Thursday Thirteen – My 13 Most Memorable Posts of my first 900 Posts.

So this is my 900th blog post here at The Urban Daddy.  

A lot has happened in the time it has taken me to write 900 posts here.  3 children, 8 years of marriage, a lot of education and thankfully, my writing has improved too.  I’ve noticed that people actually read stuff I have written and I’ve started a professional tax / management / social media blog which has just over 100 posts on it, so I won’t bore all of you with that kind of yucky stuff here.

This post was actually ready last Monday, but I decided to wait until Thursday so I could capitalize on the Thursday Thirteen theme, but along the way I got my ass thoroughly kicked by a flu which has been slowly rolling through our household.  My son Stewie started with it - received an anti-biotic – and still 5 weeks later coughs like a chain-smoker.  Then my wife and daughter got hit around the same time, Boo had horribly goopy and runny eyes and had trouble sleeping at night.  My wife, the woman who laughs off strep throat, had it and tried to rest where possible but both of them still cough and sniffle 4 weeks later.  

As for me… It killed me.  I’m on day 8, 5 of those days without a voice which has never happened to me before, and for three of those days my head is stuffed and I cannot hear out of my left ear.  It throws off my balance.  But the coughing is the worst and at times I felt like I was going to herniate another disc in my back.  I think my abs might be in better shape after this, to be honest, but I’ve been pretty useless for over a week – fever, chills, sweats, exhausted… I’m so done with being sick.

So instead of letting another day fly by, I am tossing up this post, which is a list of the 13 most memorable posts to me, on this blog.  I hope you will take some time and check back to some of the earlier ones to see how much has changed along the way.

So please sit back, turn the calendar back to 2004, and be prepared to read the 13 most memorable posts to this Urban Daddy of his first 900 posts.

1) This is my first post on this blog.  Have to start somewhere, right.

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2004/02/28/what-happened-in-february-that-may-come-back-to-haunt-the-world-in-the-future/

2) Linus was born and we missed a major world tragedy in the process.  Had to write about it.

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2004/12/28/we-had-a-baby-while-the-world-suffered/

3)  The re-birth of my blog and my first angry rant at the TTC and other stupidities.  I got great feedback on this post and it gave me confidence to be myself online, to blog smartly and continue to point out how much I detest stupidity.

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2006/05/29/ttc-the-betterway/

4) My first Thursday Thirteen from way back in 2006.  (Loved the templates back then).

 http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2006/06/16/thursday-thirteen-i-hope/

5) Owie!!!  Our kitten arrived and back then it seemed like a great introduction to the family.  Now my kids look at that kitten, then look over at the adult-sized cat on the couch and wonder how that happened.  “Did Owie eat that little kitten?”

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2006/06/21/whew/

6) I reposted this speech from the United Nations, an organization I believe is corrupt, useless and anti-Israel and by doing this I pretty much came out as being Jewish – something I had not really done before just because I didn’t feel like fielding comments from bigots and racists.  Since that powerful post, and I hope that you do read this post, I have posted more and more as a means to educate people and to continue to stand up for what is right, just and fair. 

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2006/08/04/very-powerful-speech/

7) Child #2 Arrives!  Hello Stewie.

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2006/10/09/its-a-boy/

8) First post about me…  I guess in always hiding behind a name, it was easy to never post about myself, but this post changed everything.  Since this post, I even got a name; Warren.

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2006/11/02/thursday-thirteen-8/

9) I posted about the day I completed my graduate school for my MBA which I started 3 days after Linus was born.  Work… School… Children.  Exhaustion.  It was a great ride, a ton of work and an opportunity to finally leave the government for the private sector.  I owe my wife and family a ton of gratitude for putting up with me studying while at the cottage, late nights at the kitchen table and for being downright cranky and surely during the process.  I also got a ton of A’s and a couple A+’s which I had never achieved before so that was sweet too.

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2007/12/18/i-am-so-done/

10) This was my first “overheard on a Monday” post where I realized after a couple years that if I arrived at the office before 7:30am, that I could listen to my two neighbours talk about their weekends.  I used to tune them out and get right to work until one day I realized they were talking nonsense, something about double-reverse osmosis, so I called them on it – brought in my wife the chemistry teacher to back me up, and from there I had gems for my blog like no one else.  These are must read posts, as well.

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2008/06/17/overheard-on-a-monday-returns/

11) The First Urban Daddy Official Canadian Coffee Shop Rankings.  I’m on year 4 currently and have received feedback and Twitter love from all the main chains, Country Style, Starbucks Canada, Java Joes, Tim Hortons and Timothy’s.

