As a Father, if you’re going to disappoint some of them, you might as well disappoint all of them…

I wanted to post this last week when it happened but did not get a chance but since that night this scenario has come up over and over again, just not to the same extent.

The night it first happened, was a special night in the Urban Daddy household.  Determined to get back into some semblance of an exercise routine, I made up my mind early in the day that I would run on the treadmill that evening, by hook or by crook.

Since I’m still within my 3 month window of a new job with much greater responsibility, and the stress / excitement of meeting new people, learning new systems, figuring out acronyms and being on my toes all the time, I have found myself quite exhausted by about 10pm, which means that is around the time I tend to fall asleep on the couch when trying to; watch TV, read, blog, play Cityville, or… exercise.  Very unusual for me as I’m used to 1-2am sleeps with 6am wake-ups.

This night was exercise night and the beginning of a new schedule for me.

New Routine – Thursday night.:

Eat dinner with the kids (not unusual at all)

Stewie piano lessons

Give Berry a bath

Linus annoy mummy during math lesson

Then switch…

Linus piano.

Berry and Stewie before bed snack.

All kids in bed by 8:15 and I’m going to treadmill for 1/2 hour before I have a shower, then run out to grab milk.  I really want to begin getting to bed at a reasonable hour – it is currently 12:33am so that is not happening.

Then it all fell apart.

Urban Mummy wanted to talk to me.  We didn’t talk much the previous night and she barely saw me today and she wanted to chat but I patted my flabs and said, “Sorry hun!  I have to treadmill”.  She was disappointed.

I went to check on the kids and here is what happened;

Walked into Stewie’s room, and surprisingly he was still awake.

“Stay with me, Daddy”, he said.

“Sorry kiddo.  I have to treadmill right now so I can shower, get milk and talk to your mother before she falls asleep or kills me”.

He was disappointed.

I went from there to Linus’ room where he was sitting up in his bed too.

“Lay with me, Daddy and tell me a story, please”.

“Can’t buddy.  Have to go treadmill before mummy goes to sleep.

He gave me his pouty disappointed face.

Out I marched and right into Berry’s room where surprisingly she was up too.

“Rub my back and stay with me Daddy”, she said.

“Sorry, sweetie, I have to treadmill.  Sing for me and I will tuck you in when I’m done.”

She was not happy either because she didn’t sing for me and she usually does.  “Bla Bla Blacksheet”

Out I walked.

4 people wanted me to stay with them and 4 people got nothing.

Like I said in the title.  Go big or go home.  If you’re going to disappoint someone you might as well disappoint all of them.

Dads…  You turn.  What would you have done?

Related articles

• Ah, those kids and the things they say… Was I this clever / funny as a kid? I doubt it. (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)
• Should I be concerned that my kids are smarter than me? (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)
• Are you hungrier than a 5-year-old? (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)

 

It is that time of year… Tax time!

For those of you who are new to this site, or who drop in occasionally, you may not know that in my real life, I play a tax manager.  I post tax information that I find interesting, or that I have to dig up and research on at www.intaxicating.wordpress.com, soon to be at www.intaxicating.ca once I find the password and username that I misplaced.

So what that means is that this time of year – actually beginning in August -is super-hectic.  Beginning December 1st, my walk hurried into a jog, and now in mid-January I am already in full sprint.  I’m not sure ho long this pace can keep up with 2 1/2 months to go…

I had an idea how this day was going to shape up, when the first song I heard on my iPad was ”Under Pressure” by Queen.  I spent most of the day pushing ahead tasks and projects where there was room to move them, while trying to get other projects completed ahead of schedule, while putting out fires that happened throughout the day.  Nothing new for me, and to be honest, since I really like doing this a lot, it makes for a fun time.  I’m just reminded as I get more and more tired that I need to get to the gym as that got me through 2 previous tax seasons.

I also realized today that taking care of my kids on Saturday, while awesome, really set me back a bit, when on Sunday I took the boys tobogganing for a couple of hours in -25 degree celcius (with windchill) weather and boy did that fresh air mess with us all.

Both kids were exhausted at night and I was a disaster on Monday. I actually went right to sleep at 8pm after all the kids were asleep and slept right through until 7am the next morning.  I would say that was the most uninterrupted sleep I have had in 6 years.

It was also today when I realized how much I appreciate my wife, and that she does what I did on Saturday each and every day.  Sure we have a nanny to help her out but she still works, feeds us, pays the bills, programs the entire family and keeps the house running smoothly…  Zowie.  I feel like such a wuss now.

I often ask her opinion on how to manage a situation because while she has not managed people per se, she manages the household, the kids, the nanny, and in her former life as a high-school teacher, she managed to stay sane.

