Maybe I should have let him put on my cufflinks…

Poor Stewie!

He’s not feeling well.  He’s been sleeping a lot and not eating as much and if you know him, or have read this blog enough, you would know this kid loves to eat.

Just yesterday morning I called to him to come into our room so he could pick my cufflinks and put them on my shirt sleeves but he did not show up. 

His older brother Linus did so I let Linus pick the cufflinks and put them on.  I think he wanted to do it because Stewie does it and likes doing it, and after trying to put the first one in he got bored and I have to remind him I have two arms.

As we left my bedroom, I said to him; “We don’t need to tell Stewie about this.  He’ll just get upset.”

Linus replied, “Okay Daddy”.

Then within 10 seconds of leaving the room, I heard Linus yell to Stewie, “Hey Stewie!  I just picked and put on Daddy’s cufflinks and you didn’t”.

Then came the tears, followed by the rage.

After a couple minutes of explaining to Stewie that I had called for him to come but he did not, I allowed Linus to do it and tomorrow if he wanted he could pick my cufflinks.  He demanded that I take my cufflinks out “RIGHT NOW” so he could put them back in.  He told me he hates me and he said he wanted to “Kick my head off”. 

After hearing that, I walked over to him, knelt down in front of him, placed my head at his waist level and said to him; “Okay, go ahead… Kick my head off.  Go.  Do it”.  wisely, he declined but while trying to explain to me that I should have waited for him, he was secretly undoing my right cufflink. 

I yanked away my arm, cufflink dangling from the loop. 

He then started to cry as I walked towards the door to leave for the office. \

“I hate you”, he yelled, “I love you enough for both of us”, I replied.

“I hope you have a terrible day” he screamed, “I am so far”, I replied, “But I won’t once the door shuts”.

Then he made some silly noise which sounds like a combination between a hiss, a mouth fart and a grunt.

I hope he felt better.

Poor nanny. 

Taking a break from Toronto politics to post about recent things my kids said…

I’m taking a break from talking about Toronto politics – temporarily – so I can post about my kids.   Ahhh… Kids.  Here are some recent things they said which were worth posting (so I thought).

My 4-year-old looked up in the sky at the clouds and said; “clouds are like mountains in the sky what are (made of) like cotton”.

When describing the park that he wanted to go play in, instead of describing the park to us, he recalled the photo shoot we had there together instead when he said; “I want to go to the park where that girl took pictures of us so you will remember what we look like when we are older”.

My 6-year-old has been super-helpful recently and in doing so he wanted to tell a bedtime story to his brother and baby sister but he needed help getting going, so I helped him along by saying; “Once upon a time…” figuring he would tell them a story about a prince or a princess, or make something up, however, in typical Jewish day school training, he picked up my intro and continued with; “… Jewish people were slaves in Egypt to a bad, bad Pharoah who was very mean…”  Yup.   What every 20 month old needs to know.

Things my 20-month-old Berry are afraid of;

• Subways
• Bugs
• Bath / Shower
• Bed

All of these raise her blood pressure instantly and make her cry. 

While eating dinner at Safari on Avenue Road, 4-year-old Stewie was told by the waiter that he was a good eater and a good guest to which my son replied; One day I will own this store!”.  The waiter stopped and said, “Pardon Me???” to which Stewie replied – now slightly turning his head back so the waiter could hear him – “One day I’m going to own this store!”… Oh yes he did!

I’m not sure where they get this stuff from since we’ve never mentioned to him that we are going to buy restaurants, stores, or anything like that.

This morning Stewie and I walked to get bagels at about 6:30am, and when we came to an intersection, Stewie squeezed my hand and made me stop for an extra few seconds.  His rationale;

“Daddy, do you know why we had to wait a few extra seconds before we crossed the street here?”

Me: “No, I don’t know why… why?”

Stewie: “Because we are wearing sandals so we have to make sure no cars are coming for if they run over our toes it will hurt SO much. ”

Me: “Errr, okay.  Thanks bud!”.

And finally, my wife bought a couple stuffed giant microbes (science teachers tend to love this stuff), one was E. Coli and the other was penicillin.  Well my 6-year-old and I are allergic to penicillin so when she showed it to him he thought it was real and suddenly he started to feel sick and refused to go to his day camp today.  It wasn’t for a good 30 minutes before he fessed up that he thought it was real and that was what made him sick.  Funny that he wasn’t worried about his little sister hugging the E. Coli…

Here is another example why it’s great to blog if you’re a parent…

Not sure what I mean from the title of this post?  Well let me explain.  There are times I have wished that I could have a camera crew following around my children..  More so my 2nd and 3rd kids due to their uniqueness but since that is never going to happen, blogging about them seems to be the perfect fit.   The only problem I have, is remembering all the crazy / zany / witty stuff they say to each other, to us and to others.   I make a mental note, or start a draft post, then something better comes along and I forget the previous thought…   Kids are hilarious.  Admit it. 

