Being Daddy for a Day (and surviving without any visible scars)

Saturday was a great day in the urban daddy household.  Urban Mummy was at the Ontario Science Centre all day for a nutrition seminar, and that meant I got to play full-time Daddy to my own kids for the day.

Originally the plan was a trip to karate for the boys, then meeting my mother and sister for brunch, then to visit my grandmother with the kids, and take them home so the baby could nap… The rest was up in the air.

Unfortunately someone forgot to tell the City of Toronto that it was going to snow so it was near impossible to drive this morning on the slippery unplowed roads, so I told my mothersister to stay home and the plans changed.

Firstly, karate was great!

Stewie got his green advanced belt.

…and Linus got another stripe for his yellow belt.

Special thanks to Elliott @ Supernova for the pics.

After karate we came home and the boys earned 2 cookies by shovaling the neighbours sidewalk and driveway.  They worked SO hard.

Then we came inside and while the baby slept for 3 awesome hours, the boys and I played, cleaned, watched some TV, read and had a great time.

At 5pm it was bath time for everyone, I put up the last of the mezuzahs in the upstairs, and UM came home just before 6pm.

Upon seeing her, Berry said, “Mama meh” (Mummy-milk) and in the process of getting her dressed in her PJ’s she fell off the bed backwards on her back / bum.  She barely cried, but fell asleep feeding – an exhauting day for her.  She was is in her crib for the night by 6:30pm. 

The boys ate dinner, then snack and were off to bed by 7:30pm, as UM and I had dinner plans with some friends later tonight – no kids.  I can’t wait!

Oddly enough neither boys wanted my wife to leave (not me) and one developed a tummy ache and the other was having nightmares (without having been asleep yet).  We managed to get both settled and we left.

Dinner was fantastic as was the company.  We had a great time and returned home around 1:30am with a new found understanding as to why you do not google things when playing the game “Headbandz”.

The kids of course we up well before 7 this morning… Oh well…

So there!  I not only survived the day with 3 kids – my three kids – but I had a blast.

2010 Year in Review – Entertainment news that mattered to me…

Here is my take on what mattered in the entertainment world during 2010.

 I started this in November but as the list got bigger and bigger, I started to get worried that I would never get to post it.  Well, here it is…   So let’s begin this urban daddy’s look at 2010 with;

The most memorable moments of the year.

On January 12th, a 7.0 magnitude earthquake devastated Haiti 10 miles outside the country’s capital Port-au-Prince, taking almost 250,000 lives and reducing the city to rubble.  While the public outpouring of support and money was appreciated, I feel the world missed an opportunity to do the right thing and rebuild this country and provide homes, clean water and hope for the survivors.

Just over a week after winning her first Academy Award (Oscar), Sandra Bullock was blindsided when her husband of five years, some unheard of douche bag named Jesse James (parents who call kids that should be sent to jail or charged with neglect… Or the guy who names himself this might be a wee bit arrogant, no? admitted he had been unfaithful with some tattooed nazi-chick. They divorced.

Heidi Montag’s a role model for the plastic industry, not little girls…
While Heidi Montag faced several personal setbacks – filing for divorce from “husband” Spencer Pratt in July and losing her plastic surgeon to a fatal car crash in August – 2010 will go down as the year the “reality star” underwent a shocking 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day.  She went from looking young and kind-of hot, to old, plastic and about 50 years old, where she will remain (barring a drug overdose or premature end from yet another procedure) for the next 200 years. Gross.

While I really didn’t know much, or have a special appreciation for Brittany Murphy, I did find it spooky that 5 months after her death, blamed on an OD, her husband Simon Monjack was found dead in the couple’s home. It turns out he died from the same causes – pneumonia and severe anemia – that killed her.

What would a year in review be without mentioning that lunatic Mel Gibson. 2010 brought this wack-job back into the spotlight after his split from girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva ignited a heated custody battle over baby daughter Lucia. Grigorieva claimed that Mel had assaulted her (punched her and broke her nose) which led to a domestic violence investigation, and soon multiple audio tapes arose allegedly featuring Gibson’s hate-filled rants hit the web. The “leaks” were funny and made Mel seem closer to the looney-bin than to an Academy award… Poor nut-job.

