A couple of days ago on my Facebook page, I posted a story about how I’m smarter than a 6-year-old.
Here is the post;
Phew! Still smarter than a 6yo.
My 6yo and 3yo were fighting over apples tonight. Each wanted their own for snack, however both kids are exhausted which means I would have pieces of 2 brown apples turning up later tonight when neither of them finished their entire apples.
So I deferred to them to figure out how to split the one apple they get for snack.
6yo Stewie decided that since he’s bigger he should get 6 pieces of apple while little Boo gets 3 pieces.
“Are you sure?”, I asked? “Is that splitting the apple and sharing?”
“It’s fair”, he said “and that is what I decided.”
“Okay” was my response.
So I cut the apple into quarters and gave 3 of the quarters to Boo, in a bowl, then I took the last quarter and cut it into 6 small slices.
There. 3 pieces for Boo and 6 for Stewie.
Score one for the Daddy!!!
Update: So while I was patting myself on the back for being the smartest daddy on the block, I failed to check the table to make sure they finished their apples.
When I did check, I saw that Stewie easily finished his quarter apple, however, Boo only ate half of one of the quarters of the apples she was given. No wonder Stewie was so smug when I made that decision. He knew his sister wasn’t going to eat 3/4ers of an apple.
So to be sure he didn’t find out, I ate the rest of her now browning apple…
Then I blogged about it.
Hmmmm. I seemed to have had quite the dilemma here in the urban daddy household last month when my oldest child, 7-year-old “Linus”, told me he doesn’t like his blog name.
He said it’s “yucky”.
“Do you know why I call you Linus on my blog?” I asked him… “Do you even know who Linus is?” I continued.
“Nope”. He replied.
So I went scrolling back through my older posts and I showed him this post from February 20th, 2008;
In that post I explain to my readership that I will be referring to my oldest son as “Linus” instead of the “Happy Boy”. Not because he’s not happy anymore, but because the similarities between him and the character Linus are striking.
Though young, Linus is unusually smart.
Everyone likes to think their child is smart, but we have had Linus tested and we know that he is unusually smart especially in mathematics and music. He does have very strong language skills (often using words like actually, & similar at the age of 2-years-old. He makes interesting connections, and has a fabulous memory. He hasn’t quoted philosophers or found the Great Pumpkin yet, but at the time of this comparison, he was just 3! Now that he’s 7, he’s doing just that (without the Great Pumpkin).
Our Stewie is a character and a half. He’s stubborn, he’s tough and I swear he’s trying to kill us. He’s very on the ball, he’s very bright and has been known to mutter obscenities in a British accent. No. That last bit I made up. Our Stewie is always thinking.. Always plotting and like the character on the show, Family Guy, has a fondness for chatting to animals.
I mentioned numerous times in the past that I felt Stewie was trying to kill me – he was the cause of my herniated disk in my back and he arrives at my bed at night and just stands there… Staring at me. It’s kind of creepy, to be honest, but he’s determined to get what he wants even if he has to stand by my bed when I fall back to sleep after I’ve told him to go back to his room.
As for our youngest and only daughter, we called her “Berry” from birth, for reasons I think only family and friends understand, but changed her name to “Boo” after she was featured in the show at Disney this past summer.
The post about that change is right here; http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2012/08/30/a-change-at-the-urban-daddy-blog-bye-bye-berry-welcome-boo/
So after all the explaining all this to him, I took to YouTube and showed Linus video about the Linus character on Peanuts and I watched as his serious face turned to a smile when he realized the similarities.
He turned to me and said; “When I start my own blog, I’m going to refer to myself as Linus too.”
Dodged a bullet.
Have any of you had issues with your kids and the names you chose for them on your blog or have you decided to use their real names?
Are you hungrier than a 5-year-old?
I doubt you are hungrier than my 5-year-old!
Let me preface this by saying when we moved 2 years ago into our new house the first thing we did was re-do part of the kitchen to allow for a much bigger fridge for Stewie. The fridge that came with the house was not going to be enough for the 6 of us (Me, Urban Mummy, Linus, Stewie, Berry and our Nanny – let’s call her “Gamay”), but we were most concerned about Stewie! This boy can eat and he’s only 5. He’ll eat us out of house and home by the time he is 13-years-old.
For example, in the car on our way up to T&T grocery in the Promenade Mall in lovely Thornhill, Ontario on the weekend Ms. Urban Daddy was engaging the children, asking them what they wanted to be when they grew up when Stewie bubbled up and asked if there were going to be “samples” at T&T? His mind is almost always on food.
As an aside, if you have never been to a T&T grocery store, you must go there! There is a location in the Promenade Mall in Thornhill. and one on Cherry beach in downtown Toronto. T&T is owned by Loblaws and they carry Asian foods. Our children love T&T because of the samples they give out during the day and for the fresh dim sum and sushi they make which we pretty much always buy and eat for lunch or afternoon snack.
When the kids hear T&T they know they’re going to eat while we shop and since the samples are of things we hope our kids will want to eat, like tofu, fish balls, dumplings, and many other unique items we would never think to include in our very healthy diet.