Take this evening, for example.  Child #2, Stewie was showing a childhood friend of his grampa a new toy that he has called Bey Blades.  In explaining what they are, the question was asked of him, “are they like dreidels?” to which Stewie replied, “they are like dreidels but they are not.  These are made with very sharp steel and if you spin them on your tummy they will slice you in half.”  Oh yes… Very serious boy.

Then there was the day after fathers’ day when Stewie made his 5th consecutive appearance into our bedroom in the middle of the night.  Sometimes he arrives because he’s scared of lightning, other times because he had a bad dream.  This night it was because he was “bored”. 

So I walked him back to his room – without talking to him – and tucked him back in the bed.

He started wailing and came back to our room, I swear, the second I closed my eyes.  So I got up and walked him back.  He was starting to complain so I asked him to tip toe.  He was clearly pissed because tip toe to him meant stomp as loud as you can. 

So I got mad and told him if he was going to make any more noise, that I would shut his bedroom door. 

He started to wail.

I took a deep breath (probably a very deep breath as it was past 2 in the morning and I made sure I was clear  in the way Alyson Schaffer taught us and I said to him, “This is your choice.  Do you choose to be quiet and go to sleep, or do you choose to make noise, wake up your brother, sister and mother, and sleep with the door shut”.

He chose to be quiet.

So I left.

Laid my head down on the pillow… closed my eyes… then heard wailing.

So I walked into his room and calmly said to him, “I believe you have chosen to sleep with the door shut” and with that I quietly shut his door and walked away.

He wailed louder than before.

I went into our bedroom and my wife was now clearly awake.  We huddled in for a strategy session.  She suggested I bring him into our bed to sleep before he wakes up the rest of the house.  Not wanting to be a sardine in my own bed, I went to sleep in his bed.

He must have still been upset in the morning because while I was brushing my teeth, he confronted me in my bathroom (he’s 4-year-old).  “Are you going to be nice to me today, Daddy?” he asked.

“Are you going to sleep in your bed tonight?” I countered with.

“If you are not going to be nice to me, I am not going to give you back your fathers’ day presents”.

“You took back my fathers’ day presents???”

At which point I heard giggling from our bed.  My wife had heard this exchange and apparently knew he took back my presents.

I got down to his level, gave him a huge hug and kiss, told him I love him and with that, he disappeared into his room, only to return with a bad full of presents he had given me a week prior.  He unloaded the presents as I stood there wondering how we gave birth to the repo man…

***********************************************

Another interesting parenting moment came one morning last week as we were all struggling though this stomach virus.  Linus was sitting on the toilet in his bathroom, Stewie was on the toilet on the main floor of the house and our bathroom was occupied.  Only 30 minutes later did we find that Linus’ toilet was never flushed.  We called him in but he denied it was him.  He said it was Stewie.

“Stewie was on the main floor,” I responded.  “It was totally you!”

“Not it wasn’t” defended Linus.

Believe it or not, this conversation went on for 5 minutes, with myself and my wife defending our position and there was Linus with his one line of defense, “It wasn’t me, it was Stewie”.

He kept this up until we dropped it.

Some battles are just not worth fighting, eh?

***********************************

Tonight, Stewie has made his way into our bedroom at only 10pm.  He was watching my wife work on her laptop, happy to see her looking at ordering angry birds stuffed animals.  I decided in front of Stewie to suggest she not order them until Stewie was able to sleep in his bed for 5 nights in a row.   She agreed and together we explained to him why we thought this was a good idea.  Well let me tell you, for those of you who have not met Stewie before, that this bright idea of mine did not go over well at all!  He broke into a fit and through part exhaustion, part stress, he said to my wife that she was the “meanest mummy in the universe”.  All we heard about for the next 45 minutes through tears, anger and an unwillingness to forget, was that he wanted / needed / was going to get an angry bird or he was going to “break down our house”.  He was so over-tired we tried to listen without giggling.   Maybe it was us that were so over-tired…

Today is June 21st, the First Day of SUMMER!!!

Today, June 21st, is the first day of summer, or specifically, the summer solstice.

So what does this mean to you?

