Anyone “Shocked” to find out that Nutella is not Healthy? Didn’t think so…

Nutella

Ferrero, the maker of Nutella, which happens to be the only chocolate spread that has its own world celebration day – World Nutella Day is celebrated February 5th - has lost a $3.5 million class action lawsuit filed by a California mother who was “shocked” to discover that a chocolate spread was not healthy.

Did you know that all the Nutella sold in the US comes from a plant in Brantford, Ontario with Californians being the per capita biggest consumers of Nutella in the US.

In her lawsuit filed last year a San Diego mother said she was “shocked” to learn that the hazelnut chocolate spread she was feeding her husband and 4-year-old daughter was full of sugar and fat.  She said she felt “betrayed” when she learned the healthiest part of a Nutella breakfast was the bread and milk that children ate with it – probably white bread and whole milk too, eh?

She won, and in the US, Ferrero will give every consumer who also feel betrayed $4.00 for their jar of Nutella provided they also declare that the cannot read the nutritional label on the back of the jar.  LOL.  Then they take there $4.00 and buy another jar I would think…

What did it in for Nutella?  The claim that Nutella could be part of a “healthy breakfast.”  Apparently there are some ads in the US which claim Nutella is healthy, or something like that.  Full of energy (which would lead me to assume full of calories), I’m not 100% sure.

Sure, anyone capable of reading a label – as my kids do in the grocery stores at the ages of 7 and 5 (and they understand what they are reading) would see that Nutella has a lot of sugar and a lot of fat in it.

As part of the settlement, the front label of Nutella jars will now include info on the fat, sugar and calories of the product.

Oddly enough, Nutella Canada, which is a sponsor of the Canadian Soccer Association, advocates eating a balanced breakfast on its website www.nutella.ca but without directly saying the spread should be part of it.

From their FAQ section:

Q: What is NUTELLA®?

A: NUTELLA® (pronounced “new-tell-uh”) is a deliciously unique spread made from hazelnuts, cocoa, and skim milk. NUTELLA® is a great choice for kids as part of a nutritious breakfast. It contains no preservatives, no artificial colours and is a source of Vitamin E.

All true and very clear…

Those litigious Americans.  I’m not sure if this was a good thing or a frivolous lawsuit.  Yes it’s good to bring attention for those who may not be able to read labels or have common sense, but then again, Nutella is yummy and most people I spoke to who eat are were perfectly aware that one tablespoon full was plenty and that 2 tablespoons contained the same amount of sugar, etc, as a chocolate bar.

A two-tablespoon serving of Nutella contains 200 calories, 11 grams of fat, 3.5 of which are saturated and 21 grams of sugar. To put that into perspective, a typical chocolate and nut candy bar has 250 to 300 calories and 12 to 16 grams of fat.

Might I recommend the Marshmallow spread instead to that mom instead?

(Please don’t sue me).

So how does Nutella compare to Peanut Butter – you might be surprised…

Nutella per Tablespoon (19g):

100 Calories

6g Fat (2g saturated Fat)

1mg Cholesterol

5mg sodium

11g Carbs (1g fibre/10g sugar)

1g protein

0% Vitamin A

0% Vitamin C

2% Calcium

2% Iron

10% Vitamin E

Kraft Smooth Peanut Butter per Tablespoon (15g)

90 Calories

8g Fat (2g Saturated Fat)

0mg Cholesterol

70mg sodium

4g Carbs (1g fibre/3g sugar)

3g protein

0% Vitamin A

0% Vitamin C

0% Calcium

2% Iron

0% Vitamin E

Eating Nutella over Kraft peanut butter (not my peanut butter of choice – I prefer a more natural kinds, like President Choice blue menu Just Peanuts) however with Nutella you eat 10 more calories, save 2g of fat, eat 65mg less sodium, eat 7g more carbs – admittedly more sugar -  consume 2% more calcium and take in 10% more vitamin E.

Comments on this item made me laugh because Nutella in the US does have nutritional information on it, however the commercials were misleading stating it was healthy, or part of a healthy breakfast.  Whatever it said, it’s chocolate and nuts and that should have set off bells for any parent.

For this post I turned to my trusty editor, 7-year-old Linus, and he read the post then asked me; “If Nutella is made with hazelnuts and chocolate, there is no way it is healthy, Daddy, but can we please buy some!” 

Some comments I read while researching included;

“What?  Chocolate for breakfast is unhealthy?”

“I’m suing McDonald’s because I had a Happy Meal and it didn’t make me happy”.

“I’m suing Axe because I used their deodorant spray and was not immediately surrounded by hot women”.

What are your thoughts, parents?  Stupid lawsuit or poor advertising choices for this product?

Mmmmmm… Nutella crepes… For me, not the kids!

