Lack of sleep, sickness, diapers, vomit, and so much more are things that we expect to have to deal with as parents, and I’ve received tips on how to deal with all of them. But my friends never talked about poop in the bath-tub, nor did they mention the after effects on me or on the kids…
Poo in the bath-tub.
Last night, for the first time ever. I must have skipped over this section in the new-child parenting manual because I was at a complete loss over what to do, and thankfully instincts (or in-stink) set in and we managed to escape unscathed. You see it was a very unexpected event because in the 26-months since Linus has been alive, he has never pooped in the tub, and all 5-months of Stewie had never done that deed in the tub, until last night.
Looking back, it was like a giant squid inking its enemy. Both boys were in the tub, just finishing off their bath when a brown liquid shot out of the little one towards the bigger one. Both Linus and I looked at it for what seemed like 5 minutes, and we both eventually reacted the same way… horror.
Swiftly, Linus got up and backed away from the evil invader that was slowly moving towards him. I surveyed the situation and figured I had mere seconds before Stewie was engulfed (then I’d have to bathe him again after cleaning out the tub) so I leaned over and plucked him out of the tub with mere seconds to spare.
Adeptly, I alerted the maternal unit of this poo slick – the bath water was all brown – and she arrived in good time (with a smile on her face), grabbed towels and went right to the big cold boy standing naked, wet, shivering and on the verge of tears.
So picture this chaos…My wife is towelling off Linus, while directing me on how to clean the tub of poo (SHE read the manual!), and asking me if it really was fair to have baby Stewie tucked under my arm like a football, dangling over the tub – also cold and also wet.
So I cleared out the tub, got the water from the tap nice and warm so I could hose off Stewie and once he was dry and with mummy, I cleaned the tub, then left the bathroom to write this post.
Maybe March 11th, 2007 will forever be known as brown water day in The Urban Daddy household.
It’s the parenting stuff no one ever tells you about…
Urban Daddy Parenting Tip: Have a mapped out evacuation plan, plus contingency in case you’re slow. Plus keep toys to a minimum in case you like washing poo off of toys.