But I think the biggest story of 2010 in entertainment involved Tiger Woods. Starting with the car crash / gash over his head, to the multiple mistresses each now getting their 15 minutes of fame and the resistance big business had in tossing this role model down the river. There were a lot of people hoping and praying it was not true, and if it were not for the mistresses, I doubt we would have known the full story to date.  Can anyone look at Tiger the same way again?

Now let’s turn out attention to the most memorable (at least for me) splits of the Year:

1) Courtney Cox and David Arquette.
It was an odd coupling from the start, but the former Friends star and the goofy former WCW World Heavyweight champion seemed to have found lasting love, married since 1999. In 2010, Arquette confirmed it was a combination of his immaturity and their declining sex life that led to their divorce. Now he’s spouting off about how drinking heavily makes him feel better… My only question is what took Cox so long to get the balls.

2) Sandra Bullock and Jesse James Cheater Nazi. Previously discussed.

3) Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria and NBA star Tony Parker. Married in 2007, him like 6 foot 8. Her, like 5 foot 4. Longoria filed for divorce in November 2010 amid rumors of infidelity.

4) Billy Ray Cyrus and wife Trish are divorcing after 18 years of marriage (Hmmm… Miley Cyrus is 18…) filed for divorce on Oct. 27. The parents of six children are going to have a hard time finding someone to re-marry until all the birdies have flown the coup. Although with Miley acting out, is rehab or a sex-tape soon to follow…

5) 3 years seems to be the equivalent to the 7-year-itch in Hollywood as Christina Aguilera and Husband Jordan Bratman divorced after 3 years and one son together. She’s already being photographed holding hands with another guy…

6) For Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels, 9 years of marriage ended in a case of she said, she said as Etheridge said the split was “as mutual as those things can be,” while Michaels says she was “blindsided” and left broke by their breakup.

7) Al and Tipper Gore. After 40 years of marriage, the Washington power couple and parents of four announced their separation in June. The former high school sweethearts said in a statement that it was “a mutual and mutually supportive decision that we have made together following a process of long and careful consideration.”

8) Kids should not have kids! Bristol Palin and butt-wipe Levi Johnston, Bristol being the teen daughter of former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, first shocked the world two years ago – by announcing she and her high school sweetheart were expecting during her mother’s Republican vice-presidential campaign. Two months after the birth of the couple’s son Tripp in March 2009, the pair split, only to reunite this past July. But a month later, they called off their second engagement.  Levi is a douche-bag and he totally played the Palin family and is using them for fame and fortune, recently stating that he wants to run for governor because if Sarah can do it, then so can he.

9) Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva.

10) Canadian Pop star Shania Twain & Husband, producer Robert “Mutt” Lange, split up in May, resulted in her making some TV appearances and a lot of Canadian guys happy that they still have a shot.  But now in December she announces she is engaged to the ex-husband of the woman her husband left her for… Get it?  It’s a real-life wife swap.

11) This one is messed up.  Dean Sheremet was married to LeAnn Rimes.  Eddie Cibrian was married to Brandi Glanville.  Eddie and LeAnn hook up while working on a movie together – Both deny it.  Caught kissing they claim to be “rehearsing”.  Both get taken to the curb.  Then while “single” Eddie and LeAnn begin dating.  I hope they both know what they are getting in to…

12) Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris from the TV show Saved by the Bell) and wife Lisa Ann Russell (who apparently was also on the show), after 14 years of marriage.

13) Plastic girl and douche-boy, aka Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, after 15 months of marriage.  Pratt, who loves his “fame” was quoted as saying this; “Some say if you can’t handle the heat get out of the kitchen. Well, Heidi couldn’t handle King Spencer’s fame so she got out of the marriage.”   Really?  King Spencer?  Where are you now, numbnuts???

14) Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens – broke up, not divorced, but is there now going to be more leaked naked photos of Vanessa?  Chances are good.