Well, my kids know today is the first day of summer and both are expecting something to “poof” at 1:16pm when summer becomes official. I tried telling then that the word “solstice” comes from Latin and essentially means “Sun-standing”, and that today meant more thousands of years ago then it does today, but they still have questions.

So what information about the first day of summer can you tell your 4 and 6 year olds… Well, try this;

Today is the day – and 1:16pm is the time – when the Earth’s axial tilt is leaning the most towards the sun, resulting in the longest time from sunset to sunrise, or the longest day of the year (and shortest night).

In a little more detail – today, the North Pole tilts directly at the Sun (be prepared to answer questions about poor Santa) and the Sun is at it furthest point from the equator.

What you might not want to tell them;

“Midsummer was thought to be a time of magic, when evil spirits were said to appear. To thwart them, Pagans often wore protective garlands of herbs and flowers. One of the most powerful of them was a plant called ‘chase-devil’, which is known today as St. John’s Wort and still used by modern herbalists as a mood stabilizer.”

Thank you to http://www.chiff.com/a/summer-solstice.htm

You can also explain to them that many, many years ago ancient peoples used to celebrate the magical sun as a recognition of sign of the fertility, involving holidays, festivals, gatherings, rituals or other celebrations around this day.

So go find a Pagen or Native Canadian / American and ask them how they celebrate this wonderful day and if you’re lucky, you might just get invited to join.

What a weekend: Karate, BBQ, UJA Walk for Israel and a picture.

Yes, I know it’s almost 1am and I should go to sleep, but I wanted to make sure much of the house was ready for the week ahead and that I would be ready for another productive week at the office.

Really, however, I should have gone to bed at 10am when my wife did because this was one action-packed weekend and like my family, I’m tired!

So where to begin?

Saturday!  Karate.  Both boys did quite well.  Linus was a little goofy at the beginning of his class and I noticed that he cannot bring his knees right up to his chest when he jumps, so I’m going to have to work with him, but every other stretch, or exercise, he was right in there with the bigger kids.  I’m proud of his development.

Stewie on the other hand really looks like he’s the odd-boy out in his group.  He’s the biggest kid in his level and honestly, he’s the most technically sound, which is why they are trying to move him up to his yellow belt, quickly before he gets bored.  He received another stripe in that class.  That puts him one red stripe and some grading away from yellow.  Yay.

It was also this day when I realized my kids refer to “Tim Horton’s” and “Tim-Portance”…

So we came home, cleaned up and had some new friends over for a BBQ.  YUM.  There is nothing like BBQ’d burgers, dogs and corn.  While the food was on the grill it gave me a chance to plant some veggies I bought – okra, beans, tomatoes, beets, and very soon blueberries to got with the raspberries and strawberries. 

It’s kind of funny that we spent all this money on nice patio furniture for our extended deck and we’ve only been able to use it once, with all the rain we’ve been having.   I found the solution to all the rain, I’m going to buy rain boots for my wife  whose birthday is in a couple of days.  Once she gets those the rain will certainly stop.

Sunday was the UJA Walk for Israel in the streets of downtown Toronto.  Last year it was roasting hot and we took to the streets with a then 6 months old baby in the stroller and 5 and 3 year old boys eager to walk check-point to check-point picking up treats and getting their passports stamped.  About 5km into the 7km route, Stewie melted down and we tossed him in the stroller, my wife strapped the baby to her back and with a blister on her foot, we walked the entire route.

This year, we figured with the boys one year older that we could make it through the route if we cut out a couple checkpoints and made sure the they had lots of treats.  Last year there were yogurt drinks, chips, licorice, and other such junk, popsicle, that kept the boy moving but this year checkpoint 1 had gum and water.  My kids don’t eat gum and we had plenty of water.  So this started the “I want a treat” whine from Stewie and he kept this up the entire day.  It even got to the point that he rejected chips and french fries because he wanted chocolate, so my wife threw him in the stroller – figuring he’d appreciate the rest and might even sleep,but he originally wanted no part of that, so what she saw was this;

Stewie, Urban Daddy, Berry and Linus walking

The 4 of us walked for a little bit until Stewie went back for the stroller and I scooped up Berry so we could head towards the finish. 

 

It was a good walk.  I put on 24,528 steps today for my Global Corporate Challenge.

 

I also realized I am officially bald.  I burned the top of my head.

 

Right before the end of the walk, there were these crazy orthodox men protesting the existence of Israel.  I thought that was really weird, as did Linus, until my wife pointed out that I had the same reaction last year.  These guys don’t speak Hebrew, they speak Yiddish, and they want to be free to pray where ever they want or something like that.