Instead of buying a product, like fish balls, for example and experimenting at home, the kids can give thumbs up and thumbs down to them on the spot and if they like it and will eat it, we can buy it. It makes a lot of sense and is a great way to expand any child’s food options.
The sample stations at T&T are usually manned and the kids know to ask nicely and in return they are given one sample to try unless there are different flavours and they want to try them too. I won’t let them try coffee, or sweets or anything we will not purchase – like pork products – but we have tried some pretty crazy samples over the years.
The one sample per station rule works for everyone except Stewie – who already at 5 eats more in a meal that his 5 foot 11, 230 pound father (me). At the store he tries pretty much everything and if he likes it – and if the food station is unmanned, he’ll eat and eat and eat until someone catches him. He always uses a new toothpick, he’s a bit of a clean freak that way, and he’s not a pig eating everything he just casually takes another, then another with a giant smile on his face. Free food!
That penchant for eating reminded me of our last cruise.
The last cruise we went on, when the off shore excursion was to the cruise lines private island, we got up, ate a huge breakfast, then hopped on the tender to the island. By 9am we were baking in the hot sun, playing in the sand with the shells and laying on a raft.letting the tide take us away, when out of nowhere, Stewie started to get VERY agitated.
It was not just past 10:30am and the anger turned to frustration, which turned to tears.
We brought him back to the beach chair and spoke with him about what was bothering him. The sun? The heat? The sand?
It was none of those.
He was hungry.
Fortunately, the cruise ship was setting up a lunch buffet on the island and were almost done getting it ready, so Ms. Urban Mummy walked over and came back with some fruit, some veggies and some water.
But Stewie did not want any of that…
So all of us walked over to the buffet and immediately, Stewie saw what he wanted.
“I want a burger!” he proclaimed.
“At 10:30am?” I questioned.
“Yes! I want a burger!!!” he said, with his voice borderline agitated, frustrated and again close to tears.
“Okay” we said and by 10:45am after a huge breakfast 2 hours earlier, Stewie was eating a burger. We could see his demeanor changing as he was eating it. There were some blood sugar levels dipping here. But good little Stewie was not done with his first burger… He needed a second one, which he ate quite happily if my memory serves me correctly. He was still 4-years-old at this time, too.
Then after being burned to a crisp, we headed back to the ship for nap time for Stewie and Berry at which point, Stewie started to put up a stink as he was, “hungry”.
So I took him upstairs to the buffet and we sat at he ate yet more food.
Man can that kid pack away the food.
I should have seen this coming. This is the same kid who at about 1 1/2 years old was sitting in his high chair at a family resort just north of Toronto eating a meal – soup I believe – and very slowly, when the waitress came and took away the inch left in his bowl. He did NOT like this and spent the rest of the week with his head on a swivel and every time a waitress walked near the table – ours or others – and he would wag his pointer finger and say, “Never , ever, ever take Stewie’s food away”.
Possessive a little?
His behaviour there came to light in his little sister last week when we at dinner at Safari on Avenue Road in Toronto, when 2-year-old Berry needed to go pee. She looked back at the table and said, “don’t touch my food”, “don’t let anyone take my food”, “I’m still eating”. and she kept mumbling “I’m still eating” over and over again as she walked to the bathroom. When she returned and her food was still there, she smiled and with a look of relief on her face, she said, “Oh! My food is still here. I came back, and my food is still here!”.
But back to Stewie… There was the time we went to St. Thomas, Ontario to see and take a ride on Thomas the Tank Engine and Stewie was probably 3-years-old. After a full day of fun we went out for dinner to – of course – the Mandarin Restaurant. After eating a pretty large meal, matching me plate for plate, I went to get a soup to wind down my meal and with that soup I grabbed 2 teriyaki shrimp to eat.
Stewie finishing his second bowl of soup too, turned to me nd said, “I want shrimp!”.
How did he know what shrimp were?
Okay, so I went back to the buffet and brought him back 2 peeled shrimp. He stuffed them in his mouth so fast, Urban Mummy couldn’t take a picture of him eating them.
He finished and asked for more.
After bringing him another 10 shrimps, we were laughing as were the elderly couple sitting beside us watching how much food this boy has packed away. Figuring he should stop before he explodes, I brought him teriyaki shrimp instead but he loved those too.
So fast forward now, and we’re all finished eating, when Stewie after finishing his 32nd shrimp declares that he is full.
We gasp, and pack up the family feeling sorry for the Mandarin who made money on the few noodles that Linus ate but lost a ton of the massive amounts of food that my skinny 3-year-old just hoovered back.
That trait remains to this day.
Just last week Urban Mummy made mini-pizza’s for the family. 5 small ones for Linus and Berry to split, 3 for her, 3 for me and 3 for Stewie. She ate 1 and a half. I managed to eat 2 – but probably should have stopped at 1 and a half as well, while Stewie ate all three and needed a snack before bed.
And yes, we have had him tested for worms.
He’s a growing boy!
Because I’m a giant loser, I find myself not needing to dip into the almost 80 blog posts sitting in my draft folder for this weeks Thursday Thirteen, but instead I felt compelled to reach out to my readers with kids and form a bond.