15) George Lopez and his wife Ann Serrano had been married since 1993, and she even gave him a kidney when he needed a transplant in 2005.   This one stinks, man!

16) Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy after 5 years.

17) Kelsey Grammer and Camille Grammer after 13 years of marriage.

and the biggest breakup of 2010… #18 on our list, was Tiger Woods and about 16 other women…

Done with the bad, now the good… Here is who got hitched in 2010;

Megan Fox and 90201 “star” Brian Austin Green, after 6 years together.

Canadian Alt-rocker Alanis Morisette and rapper Souleye (real name: Mario Treadway).  Wonder what she calls him in bed?  No I don’t…

Pop star Katy Perry and the very unusual Russell Brand.

Ottawa Senators hockey player Mike Fisher married country star Carrie Underwood. 

Glee super-bitch, Jane Lynch married girlfriend Lara Embry.

Hilary Duff’s married hockey player Mike Comrie, and in an unusual turn of events, her tooth fell out in the morning.  Lucky for Duff, it was fixed before the wedding started. 

(Han Solo married a broom), aka, Harrison Ford married Calista Flockhart. Calista ate a whole raisin at the wedding to really celebrate and she missed the second half of the evening because she was “stuffed”. No truth to the rumours that Chewbacca served as best man.

Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former President Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton joined the tribe as she married some guy named Marc Mezvinsky in front of 400 guests on July 31 in N.Y.

Dawson!  James Van Der Beek married some model named Kimberly Brook in Tel Aviv. 

With just six guests in attendance, longtime couple Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen said “I Do” in a traditional Jewish ceremony in Paris.  Wonder if Borat was wearing that giant green sling shot ball holder bathing suit under his tuxedo?

2010 WTF were you thinking:

A few stories in entertainment caught my attention during the year.  I present them to you here. 

1) Lindsay Lohan.  I remember when she was in court in July, and for some reason she thought it would have been a good idea to have “FUCK U” stenciled in nail polish on her left middle finger.  Lohan, who claimed it was a ”a joke,” spent 13 days in jail and 23 days in court-ordered rehab for violating probation in a DUI case.  She’ll be back… In court and jail.

2) Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, eh?  In April, former NYPD Blue star Garcelle Beauvais publicly aired her husband Michael Nilon’s dirty laundry to his Creative Artists Agency colleagues in an angry, company-wide e-mail. “I found out today that MY husband of almost 9 yrs has been having an affair for 5 yrs with some slut in Chicago,” she wrote. “I am devastated!!! And I have been duped!!” A month later, the mom of two filed for divorce.

In May 2010, a British tabloid captured the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, on video accepting a $40,000 cash payment – and an additional $700,000 to be wired later – in exchange for access to her ex-husband Prince Andrew.

John Edwards’s former mistress Rielle Hunter finally broke her years-long silence in a GQ interview which led to the end of his 32-year marriage – Edward’s wife recently passed away after battling cancer for many years. I’m sure she needed this stupidity at that moment.

Shame!

That was fun!

My Daughter is 1! Happy First Birthday Berry!!!

Has it been one year already?

Yes it has.

It seems like so much longer. I can’t believe how much she has grown in the past few weeks. Aside from her regular vocabulary, Berry has added the following gems;

She says, “yeah” now. Me: “Berry, do you want to eat?” Berry: “Eat… Yeah!”.
Me: “Berry, do you want more?” Berry: “Mowr… Yeah”.
Me: “Berry, do you want a kick in the head?” Berry: “Yeah!”

She calls all stuffed animals, “bear”.
She calls all dolls, “Dawl”

She looks to her big brothers for their feedback and will continue to act in a certain way depending on them, for example, when she was smacking herself in the head, they laughed, she continued…

When she doesn’t want to eat anymore, she shakes her head no.

She has become very loud… Not surprising as she has to keep up with the boys.

She has developed a fondness for the rubber duckies in the bath tub and treats them the same way little girls react to Justin Beiber… Shrieks of adoration.

She has crazy hair that comes down past her nose in the front and she can often be found pulling at her hair, usually with hands full of yogurt or oatmeal… UGH.