I think the task of managing kids is very similar to managing adults as in both cases you are looking to make sure both groups do what is right for themselves and for the rest of the team / family, while at the same time you want to make sure there is no conflict and you have to work together to get the job done. 

For both kids and adults, working towards a goal is key.  IT’s easier to track progress that way and having a prize at the end of the maze makes the race more worthwhile.

In reading “Honey, I wrecked the kids” by Alyson Schafer, I am learning new less physical ways to interact with the kids and get them to do what my wife and I expect from them.  I am finding success.  Instead of asking Linus to remove his plate from the table night in and night out, Alyson suggests that since kids know their responsibilities, a simple one word reminder should suffice, so this morning when Linus got up and walked away from the table, I said; “Linus.  Plate.”  He turned around, walked back to the table and removed his plate.

Another tool is the re-direct.  Linus was making a spitting noise that I cannot stand and instead of asking him to stop and give him all that attention for the wrong reasons, I merely asked him different questions until he forgot what he was doing and started chatting with me.

Good one Alyson!

The last technique that I am finding to be a great help (I’m halfway through the book) is the introducing of consequences.

You don’t have to clean your room if you don’t want to put I will not read a book to anyone is a messy room, worked wonders the other day.  As does the line, you can stay downstairs and play if you want.  You will miss snack before bed and if that is your choice, that is okay with me.

Can’t wait to get through the book… One night parenting, next night taxation, following night parenting…

As an aside, I’m looking for a beginner yoga class in the Toronto area that begins after our kids are in bed, so around 8pm.  Anyone?

 

Being Daddy for a Day (and surviving without any visible scars)

Saturday was a great day in the urban daddy household.  Urban Mummy was at the Ontario Science Centre all day for a nutrition seminar, and that meant I got to play full-time Daddy to my own kids for the day.

Originally the plan was a trip to karate for the boys, then meeting my mother and sister for brunch, then to visit my grandmother with the kids, and take them home so the baby could nap… The rest was up in the air.

Unfortunately someone forgot to tell the City of Toronto that it was going to snow so it was near impossible to drive this morning on the slippery unplowed roads, so I told my mothersister to stay home and the plans changed.

Firstly, karate was great!

Stewie got his green advanced belt.

…and Linus got another stripe for his yellow belt.

Special thanks to Elliott @ Supernova for the pics.

After karate we came home and the boys earned 2 cookies by shovaling the neighbours sidewalk and driveway.  They worked SO hard.

Then we came inside and while the baby slept for 3 awesome hours, the boys and I played, cleaned, watched some TV, read and had a great time.

At 5pm it was bath time for everyone, I put up the last of the mezuzahs in the upstairs, and UM came home just before 6pm.

Upon seeing her, Berry said, “Mama meh” (Mummy-milk) and in the process of getting her dressed in her PJ’s she fell off the bed backwards on her back / bum.  She barely cried, but fell asleep feeding – an exhauting day for her.  She was is in her crib for the night by 6:30pm. 

The boys ate dinner, then snack and were off to bed by 7:30pm, as UM and I had dinner plans with some friends later tonight – no kids.  I can’t wait!

Oddly enough neither boys wanted my wife to leave (not me) and one developed a tummy ache and the other was having nightmares (without having been asleep yet).  We managed to get both settled and we left.

Dinner was fantastic as was the company.  We had a great time and returned home around 1:30am with a new found understanding as to why you do not google things when playing the game “Headbandz”.

The kids of course we up well before 7 this morning… Oh well…

So there!  I not only survived the day with 3 kids – my three kids – but I had a blast.

 

The sleeping patterns of a 2 year old, and now 4 year old.

What a difference a year (or 2) makes!

In 2008 I wrote a blog post entitled, “Ewww Stinky”

http://urbandaddy.wordpress.com/2008/11/22/ewww-stinky/

In that post I discuss the wake-up routine of then 2-year-old son Stewie and how it was that he woke up in the morning with a diaper full of poo, but he would never leave his bed until we came to get him.

It was the funniest thing. Picture this… obedient little boy, laying in a toddler bed, one foot off the floor, but he never once stepped foot off the bed until someone came to get him – that someone could have been me, urban mummy, or even big brother Linus.

Fast forward 2 years and here is Stewie, now 40 pounds, still needing a diaper at night – still waking up full of poo more often than not, but does he wait in bed for someone to come get him?!? Heck no. The happy wandered shows up at my bed at all hours of the night. He’s tired, he’s scared, he’s hungry, he heard thunder… The list goes on. It’s near impossible to get him into bed. What’s worse, is that last night, for example, he came to get me at 4am – he was hungry – and when I said we could go downstairs and get him a bite, he whipped out his flashlight to lead the way. Then… In typical Stewie fashion, he suckered me into sleeping in his bed with him and once I fell asleep, he left to go sleep with mummy, leaving me cramped up and uncomfortable.