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2009/01/14/urban-daddys-coffee-shop-rankings-2009/

12) Boo is born!  Insert huge sigh of relief that this one is a girl, and please book the vasectomy appointment…

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2009/11/27/its-a-girl/

13) My absolutely most popular post ever.  On the Ontario election.  My views on this post were 10000% more than any other post, and some of my comments were tweeted along the live election feed of CP24.  I felt engaged.  Now, however, that total mocks me, as I get closer and closer to it, but it will be a long time before I can reach it again.

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2011/10/05/undecided-not-sure-who-to-vote-for-in-the-ontario-election-you-must-read-this/

Thank you for being along for the first 900, and I look forward to many more posts and some great comments and contributions from all of you.

Honourable mentions:

My many posts on the Canadian Live-in Caregiver Program.

My series of posts on IVF, highlighted below for their critical importance in this day and age;

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2011/09/27/why-is-in-vitro-fertilization-not-an-issue-in-the-2011-ontario-provincial-election/

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2011/09/30/so-why-the-interest-in-ivf/ 

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/for-liberal-health-minister-deb-matthews-an-ivf-true-and-false/

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/in-vitro-fertilization-funding-saves-taxpayers-money-why-does-only-quebec-get-it/

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2012/07/22/ivf-part-2-provincial-funding-of-ivf-and-infertility-are-needed-addressing-reader-emails/

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2012/09/20/ivf-funding-in-canada-infertility-impact-on-grandparents/

Related articles

• Thursday Thirteen: 13 Weird Eating Habits (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)
• TD Canada Trust Panel Discussion: Parental Leave and Finances… Which came first? (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)
• Brotherly Advice: Don’t Piss off G-d. (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)

Toilet Humour from a 2-Year-Old

Berries (Photo credit: SeanMcTex)

My 2-year-old daughter Berry has quite the personality and being the third child, she seems to have picked up the seriousness of Stewie, and the goofiness of Linus.  This was her conversation with a member of this urban family today when she whipped open the bathroom door and found them on the toilet.

Berry: “Are you peeing and pooing?”

Anon “Yes, can’t you tell?”

Berry: “The poo is stinky but the pee is okay.  It’s fun.”

Anon: “It’s fun?”

Berry: “You can play with pee, but you cannot play with poo.  It’s yucky.  You can make eyes with pee, and smile with pee and play with pee.  Put a hat on pee and take pee to the park.”

Anon: “You cannot play with pee, you cannot take pee to the park and you certainly cannot put a hat on pee.  On a pea, maybe, but not on pee.”

Berry: “SILLY!  Yes you can.”

Upon overhearing this conversation, I think I need to investigate this further.  I’m glad she knows you don’t play with poo, however I’m not sure if someone has been telling her it’s okay to play with pee or if she’s just showing her toilet humour.

Crazy kids!

Related articles

• Toilet humour (learnermom.com)
• The Worst Conversation Ever Overheard (convergentjourney.com)
• Ah, those kids and the things they say… Was I this clever / funny as a kid? I doubt it. (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)

How did you spend your weekend?

Holy!

It’s Monday.  Man that weekend went so fast!  With kids programs, and putting together all the Ikea shelving we bought last week, there was no time to rest, relax or blog.

There is so much to catch up on, I don’t even know where to start.  So I’ll start with bullet points and expand where necessary;

