As a Father, if you’re going to disappoint some of them, you might as well disappoint all of them…

I wanted to post this last week when it happened but did not get a chance but since that night this scenario has come up over and over again, just not to the same extent.

The night it first happened, was a special night in the Urban Daddy household.  Determined to get back into some semblance of an exercise routine, I made up my mind early in the day that I would run on the treadmill that evening, by hook or by crook.

Since I’m still within my 3 month window of a new job with much greater responsibility, and the stress / excitement of meeting new people, learning new systems, figuring out acronyms and being on my toes all the time, I have found myself quite exhausted by about 10pm, which means that is around the time I tend to fall asleep on the couch when trying to; watch TV, read, blog, play Cityville, or… exercise.  Very unusual for me as I’m used to 1-2am sleeps with 6am wake-ups.

This night was exercise night and the beginning of a new schedule for me.

New Routine – Thursday night.:

Eat dinner with the kids (not unusual at all)

Stewie piano lessons

Give Berry a bath

Linus annoy mummy during math lesson

Then switch…

Linus piano.

Berry and Stewie before bed snack.

All kids in bed by 8:15 and I’m going to treadmill for 1/2 hour before I have a shower, then run out to grab milk.  I really want to begin getting to bed at a reasonable hour – it is currently 12:33am so that is not happening.

Then it all fell apart.

Urban Mummy wanted to talk to me.  We didn’t talk much the previous night and she barely saw me today and she wanted to chat but I patted my flabs and said, “Sorry hun!  I have to treadmill”.  She was disappointed.

I went to check on the kids and here is what happened;

Walked into Stewie’s room, and surprisingly he was still awake.

“Stay with me, Daddy”, he said.

“Sorry kiddo.  I have to treadmill right now so I can shower, get milk and talk to your mother before she falls asleep or kills me”.

He was disappointed.

I went from there to Linus’ room where he was sitting up in his bed too.

“Lay with me, Daddy and tell me a story, please”.

“Can’t buddy.  Have to go treadmill before mummy goes to sleep.

He gave me his pouty disappointed face.

Out I marched and right into Berry’s room where surprisingly she was up too.

“Rub my back and stay with me Daddy”, she said.

“Sorry, sweetie, I have to treadmill.  Sing for me and I will tuck you in when I’m done.”

She was not happy either because she didn’t sing for me and she usually does.  “Bla Bla Blacksheet”

Out I walked.

4 people wanted me to stay with them and 4 people got nothing.

Like I said in the title.  Go big or go home.  If you’re going to disappoint someone you might as well disappoint all of them.

Dads…  You turn.  What would you have done?

Related articles

• Ah, those kids and the things they say… Was I this clever / funny as a kid? I doubt it. (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)
• Should I be concerned that my kids are smarter than me? (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)
• Are you hungrier than a 5-year-old? (urbandaddy.wordpress.com)

 

Oh boy, open permit season causes all kinds of headaches, eh?

Welcome to the wonderful world of hiring a live-in caregiver through the Canadian Live-In Caregiver Program (LCP). You’ve made your mind up that you need a nanny and you have done your homework and realized that a live-in nanny through this program is the cheapest way to go. You have moved past the idea that a complete stranger will be coming to live with you and raising, or helping in the raising of, your child(ren). You have met with, interviewed and assessed strangers, or sponsored from overseas – relying on the judgement of an agency (more strangers) and at the end of the day, this turns out to be the easiest part of the process. Who knew?

There is paperwork… Lots of paperwork and a really good agency will prepare that for you, or help you prepare it while at the same time educating you on the LCP and the same time preparing you for the interview with Service Canada, setting up the terms of the contract with the nanny, helping get your CRA payroll number in place and making sure all other paperwork is in good order.

The LCP, you see, has changed a lot since 2004 when we sponsored our first nanny and that is solely because people abuse the program and in turn they abuse the people that they have hired to look after their houses and their children. By forcing these nannies to work super long hours (the story goes that because in Hong Kong they are not treated well, in Canada they would not complain about a 12 hour day), or they treat them like prisoners not allowing them to come and go freely from the family home outside of working hours. Expecting them to be on call 24/7, or expecting them to look after your 3 children, and keep the house spotless and cook for the family. If you cannot do it, what makes you think they can? The abuses always make the news.

As a result, the Federal Conservative government has been tightening the screws on the LCP for the past five years, making the rules tighter on the employment side, requiring potential employers to provide contracts to the employees outlining overtime (after 44 hours worked per week) and the giving of 2 weeks notice (or payment in lieu) prior to termination. A lot of attention was paid to having these employees respected and treated accordingly.