Deutsch: Ein Crêpe mit Nutella. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Related articles

• Nutella isn’t good for you? Say it ain’t so (business.financialpost.com)
• Nutella Loses Lawsuit. Is Not Health Food. (wdok.radio.com)

 

What I Learned on the Weekend: If you hold your breath long enough you pass out.

I learned something new on the weekend about my youngest child, my daughter Berry.

I learned that when she is upset (or hurt) that she holds her breath until she passes out.

Joy!

But she didn’t just do it once this past weekend, she actually did it twice.

To say she had a rough weekend would be an understatement.

The first time she pulled this stunt she was already 30 minutes past her bed-time and was in the kitchen with me eating cheese strings as a before bed snack.  She was sitting at the little plastic table on the little plastic chair and I had to go to the washroom, so I asked her to stay sitting there, and eat and drink until I returned.  The boys were already upstairs in bed.

Did Berry listen?

If you said “no” out loud I’m giving you a funny look right now, but you would be correct.  She ran down the hall to see me than ran back into the family room, however from the bathroom, I heard a “THUMP” wich could only be the sound of a child smashing into a solid wood coffee table.

Then came the crying.

I screamed, Urban Mummy and the boys came flying down the stairs and with cheese strings in her mouth, Berry was holding her head, giving us the silent cry (I HATE the silent cry) until she passed out.

Worried she would choke on the food we sat her up and before I could smack her back out came the food and she awoke quite groggy.

Concussion?

Who knew.

I do know that it’s an urban legend that you have to wake someone every hour if you think they have a concussion.  That’s only needed for a brain hemmorage.  Pretty sure she didn’t have that.

Needless to say, I went into her room every hour that night to make sure she was still breathing.

The second incident happened when she was with me and she stubbed her foot on a toy.  The silent cry came, and while crying she held her breath and passed out in my arms.

Lovely.

 

So so Smooth… I could learn from him.

Man, what a smooth talker!  I could learn from this one.

Stewie, I’m referring to.  5-year-old Stewie.

You see, he wore a nice shirt to school for his class picture but at some point in the day he got hot and took it off.   Of course, he forgot to put it back on which meant his individual SK picture will be of him in an army green t-shirt that reads, “Mom’s Cabana Cutie” on it, and not in a nicely chosen shirt.

When I commented to his mother that at least the shirt was accurate – he LOVES his mother, he looked down at his shirt and commented;

“Does my shirt say Mom is terrible???”

We both looked at each other, very puzzled and shocked that he would say that.

“Do you think your mother is terrible?” she asked him.

“No”, he replied with a smirk on his face.

“Do you think your mother is terrible?” she repeated?

“No” he said again, a little more seriously, still with a smirk.

“What do you think of your mother?” she asked him.

“Mom is pretty” he replied, looking very proud.

“Mom is smart”, he said right after.

Man, he learns at such an early age, eh?

Happy wife = happy life.

Happy mummy = happy tummy.

I could learn from this kid!

 

A mish-mash of parenting and politics…

I’ve got a lot of stuff on my mind and since I’m all over the place I thought instead of making a bunch of smaller posts, I would toss them all in here together and let you, the reader, enjoy this free for all consisting mainly of parenting and politics.

