What is a “zigga zig ha”?

Is anyone surprised that some sponsors have dropped Tiger Woods?  I’m not.  Or that his wife is rumoured to be filing for divorce?  If she leaves him she will be totally justified, but if she stays, she will be typecast as being weak.  Not fair either way for her.

Anyone else happy that the Toronto Rock have welcomed back Colin “Popeye” Doyle to the fold?

When was the last time some asked a sick person if they had “H1N1″ or “swine flu”?   How do you think the government feels having signed a contract to pay for enough vaccines for the entire country but the crisis is no longer newsworthy and those getting the shot are fewer and fewer every day.

My satellite radio stopped working on the drive into the office and I actually looked out the window to the sky… It was overcast.  Not sure what I expected to see, but I still looked.

I really like Black Machismo, Jay Lethal.  He deserves a bigger push.  But I cannot help but feel betrayed when I see the Anvil and Tatanka on TNA Impact.

What crap keeps you awake at night?

 

Got a Tiger in Your Tank?

I really don’t want to talk about what is / may / may not be happening with Tiger Woods because, really I don’t care and also because it’s his private life and really is none of my business.  I don’t know what his relationship is like with his wife or kids and what the motive was for his alleged relationships and I won’t lose sleep over it.  I hope this whole issue blows over for him, for the sake of his children who do not need to be dragged into this mess.

What I did find interesting is 2 things;

1) That in Tiger’s press release he used the word “transgressions” and as a result of him using this word, it was the most “googled”  word for the day yesterday.  Apparently very few people knew what this word meant. 

2) I was also surprised by how little the mainstream media wanted to handle this issue right from the curiosity surrounding the extreme damage to Tiger’s car as it backed out of the driveway and smashed into a fire hydrant at 2am.  Or that he was found by neighbours snoring on the grass beside his crashed car, or how it was reported that his wife, golf club in hand, was trying to “rescue him from the car”.  I guess in order to get the story and not upset the Woods camp, you take the info you are given and put it out. 

I did think it was odd that he “accidentally” reversed his car out of the driveway so fast that it smashed into the hydrant and when I started hearing rumours that his wife was chasing his wielding a golf club I thought that was even more insane.   I read the headlines in the papers about how she saved him and I became even more skeptable.  something didn’t appear right.

But for some reason mainstream media took initial Tiger’s silence and dropped the story.  I guess in this day and age of multi-million dollar athletes you don’t want your news station to be the one to uncover a story that would damage that athlete’s reputation and become the one news outlet who his people will no longer grant him access to.  Celebs sell stories.  Stories about Tiger sell newspapers, commercial rates go up and he is responsible for putting the sport of golf on the front page again.  People watch golf to see what Tigers does.

So should I have been surprised then when slowly over the days facts about mistresses came leaking out, each one to an onlne news provider and each one lured out with a hefty fee paid to “encourage” them to go public.  The gig is up.  Tiger’s “relationships” are no longer private and these women he was in relationships with are being rewarded for no longer keeping their silence… No one wants to go down with the ship.  I guess this ultimately shows Tiger that none of these women could be trusted, they were in it for the money… yadda yadda yadda.

I just feel sorry for the kids and wonder what, if anything, this will do for his sponsors.  Will any pull him?  I can’t see that happening right away while the uncovering of exactly what his transgressions were is still underway.  Once details start to arise and you know they will – true or untrue – then we’ll see who sticks around.  I mean David Letterman’s ratings have gone up since he was almost blackmailed into admitting he was sleeping with his staff members while married. 

I think the general public are no longer shocked by these stories and tend to assume the worst right away.  But now we leave it to the online media to dig up the gory details and throw it in our faces…

And like a car crash on the highway of life, we don’t want to see anyone hurt, but we slow down to see the damage anyways.

 

You want her?!? She’s pregnant, remember…

Had lunch with a new friend of mine.  He’s older than me by about 14 years – he’s engaged to my wife friend and him and I have hit it off.  He works near me and we’ve had lunch or coffee together about 5-6 times in the past couple months.  We email each other, talk about how to grow tomatoes (he asks advice and checks in on the progress – or lack thereof – of my 40 + heirloom tomato plants grown from seed.