She has a boyfriend – let’s call him Neeson – who is a few months older than her.

And she learned to shake her head in the “no” manner but doesn’t know the world “no”… yet.  She actually makes herself dizzy and laughs while she’s doing it… She’s crazy like her big brother.

Happy 1st Birthday, Berry!

How do I know this is love? A Daddy’s view on the Relationship of his 3 Children (under 6 yrs old).

My kids love each other!

Well, let me clarify this a little. My boys love their baby sister, and my boys love each other but the boys don’t like each other.

When my boys are together, they play so well together but every now and then my older one grows devil’s horns and provokes his little brother who them beats the shit out of him. But fear not, since both boys are in karate there is some self-defense in there and now that the older one has some courage, he hits back and they both come crying to us with their wounds.

When my younger son used to draw family pictures we would ask him who was in the picture;

“Me, mummy, daddy, baby, nanny, cat”.
“What about Linus?”
“I don’t like him so I didn’t draw him”.

So when my youngest son gets upset, he yells at my oldest boy, “I’m NOT going to draw you in my pictures!!!” Oh, yes he does!

But I am finding more and more that my oldest boy and baby girl have developed a special bond. Not that I’m surprised. When we had Stewie – at home – Linus, who had slept through the birth in his room, came into our room in the morning to see if we had the baby. When he saw newborn Stewie, he ran over, gave the baby a gentle hug and kiss and very proudly held him. He loves babies!

Sure, as Stewie got older, Linus would pick on him and knock him over, but Stewie got even by poking him in the eyes on day and that evened the score.

So now that Berry is around, Linus is all over her, hugging her, kissing her, talking to her, laughing at her and getting her to laugh back. Then, last week I saw Berry and Linus share a laugh followed quickly by Berry smacking herslef in the side of the head. She hit herself three times then laughed, why??? because Linus had taught her this. He was encouraging her to do it, and after 8 or 9 smacks she began pulling her hair and then crying.

Now, he has taught her to make some silly mouth noises and he can get her to do them – including raspberries – by mouthing the action and smiling at her to encourage her to continue when we race to get her to stop. She usually tries the mouth stuff during dinner.

Like I said… My kids love each other.

I’m dreading the day the unite against us. LOL.

You are 8 months old today!

Happy 8 months to my little girl.

You are so different from your big brothers… You can sit on the bed, happily and play for around an hour. You love to happily warble away, while yanking at your feet, rolling front-to-back, then back-to-front, clapping your hands, or on your hands and knees rocking back and forth. You never stop… Like your big brother, Stewie.

Now you love to try and stand up (holding on to me very tightly, of course. You are so proud of yourself.  The world looks so different when you are standng, eh?

You toy with me when I feed you, pretending to sign the word, “more”, while saying it only to me, never to mummy.

You have that one little tooth on the bottom left of your mouth and have bitten me and mummy, although where you bite mummy hurts way more than me!

You love your brothers and your dolly (and bunny your brother bought you, and the ball we’ve passed from brother to brother to you, and your links…)

Your face lights up when you see your nanny, and her sister. You hated the cat, but are now becoming buds.

You are my princes. But not Ariel, or Cinderella… Princess Leia. You get to carry a blaster!

Happy 8th month birthday, sweetie. And thank you for finally showing signs of wanting to sleep through the night!

UJA Walk With Israel

The 2010 UJA Walk with Israel Toronto edition began with a spectacular show of solidarity from members and leaders of the Jewish community as well as politicians from all levels of government. 

On this past Sunday, May 30^th, 2010, I rushed my wife, and 3 kids to the Ricoh Coliseum on the CNE grounds in Downtown Toronto for the 9:30 registration in preparation from the 10am walk.  Sunday was supposed to be a very hot, sunny day and knowing there was little chance my kids would make the entire 7km walk, we wanted to hear Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s historic speech – the first address by an Israeli Prime Minister to Canada’s Jewish community since Menachem Begin spoke here in 1978 and the first visit by an Israeli Prime Minister since Yitzhak Rabin travelled to Canada 17 years ago – and then jet off on the course while it was still cool.