Then came the attack on nanny agencies in effort to force out the illegitimate ones but also unnecessarily tightening the screws on the legitimate ones, requiring them to have lawyers and immigration consultants in their business’ as well. Driving up the costs to the agencies ultimately means it is more expensive to hire an agency and really are these people not seeking full-time nannies because they need to work in order to make ends meet?!?

Then came the regulation requiring the potential employer to pay for the airfare of the nanny to bring her to Canada. That has been a huge issue since in many cases, there is not a good fit between employer and employee and if the employee is released, the employer already forked out for their flight to Canada. Another burden to the employer, and potentially critical blow to the program. Or even worse when the nanny comes to Canada on the potential employer’s dime then they quit.

But the latest decision by the Minister of Immigration, Jason Kenney just before Christmas and if you employ(ed) a live-in caregiver who had completed their mandatory 2 years in the program, you know exactly what happened there and you have most certainly had to deal with it already. Not only did it come out of no-where but it’s impact was far and wide on may people.

Back in 2004 when we first hired our live-in caregiver we kept her employed until she received her open permit and knowing this we worked with her to ensure she had a post-nanny career option, and we had time to work with our amazing nanny agency to help us sponsor a nanny from overseas to ensure there was no gap in care for our children. The time between the applying for the open permit and the receiving of it was invaluable as it gave us time to get moving on our post-nanny plan.

By 2007, however, the regulations began to tighten for the LCP and it was taking longer to get the open permit, now up to 8 months. Fast forward to 2010, and it was taking well over a year with no end in sight. There was a backlog of 10,000 cases and speculation that none of the nannies in the system were going to be granted their open permits.

This uncertainty made it very difficult for employers to plan for life after their nannies and for the nannies it delayed their planning for their life after employer. None of the nannies could take courses at recognized institutions since they would be deemed to be a foreign student and those students pay a lot of money to take classes which is not feasible on a $23,000/year salary. They needed to know when they could take courses so they could pre-register and employers needed an idea of when they might be leaving for potentially greener pastures.

Then without warning the Federal government granted open permits to everybody in their systems just before Christmas, whether they were waiting over a year, or just a week and within no time there was a lot of chaos.

Nannies, working long hours for low pay through this program, living in someone elses house – usually in the basement – became free agents and wanted more money, and a live-out job, and a Metropass (if in Toronto). Probably different by community, but in our nook in the city there is a going rate for live-outs, apparently, and it entailed more money, and less working hours.

These caregivers needed to earn more to pay for their rent and food, so they could go to school and begin to prepare for their life in Canada they dreamed about when they made the decisions to leave their families and come here.

Not entirely fair to the employer now is it? One day you have a nanny, the next day they are expecting a huge raise and to live out and if you cannot afford the higher salary you get 2 weeks notice, and 2 weeks notice is not enough time to find a suitable replacement, let alone time to sponsor someone from overseas.

Not exactly fair to the caregiver either, I’ll tell you.

You see, my family and our caregiver have really bonded. I mean she looks after the most important things in the world to me, my children and she also teaches them, keeps them safe, keeps my house clean and keeps them fed. Whew. It’s a lot, and in return for this, we pay her, but not just monetarily. We also consider her to be part of the family and in doing to we have always encouraged her to consider life after being a caregiver, life with an open permit and what she wants to do when she grows up.

In my opinion, far too many nannies jump at their opportunity to leave their employer once they receive an open permit and they leave a happy, loving situation to make more money but become more miserable and for what benefit? Nobody wins that situation.

For years now, we have been working with our caregiver on what she needs to do to succeed post-nanny so she doesn’t leave us to work at Tim Horton’s the rest of her life (unless she wanted to) or to be a caregiver for another family – still nowhere near her career goals and dreams. We had already cut back hours for education, recommended courses and locations, and we will do whatever we can to help her hit the ground running full steam ahead into her next career when she’s ready to make that next step, and I strongly feel that as employers we should all be doing this. I do it for my staff that report to me at the office, why wouldn’t I do it for her?

Since we took the time to get to know her and build a relationship with her, we can help her prepare for life after us, and hopefully keep her a part of our children’s lives. Also gives us piece of mind for babysitting.

So if this sudden influx of open permits has caught you by surprise and you have managed to sort through the process think about how you would want to be treated if you were in their shoes, or if you cannot, think about how you would want to be treated if you were an employee working in an organization. Would you want your employer to talk with you about life after that job, career development and opportunities, or would you want them to work you to the bone – content that they are paying you – and then waiting for you to be offered another opportunity and threatening to leave before getting that better offer.