• Why are there not special road police who can drive around all day on city streets and highways and whose sole job it is to locate the really stupid drivers, pull them over, ticket the crap out of them and force them to be re-tested.  I’ve seen enough cars crossing solid lines, racing through red lights, trying to drive when there are people on the cross-walk, and ignoring stop signs.  Forget ticketing the guy going 8 over the speed limit, or the family that parked for an extra minute for longer than the parking slips says… Help make the streets safer by removing those incapable of driving.  It is a privilege, not a right.
• Do advertisers think that men are stupid?  Do they think that when we see a commercial for razors and in that commercial men are pulled on the street, or in a mall, or somewhere else and asked to shave on the spot that for even a second we believe that is real?  I mean, come on… You take a clean shaven guy with perfect skin, apply shaving cream to him and with your 6, 7 or 8 bladed razor pretend to have him shave on the spot.  For all I know there is no blade in the razor.  Who buys that crap?  It’s insulting.  I would never buy a razor that way… 
• Prince Charles has been heir to the British throne a record 59 years – since he was 3 years old… Damn.  His mom, the Queen, is 85 years old.  Her mother lived to 101.  Good luck, Chuck…
• Where is George Smitherman’s donor list???  This may be insignificant to most now that the Toronto Mayoral elections are over, but since Georgie came from Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty’s cabinet, I think this tells a huge tale about who donated to George’s campaign, and the integrity of the Liberal party in Ontario. 
• Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff is again talking about a coalition.  I honestly feel he’s just trying to find a way to get elected, not matter what cost.  Vote for him and he can be PM, vote for anyone else and her forms a coalition and gets to be PM.  I guess his plan blows up in his face if the NDP pass them, eh?  I think Iggy’s going to regret telling Jack Layton on the English debate to essentially keep quiet as the NDP have never and will never be the official opposition, let along the ruling government… Oops.
• I also think that NDP leader Jack Layton is now trying to bring the NDP to runner-up this election.  He has turned his campaigns focus from trashing the Conservatives towards trashing the Liberals… I mean, really Jack?  So what if Iggy only made it into work for 30% of the votes in the house of commons?  Maybe he’s just more popular than you are and had better things to do… But if you need that to move your campaign forward, take it and run.  You win Jack, you are there all the time… But I still wouldn’t trust you to run the country into anything but a massive deficit.  Unions would be SO proud.
• Bring your travel mug to Starbucks on Saturday April 22nd and get a free cup of tea or coffee… Something about being good for the earth.    We went, but I forgot my mug.
• I don’t usually bash the Conservatives but I’m going to do it here.  For a party that wants to reach out to all the people… Why hold a pub night on the 3rd night of Passover?  On Passover the Jewish people do not eat yeast in honour of the fleeing from Egypt where they were slaves (without having time to let their bread rise, so for 40 days and 40 nights they are unleavened bread, called matzoh).  Any chance there is beer without yeast?  Don’t think so, unless the pub has “He-brew”.  Boo GTA Conservatives!
• I find it VERY interesting that Jack Layton and his wife, Olivia Chow, were campaigning in Toronto during the municipal election on behalf of their son – in an attempt to get him elected.  Knocking on people’s doors, and essentially selling the family as the package.  Too bad Olivia and Jack work in Ottawa. 
  Really?
  So Mr. hypocrite can chastise the Libs and Conservatives for not being in parliament to vote, but what about being paid to be in parliament and instead taking your kid around to get him elected.  I can’t wait to hear your soundbite on this one, Jack-o. I call bullshit. Hashtag (#) fail, indeed.
• Take Thursday in Toronto, for example. Layton, quickly quipping his way to votes called Stephen Harper a “Commodore 64 in an iPad world” who “thinks an app is something you order before dinner.” I think he’s getting so much play on his jokes and wise ass comments that he thinks its going to get him elected either as Prime Minister straight up or through a coalition. Then we can all watch Happy Jack joke his way through summits and G20′s… Canada’s funny PM.  I hope and pray people see through this, however, I guarantee downtown Toronto will embrace his playfulness as a good thing for Canada.
• While eating matzoh yesterday, my 6-year-old, while taking wild crazy bites, managed to get half in his mouth and half on the floor, to which his almost 17-month-old sister seized the moment to show off her talent…  She walked over to the pile of cloth diapers while saying “tow-wel” (towel).  She grab one of the pile, toddled back over to the offending pile of matzoh crumbs, squatted beside the pile, then proceeded to wipe the floor while she sang “clean up, clean up”…  Then she got up and toddled over to the fridge where she proceeded to wipe down the door and handle.  LOL.  Awesome!
• I’ve decided to change Linus’ name from Linus to NO Linus as all I hear from Stewie is “NO Linus” 30 times a day.  He’s changed his name, now its our turn.
• Also decided to start calling Stewie “Goodwill” because with the way he is out growing his clothes and all his “pants” have holes in the knees coupled with the fact he dresses him self – odd matching clothes, different colour socks – my son looks like he got dressed in the Goodwill.
• When Linus was a boy we could keep him busy for an hour in a restaurant by placing him on the floor, or leaning up against the high-chair and he would clip up the clips over and over again, each success was accompanied by the word, “clip!”  So as I write this post, my daughter Berry (or Be Be as she has started calling her self) is doing just that.  “Clip”.

Wishing you and your family a Happy Easter Weekend and a wonderful binding Passover.

 

We’re all adults (or parents) here: A post about… Semen, Vulva and Penis.

I wasn’t sure whether or not to post this blog – it as been sitting in my draft folder for ages, but due partially to lack of creativity and my boys swimming – I am pressing send and holding my breath.

As the father to 3 children - 2 boys and a girl - the conversations around body parts have been common place in my household for just over a year now and do not seem to be going away.

It all started when my daughter, Berry, was born.  I caught both boys staring at her, puzzled why she had no penis.  My wife and I found it quite funny, and we had to explain that girls don’t have a penis - to be anatomically correct, instead of telling them about her vagina, we’ve been calling it a vulva. 

I recall at one point my son questioned the use of that word as “mummy drives a volvo”. Yes she does, and she also has a vulva… All girls do.

I’ve caught the boys looking for their sister’s penis in case she really does have one and it is just hiding in her diaper or sleeper.  It took my middle child, Stewie, the better part of six months before he was satisfied that she did not have one.

We encourage the kids to be open and honest about their bodies and ask questions if they really want to know. 

So I was not surprised when last week at swimming my oldest boy was looking at the penis of another boy. I caught him and when we left the change room, I casually asked him what he was looking at on that boy. Defensively, he said, “nothing”.  I told him it was okay to look and I further enquired if he was looking at the boys un-circumcised penis, since all the men and boys he knows are circumcised.  He had never seen one before.