This upset Linus – who goes to a Jewish day school – because they fill their heads with pro-Israel news and information how could the kids not bond with the country.  Personally, I’ve never been there and my family comes more from Russia and Poland, so I don’t feel the tie to Israel, nor do I understand why peace cannot be ironed out, but hopefully we’ll get there in the next couple years.

 

One funny point today occurred when we cut through the Rogers Centre to get to a different check-point (I was holding a pizza and we wanted to eat it, then catch up…  Well we took the skywalk back to Union station but along the way my wife took the elevator to the ground floor, while the boys and I took it down only once floor so we were separated.  I called her and we agreed to meet at the next checkpoint, problems is, she had the map. 

 

So the boys and I walked on to Front street, found a gaggle of walkers, and joined their walk on King street when I noticed that we had butted out way into the Aja Khan walk and we going g-d knows where with g-d knows who.  With that, we quietly left that walk and headed back to Front street where we could my wife and daughter.

 

So all in all a great day!  Kids are clean and out cold, and my wife has not stirred since her head hit the pillow.  The kitchen is clean, I cma clean and it’s time for beg 

Are they always going to be this smart?

A couple of weeks ago, after my boys finished swimming class, they showered then dressed so we could head home and to bed.

Linus dried up and got dressed quickly, bu tStewie was still sitting on the bench covered in his towel, dripping wet.

“Hey, Stewie!” I yelled. “Hurry up!”
“Why do I need to hurry” was his reply. “Do we need to get milk?”
We sometimes go buy milk after swimming and have to rush home because mummy is tutoring or their nanny will be heading out, or just to get them to bed. So, caught a little off guard I replied; “So we can go home.”
e looked at me and quickly shot back; “Why do we need to hurry home? It never closes”.

And we’re done.

So I replied back to him; “Because I said so”.

“OK” he chattered as he quickly got dressed.

What the heck do little boys keep in their pockets, afterall?

So lately I have noticed that my youngest boy, Stewie, had been shlepping around stuff in his pockets much like his older brother used to do.  The other day I found his jeans full of stuff.  The left pocket was fully loaded with sand and the right pocket had a dinosaur in it… Not just any dinosaur, however, but one that stands on its hind feet, hence a meat-eater, or carnivore.

But this picture below beats that.

My wife emptied his pockets today and this is what she took out;

Take a good look.

3 lizards, 3 bears, 1 piece of Lego, 2 marbles, 1 T-Rex, 2 stegosauruses, 1 triceratops, 1 eraser and some smutchie.

WOW.

And just now take clothes out of the washing machine, I rescued one marble, 3 stickers and some coins.

Did we do this as kids???

A mish-mash of parenting and politics…

I’ve got a lot of stuff on my mind and since I’m all over the place I thought instead of making a bunch of smaller posts, I would toss them all in here together and let you, the reader, enjoy this free for all consisting mainly of parenting and politics.