• So Libya killed Gaddafi and the new rulers, propped up by many nations around the world, are bringing in Islamic rule, Sharia law into Libya.  Not good for the Christians or Jews there.  Already the new government is booting out the Jewish residents and denying any changes to the Synagogue in Tripoli.  Can you say Nazi Germany???  My wife and I have been in Poland where Hitler did the same and used the Synagogues as horse stables.  How nice…
• Did they really need to kill Gaddafi?  They had him, his was begging to live.  I think having him alive to see the citizens he tortured taking his possessions is enough torture, no?
• So after having what I thought was a terrible karate class, Linus was rewarded with a stripe.  Now he only needs one more and he can grade for his green belt.  All this is moot because he hates the classes – they are slow and he loves playing around and being goofy – and he really only uses his correct techniques when punching his brother at home.  If he displayed that same form and intensity in class he’d be on his purple belt!
• Stewie on the other hand, who just turned 5, was moved up to the yellow belt class with kids 6 years old plus.  He’s not developing in the lower class and unlike distracted Linus, Stewie is VERY focussed and wants to move up… NOW!  They’ll be in the same class by January.
• On the cute front was watching Linus and Stewie teaching Berry karate.  Seeing her making the moves and yelling Key-yi was hilarious.
• Speaking of Berry… She’s potty training.  Thank goodness.  Sure, she’s not 2-year-old until the end of next month, but we bought her Hello Kitty panties and to wear them she has to sit on the potty.  I hope all this potty sitting translates into no diapers.  I’m getting tired of the cloth diapers – the diaper wraps are showing their age.  But a huge thank you to Comfy Cotton in Markham for getting my kids potty trained at 2 1/2 and 3 1/4.  Let’s see how quickly the girl gets moving.  I know having a cold wet diaper next to their bottoms was the major reason for the push.
• On the weekend along with karate, the kids helped me take down the Sukkah.  Which kids?  Linus and Berry, of course.  Linus shlepped the heavy metal brackets from the backyard to the storage under the front steps while Berry helped him sweep the leaves off the patio.  Linus was awesome.  Such a big boy.  And no, the gate was not open enough for our neighbour to see it and threaten to “sue” us.  He was out with family.
• I let the boys put up the Halloween decorations this year.  I looked and they did an awesome job.  They said we need more decorations and I think because a neighbour has 30 life-sized zombies on his front lawn.  His house gets converted into a cemetery and compared to that, our house does suck.
• I signed up to play ball hockey this winter.  I received a call from the captain and he seemed interested but has not called back to give me the details of the first game.  I know the team name and where the games are played, however.  I wonder if he was having second thoughts after finding out I was 40?!?  I didn’t mention to him that in 20 years of playing my team has won 4 league championships and more recently, the teams I have joined have gone from giving up more than 5 goals a game to less that 3 goals per game and in those games I’m playing even strength, power play and penalty killing.  I join the rush and am a plus-player.  Oh, well.  This Thursday is the first game and my wife and I have theatre tickets.
• Thinking I had free time, I have proven it is impossible for me to say “no”, by joining the Boy Scouts to be a leader in my son, Linus’ Beaver troop.  It’s Wednesday nights, and after being there for one meeting I felt they needed additional support to keep the kids in line.  20 kids aged 5, 6, or 7 can be crazy.  Plus I was a Beaver, Cub, Scout and Venturer… I signed the application form and it needs to be sent for reference checks and a police check and then I’ll be good to go.  My Dad was my leader and he would be so proud of seeing Linus in Scouting.  Oddly enough, Stewie does NOT want to join Beavers as he doesn’t want to “wear a costume”.  OY.
• Visit number one to the Holistic Naturalpathic Doctor resulted in me now taking a crap-load of supplements.  I have 5 bottles with drops, one bottle of seaweed pills, and 4 other pills.  The good part about them is that the Glyco Support is keeping my blood sugar at a constant level and I feel great all day.  No ups and downs.  My temper is in control and I don’t cry watching Grey’s Anatomy.  The most difficult challenge for me, however is going to be getting more sleep and eating the diet she wants me to eat for my blood type, which I found out was A+.  No beef, no dairy, no wheat, no coffee…   I know I’ll lose weight but I don’t know how much of this I can pull off.
• So karate, swimming, Beavers… No wonder we spend all weekend cleaning and resting instead of heading out to do stuff as a family. 
• So I was up until almost 1am last night organizing toys in the basement, putting them in the correct bins.  Care to guess how long it will take before stuff winds up in the wrong bins???  That drives me crazy!  I’ll bet they’re in disarry right now!
• I saw that 26 members of the Toronto lingerie league football team have left the team as a result of bad coaching and “poor equipment”.  I have not paid attention to this league because I don’t get football, but these athletes are playing in a bra and panties, no?  So if that’s what you signed up for, how can you complain about the equipment?  I understand the helmets are hockey helmets and not football helmets.  If they are that concenred about safety, then the league needs to get these girls elbow and knee pads too.  If it’s supposed to be real football, make it safe.  Leave the wardrobe malfunctions to attract the audiences, but keep the girls safe.
• Under the category of EWWWWW; I am always after my boys to not pick their noses and then put their fingers in their mouthes.  Tons of kids do it and it’s gross.  This past Sunday at karate took the cake as a girl sitting beside Linus picked her nose, then immediately sucked it off her finger.  Then went to the next nostril, and into the mouth.  But what made it super-ewww, was when she wiped her nose with the back of her hand, then I had the “pleasure” of watching her see there was nose-stuff on her hand, and then see her lick it all off the back of her hand.  UGH.  Sorry.  Had to share!
• I hate, hate, hate that when I’m trying to put gas into my car, the #$%^&^% machine tells me “pump is ready” and stupid me clicks the handle and it’s not ready.  It’s never ready.  Why can’t the message wait 2 seconds then say it’s ready when it’s actually ready… Drives me crazy!
• And finally, have you ever noticed that replacing cash with debit cards, and credit cards, etc. was intended to make it “easier” for us to pay for things, but it’s not!  With PIN’s and chips, swiping and passwords, you now need a friggin computer science degree to pay for a loaf of bread.  Cash please!

Thursday Thirteen – a little late.

Guest blogger Elliott Hurst, CEO of interactive music technology company Supernova (www.supernova.com) strikes again with a surprise Thursday thirteen.