But we forgot…

The UJA were working on Jewish Standard Time.

So after loitering in the Direct Energy Centre until almost 11:30am with tired, hungry, cranky kids, and with the speeches nowhere near ending, we set off on the walk with some other eager beavers.

Boy, were my kids cranky!  “I’m hungry”, “I’m tired”, “Are we there yet?”,  “I have to poo” (thank you kind girls at Ontario Place for letting me sneak in my 5-year-old to use the bathroom).  From that standpoint I didn’t think we were going to make it.

After walking, stopping, more walking while listening to them whine, we hit the first checkpoint, at Coronation Park.  At the party were some politicians, Rob Ford, Joe Oliver, and Rob Davis.  There was music, refillable water bottles the kids could wear, chocolate and balloons.  After getting their passport stamp, some praise for making it to the first checkpoint and an unexpected treat (chocolate) the kids decided it was time to move on… Quickly to get to the next checkpoint for more treats.

Our departure from the first checkpoint was slightly delayed as my very conscious 5-year-old was dancing to the music.  I could tell that he really wanted to dance but didn’t want to appear our of sync with the rest of the dancers… He was hesitant, but dancing.  He’s SO my boy!!!

Checkpoint 2 brought the kids some cherry nibs, blueberry / blackberry smoothie, a beach and bathrooms.  The kids found a swan family, with their nest and baby sitting there.  At one point my son turned to me and said, “are we going on the canoes, or the beach?”.  I turned, puzzled, only to see a giant rack of canoes. LOL.  We decided instead to walk-on.

Checkpoint 3 – Simcoe Park – My 5-year-old is now in the stroller and the baby is strapped to my wife’s back.  3-year-old getting cranky and defiant.  Demands that I get a taxi to take us back to the car so they can eat hot dogs and go on the bouncy castle.  Follows that up with, “I make the rules!!!”   I Laugh. We trudge on with the help of the bags of all natural funky vegetable chips they are giving away.

Checkpoint 4 – Popsicles and water.  At this point with the big boy in the stroller, the baby strapped to my wife’s back and the little tyrant screaming orders, we were just trying to get moving to the end.  It’s not too far, I  proclaim, not having looked at a map.  My wife, red-faced, overheated and tired says she cannot go on.  I encourage her.  WOW is it far!!!

We had an unexpected stop behind Fort York to tend to a blister on my wife’s foot.  This stop gave me some déjà vu when my DW asked me if I thought it was ok for her to wear sandals.  I said probably not a good idea as she gets blisters, but agree that the wind blowing between her toes rather than sweaty socks, is a reason to wear them. 

Behind Fort York where a ton of funky looking condo line the roadway blocking off the water from the railway tracks and homeless people, the blister got the better of her and she could not go on.  We tried walking in bare feet and were ready to make pick up decisions until another walker offered her a band-aid and everything was right in the world again.  Armed with a super-red face, an achy back, blistery foot and a now out cold 3-year-old we set off to finish the walk, a mere 4 ½ hours after we arrived at the registration.

Approximately 7,000 people heard Netanyahu speak and around 15,000 participated in UJA’s annual walk after the speech.

End result… Kids were full of energy but slept great.  I burned my arms, the baby was a little dehydrated and my wife… Time will tell.

Happy 6-month birthday

I want to wish my daughter a happy 6-month birthday.

Now please start sleeping through the night… You’re killing your mummy and daddy…

What it means to be a working father of three.

This past weekend definitely a trying weekend for me in my efforts to be a great father.

I was on edge all weekend, probably because this would be the 3rd week in a row I’ve been suffering with my allergies.  I have been unable to wear my contact lenses. My eyes are very red and quite itchy, and my nose and throat have started to itch this week… UGH. I look like I’m on drugs… Not a great look for an office, eh?

I keep forgetting that I should be investing in allergy medication, as all this allergy action has come in the last 5 or 6 years only. I never had allergies as a child.

I am also a bit on edge because our little baby girl, Berry, has been up every 2-3 hours (shades of Stewie) every single night.  While I do not get up everytime the baby does – thank you honey – because this time around, for child #3 I actually have to work.