I think we all know the answer to that.

Related articles

• Restrictions eased for 10,000 foreign caregivers (cbc.ca)

 

Breaking News: Children’s cereals are loaded with… GASP… Sugar.

As the urban daddy, it is my social responsibility to notify all my readers with children, or who want to have children, or are children themselves, that a recent study came up with some shocking information:

Kids’ Cereals Are Loaded With Sugar.

Are you okay?

Would you ever think about giving your child Twinkies or chocolate chip cookies for breakfast? According to a study done by an organization called the Environmental Working Group, many kids cereals are just as sugary as those desserts.

As parents, we’ve all walked down the cereal aisle with our kids and watched as their eyes bug out at the site of those colourful cereal boxes.  They want the cereals that are the most colourful or have the coolest shapes, and knowing that parents won’t buy it, manufacturers started placing words on the boxes such as; ”healthy” ,”whole grain” or “great source of Vitamin D”?  That means they’re at least healthier a bit, right?

Not exactly.

The worst culprits hae the most sugar in them.  Cheerios, for example have 1 gram of sugar per serving, whereas the multi-grain Cheerios – healthier you would think by the name, has 8g of sugar per serving.  One serving of cereals like Kellogg’s Honey Smacks (used to be Sugar Smacks but sugar is not healthy whereas honey could be healthy or organic), Post Golden Crisp, and General Mills Wheaties Fuel contains more sugar than the 18 grams packed into a Twinkie. A shocking 44 children’s cereals like Apple Jacks and Cap’n Crunch contain more than the 12 grams of sugar in two President Choice Decadent Chocolate Chip Cookies.

In an effort to fight the increasing rates of childhood obesity in the US, a panel of scientists and experts met in Congress and created nutritional guidelines for foods marketed to children. Believe it or not, but only one in four cereals met these proposed acceptable nutritional guidelines, meaning that three in four kids’ cereals should not even be marketed to children.

Of course, these cereal manufacturers have been lobbying against these guidelines, which are to take effect in 2016.

Due to high obesity rates in the US, Congress is looking at everything to do with kids diets to assist parents in keeping children healthy.  It started with removing soda machines from schools, adding back gym and now Congress is aiming at the food parents pick for their kids in the morning.  Since studies have shown that healthier children do better in school, it’s in the US government’s best interest to keep the population healthy.

Obviously, cereal is not the only answer.  Growing up we had one or 2 unhealthy cereals, but they always got mixed with a healthy one and eaten that way.  Nowadays, my kids gasp at the chocolate Cheerios but they know we’re not buying them.  Instead they find the healthier cereals and read off the amounts of sugar, sodium and calories. 

They know the Multi-Grain Cheerios at 6g of sugar per serving is special so they look to see which cereals have lower sugar amounts and they bring them to . 

Wouldn’t it just be easier if parents looked at their own eating habits: In our house, we set the rules of the household and we follow them too.  As role models we have to walk the walk AND talk the talk.  Leading by example builds credibility!  Our kids start the day with organic oatmeal or regulat and multi-grain Cheerious mixed with regular Cheerious, or plain yogurt mixed with frozen berries and seeds.  I could never imagine my kids wating so much sugar first thing in the morning.  How would they focus in school??

And boy have the times changed from when I was a kid!

Click below to see the Environmental Working Group’s full report and list of sugary cereals.

http://breakingnews.ewg.org/report/sugar_in_childrens_cereals/

 

Hey! I have a 7-year-old.

I’m not going to start with the old adage; “Boy time sure flies” because it’s been a LONG, tiring 7 years, but Tuesday marked our oldest son, Linus’, 7th birthday. 

I sat with him last night, reflecting on the first 6 year of his life – I mistakenly referred to him as being 7 when he corrected me.  “Dad, I’m not seven.  From when I was born until I turned 1 was one year.  I’m already 7.  This is my 8th year being alive”.

Right you are… Smart ass. 

So I went further hoping in my pathetic way to get a good quote from him to tweet.  His brother and sister are destroying him with tweetable quotes and here’s what I got;

On growing older and being a leader: “Respect is the most important thing in the world”.  Not bad, eh?  All this brainwashing is rubbing off, until this came out; “Actually, respect is the second most important thing in the entire world.  Not dying before you are born is the most important”.

…

Who can argue that point.