Here is @supernovelliott

 

As the owner of a growing business, we frequently talk about how to not only build the business, but build the brand of the business as well.  A brand is a promise.  A brand is something that the customer has certain expectations of, and above all, trust.  So it got me thinking of great brands to emulate and take notes from.  And being a proud Canadian, I thought I’d start with Canadian brands.  Brands that are uniquely Canadian.

Top 13 Canadian Corporate brands (not including individuals ie Wayne Gretzky).  What / Who would make your list?

In no order:

1. Tim Hortons
2. Blackberry (RIM)
3. Canadian Tire
4. Toronto Maple Leafs / Montreal Canadiens pick one or both
5. Cirque du Soliel
6. Lululemon
7. TD / RBC pick one or both
8. Roots
9. Air Canada
10. Rogers
11. Muchmusic
12. Molson Canadian / Labatt Blue pick one or both
13. Shoppers Drug Mart

Making this list was not as easy at it appears.  Originally I had Just for Laughs in my list as well as Supernova but removed them for other, better know brands.

 

So?

Some random stuff you will probably discuss at the water cooler, kitchen sink or breakfast table…

So my new blackberry talks to me. Out of nowhere, I must press a button and the fucking thing starts talking to me, asking me to issue a voice command and when I yell back at it, “Shut the fuck up” it calls one of my colleagues… Each and every time, same guy. I think I need to find a different swear word for it.
__________________________________________
For some strange reason by year and a half old daughter HATES the bath. Sure, it’s been coming over time but now she breaks out into a cold sweat whenever we say “bath” or “shower”. She also hates the morning poo cleanup which I think is a result of the cold wipes in her girly bits. I’d hate that too. Last time I went to clean her she said to my wife, “Bad Daddy”. Great.

———————————————————————-

I see Canada Post wants to strike… Overall volume is down 17% from 2006, they have a 3.2billion dollar deficit, yet the unionized workers want a 3.3% raise this year, and 2.75% in the next 2 year, in addition to job security. As Jack Layton would say, “hashtag fail”. It’s too bad Rob Ford is just the Toronto mayor and not the Prime Minister of Canada. Starting wages are $23/hr and would be $26/hr. #Shame. The workers should realize postal carrier are going the way of the VCR and Canada Post should find a way to keep the mail moving while sorting out this mess.

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Actual conversation between myself and a former colleague at the CRA (Canada Revenue Agency).

CRA: I’m bored.

Me: I could use some help researching some tax matters

CRA: Naw! I don’t wanna work.

Me: I really could use some help. I have some tough aged matters I’m trying to sort out.

CRA: So call business windows, 1.800.959.5525.

Me: Really? Can’t I just speak to you.

CRA: I’ll only answer one general question, nothing account specific

Me: Well, it’s account specific… Thanks anyways…

Yes sir, with no shred of a lie. I’m okay with that, it’s not this person’s fault, it’s the system, right?

————————————————————————————–

Staff member was at 15,000 steps at the end of the day and quite proud of it. I just cracked 10,000. Boldly, I pledged to surpass his total tonight. He laughed at me.

Damn.

That meant I would actually have to do something once the kids went to bed and my wife off to her book club. So after getting some work done on, oh yes, cost basis reporting, I grabbed my stuff and headed out for a run. Now I’m writing this post at 19,000 steps. I’ll have to find a kind, gentle way to point it out to him. He he.

————————————————————————————–

I also took the opportunity today to bring in ice cream sandwiches for the whole upstairs at my office today since it was so damn hot. One of my staff posted it somewhere, possibly Facebook, possibly just in an email to a friend, and it read; “This is why I love my boss”, and it had a picture of the ice cream. You know, I’d love my boss too if I got ice cream. Yeah (not that I don’t love my boss already, but there is room for ice cream after dinner and always room for more love for giving ice cream).

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When the Atlanta Thrashers move from Atlanta to Winnipeg shouldn’t Commissioner Gary Bettman go too? How long until he tries to put another team there?!? 10 years?

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Happy Birthday to my wife today! You look incredible and 10 years younger than me… Keep it up.
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Why are sales people / wait staff so fucking rude all the time. Don’t they know that they lose customers that way? Don’t they care? Does anybody care?
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When was the last time you paid a compliment instead of bitching? It’s so much easier to bitch someone out than it is to comment on how hard they work or how much you appreciate them.
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Why are there so many songs about rainbows? And what’s on the other side?
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Note to all business owners: Free business advice – It’s your sign that makes or breaks you!

I’ve got issues.  Yes, I do and I’m going to start venting about them here.  This is the time when I get to play part consultant, part BIA (business improvement association) and part consumer with disposable income.

 Please indulge me and read on!

In the past I have posted about how stupid some store owners are and how they drive potential customers away by using stupid-signing practices.  I’m going to hit up Google street view on Avenue Road in Toronto to try to find an example, but this is what I’m talking about…

Store.  Looks like it might be a restaurant.