“Yes”, he admitted.  But then he wanted to know why.  So I explained to him that Jewish babies (but not just Jewish babies) have the skin that covers the head of their penis removed by a doctor called a moyel so that it is healthier. He totally bought that and we left.

I don’t want the kids to have the hangups with their bodies that I did growing up as a fat, awkward child. I wouldn’t shower in gym glass, and was very unsure of myself growing up.

I have two defining moments for me which helped contribute to my awkwardness and I do want to see those situation occur for my kids and cause them the same stress and frustration that it caused me, plus no one likes the stinky boys. 

I remember in grade 6 trying to be one of the boys and wanted to show that I could talk like the cool kids. The song “Come on Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight runner was playing on my Sony Walkman (tape!) and I said to my friends, “Hey this song says there is cum on Eileen”. I was very proud of myself.

My friend turned to me and said, “Hey! Dude! My mom’s name is Eileen” and off he stormed.

I felt terrible.

I tried apologizing the next day at work but he wouldn’t talk to me. I explained to my other friends I didn’t know but they seemed amused by my stress rather than concerned, and it wasn’t until 2 months later when this friend told me he was pulling my leg and his mom was not Eileen. He liked that I was stressed over it.

Geez.

From that point on I promised not to talk like a potty mouth to my friends.  I held on to my inner-perv.

Next situation:

Sue Johanson – The legendary sex therapist came to my high-school for her annual talk.  In anticipation, we were asked to write questions for her and to drop them into a hat on the way into the forum, so that at some point she would be able to answer them.  For some odd reason my friend and I decided it would be a good idea to write a funny question for her to answer.  I don’t recall the questions being bantied about but boy do I remember the one I chose to write down;

“What does cum taste like?”

For some reason being a 13-year-old boy, this was funny.  Like REALLY funny.

So throughout the whole 2 hour session my friend and I sat near the back of the room, under a boardroom table, waiting for that moment when she would read the questions.  When it came time for questions we sat there, eagerly listening to the really smart questions, and some dumb ones, waiting for our moment.

Not thinking for a moment what a dumb-ass I was in school – unable to control my laughter at the best of times and getting tossed out of many classes for it – I failed to think this through.  The moment she picked up my question – the last question of the session, and she read it, I burst out in uncontrollable laughter along with my friend.  It took seconds before the entire grade – teachers included – were looking at us, clearly knowing who wrote this idiotic question.

But Sue… Professional Sue… Took it all in stride and answered the question;  “salty” was her response.

I felt like a fool.

My friend did too.

We spent the rest of the week denying that we were behind the question, instead stating there was a joke that was told that was super-funny.  That joke was not able to be repeated.  I’m sure everyone knew.

You live and you learn.

These two incidents definitely set the tone for my comfort around talking about sex, and it took me quite a few years to re-adjust.  I don’t want my kids to have to go through that, which is why I want to be open about it and let them know that we will answer any questions they may have on the topic.

How are you handling these types of questions around your kids?  How will that differ from the way your folks discussed it with you.

 

It is that time of year… Tax time!

For those of you who are new to this site, or who drop in occasionally, you may not know that in my real life, I play a tax manager.  I post tax information that I find interesting, or that I have to dig up and research on at www.intaxicating.wordpress.com, soon to be at www.intaxicating.ca once I find the password and username that I misplaced.

So what that means is that this time of year – actually beginning in August -is super-hectic.  Beginning December 1st, my walk hurried into a jog, and now in mid-January I am already in full sprint.  I’m not sure ho long this pace can keep up with 2 1/2 months to go…

I had an idea how this day was going to shape up, when the first song I heard on my iPad was ”Under Pressure” by Queen.  I spent most of the day pushing ahead tasks and projects where there was room to move them, while trying to get other projects completed ahead of schedule, while putting out fires that happened throughout the day.  Nothing new for me, and to be honest, since I really like doing this a lot, it makes for a fun time.  I’m just reminded as I get more and more tired that I need to get to the gym as that got me through 2 previous tax seasons.

I also realized today that taking care of my kids on Saturday, while awesome, really set me back a bit, when on Sunday I took the boys tobogganing for a couple of hours in -25 degree celcius (with windchill) weather and boy did that fresh air mess with us all.

Both kids were exhausted at night and I was a disaster on Monday. I actually went right to sleep at 8pm after all the kids were asleep and slept right through until 7am the next morning.  I would say that was the most uninterrupted sleep I have had in 6 years.

It was also today when I realized how much I appreciate my wife, and that she does what I did on Saturday each and every day.  Sure we have a nanny to help her out but she still works, feeds us, pays the bills, programs the entire family and keeps the house running smoothly…  Zowie.  I feel like such a wuss now.