So to my 7-year-old (or 8-year-old, whatever you want to call yourself) when you are reflecting back on this post down the road and you want to know what kind of child you were by this age I can tell you this.  Before you I had hair.  It was black, not grey.  You have the best smile in the world, but not the goofy one, the real one.  It is not correct that you “do not care” about absolutely everything, but instead you don’t mind, or are not concerned.  Saying you do not care means all the cool stuff we buy you and all the trips we’ve gone on as a family are a waste of time and I know that is not correct. 

It’s fun being the class clown, isn’t it.  I was one too until I awoke one day to realize I was a joke with crappy grades.  I turned it around and fast.  Please don’t wait until grade 9 like I did.

If only you would practice… Anything.  Karate, piano, swimming, then your brother would not be catching up to you and passing you.  On the bright side while he may be your equal in these areas, you destroyed him at potty training and night-time diaper training and your math skills are off the charts.   

You are hesitant to try anything new or different but trust me that will change when you realize what a rush it is.  Then you’ll be looking for adventure in all the wrong places.

You love the cold.  Aside from me, you are the only person I have met who does not get cold outside.  No hat, no gloves, jacket undone, even at the coldest of temperatures.  You look at me, I look back at you and we silently nod an understanding to each other than it’s Canada.  It gets cold.  We’re tough (and a little cool).

You are starting to like Star Wars.  YAY.  All I need is get you to practice baseball and hockey more, or dodge ball, then you will better fit in with all the boys.  The ones you don’t get along with should respect your karate skills and the girls will continue to dig your awesome smile.  Your parents… They want to see a more focussed son with greater patience.  

Yeah, good luck.  I told your mother that too.

Happy birthday son.  I cannot wait to work with you and plan your year.

 

How did you spend your weekend?

Holy!

It’s Monday.  Man that weekend went so fast!  With kids programs, and putting together all the Ikea shelving we bought last week, there was no time to rest, relax or blog.

There is so much to catch up on, I don’t even know where to start.  So I’ll start with bullet points and expand where necessary;