Giant sign above says, “5th avenue”.

I look at it.  Look again, then drive past.  WTF is 5th avenue?  and why is the name 5th avenue so important that it takes precedence over something a little more relevant, say the word “restaurant”.  Maybe even describe what kind of restaurant, like “Fusion”.  Nope.  “5th avenue”… So I would never go there.  I don’t know what it is.

So take that into consideration when I describe what happened to us on Saturday.

We went on a few errands up north of the city and had a pretty tight timetable, when we saw a restaurant on the south-east corner of Dufferin Street and Steeles Avenue (for those of you playing along in Toronto or surrounding area) and what caught my eye and my wife’s eye was not the name of the restaurant, but the tag line under the  name, which read, “The world’s best spring roll”.

Yum.

We talked about going there, hemmed, hawed, then decided to schlep the kids inside and partake in the world’s BEST spring roll.  I mean you can’t advertise it if it isn’t true, right?  Or if at least you think it to be true.

Now keep in mind, I’ve not travelled the world, so I have no freaking idea just where there rank in the world, let alone in Toronto.  For all I know, they might just be that plaza’s best spring rolls – but with a tag line like that, how can you not check it out.  I’m sure the owners have done their research – thinks skeptical me.

Once inside I announced to the poor employee standing there that we were entering his premises at 4:20pm on this Saturday for the world’s BEST spring roll and hopefully he won’t let us down.  We come with mighty high expectations.

We checked out the menu – which was small and fast-food looking, only to notice that the pictures of the food look rather yummy, and although I had no idea whether it was cafeteria style or they come and serve you, we ordered at the cash, then went and plopped our asses down in a booth.  

Here is what we ordered which was what they said was the best of the best – and very funny was my kids sitting at the table asking the server over and over when he was bringing D’crisp.  I thought they were joking with him, until I took the card of the business and realized after that the name of the place was D’rollz;

d’crisp (lumpia goreng) Deep fried roll with chicken and bamboo shoot filling.

We also had a yummy rice / chicken / coconut dish that we had to eat RIGHT AWAY, before it got hard, and some crepes and a couple other things.  Essentially 12 items for $22.00.

The food was very good, bordering on delicious, but here is the thing…

I HATE bamboo shoots, and everything had them inside.  My kids also hate bamboo shoots with the exception of our daughter who ate pretty much everything until she tried the coconut/rice/chicken combo and realized too, that bamboo shoots suck.

So I ate anyways, and really enjoyed the d’crisp - bamboo shoots and all – and Linus (who must have been hungry) felt the same way, but poor Stewie held his ground and didn’t eat a thing until we were at the No Frills at Yonge and Steeles (gross) when he scarfed down a bagel.

So D’Rollz, which has every item on the menu starting with a “D’”did not have the “World’s best spring roll” in my opinion, nor in my wife’s opinion, but was totally worth the stop, especially in light of their other claim, that being the “only Indonesian restaurant in Ontario”.

I’m off to Google to disprove that.  Done.  Took 2.3 seconds for that claim to be shot full of holes.  Maybe the owner doesn’t have Google?!?

But back to my original point to any potential store owner who is ordering a sign for their business… Tell us what it is that makes you great, then ram your brand down our throats.  Had I noticed the name of this joint was “D’Rollz”, there was a zero percent chance I was going to go in.  But that description made me go, and might make me go again.

I’m just saying…

www.drollz.com

Thank you readers for a record month!

Thank you for making January (with one day left) the best month for this blog… EVER.

Hits this month were a quarter more than my previous best month, which was December, and comments this month were a staggering 65% more than my previous best.

I really appreciate each time someone takes the time to read, or comment on something I have written. 

Whether you are reading it directly at www.urbandaddy.wordpress.com, or on Facebook under my profile, or my urbandaddy page (come “like” me), or on Twitter @urbandaddyblog. You have taken the time to click through and I appreciate it.

Let’s have a kick-ass February!

Sincerely,

This urban daddy

Are Bloggers Really Narcissistic?

I know you are looking at this title and trying to decide if you want to read this post, and I’m sure you are thinking about the title and you have already formed a decision, and I’m going to challenge you – especially all you lurkers – to comment as to whether or not you think it is true that “bloggers are narcissistic”.

This came up a few months ago at the bar with my friends, when one of the guys at the table commented that he loved reading my blog, and he reads the posts every day and he finds in entertaining. The guy to his right then said that he reads this blog only when there is nothing else on TV, or on the net. “I’m sorry” he said, “but it’s true”. I have no problem with that, when the third guy at the table said to me, “I didn’t know you blog. Why do you blog?” Before I had a chance to comment, the 4th guy there, on my right, said, “people blog because the are narcissistic. The are into themselves and want others to comment so they look important.”