With child #1, Linus, I took 9 months off paid paternity. With child #2, Stewie, I was off for 4 months on paid paternity (2 of those months were spent laid up with a herniated disc in my lower pack) and with #3, Berry… 1 day at home. It was tax season and I needed to be at the office.

But there are some nights where I am feeling very good and as a result, I have been getting up so urban mummy does not have to, even if that means staying up with the baby past midnight hoping she’ll have that great night’s sleep she needs to stay rejuviated and the baby will tire out and sleep an nour or two more.

Neither of them do…

And to top matters off… the boys have been waking up at at 6am to play, waking me up in the process. 

So allergies, and exhaustion, coupled with 2 rowdy boys and an over-tired wife and look out!

As a result, every little thing drove me crazy this weekend.  Watching the boys play tug-of-war with their expensive throwpillow – with their teeth – drove me batty.  As did walking in the kitchen on cooked rice that the boys dumped on the floor.  Grrr.

I know this is what being a Dad is all about and I know that all I need is one good night’s sleep to get me back on track.

But until them… Look out!

SNAP.

Repost: Thoughts from April 2007

Here is what was going through my head April 2007.

• Former Conservative politician, until she crossed the floor to become a cabinet minister for the Liberal party, Belinda Stronach is not seeking re-election in the next election.  HA HA HA.  I knew (and probably blogged) that once she became a traitor and left the conservative party, crossing the floor to join the corrupt liberals for a cabinet post, that she would be going nowhere in politics.  Clearly I was incorrect.  She is going somewhere… out! Bye bye Belinda, you turncoat, and take Tie Domi with you.  That former Toronto Maple Leaf pugilist, who was married when you an him hooked up and you deserve each other.  Opportunists.  Besides, Tie’s segment “Win, Lose and Tie” on TSN is brutal.  I turn the channel when it comes on.  It’s painful.
• In other thoughts… It looks like rain outside… I don’t have an umbrella.
• I’m really jacked that the Raptors are in the playoffs – but I hate that they are playing Vince Carter and the NJ Nets because I’ll be REALLY upset if we lose to “them”.  Ever since “Wince” left the Raptors, I have always wished him to lose or get hurt, flop on the floor like he did in Toronto and please continue to tip off the opposition on plays in NJ like to did in TO. 
• I received my grades for my two most recent business graduate school classes… both A’s. Only 4 more classes to go then I’ll have my MBA and can use it to get out of the government.  YAY.
• Happy to report that my wife and I have something new in common, besides our kids, marriage, house, etc. I love to garden and she does too.  And she is quite good at it too.  We have seedlings now sitting in the living room soon to be headed in the garden, of all these funky heirloom fruits and veggies.  She picked them, she planted the seeds, we watch them grow. Fun, fun, fun!
• Need sleep… I am painting the basement – kids playroom… It had to happen sooner or later.  We bought some red, blue and green paint – bright kids colours and I am painting the entire space they use to play in.  Part of the wall is going to be a magnetic chalk board.  Wondering how to get the red paint out of the carpet and I dropped the tin and of course it opened on the carpet.. A lot!.  It is fire truck red.  OY. 
• So let’s recap… Baby up at 5am, I leave for work at 7am, get home before 6pm, bathe and book the kids to bed, then after chatting with my wife and taking care of classes, I set out around midnight to paint until 1 or 2am and then do it all again the next night.
• Sleep???  Over-rated. 

My kids

So my baby girls turned 2 months old today… How time flies.  It never flew with both my boys because they are so tiring with their non-stop energy and they love of talking.

For Berry, I can say that because, sadly, I’ve had to work through this newborn stage and I get very little time to spend with either mummy or baby…

And tonight my boys are sleeping (for how long who knows?) in their shared room in their bunk bed with 2 pictures taped to their door.  One picture looks happy the other looks sad… So I asked my wife what it was all about and this is what I got…

Apparently tonight they are back to being scared of monsters so my 5 year old drew a picture of the scariest monster he had ever seen with a line through it to indicate they are not allowed in the room. 

I love the way kids think!