• So Libya killed Gaddafi and the new rulers, propped up by many nations around the world, are bringing in Islamic rule, Sharia law into Libya.  Not good for the Christians or Jews there.  Already the new government is booting out the Jewish residents and denying any changes to the Synagogue in Tripoli.  Can you say Nazi Germany???  My wife and I have been in Poland where Hitler did the same and used the Synagogues as horse stables.  How nice…
• Did they really need to kill Gaddafi?  They had him, his was begging to live.  I think having him alive to see the citizens he tortured taking his possessions is enough torture, no?
• So after having what I thought was a terrible karate class, Linus was rewarded with a stripe.  Now he only needs one more and he can grade for his green belt.  All this is moot because he hates the classes – they are slow and he loves playing around and being goofy – and he really only uses his correct techniques when punching his brother at home.  If he displayed that same form and intensity in class he’d be on his purple belt!
• Stewie on the other hand, who just turned 5, was moved up to the yellow belt class with kids 6 years old plus.  He’s not developing in the lower class and unlike distracted Linus, Stewie is VERY focussed and wants to move up… NOW!  They’ll be in the same class by January.
• On the cute front was watching Linus and Stewie teaching Berry karate.  Seeing her making the moves and yelling Key-yi was hilarious.
• Speaking of Berry… She’s potty training.  Thank goodness.  Sure, she’s not 2-year-old until the end of next month, but we bought her Hello Kitty panties and to wear them she has to sit on the potty.  I hope all this potty sitting translates into no diapers.  I’m getting tired of the cloth diapers – the diaper wraps are showing their age.  But a huge thank you to Comfy Cotton in Markham for getting my kids potty trained at 2 1/2 and 3 1/4.  Let’s see how quickly the girl gets moving.  I know having a cold wet diaper next to their bottoms was the major reason for the push.
• On the weekend along with karate, the kids helped me take down the Sukkah.  Which kids?  Linus and Berry, of course.  Linus shlepped the heavy metal brackets from the backyard to the storage under the front steps while Berry helped him sweep the leaves off the patio.  Linus was awesome.  Such a big boy.  And no, the gate was not open enough for our neighbour to see it and threaten to “sue” us.  He was out with family.
• I let the boys put up the Halloween decorations this year.  I looked and they did an awesome job.  They said we need more decorations and I think because a neighbour has 30 life-sized zombies on his front lawn.  His house gets converted into a cemetery and compared to that, our house does suck.
• I signed up to play ball hockey this winter.  I received a call from the captain and he seemed interested but has not called back to give me the details of the first game.  I know the team name and where the games are played, however.  I wonder if he was having second thoughts after finding out I was 40?!?  I didn’t mention to him that in 20 years of playing my team has won 4 league championships and more recently, the teams I have joined have gone from giving up more than 5 goals a game to less that 3 goals per game and in those games I’m playing even strength, power play and penalty killing.  I join the rush and am a plus-player.  Oh, well.  This Thursday is the first game and my wife and I have theatre tickets.
• Thinking I had free time, I have proven it is impossible for me to say “no”, by joining the Boy Scouts to be a leader in my son, Linus’ Beaver troop.  It’s Wednesday nights, and after being there for one meeting I felt they needed additional support to keep the kids in line.  20 kids aged 5, 6, or 7 can be crazy.  Plus I was a Beaver, Cub, Scout and Venturer… I signed the application form and it needs to be sent for reference checks and a police check and then I’ll be good to go.  My Dad was my leader and he would be so proud of seeing Linus in Scouting.  Oddly enough, Stewie does NOT want to join Beavers as he doesn’t want to “wear a costume”.  OY.
• Visit number one to the Holistic Naturalpathic Doctor resulted in me now taking a crap-load of supplements.  I have 5 bottles with drops, one bottle of seaweed pills, and 4 other pills.  The good part about them is that the Glyco Support is keeping my blood sugar at a constant level and I feel great all day.  No ups and downs.  My temper is in control and I don’t cry watching Grey’s Anatomy.  The most difficult challenge for me, however is going to be getting more sleep and eating the diet she wants me to eat for my blood type, which I found out was A+.  No beef, no dairy, no wheat, no coffee…   I know I’ll lose weight but I don’t know how much of this I can pull off.
• So karate, swimming, Beavers… No wonder we spend all weekend cleaning and resting instead of heading out to do stuff as a family. 
• So I was up until almost 1am last night organizing toys in the basement, putting them in the correct bins.  Care to guess how long it will take before stuff winds up in the wrong bins???  That drives me crazy!  I’ll bet they’re in disarry right now!
• I saw that 26 members of the Toronto lingerie league football team have left the team as a result of bad coaching and “poor equipment”.  I have not paid attention to this league because I don’t get football, but these athletes are playing in a bra and panties, no?  So if that’s what you signed up for, how can you complain about the equipment?  I understand the helmets are hockey helmets and not football helmets.  If they are that concenred about safety, then the league needs to get these girls elbow and knee pads too.  If it’s supposed to be real football, make it safe.  Leave the wardrobe malfunctions to attract the audiences, but keep the girls safe.
• Under the category of EWWWWW; I am always after my boys to not pick their noses and then put their fingers in their mouthes.  Tons of kids do it and it’s gross.  This past Sunday at karate took the cake as a girl sitting beside Linus picked her nose, then immediately sucked it off her finger.  Then went to the next nostril, and into the mouth.  But what made it super-ewww, was when she wiped her nose with the back of her hand, then I had the “pleasure” of watching her see there was nose-stuff on her hand, and then see her lick it all off the back of her hand.  UGH.  Sorry.  Had to share!
• I hate, hate, hate that when I’m trying to put gas into my car, the #$%^&^% machine tells me “pump is ready” and stupid me clicks the handle and it’s not ready.  It’s never ready.  Why can’t the message wait 2 seconds then say it’s ready when it’s actually ready… Drives me crazy!
• And finally, have you ever noticed that replacing cash with debit cards, and credit cards, etc. was intended to make it “easier” for us to pay for things, but it’s not!  With PIN’s and chips, swiping and passwords, you now need a friggin computer science degree to pay for a loaf of bread.  Cash please!

 

Happy 5th Birthday Stewie!

Happy 5th birthday to my son I call “Stewie” here in Urbandaddyville. 

We were so happy when you turned 4 because you were as big as a 4-year-old and no one believed that you were 3.  Now that you are 5 you look like you are 6.  You and your 6-year-old brother share the same the same size shirts and pants, and you’re 4cm shorter than him. 

You wanted a bag of marbles for your birthday and you got it.

You wanted a magician for your birthday (but not Tricky Ricky) and you wanted cupcake decorating at our home but just yesterday you asked us if you could have your party at Active Kids Zone.  Your party is Tuesday.  There are 24 kids coming.  It’s too late to make these changes, and we’re not using AKZ since they refused to refund our money for a camp that your brother was sick for.

You went this afternoon to write your journal.

The worse your brother behaves, the better you do.

You have developed a bond with your baby sister because you can boss her around and she loves it.

You told us school was boring – after 2 days - because all they made you do was colour.