I long for those days where he would stay in bed and call for us to come get him and release him from bed-prison… I long for the days when Linus would stay in bed until 7am. Early morning wake-up calls are frequent in our house and are a major reason why I’m tired all the time. I at least can get back to bed… Urban mummy… Once she’s up, she’s up for the day.

I’m going to remind Stewie of this tonight.

 

You are 8 months old today!

Happy 8 months to my little girl.

You are so different from your big brothers… You can sit on the bed, happily and play for around an hour. You love to happily warble away, while yanking at your feet, rolling front-to-back, then back-to-front, clapping your hands, or on your hands and knees rocking back and forth. You never stop… Like your big brother, Stewie.

Now you love to try and stand up (holding on to me very tightly, of course. You are so proud of yourself.  The world looks so different when you are standng, eh?

You toy with me when I feed you, pretending to sign the word, “more”, while saying it only to me, never to mummy.

You have that one little tooth on the bottom left of your mouth and have bitten me and mummy, although where you bite mummy hurts way more than me!

You love your brothers and your dolly (and bunny your brother bought you, and the ball we’ve passed from brother to brother to you, and your links…)

Your face lights up when you see your nanny, and her sister. You hated the cat, but are now becoming buds.

You are my princes. But not Ariel, or Cinderella… Princess Leia. You get to carry a blaster!

Happy 8th month birthday, sweetie. And thank you for finally showing signs of wanting to sleep through the night!

 

What it means to be a working father of three.

This past weekend definitely a trying weekend for me in my efforts to be a great father.

I was on edge all weekend, probably because this would be the 3rd week in a row I’ve been suffering with my allergies.  I have been unable to wear my contact lenses. My eyes are very red and quite itchy, and my nose and throat have started to itch this week… UGH. I look like I’m on drugs… Not a great look for an office, eh?

I keep forgetting that I should be investing in allergy medication, as all this allergy action has come in the last 5 or 6 years only. I never had allergies as a child.

I am also a bit on edge because our little baby girl, Berry, has been up every 2-3 hours (shades of Stewie) every single night.  While I do not get up everytime the baby does – thank you honey – because this time around, for child #3 I actually have to work.

With child #1, Linus, I took 9 months off paid paternity. With child #2, Stewie, I was off for 4 months on paid paternity (2 of those months were spent laid up with a herniated disc in my lower pack) and with #3, Berry… 1 day at home. It was tax season and I needed to be at the office.

But there are some nights where I am feeling very good and as a result, I have been getting up so urban mummy does not have to, even if that means staying up with the baby past midnight hoping she’ll have that great night’s sleep she needs to stay rejuviated and the baby will tire out and sleep an nour or two more.

Neither of them do…

And to top matters off… the boys have been waking up at at 6am to play, waking me up in the process. 

So allergies, and exhaustion, coupled with 2 rowdy boys and an over-tired wife and look out!

As a result, every little thing drove me crazy this weekend.  Watching the boys play tug-of-war with their expensive throwpillow – with their teeth – drove me batty.  As did walking in the kitchen on cooked rice that the boys dumped on the floor.  Grrr.

I know this is what being a Dad is all about and I know that all I need is one good night’s sleep to get me back on track.

But until them… Look out!

SNAP.

 

Repost: Thoughts from April 2007

Here is what was going through my head April 2007.

• Former Conservative politician, until she crossed the floor to become a cabinet minister for the Liberal party, Belinda Stronach is not seeking re-election in the next election.  HA HA HA.  I knew (and probably blogged) that once she became a traitor and left the conservative party, crossing the floor to join the corrupt liberals for a cabinet post, that she would be going nowhere in politics.  Clearly I was incorrect.  She is going somewhere… out! Bye bye Belinda, you turncoat, and take Tie Domi with you.  That former Toronto Maple Leaf pugilist, who was married when you an him hooked up and you deserve each other.  Opportunists.  Besides, Tie’s segment “Win, Lose and Tie” on TSN is brutal.  I turn the channel when it comes on.  It’s painful.
• In other thoughts… It looks like rain outside… I don’t have an umbrella.
• I’m really jacked that the Raptors are in the playoffs – but I hate that they are playing Vince Carter and the NJ Nets because I’ll be REALLY upset if we lose to “them”.  Ever since “Wince” left the Raptors, I have always wished him to lose or get hurt, flop on the floor like he did in Toronto and please continue to tip off the opposition on plays in NJ like to did in TO. 
• I received my grades for my two most recent business graduate school classes… both A’s. Only 4 more classes to go then I’ll have my MBA and can use it to get out of the government.  YAY.
• Happy to report that my wife and I have something new in common, besides our kids, marriage, house, etc. I love to garden and she does too.  And she is quite good at it too.  We have seedlings now sitting in the living room soon to be headed in the garden, of all these funky heirloom fruits and veggies.  She picked them, she planted the seeds, we watch them grow. Fun, fun, fun!
• Need sleep… I am painting the basement – kids playroom… It had to happen sooner or later.  We bought some red, blue and green paint – bright kids colours and I am painting the entire space they use to play in.  Part of the wall is going to be a magnetic chalk board.  Wondering how to get the red paint out of the carpet and I dropped the tin and of course it opened on the carpet.. A lot!.  It is fire truck red.  OY. 
• So let’s recap… Baby up at 5am, I leave for work at 7am, get home before 6pm, bathe and book the kids to bed, then after chatting with my wife and taking care of classes, I set out around midnight to paint until 1 or 2am and then do it all again the next night.
• Sleep???  Over-rated. 