I often ask her opinion on how to manage a situation because while she has not managed people per se, she manages the household, the kids, the nanny, and in her former life as a high-school teacher, she managed to stay sane.

I think the task of managing kids is very similar to managing adults as in both cases you are looking to make sure both groups do what is right for themselves and for the rest of the team / family, while at the same time you want to make sure there is no conflict and you have to work together to get the job done. 

For both kids and adults, working towards a goal is key.  IT’s easier to track progress that way and having a prize at the end of the maze makes the race more worthwhile.

In reading “Honey, I wrecked the kids” by Alyson Schafer, I am learning new less physical ways to interact with the kids and get them to do what my wife and I expect from them.  I am finding success.  Instead of asking Linus to remove his plate from the table night in and night out, Alyson suggests that since kids know their responsibilities, a simple one word reminder should suffice, so this morning when Linus got up and walked away from the table, I said; “Linus.  Plate.”  He turned around, walked back to the table and removed his plate.

Another tool is the re-direct.  Linus was making a spitting noise that I cannot stand and instead of asking him to stop and give him all that attention for the wrong reasons, I merely asked him different questions until he forgot what he was doing and started chatting with me.

Good one Alyson!

The last technique that I am finding to be a great help (I’m halfway through the book) is the introducing of consequences.

You don’t have to clean your room if you don’t want to put I will not read a book to anyone is a messy room, worked wonders the other day.  As does the line, you can stay downstairs and play if you want.  You will miss snack before bed and if that is your choice, that is okay with me.

Can’t wait to get through the book… One night parenting, next night taxation, following night parenting…

As an aside, I’m looking for a beginner yoga class in the Toronto area that begins after our kids are in bed, so around 8pm.  Anyone?

 

Why Do I Blog? Why Do You Blog?

I often wonder why it is that I blog.  I wonder, during the day, if I’m wasting my time with this whole blog thing, and at night, I wonder the same thing, as I’m typing up my posts for the week. Is anyone going to read them? and if someone does, why, and in the end does it really matter? 

I’ve said this before, that I don’t write posts for others… usually… although I have been known to in the past – I won’t make that mistake again.

I try to write my posts with the view that this online journal is going to help me remember key points in my family’s life as we move from day-to-day, kid-by-kid, and event-to-event.  It’s nice to be able to look back and see what we did, for example, for my 1st child’s 2nd birthday, and use that in preparation for my middle child’s 2nd birthday, and still have that online when it comes time for my daughter’s second birthday.

I used to post about events that happened to me at my old job – but that turned out to be a colossal error of judgement as it revealed WAY too much about me and my family and opened up my life for judgement and criticism from those who knew that I blogged.

Going forward I share events and stories with like-minded individuals and use my blog as a forum to talk about me, the father of 3 kids, the husband, the manager, volunteer and human being.

I was content doing this for the people who came to my blog with regularity and maintaining a respectable number of daily readers.

All of this changed last Wednesday – for those of you who read my comments, you would already know – when I was reached out to from a local TV station regarding my interest in participating in a talk show on blogging as a Daddy-blogger.

Initially, I was dead set against the idea but after talking to some friends in the media, I met with the executive producer of this show and we chatted about what it is that I do and why. 

During this 15-20 minute chat, we talked about how I got started blogging, what my challenges are as  a Dad and why I like to blog stuff.  I answered the questions as best as I could and the more we talked the more it came back to me why it is that I do this in the end of the day. 

It’s because I love being a Dad! 

I started because my wife blogged and I loved reading her posts.  She is such a great writer (I miss her posts) and I wanted to have my take on family events too – we see things so differently.  Eventually, I added other topics to my blog, like work, the TTC, municipal events – like the condition of the streets – volunteer activities and my search for a new job.

I found my blog became the repository for everything that happened to me during the day – good and bad – and if you look back at some of my oldest posts, they have little rhyme or reason, as I used this blog for a dumping ground of my emotions. 

Doing that allowed me time to grow emotionally, and as a writer as I would go back and read comments and those comments helped me realize whether I was writing something interesting of something crappy.  The more I wrote my posts to those readers the less I became myself, but the more I wanted comments.  I wanted to be noticed.  I think deep down inside I wanted what some other bloggers I knew about had, like Cheaty Monkey and Redneck Mummy, I wanted to be able to write a post worthy of 30 comments or 200 hits… I wanted to be known.

Then somewhere along the line I realized that being the Dad of 3 kids, with a new job which I love(d), I had been blogging for over 4 years and with little in the way of hits or comments I just enjoyed using this forum to talk about what it’s like being an involved father. 

I was fortunate to have been in a position to have taken off 9 months to be with my first son, 4 months with my second, and yes, one day with my third, but on the weekends, they are mine and in the evenings I take care of their bedtime routine and I would not pass that up for anything in the world.