You have not slept through the night or in your own bed for the last 5 months.

You’re awesome!

We love you.  Happy Birthday.

 

So you want children, eh?

So… You really want children, eh?  I certainly did.  Now that I’m exhausted and running around every weekend taking the three of them to birthday parties, I have a different perspective on how to keep these kids from beating each other up on a daily basis.

Here are some things the kids have done in the past few days which I had to share.

The other night after Stewie went to bed, I heard music coming from Linus’ room.  I walked inside and there he was sitting on rug in the middle of his room, clock radio playing some am radio station, and his little sister Berry dancing in front of him.

“Change the station, Daddy”, he said.  “Put on something with a Rockstar” he said as he strummed his imaginary guitar. 

I put Q107 and Enter Sandman was playing .  He stood up and started dancing with his sister.  Then he got down on the floor and started break-dancing.  I was laughing but I sat down on the edge of the bed to watch.  The highlight was when he got off the floor and said to Berry, “your turn” at which point she lay down on the carpet and began breakdancing too. 

Hilarious.

The kids and I danced for a couple more songs, then we all went off to bed.

 

Tonight after having a going-to-bed snack Berry was laying on our bed with my wife.  We have developed a routine to get Berry into her crib without freaking out.  I ask her who is in her bed, and her and I name off the stuffed animals sleeping in her crib. 

Tonight as I picked her up off the bed she reached out to her arms, looked me straight in the eyes, and said to me “dumb ass”.

Still resenting that brilliant idea of mine to teach her those words.

 

This morning Linus was annoying me, our nanny and his brother – par for the course.  He had a piece of “mail” in his hand – something written on lined paper folded in four and with a sticker of the Thing on it.  I was running around trying to get him ready for school – Stewie was too sick to go but then decided he was going and I had a lot on my mind so when he tried to give me the mail, I waved him off.  I’m pretty sure he tried again but I ignored him on that too. 

Fast forward to this afternoon, I found that piece of mail in my laptop bag.  It was the letter.  I opened it up and it read;

“I love you”.

I looked at it.  I choked up.

I thought about him the whole way home and when he greated me at the door I gave him a huge hug and a kiss and told him I loved him too.

Kids…

 

 

The eating habits of a 4-year-old

Tonight as I gave my son a before bed snack, I was planning on preparing his usual snack – a bowl of plain yogurt with berries (fresh or frozen) and “seeds” which are usually some flax seeds and sunflower seeds.  Lately this has been topped by granola.  But tonight he asked for an apple.  A green apple, no less.  It was at that point that in donned on me that he has been eating an apple before bed for the better part of 2 weeks.  Prior to that it was yogurt and seeds for about a year.  Prior to that it was all about the banana – he could not get enough.  One or two bananas per evening for him.

Prior to that, was the grape phase where all he would eat were grapes.

Before that was the cheese sticks phase.  Instead of giving him expensive cheese strings, I would take a block of cheese and cut strips, or sticks, for him.  He would go through so much cheese in a week.

I’m sure there were more… I just can’t go that far back.

He’s like my wife… VERY much like her.

When she was pregnant with him she ate a lot of chocolate Lucky Charms cereal… A LOT.  Once she gave birth, that was it.  She has never eaten a bowl of any kind of cereal since.  She also went through a sour pickle phase.

Now she’s all about the almond butter spread on toast with a glass of milk.

And speaking about pickles… Stewie ate pickles, fresh strawberries and strawberry applesauce tonight, for snack, before bed.  Ugh.

 

Before you choose to have children (or have unprotected sex) you must read this first!

Ahhh children.

So cute.

So kind.

NOT.

Welcome to my world. Father of three beautiful, smart, children. Ahhh, they take after their mother so much (thank goodness).

Here is what you can expect if you decide to help populate the earth with your offspring.

Monday night. Baby girl who is caught up in the I-want-to-walk stage has taken 3 steps and when put to bed for the night still wants to get up and walk.

I get that. Our first child spent the better part of 3 hours from 7pm to 10pm walking in circles once he figured it out. He was the freaking energizer bunny. I thought he was just going to collapse at a moments notice.

So after a period of getting up in her crib and calling and whirling and warbling so much R2D2 would be proud, she fell asleep.

Instead of seizing this moment to get some much-needed sleep too – how many times can I get away with going to work with these bloodshot eyes before someone recommends I check into rehab – but NO, I go back to work on my laptop.

Then at 11:30pm she starts calling;

“MAMA”

“MAMA”

“DADA”

“DADA”

…and on it goes.