So I thought about it for a few seconds, and all that came out of my mouth was, “oh yeah? you think so?”

“I do” he said.

So I’ve been chewing on this for a couple of months trying to find the best was to post this conversation without offending the guy who made the statement, but also to really think about why it is that we do this…

I think with the growth in bloggers, it does water down the quality of “news” we receive but it also gives up a view of the news from a non-partisan angle in some cases. Like with Tiger Woods, the traditional news media were very cautious when presenting the news to not piss off any of his sponsors, or Woods himself, whereas a non-traditional media outlet such as http://www.tmz.com went there and from what I remember, even paid some of Woods mistresses for their stories. TMZ didn’t care about pissing off Woods, or Nike, they only wanted the story… First.

But be clear, I am not comparing this blog in any way to traditional media, or even non-traditional media, as in my case, I use this as a forum to vent my viewpoint in a forum which does not involve my best friend, my wife, or anyone else that I know. Most of my friends or acquaintances don’t care about the Toronto Maple Leafs not having a 1st round pick this year, or Rob Ford’s ascension to mayor, or that I stood in line at Tim Horton’s behind a guy who would take one step forward, then one back and I would forget resulting in him stepping on my toes 5 or 6 times. He probably thought I was a knob!

My point here is that out of all the reasons I have chosen to blog, and to continue blogging over 6 years and 600 posts later, none of them are for narcissistic reasons… I think.

Instead, I post with no-one in mind. I post to remember things my kids did, or to bitch and moan about random crap that matters to me and me only. Turns out some people like that. They probably use my postings to look at their lives and realize we’re all in the same boat… Some shit bugs us, and some makes us happy.  As a result, I cannot remember pressing “publish” on a post and thinking how great I was, but that’s me.  What about you?  What about others?    Do you know someone totally in this for the “fame and fortune?”  Someone who blogs because they love themselves so much that their blog encompasses them and takes over their life?  If so, let me know so I can read it and see it my friend was referring to me by his comment or if he was making a sweeping general comment about bloggers in general.

There is nothing wrong with a little narcissism but like everything else in life, too much of it can be dangerous, or obnoxious.

There is loving yourself, then there is LOVING yourself.

A post about my biggest boy on his 6th birthday

Today is my oldest boy’s 6th birthday.  As the youngest kid in his grade, it’s nice for him to be “catching up” to the rest of the kids.  Sure when he comes back to school there will be some kids turning 7-year-old, but to him he’ll be 6 like most of them.

In honour of his 6th birthday (besides our regular celebratory trips to the Mandarin) I have a post I’ve been keeping to post on this day, about a conversation him and I had a couple of weeks ago.  It just seems to fit – him turning 6, and me turning 40 in the new year…

Here it is;

In early December, Linus came up to me and asked me to give him some money for school.

“What do you need to buy?” I asked.  “Does mummy know?” figuring he’s already hit her up and is now trying to extort money from me…

“I’m not buying anything”, he said. ” I need old money for show and tell… I have some already but I need more.”

He proceeds to show me a penny with the year “2000″ on it.  “Yes, that’s old… To you!”  I say to him.  “But surely we can do better than that!  Let me find some older coins for you.  Like when Daddy was younger.  Let’s go look”.

So off we went looking through my change where I found a 1972 penny.  “Here buddy… This penny is one year younger than Daddy”, I say.

“GASP!  He says, before he turns and bolts out of the room.

“Stewie!!!  Daddy gave me REALLY, REALLY, REALLY OLD money!!!”

“Hey!… It’s not that old!” 

So off I went to find older money to show the kids that 1972 is not super-museum old.  I found a dime from 1968, a penny from 1956 and then a penny from 1932.

We discussed how old this money was by comparing it to ages of family members.    He seemed generally unimpressed by it all, even when I handed him another old penny, a 1944 one on his way to school.

So I kept giving him old coins figuring if he wasn’t going to be impressed maybe his teachers would, or some of the other kids in his class would tell their parents… I went and found a whole lot of old coins and gave them to him.

When I came home from work that evening I made a point to ask him right away how his show and tell went and if anyone like his coins. 

“Oh yes”, he said. 

“My teacher liked them, as did my classmates… Which is why I put them in the charity can, so others can like them too…”

“You did WHAT?”

“Gave them to charity”, he said.

“OH… Okay…”

So the point of this story is… I’m really, really, really old and my son likes to give to those less fortunate than he is.

Happy birthday Linus!

Get your hands off my f*cking kid. And the other joys of strangers judgementally parenting your children on your behalf.

I was aproached by a blogger-friend of mine about guest blogging on my blog after she saw my Thursday Thirteen last week was done by a friend.  

If only she knew that I was just too lazy to write it so I farmed it out. LOL

So of course I said okay to her, and below, you will find here contribution to this blog, and while I could toss out a disclaimer about the views in this post being hers and not mine, I noticed that she did not link to her blog so I will keep her cover and post it in it’s original form.