Sure I find there are times during the day when I wonder why I’m working (obvious reasons – to pay bills) because I just want to be home with my kids.  Yes, we do programs in the evenings and on the weekends, and sure every now and then I am able to walk them to school, be the class parent, or take them for a walk to run errands… I want them to be as involved as possible so when they get older they won’t be afraid to ask for what they want or settle for a job they do not like because they are too hesitant to make a move.

And while I do not have the burden of having to make the big decisions – schools, meals, camps, lunches, or stuff like that as my wife does all of that too much success, I am involved in the conversation regarding these decisions as much as I can.  My wife and I attended 5 or six schools before we chose the one my oldest goes to know and I went with my wife to speak to the principal of the new school that my middle child attends.  We visited camps, arranged sports events and we plan vacations that would be fun for everyone.  I like to be in control but where I cannot, I know my wife will have already done the legwork and spoken to people and will come to me when we’re close so we can seal the deal together and be comfortable that it is the right decision for us and our kids.

I try not to miss parent teacher interviews, I look at homework and often find myself asking my kids how their day was and what they did.  I worry about how they are socializing with their classmates, and between each other.  I worry about how they are to their teachers and try to get them to treat their nanny with the most respect possible.  I worry about how they are going to cope as they grow older. 

My oldest boy is so much like me that I want to watch his development and remind him that to be successful in school and in life he needs to be a little less goofy and a little more serious.  I remember about 6 months ago when he told me that he didn’t know; “When is the right time to be serious and when it’s okay to be goofy”.  I try to teach him.  My middle boy, on the other hand is all my wife and I want him to be a little less intense and a little more outgoing so that he can use his natural smarts to be the best he can be.

So getting back to why it is that I blog… I told this TV station about why I love being a Dad and why I didn’t really want to be on TV because I’m not the worlds’ most articulate guy all the time and at times I wonder if any of these posts even make sense on the screen after I type my garbled mess.  But the more I talked about myself and my enjoyment of fatherhood, I realized I could do this, and if they decided after meeting me that they wanted to give me a shot and have me on, I would do it.  Not for the potential for more hits, or more comments, but hit the opportunity to pass along to anyone that wants to listen why it’s great being a parent and to share some of the things we have encountered as a family and how we moved past them.

Trust me… If it’s going to happen, I’ll let you know…

… Maybe. 

 

Get your hands off my f*cking kid. And the other joys of strangers judgementally parenting your children on your behalf.

I was aproached by a blogger-friend of mine about guest blogging on my blog after she saw my Thursday Thirteen last week was done by a friend.  

If only she knew that I was just too lazy to write it so I farmed it out. LOL

So of course I said okay to her, and below, you will find here contribution to this blog, and while I could toss out a disclaimer about the views in this post being hers and not mine, I noticed that she did not link to her blog so I will keep her cover and post it in it’s original form.

So here it is;

“Let me begin by saying I’m a blogger. Not an every day blogger, but when the mood strikes me. My blog is about finding the joy in the mundane, and truthfully, what I need to let out here and now has nothing to do with joy, or finding the sweet with the bitter. This rant has been six years in the making, and the straw that broke the camels back happened in just the last 10 days, at of all places, my kids’ karate dojo – and I’ll get there.

Please be advised, my ranting tends to go in different directions at times, but I seem to always be able to tie it up with a pretty feel good ribbon at the end. Except this time, I expect there will be no pretty ribbon at the end.

Quick disclosure – I know Urban Mommy and Urban Daddy through the vicious social collective of the late 90′s and current era known as the baby group. And clearly it was a relationship that has lasted, and so you may truthfully infer that whatever I write aobut baby groups in no way reflects on Urban Mommy in particular, because if she was a judgemental parent like the ones I’m about to rage about, we would clearly not still be friends 6 years out.

Furthermore, Urban Mommy pretty much represents what I wish I HAD met in baby groups, and mostly didn’t. But I met her, and that still stands as pretty cool (being true to self, had to find one piece of joy to throw into the spew).

I argued with myself as to should I be linear in this guest blog, or should I start with the last week and then take you into the distant past to give you perspective on what finally led to my belltower moment. While my husband is a purist for linear, I believe there’s dramatic effect in hollywood movies when you see as the first scene of a flick something clearly out of context as scene 1, and then you flip to script that says -4 years earlier – a la Inception which was in fact a great flick, despite my hatred of Leonardo Dicrapio (spelling error intended). So I’ve decided to go with the Hollywood bait and switch. You can tell me afterwards if the effect was all I’d hoped.

Let us begin last week. IronLady (Irnldy on twitter) signed her kids up for karate at the lovely dojo near her house. Older daughter took right to her class, no cajoiling needed, having a great time. Younger son, refered to ironically as Easy-E was not faring so well. He’s been reticent about ‘new’ since he came out of me a few years back. And generally his hobby of choice will always include hanging off of me or ironhusband, while we struggle to walk a balance bean with 35 pounds of toddler attached to us. So after all our experiences with Easy E, we knew what we needed to do to get him to go into his dragons karate class.