I ignored her hoping she will go back to sleep but conscious that urban mummy will be kept awake and she needs her rest to function normally the next day.

She continued, on and off,and at 12:30am the cries from her room were this; “WAT-TER”.

“WAT-TER”

“BLANKIE”

“BLAN-KET”

So I went to get her.

We went to the kitchen and she ate and ate and ate until almost 2am. I grabbed my office lap top and logged in to work from 12:30-2 while she hummed, sang, danced, ate, drank and every few seconds to make sure I was paying attention would say, “HI”.

At 2am I put her back in her crib and she wailed but fell asleep.

Then the boys came marching in at 6am. One had a nightmare, the other was scared.

——————————-

And just yesterday my oldest boy, 6-year-old Linus fell on the ice at school and according to his school, had a bloody lip and may have chipped his tooth.

My wife went to the school to check on him and convince him to stay the rest of the day.

She called me from the school, I was worried about the potentially chipped adult tooth, and I spoke to him. Boy was he bummed out.

I asked him if I could do something to help him out.

“I want to come to your work”.

“Sorry buddy”, I responded. “What else can I get you to help you feel better?”

“I want a hi-liter, please. All my classmates have one”, he said.

So I went and got him a blue hi-liter.

When I came home he greeted me at the door, very excited to see if I followed through. I checked his lip – no blood, no swelling, then his tooth – not chipped. Cool.

Upon taking the hi-liter out of my bad, child #2, a very tired and emotional Stewie, turned on his siren, and began to wail.

“I want a hi-liter too! It’s not fair. I hate you.”

Part laughing and part stunned, I get down to his level and explain to him that I did not know he wanted one too and I would go get him one later this week.

He didn’t stop… In fact he just got louder and more out of control. I swear he’s going to smack me one of these days…

“NO DADDY!!! It’s NOT fair.”

I calmly asked him to stop yelling or he would have to go to his room and come back when he was in control. “You have the right to be upset”, I said, “But I do not want to be standing her while you yell at me. If you want to talk to me, please come down”.

He continued.

I went to walk him up to his room, but he took off running… Through the front foyer, into the living room, through the dining room and into the kitchen.

I tackled him in the kitchen, then carried him up to his room while he berated me the entire way about this not being fair.

“You are 4, your brother is 6. His classmates have one, he asked me for one”.

“No DADDY. IT’S NOT FAIR. IT’S MY FAVOURITE TOY!!!”

“I’m sorry, what??” Now I’m laughing… “It’s your favourite toy?!?”

“YES DADDY. I WANT MY FAVOURITE TOY! YOU ARE NOT BEING NICE!!! I HATE YOU!!!”

“If it’s your favourite toy, what does it do?”

“I KNOW WHAT IT DOES”, he yells back, “BUT I’M NOT TELLING YOU!!!”

Giggling, “Do you? Really”

“YES I KNOW BUT I’M NOT TELLING YOU! IT’s NOT FAIR. I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU. I HATE YOU DADDY.”

Then my 6 year old pipes up with, “Stewie, it’s okay that you hate daddy because he loves you enough for both of you”.

So I put him in his room.

30 seconds later he’s back in the kitchen with my wife – his ally and protector.

Her and I talk about strategy, then I pull him aside and ask him this”.

“Would you like a hi-liter too?”

“Yes please”, he responds.

“I’ll bring you one”.

“OKAY”.

And back to his cranky self he went.

OY.  At least he didn’t call me a liar… This time.

Clearly he’s going through something as 3:15am he came into our bed and tossed and turned until I got fed up and left at 6:15.

And to make matters worse, he’s off school today because of the “storm”.

Snowmageddon… Snowtastrophe… Whatever.

Still want kids?!?

 

Why Do I Blog? Why Do You Blog?

I often wonder why it is that I blog.  I wonder, during the day, if I’m wasting my time with this whole blog thing, and at night, I wonder the same thing, as I’m typing up my posts for the week. Is anyone going to read them? and if someone does, why, and in the end does it really matter? 

I’ve said this before, that I don’t write posts for others… usually… although I have been known to in the past – I won’t make that mistake again.

I try to write my posts with the view that this online journal is going to help me remember key points in my family’s life as we move from day-to-day, kid-by-kid, and event-to-event.  It’s nice to be able to look back and see what we did, for example, for my 1st child’s 2nd birthday, and use that in preparation for my middle child’s 2nd birthday, and still have that online when it comes time for my daughter’s second birthday.

I used to post about events that happened to me at my old job – but that turned out to be a colossal error of judgement as it revealed WAY too much about me and my family and opened up my life for judgement and criticism from those who knew that I blogged.