So here it is;

“Let me begin by saying I’m a blogger. Not an every day blogger, but when the mood strikes me. My blog is about finding the joy in the mundane, and truthfully, what I need to let out here and now has nothing to do with joy, or finding the sweet with the bitter. This rant has been six years in the making, and the straw that broke the camels back happened in just the last 10 days, at of all places, my kids’ karate dojo – and I’ll get there.

Please be advised, my ranting tends to go in different directions at times, but I seem to always be able to tie it up with a pretty feel good ribbon at the end. Except this time, I expect there will be no pretty ribbon at the end.

Quick disclosure – I know Urban Mommy and Urban Daddy through the vicious social collective of the late 90′s and current era known as the baby group. And clearly it was a relationship that has lasted, and so you may truthfully infer that whatever I write aobut baby groups in no way reflects on Urban Mommy in particular, because if she was a judgemental parent like the ones I’m about to rage about, we would clearly not still be friends 6 years out.

Furthermore, Urban Mommy pretty much represents what I wish I HAD met in baby groups, and mostly didn’t. But I met her, and that still stands as pretty cool (being true to self, had to find one piece of joy to throw into the spew).

I argued with myself as to should I be linear in this guest blog, or should I start with the last week and then take you into the distant past to give you perspective on what finally led to my belltower moment. While my husband is a purist for linear, I believe there’s dramatic effect in hollywood movies when you see as the first scene of a flick something clearly out of context as scene 1, and then you flip to script that says -4 years earlier – a la Inception which was in fact a great flick, despite my hatred of Leonardo Dicrapio (spelling error intended). So I’ve decided to go with the Hollywood bait and switch. You can tell me afterwards if the effect was all I’d hoped.

Let us begin last week. IronLady (Irnldy on twitter) signed her kids up for karate at the lovely dojo near her house. Older daughter took right to her class, no cajoiling needed, having a great time. Younger son, refered to ironically as Easy-E was not faring so well. He’s been reticent about ‘new’ since he came out of me a few years back. And generally his hobby of choice will always include hanging off of me or ironhusband, while we struggle to walk a balance bean with 35 pounds of toddler attached to us. So after all our experiences with Easy E, we knew what we needed to do to get him to go into his dragons karate class.

First and foremost, for success, we needed to not be in the room with him. He did ok for a few minutes, and then began bawling his head off to the extent that the entire dojo was staring wondering what the f*ck was up with that KID. As I am his mom, and I know him best, and have at least 3 visibly scars to illustrate that I know his strike zones, clearly I had an idea of what I’d do in that situation. There were two paths:

PATH A – I get down on the ground, hug and kiss and soothe. This path looks good to other parents, it says I love and I care and I nurture. But in Easy E’s world, it means it’s over lady. I get to quit and never come back.

PATH B- I stay standing upright, I listen to him, and then encourage him to rejoin. Again and again. Don’t want to rejoin? Ok, I want to go watch your sister. Followed by more crying. Sound bad to you? Maybe, but don’t judge. Because in our case it happens to be the right thing to do and I’ll get there later.

Choosing path b, clearly, I continue this until a “Perfect Mommy” breaks in. “How old is your child?” “Oh my, he’s so young, how can you expect so much from him??”. Then, gettting down on one knee, begins to stroke Easy E’s face and tell him it’s ok, he doesn’t have to do anything, and essentially negating every word I just said. This goes on, while I bite my tongue and stay upright. Until finally the sensei comes out of the room to see what’s up and also gets down on one knee to talk to young Easy, while the other mother is still offering of course all the love that I had vicisously (obviously) held back, all whilst giving me nasty looks. He tries to talk to Easy but can barely be heard over Perfect Mommy’s coooing to my boy. Finally, I say to PM – “he can only hear one voice at a time, and I’d like it to be the teachers’, thanks”. All while seething.

Needless to say, the exchange pissed me off. When we returned for attempt #2, there she was again, in full Perfect Mommy glory. LOUDLY EXCLAIMING to all nearby that sweet little Easy E was ONLY THREE FOR HEAVENS SAKE. And wondering out loud to herself and those in earshot “I just can’t understand why some people push a young child so hard, it’s just so unfair”.

Now needless to say I’d three days to rehearse what I’d say to her if she had the nerve to strike again, and boy did those rehearsals come in handy. And I quote myself here: “You know, you have a lot of opinions on what I’m doing wrong here, and how I’m damaging my son for life – which means, I can only guess, that you have brilliant never fail parenting suggestions at your fingertips that will be equally useful for all parents, regardless of the type of child. And that’s fantastic. I also would have to guess, given that you have attempted to take over the poor parenting of this child, that you will also be offering to take over all of the financial obligations related to him, and furthermore will be staking out his educational path from here on.. No? In that case, BACK OFF and stop talking to both of us, and while you’re at it, stop talking ABOUT us to everyone in the dojo.