First and foremost, for success, we needed to not be in the room with him. He did ok for a few minutes, and then began bawling his head off to the extent that the entire dojo was staring wondering what the f*ck was up with that KID. As I am his mom, and I know him best, and have at least 3 visibly scars to illustrate that I know his strike zones, clearly I had an idea of what I’d do in that situation. There were two paths:

PATH A – I get down on the ground, hug and kiss and soothe. This path looks good to other parents, it says I love and I care and I nurture. But in Easy E’s world, it means it’s over lady. I get to quit and never come back.

PATH B- I stay standing upright, I listen to him, and then encourage him to rejoin. Again and again. Don’t want to rejoin? Ok, I want to go watch your sister. Followed by more crying. Sound bad to you? Maybe, but don’t judge. Because in our case it happens to be the right thing to do and I’ll get there later.

Choosing path b, clearly, I continue this until a “Perfect Mommy” breaks in. “How old is your child?” “Oh my, he’s so young, how can you expect so much from him??”. Then, gettting down on one knee, begins to stroke Easy E’s face and tell him it’s ok, he doesn’t have to do anything, and essentially negating every word I just said. This goes on, while I bite my tongue and stay upright. Until finally the sensei comes out of the room to see what’s up and also gets down on one knee to talk to young Easy, while the other mother is still offering of course all the love that I had vicisously (obviously) held back, all whilst giving me nasty looks. He tries to talk to Easy but can barely be heard over Perfect Mommy’s coooing to my boy. Finally, I say to PM – “he can only hear one voice at a time, and I’d like it to be the teachers’, thanks”. All while seething.

Needless to say, the exchange pissed me off. When we returned for attempt #2, there she was again, in full Perfect Mommy glory. LOUDLY EXCLAIMING to all nearby that sweet little Easy E was ONLY THREE FOR HEAVENS SAKE. And wondering out loud to herself and those in earshot “I just can’t understand why some people push a young child so hard, it’s just so unfair”.

Now needless to say I’d three days to rehearse what I’d say to her if she had the nerve to strike again, and boy did those rehearsals come in handy. And I quote myself here: “You know, you have a lot of opinions on what I’m doing wrong here, and how I’m damaging my son for life – which means, I can only guess, that you have brilliant never fail parenting suggestions at your fingertips that will be equally useful for all parents, regardless of the type of child. And that’s fantastic. I also would have to guess, given that you have attempted to take over the poor parenting of this child, that you will also be offering to take over all of the financial obligations related to him, and furthermore will be staking out his educational path from here on.. No? In that case, BACK OFF and stop talking to both of us, and while you’re at it, stop talking ABOUT us to everyone in the dojo.

She backed aways, and I continued my approach of getting Easy E some independance of his own for the first time in his life – and guess what? On class #3 he went in, on his own, did the whole class, and loved it. Same with class 4. Lesson learned bitch? I KNOW MY KID. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW MY KID. GET THE F*CK OFF MY KID. And take your superior feeling, stick it where the sun don’t shine, and feel the glory in knowing that YOUR children are perfect, and will never make scenes in public, and you’ll never have to feel judged by 100 pairs of eyes on you……….. or will you? Because if there’s one thing mommying has taught me, is that the judgemental glare escapes no one.

Enter the BABYGROUP:

These are time honoured traditions. Newly glowing mothers coming together as a community to form a baby oriented coffee clatch. Where I assumed it would be a relaxed varietal of women with babes in arms, discussing literature, fine food, movies, anything. Which we didn’t. In fact, ad nauseum, we discussed babies. Pooping, eating (organic??? yes of course!!!! to do otherwise would be murder as irnldy hangs her head in shame) Sign language? Baby Einstein??? Week after week, I kept thinking we had all the baby issues out of us, but we never did. What I did learn was a whole lot of what I did wrong, thanks to the perfect mommies in my 2 separate groups:

1. Only breastfed for 3 months the first time, switched to formula. Selfish, robbed my child of precious mother antibodies, robbed both of us of sking to skin bonding time. Will eventually explain it when she’s diagnosed with dissasociative personality disorder, and is unable to form meaningful relationships while she needlessly fights RSV and flus and hepatitis that my mothers milk could have saved her from.

2. Did not babyproof the house until well AFTER daughter was walking. A death trap. A baby group was actually cancelled by another mother scheduled to be in my home because of my lack of vigilant baby proofing, followed by a smug email informing me I’d be taken off the schedule if I didn’t take immediate action to fix the problem. I never did. My kids are still alive.

3. I raised issues other than feeding/diapering/burping/cooking organic baby food/shopping for useless baby shit, labeling me the mother who didn’t give a shit about being a good mother (or their view of a good mother). I was supposed to be feeling guilty about using jars of mass produced baby food – I didn’t care, and even the not caring got me in deep with the mommy police. When I raised other issues, it was “anyone gone OUT without a baby lately???” which wasn’t to say I don’t love my kid – it was to say that we still need to be thinking and functioning intelligent people outside of our reproductive prowess. This was met with stone wall silence.