On Monday we met up and the conversation went something like this;

Him – Hey!  Do you want to go fishing with me?

Me – Errr, I’ll go to hang out with you but I don’t like fishing.

Him – It’s $99.00 and you get picked up, taken up north, fed, accomodations, licenses, fishing and brought back the next day.

Me – Errr, yeah.  Fished as a Boy Scout – sort of.  But, hey!  My wife loves fishing… You should take her!

Him – LOL.  Really.  What happens if we bond over fishing, get cozy at night and I bang her?!?

Me – Without missing a beat – Well you can’t get her pregnant… She already is!

 

Have you ever had a conversation like this with a buddy?  I’m glad he thinks she’s bangable… I certainly do. 

 

Tuesday’s ranting; parking police, hockey and gardening…

1) Why can the parking police, those glorified meter maids who walk the streets salivating at the thought of giving a dad with 2 young children a ticket because he wants to park closer to the building rather than 3 blocks away, park wherever they want, usually illegally, without getting ticketed themselves. Fucking hypocrites.

2) Will anyone from the Toronto Maple Leafs take on Cam Janssens tonight when the Leafs play the Devils? Janssens, of course, is that superstar winger for New Jersey who plays about three minutes a game and loves to hit skilled players from behind and blindside them, hoping to cause as much injury as possible. If someone does decide to take him on it had better be early, because he plays 2 shifts a game. Mr. Belak… Can you hear me?

3) I’m going to the Leafs game this Saturday night!!! First one this year and I’m taking my wife and her video iPod. Earlier in our marriage it would have bothered me that she would rather walk the halls of the Air Canada Centre (ACC) than watch the game, but now… I’m okay with it. Without that wonderful iPod, my options would be either see 25 minutes of the game and be with her, or, go with a buddy or my sister (the biggest hockey fan I have ever met), and watch it all. In order to spend time with her, I need the marital aid called iPod.

4) On Saturday the family went to Seedy Saturday and bought some funky-assed organic heirloom vegetable seeds. I cannot wait for spring so I can plant them in the garden. Purple and white carrots – green pear shaped tomatoes, odd looking broccoli… This year I let UrbanMummy pick the goods. I think she did a great job and we will see what comes out of the ground!

5) I so want to play hooky and take my family to the zoo. I promised Linus we would go since we missed out seeing the sloths in Costa Rica a few weeks back on our vacation when his brother got really sick.

6) Why wont Stewie sleep more than 2-3 hours at a time??? Doesn’t he know how tired he’s making his Mummy and Daddy? Plus, our respective graduate school courses are falling behind.

7) Speaking of schoolwork… I have a paper due last week, group assignment due Monday, presentation Tuesday, postings to do, then 2 final papers. See, I’m tired already.

8) I noticed that almost no one comments on my blog and I’m okay with that. I get a lot of hits, and my two regular posters are SciFi Dad and the Shroom Monkey. The comments are much appreciated as is the reminder to read their blogs..

Hey, just realized, my wife, who got me into blogging and said I wouldn’t be able to stay with it for more than a month, doesn’t comment – but them again she’s REALLY busy now-a-days, you know, with a couple kids and suffering from sleep deprevation.

I can honestly say that I blog for me, and I really like the comments but I don’t want people to post because they feel obligated. I like the posts from SciFi Dad telling me that I can’t spell (I really can’t) my own screen name correctly. LOL. Makes me howl.
So go read these bloggers. You’ll find them on the right side of my blog in the list of blogs that I read.

9) 12 Days until WrestleMania 23.

10) I wanted to put in the date of the Jays first game this season but their web-site is so screwed up that I couldn’t find it. I want to really vote for those Jays considering the NHL season is almost over and my Toronto Maple Leafs won’t be in the playoffs. This very average team is just the same team that missed the playoffs last year. They are just down one prospect in Bell. I think the day the season ends, Ferguson Jr is gone. This team cannot be expected to compete for anything as long as they have no legitimate scoring besides Mats Sundin. It’s sad. Thank goodness the Raptors are doing so well! Go Raps.

There. I’ve said my piece. I feel better.