Going forward I share events and stories with like-minded individuals and use my blog as a forum to talk about me, the father of 3 kids, the husband, the manager, volunteer and human being.

I was content doing this for the people who came to my blog with regularity and maintaining a respectable number of daily readers.

All of this changed last Wednesday – for those of you who read my comments, you would already know – when I was reached out to from a local TV station regarding my interest in participating in a talk show on blogging as a Daddy-blogger.

Initially, I was dead set against the idea but after talking to some friends in the media, I met with the executive producer of this show and we chatted about what it is that I do and why. 

During this 15-20 minute chat, we talked about how I got started blogging, what my challenges are as  a Dad and why I like to blog stuff.  I answered the questions as best as I could and the more we talked the more it came back to me why it is that I do this in the end of the day. 

It’s because I love being a Dad! 

I started because my wife blogged and I loved reading her posts.  She is such a great writer (I miss her posts) and I wanted to have my take on family events too – we see things so differently.  Eventually, I added other topics to my blog, like work, the TTC, municipal events – like the condition of the streets – volunteer activities and my search for a new job.

I found my blog became the repository for everything that happened to me during the day – good and bad – and if you look back at some of my oldest posts, they have little rhyme or reason, as I used this blog for a dumping ground of my emotions. 

Doing that allowed me time to grow emotionally, and as a writer as I would go back and read comments and those comments helped me realize whether I was writing something interesting of something crappy.  The more I wrote my posts to those readers the less I became myself, but the more I wanted comments.  I wanted to be noticed.  I think deep down inside I wanted what some other bloggers I knew about had, like Cheaty Monkey and Redneck Mummy, I wanted to be able to write a post worthy of 30 comments or 200 hits… I wanted to be known.

Then somewhere along the line I realized that being the Dad of 3 kids, with a new job which I love(d), I had been blogging for over 4 years and with little in the way of hits or comments I just enjoyed using this forum to talk about what it’s like being an involved father. 

I was fortunate to have been in a position to have taken off 9 months to be with my first son, 4 months with my second, and yes, one day with my third, but on the weekends, they are mine and in the evenings I take care of their bedtime routine and I would not pass that up for anything in the world.

Sure I find there are times during the day when I wonder why I’m working (obvious reasons – to pay bills) because I just want to be home with my kids.  Yes, we do programs in the evenings and on the weekends, and sure every now and then I am able to walk them to school, be the class parent, or take them for a walk to run errands… I want them to be as involved as possible so when they get older they won’t be afraid to ask for what they want or settle for a job they do not like because they are too hesitant to make a move.

And while I do not have the burden of having to make the big decisions – schools, meals, camps, lunches, or stuff like that as my wife does all of that too much success, I am involved in the conversation regarding these decisions as much as I can.  My wife and I attended 5 or six schools before we chose the one my oldest goes to know and I went with my wife to speak to the principal of the new school that my middle child attends.  We visited camps, arranged sports events and we plan vacations that would be fun for everyone.  I like to be in control but where I cannot, I know my wife will have already done the legwork and spoken to people and will come to me when we’re close so we can seal the deal together and be comfortable that it is the right decision for us and our kids.

I try not to miss parent teacher interviews, I look at homework and often find myself asking my kids how their day was and what they did.  I worry about how they are socializing with their classmates, and between each other.  I worry about how they are to their teachers and try to get them to treat their nanny with the most respect possible.  I worry about how they are going to cope as they grow older. 

My oldest boy is so much like me that I want to watch his development and remind him that to be successful in school and in life he needs to be a little less goofy and a little more serious.  I remember about 6 months ago when he told me that he didn’t know; “When is the right time to be serious and when it’s okay to be goofy”.  I try to teach him.  My middle boy, on the other hand is all my wife and I want him to be a little less intense and a little more outgoing so that he can use his natural smarts to be the best he can be.

So getting back to why it is that I blog… I told this TV station about why I love being a Dad and why I didn’t really want to be on TV because I’m not the worlds’ most articulate guy all the time and at times I wonder if any of these posts even make sense on the screen after I type my garbled mess.  But the more I talked about myself and my enjoyment of fatherhood, I realized I could do this, and if they decided after meeting me that they wanted to give me a shot and have me on, I would do it.  Not for the potential for more hits, or more comments, but hit the opportunity to pass along to anyone that wants to listen why it’s great being a parent and to share some of the things we have encountered as a family and how we moved past them.

Trust me… If it’s going to happen, I’ll let you know…

… Maybe.