4. At one of my daughter’s early on drop off classes they had parent volunteers on the roster. One day, I get a note from my parent volunteer that day telling me she spent the entire time watching my strange little girl, and truly felt I should know my daughter is Autistic. She’s not. (and yes, we eventually did have her tested and dealt with her speech and language issues, and she’s not autistic). Can you imagine getting a note from some judgemental volunteer with no credentials who was supposed to be helping server juice telling you she did nothing but sit and document how WEIRD your child is, and then offer a diagnosis what would shatter most parents???? Can you imagine ever having the nerve to do that to another human being?????

I have 6 years worth of these saved up,and I could hold hostage urban daddy’s blog a long time to get it all out, but I think you’ve got the gist. The truth is people, we are not a village raising a child anymore. We are tiny fiefdoms unto our own homes, and our impact on others is neglible at best, and bearing that in mind, wouldn’t you prefer knowing that at least your impact caused no harm that day? And how about all the judgementals out there, on the day that YOUR child pulls his pants down in the middle of Metro, screaming at the top of his lungs I DON’T WANT TO GO HOME AND I DON’T WANT PANTS AND I WANT TO RUUUUUUUUUNNNNN NAKKKKKEEEEDDD - what will YOU hope the other people around you do???? Because I can give you one certainty – every single one of those fuckers is judging you, judging your weirdo kid, and will tell at least 2 people about it while refering to themselves as a parent that NEVER would have allowed that kind of thing because their own parenting was so very spot on perfect to begin with.

I’m just saying. And to the lady who started this rant, when she got down on the floor and stroked my son’s cheek – When you’re moment of public humiliation parenting comes, I can only hope I will be there to soothe your perfect children the way you soothed mine. You may also be interested to know – Perfect Mommy, if you are reading this, that Easy E loves karate, and every day wakes up demanding to know if it’s dojo day. Because I did what I knew was right FOR HIM. Respect it, or back the f*ck off.”

Thank you IronLady! I’m going to look for Perfect Mom at the dojo this weekend.

So with that, I pose this question to those of you who made it through this post, if you have been put in a position where your parenting choices have been questioned by a stranger, or if someone has made reference to something you have decided to do in a judgemental manner.

Curious to hear the feedback.

 

Hot Under the Collar

I’m going to have the most hits ever for a post today! Guaranteed.

I was checking out the keywords people used to access my blog, and my sports blog and found some very bizarre / interesting items.

For example;

Miley Cyrus:
Miley Cyrus car upskirt. Remember the big issue a few days ago when some blogger posted a picture of 17 year old Miley Cyrus leaving a car, claiming that she had not panties on… He said the picture was photoshopped as did she – probably because they’d both be in deep shit knowing it to be true. Well the fallout from that was that he rightfully lost advertisers and she is going to wear undies and learn how to exit vehicles.

Anyways, I posted about like that Miley Cyrus song, Party in the USA, and as a result, Google is sending people here looking for that pic.

Sorry folks… Not here.

Captain Lou Albano:
Also still have a TON is hits on Captain Lou Albano. Not sure why people want to look him up unless they are thinking of having elastics attached to their faces and need to see what they’ll look like when they are 60.

McDonalds:
In I’m sure an effort to get publicity, some organization called the Center for Science in the Public Interest has decided they want to sue McDonalds for contributing to obesity among children by putting toys in with Happy Meals. I could joke and say how happy would a Happy Meal be without a toy, but as a parent of 3 children under 6 who have only been to “Ol MacDonalds” once, I am offended that this “public health watchdog group” would use Mc D’s to promote their own interests.

I don’t buy Happy Meal’s because there are toys in it, because I don’t buy Mc D’s at all for my kids. I just don’t feel it’s healthy enough. If they want to eat it when they are older, every now and then, they are more than entitled to make that choice but the ultimate choice is being made by the parent.

To think that toys in food combos are making kids fat is as stupid as saying cookies in my cupboard are going to make my kids fat. By blaming McDonald’s, this organization is passing along the blame of childhood obesity from the parents to the a multi-national corporation. That is totally unfair.

If you don’t want your kids to get fat, then don’t let them eat McD’s 5 days a week, give them lots of exercise and lead a healthy lifestyle. And if you do want your kids to eat there, that’s fine too. They have some healthy food too – I remember seeing apples there.

It’s the parents… Not the toy!!!

 

Overheard

On Sunday I actually overheard a mother yelling this at her 5-6 year old son;

“Stop eating so many vegetables!”

I know!

In public (at a Yom Ha’atzmaut event – celebrating Israel’s birthday).

Happy Birthday Israel!  You don’t look a day over 61.