Below you will find the 13 ways in which I realized I have lost touch with the adult world.
Sit tight and here we go.
13. I saw what appeared to be 2 hookers walking through the side streets near Eglinton and Allen Road last night in mid-town Toronto, on my way home from the office – probably heading to one of the many massage places with neon lights that light up on the very quiet Eglinton strip (pun intended) after dark.
For some reason even I cannot explain, I began singing this following song – out loud – in my car, to the tune of the Dora the Explorer theme;
Do do do DO do DO do… Hookers.
Do do do DO do DO do… Hookers.
Hookers, hookers, HOOKERS on Eglinton.
If you know the theme, you know what I mean.
12. I sit down in front of the television infrequently and instead of checking out the regular stations, Ch22 – Sportsnet, Ch30 TSN, Ch53 Headline sports and Ch 418 the NHL network, my fingers immediately press ch65 which is Treehouse TV. A bad habit indeed because once the kids catch a glimpse of one of their shows the begging begins.
11. Like my kids, I have found myself not caring about the colour of my socks when I head into the office. It used to be black socks for everything unless I’m wearing blue pants, then it would be blue socks and brown socks for brown pants but because my kids regularly wear, for example, an orange shirt, with green pants and red socks, I’m feeling their vibe. I’m not sure those without kids would understand other than to think I’m losing my mind.
10. I heard a song by Anthrax called “I’m Alive” which I really love right now but instead of singing that I find myself singing a children song that has words in it like, Syria, Oman, Pakistan… and what’s worse about this is that Stewie played it for me on my birthday saying “It’s daddy’s favourite song”. He knows it and I don’t. DOH!
9. I needed to move an icon from my iPad into a folder and ended up giving it to Linus to close off once I finally figured out how to move it – UrbanMummy showed me how to move them but not how to turn it off. He knew without hesitation.
8. I needed to get through a level of Plants Vs. Zombies but couldn’t figure out how, so I gave it to Linus and Stewie and they had it done in 2 games. That used to be me…
7. I need to make more guy’s nights out to talk about real world topics not having to do with, or involving diapers, trips, programs or any more to deal with a vasectomy.
6. I have read over 1000 children’s books in the past year, and precisely 1 pleasure book for my interest and it was a Dan Brown book which I polished off in just under 2 weeks.
5. Before my ball-hockey game on Monday night, instead of my normal pre-game ritual of pasta, Advil, tums/rolaids, stretching and very loud aggressive rock to get my mind focussed, I took tips from Linus (who hates hockey and has seen me play twice) and his tips WORKED! In honour of Ron Simmons who is going into the WWE Hall of Fame, I say this; “DAMN”.
4. See the previous discussion about my kids clothing “style” and wonder why it is that I ask them if my clothes match in the morning before I leave for the office. That’s like me asking Urban Mummy who tells me I look fine when the room is pitch black and she cannot see me, and is the first to comment when I arrive home at the ned of the day with; “You wore THAT to work today?!?”
3. As Daddy carpool, I take my kids to karate, swimming, parties, Beavers and any other kid only or family outing (like trips to sleepyville) and I am unable to yell or swear at other cars, bikes or people. I also am banned from singing in the car or listening to my music.
2. I spend so much time in the children’s rooms at night – bedtime routine is happily my task – that my daughter has said to me repeatedly, “You have no bed. Stewie in Stewie’s bed, Linus in Linus’ bed, Mummy in mummy’s bed and Berry in Berry’s big girl bed. you have no bed.” No matter how many times I have tried to convince her than mummy and daddy sleep in the same bed she won’t buy it because she never sees me there. She’s 2. Yet, I try to convince her over and over again. Why is that? It’s a giant waste of time with a 7-year-old, let alone a 2-year-old.
1. I spend my days waking up at 6am when the kids get up. I wipe butts, I smell hands, I smell stinky breath, I deal in diapers (thankfully no more poo). I cook on demand, entertain on demand, feed on demand. I’m their bitch. I keep the TV low at night when watching sports. I have not watched a movie which has suggestive content, the potential for nudity or swearing or inappropriate TV in 7 years. What’s up with that?
- Thursday Thirteen – Thirteen really strange search terms which directed people to my blog. (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)
Happy 5th birthday to my son I call “Stewie” here in Urbandaddyville. :)
We were so happy when you turned 4 because you were as big as a 4-year-old and no one believed that you were 3. Now that you are 5 you look like you are 6. You and your 6-year-old brother share the same the same size shirts and pants, and you’re 4cm shorter than him.
You wanted a bag of marbles for your birthday and you got it.
You wanted a magician for your birthday (but not Tricky Ricky) and you wanted cupcake decorating at our home but just yesterday you asked us if you could have your party at Active Kids Zone. Your party is Tuesday. There are 24 kids coming. It’s too late to make these changes, and we’re not using AKZ since they refused to refund our money for a camp that your brother was sick for.
You went this afternoon to write your journal.
The worse your brother behaves, the better you do.
You have developed a bond with your baby sister because you can boss her around and she loves it.
You told us school was boring – after 2 days – because all they made you do was colour.
You have not slept through the night or in your own bed for the last 5 months.
We love you. Happy Birthday.