 

I cut off his finger?!?

Stewie woke up at 3:30 this morning crying.

I sauntered into his room and was greeted by an angry almost 3 year old, sitting up in his bed with his blankie tucked under his arm.  Through tears he said; “You cut off my finger!”

I rubbed his head, layed him back in bed and said, “No I didn’t, go back to sleep”.

He sat right back up and said louder, “YOU CUT OFF MY FINGER!”

I sat on his bed, layed him back down, then took his hand and counted his fingers to him beginning with his right hand.

“Oh” he said, and I sat there as he dozed off to sleep within seconds.

Nightmares… Joy.

When he awoke in the morning, he ran into his Mummy’s room to tell her that I cut his finger off.  She looked at his hand and counted the fingers as I did earlier.

Then, he pointed to the space between his first finger and thumb.  “There!” he proclaimed… There was my finger…

Apparently my son had 6 fingers…

 

It’s been a quiet posting week…

Lots going on…

Lots.

 

But with UM feeling better, we’ve both been able to get to bed a little earlier.  A couple nights ago we both flaked out watching Law and Order on or PVR.  Last night while UM was studying for a quiz, I got caught up on some work emails, played Jedi vs Sith on Facebook, then more Law and Order, and sleep.

While I feel more tired in the morning, I totally feel better overall…

Living on 5-6 hours sleep a night, everynight, really is not that much fun.

 

More fu%kin snow!?!

Just when I thought it was safe to go outside (read: drive up to Richmond Hill in the wife’s standard vehicle) we get dumped on with feet upon feet of snow (closer to 5-10cm) and all hell breaks loose on the roads.

Where are the goddamn ploughs???

Why do they wait until after the snowfall to come out of hiding?  Are they afraid?  Maybe it’s a union thing, like the one that is slowly destroying York University.  Maybe it’s a plan to allow people (not me) to take the day off work…  Who knows, but it’s really fucking annoying.  Can drive on an incline, stopping and starting bite, forget turning and I think I must close my eyes and pray (and I’m not a religious man) every time I look into the rear-view mirror and see a SUV or minivan flying up behind me because crappy driving conditions don’t exist for them…

Not fun.

So after an hour and a bit drive this morning and an hour drive home, I am already dreading the morning drive tomorrow.  If I leave before 7:30, I might get there before 8:30, or if I wait I’ll be there after 9.  It should be interesting considering Stewie is sick (again).  He has an ear infection, and is on meds.  Looking at him now, in the bath with his brother, he is lethargic and his eyes are droopy.  He looks sick.  Poor kid.  Hope he sleeps tonight!  I should plan on being asleep early myself so when he wakes up at 2am again I’ll be ok.

About that 2am wake up…

Monday night I had ball-hockey – we tied the worst team in the league 1-1.  I had a pretty good game, I thought.  I had spent an hour in the gym earlier in the day and I felt great.  Many players on my team were yelling at me to play physical, but when I did, they complained that the guy ran past me… duh!  No shit he did… But he didn’t have the ball…

So after the game I got changed, ran an errand them came home at 1:30am for bed.

Fine.

Tuesday night (last night) I was asleep really early – 10:30pm – but Stewie woke up at 1:50am calling for me.  He had to pee.

Seriously… This is what a child in the midst of toilet-training does… Wakes his daddy up in the middle of the night to pee.  Then grabs his blankie and pillow and announces that he’s sleeping in “mummy’s bed”.

NOT.

I get him back to bed after 30 minutes of him crying and I slide back into bed and back to sleep.

Don’t see much sleep in the plans for tonight…