She backed aways, and I continued my approach of getting Easy E some independance of his own for the first time in his life – and guess what? On class #3 he went in, on his own, did the whole class, and loved it. Same with class 4. Lesson learned bitch? I KNOW MY KID. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW MY KID. GET THE F*CK OFF MY KID. And take your superior feeling, stick it where the sun don’t shine, and feel the glory in knowing that YOUR children are perfect, and will never make scenes in public, and you’ll never have to feel judged by 100 pairs of eyes on you……….. or will you? Because if there’s one thing mommying has taught me, is that the judgemental glare escapes no one.

Enter the BABYGROUP:

These are time honoured traditions. Newly glowing mothers coming together as a community to form a baby oriented coffee clatch. Where I assumed it would be a relaxed varietal of women with babes in arms, discussing literature, fine food, movies, anything. Which we didn’t. In fact, ad nauseum, we discussed babies. Pooping, eating (organic??? yes of course!!!! to do otherwise would be murder as irnldy hangs her head in shame) Sign language? Baby Einstein??? Week after week, I kept thinking we had all the baby issues out of us, but we never did. What I did learn was a whole lot of what I did wrong, thanks to the perfect mommies in my 2 separate groups:

1. Only breastfed for 3 months the first time, switched to formula. Selfish, robbed my child of precious mother antibodies, robbed both of us of sking to skin bonding time. Will eventually explain it when she’s diagnosed with dissasociative personality disorder, and is unable to form meaningful relationships while she needlessly fights RSV and flus and hepatitis that my mothers milk could have saved her from.

2. Did not babyproof the house until well AFTER daughter was walking. A death trap. A baby group was actually cancelled by another mother scheduled to be in my home because of my lack of vigilant baby proofing, followed by a smug email informing me I’d be taken off the schedule if I didn’t take immediate action to fix the problem. I never did. My kids are still alive.

3. I raised issues other than feeding/diapering/burping/cooking organic baby food/shopping for useless baby shit, labeling me the mother who didn’t give a shit about being a good mother (or their view of a good mother). I was supposed to be feeling guilty about using jars of mass produced baby food – I didn’t care, and even the not caring got me in deep with the mommy police. When I raised other issues, it was “anyone gone OUT without a baby lately???” which wasn’t to say I don’t love my kid – it was to say that we still need to be thinking and functioning intelligent people outside of our reproductive prowess. This was met with stone wall silence.

4. At one of my daughter’s early on drop off classes they had parent volunteers on the roster. One day, I get a note from my parent volunteer that day telling me she spent the entire time watching my strange little girl, and truly felt I should know my daughter is Autistic. She’s not. (and yes, we eventually did have her tested and dealt with her speech and language issues, and she’s not autistic). Can you imagine getting a note from some judgemental volunteer with no credentials who was supposed to be helping server juice telling you she did nothing but sit and document how WEIRD your child is, and then offer a diagnosis what would shatter most parents???? Can you imagine ever having the nerve to do that to another human being?????

I have 6 years worth of these saved up,and I could hold hostage urban daddy’s blog a long time to get it all out, but I think you’ve got the gist. The truth is people, we are not a village raising a child anymore. We are tiny fiefdoms unto our own homes, and our impact on others is neglible at best, and bearing that in mind, wouldn’t you prefer knowing that at least your impact caused no harm that day? And how about all the judgementals out there, on the day that YOUR child pulls his pants down in the middle of Metro, screaming at the top of his lungs I DON’T WANT TO GO HOME AND I DON’T WANT PANTS AND I WANT TO RUUUUUUUUUNNNNN NAKKKKKEEEEDDD - what will YOU hope the other people around you do???? Because I can give you one certainty – every single one of those fuckers is judging you, judging your weirdo kid, and will tell at least 2 people about it while refering to themselves as a parent that NEVER would have allowed that kind of thing because their own parenting was so very spot on perfect to begin with.

I’m just saying. And to the lady who started this rant, when she got down on the floor and stroked my son’s cheek – When you’re moment of public humiliation parenting comes, I can only hope I will be there to soothe your perfect children the way you soothed mine. You may also be interested to know – Perfect Mommy, if you are reading this, that Easy E loves karate, and every day wakes up demanding to know if it’s dojo day. Because I did what I knew was right FOR HIM. Respect it, or back the f*ck off.”

Thank you IronLady! I’m going to look for Perfect Mom at the dojo this weekend.

So with that, I pose this question to those of you who made it through this post, if you have been put in a position where your parenting choices have been questioned by a stranger, or if someone has made reference to something you have decided to do in a judgemental manner.

Curious to hear the feedback.