• Why are there not special road police who can drive around all day on city streets and highways and whose sole job it is to locate the really stupid drivers, pull them over, ticket the crap out of them and force them to be re-tested.  I’ve seen enough cars crossing solid lines, racing through red lights, trying to drive when there are people on the cross-walk, and ignoring stop signs.  Forget ticketing the guy going 8 over the speed limit, or the family that parked for an extra minute for longer than the parking slips says… Help make the streets safer by removing those incapable of driving.  It is a privilege, not a right.
• Do advertisers think that men are stupid?  Do they think that when we see a commercial for razors and in that commercial men are pulled on the street, or in a mall, or somewhere else and asked to shave on the spot that for even a second we believe that is real?  I mean, come on… You take a clean shaven guy with perfect skin, apply shaving cream to him and with your 6, 7 or 8 bladed razor pretend to have him shave on the spot.  For all I know there is no blade in the razor.  Who buys that crap?  It’s insulting.  I would never buy a razor that way… 
• Prince Charles has been heir to the British throne a record 59 years – since he was 3 years old… Damn.  His mom, the Queen, is 85 years old.  Her mother lived to 101.  Good luck, Chuck…
• Where is George Smitherman’s donor list???  This may be insignificant to most now that the Toronto Mayoral elections are over, but since Georgie came from Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty’s cabinet, I think this tells a huge tale about who donated to George’s campaign, and the integrity of the Liberal party in Ontario. 
• Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff is again talking about a coalition.  I honestly feel he’s just trying to find a way to get elected, not matter what cost.  Vote for him and he can be PM, vote for anyone else and her forms a coalition and gets to be PM.  I guess his plan blows up in his face if the NDP pass them, eh?  I think Iggy’s going to regret telling Jack Layton on the English debate to essentially keep quiet as the NDP have never and will never be the official opposition, let along the ruling government… Oops.
• I also think that NDP leader Jack Layton is now trying to bring the NDP to runner-up this election.  He has turned his campaigns focus from trashing the Conservatives towards trashing the Liberals… I mean, really Jack?  So what if Iggy only made it into work for 30% of the votes in the house of commons?  Maybe he’s just more popular than you are and had better things to do… But if you need that to move your campaign forward, take it and run.  You win Jack, you are there all the time… But I still wouldn’t trust you to run the country into anything but a massive deficit.  Unions would be SO proud.
• Bring your travel mug to Starbucks on Saturday April 22nd and get a free cup of tea or coffee… Something about being good for the earth.    We went, but I forgot my mug.
• I don’t usually bash the Conservatives but I’m going to do it here.  For a party that wants to reach out to all the people… Why hold a pub night on the 3rd night of Passover?  On Passover the Jewish people do not eat yeast in honour of the fleeing from Egypt where they were slaves (without having time to let their bread rise, so for 40 days and 40 nights they are unleavened bread, called matzoh).  Any chance there is beer without yeast?  Don’t think so, unless the pub has “He-brew”.  Boo GTA Conservatives!
• I find it VERY interesting that Jack Layton and his wife, Olivia Chow, were campaigning in Toronto during the municipal election on behalf of their son – in an attempt to get him elected.  Knocking on people’s doors, and essentially selling the family as the package.  Too bad Olivia and Jack work in Ottawa. 
  Really?
  So Mr. hypocrite can chastise the Libs and Conservatives for not being in parliament to vote, but what about being paid to be in parliament and instead taking your kid around to get him elected.  I can’t wait to hear your soundbite on this one, Jack-o. I call bullshit. Hashtag (#) fail, indeed.
• Take Thursday in Toronto, for example. Layton, quickly quipping his way to votes called Stephen Harper a “Commodore 64 in an iPad world” who “thinks an app is something you order before dinner.” I think he’s getting so much play on his jokes and wise ass comments that he thinks its going to get him elected either as Prime Minister straight up or through a coalition. Then we can all watch Happy Jack joke his way through summits and G20′s… Canada’s funny PM.  I hope and pray people see through this, however, I guarantee downtown Toronto will embrace his playfulness as a good thing for Canada.
• While eating matzoh yesterday, my 6-year-old, while taking wild crazy bites, managed to get half in his mouth and half on the floor, to which his almost 17-month-old sister seized the moment to show off her talent…  She walked over to the pile of cloth diapers while saying “tow-wel” (towel).  She grab one of the pile, toddled back over to the offending pile of matzoh crumbs, squatted beside the pile, then proceeded to wipe the floor while she sang “clean up, clean up”…  Then she got up and toddled over to the fridge where she proceeded to wipe down the door and handle.  LOL.  Awesome!
• I’ve decided to change Linus’ name from Linus to NO Linus as all I hear from Stewie is “NO Linus” 30 times a day.  He’s changed his name, now its our turn.
• Also decided to start calling Stewie “Goodwill” because with the way he is out growing his clothes and all his “pants” have holes in the knees coupled with the fact he dresses him self – odd matching clothes, different colour socks – my son looks like he got dressed in the Goodwill.
• When Linus was a boy we could keep him busy for an hour in a restaurant by placing him on the floor, or leaning up against the high-chair and he would clip up the clips over and over again, each success was accompanied by the word, “clip!”  So as I write this post, my daughter Berry (or Be Be as she has started calling her self) is doing just that.  “Clip”.

Wishing you and your family a Happy Easter Weekend and a wonderful binding Passover.

Come follow my 4-year-old son on Twitter

Come follow my 4-year-old boy on Twitter @littleboypurple

He only has 7 tweets (he talks, we type) but he comes in to our room in the morning (2:30am this morning) and he’s usually ready to provide a message to the world.

It’s too hard for me to remember all the clever / crazy / funny / inquisitive stuff that comes out of his mouth so my wife opened the account for him.

Our 6-year-old wanted to know why he doesn’t have a Twitter account – and when prompted for something to say to the world, he responded with “Fou Fou Banana”… Nuff said.

So please sign in and follow the little (not so little) guy.

And if you have a twitter account or know some good ones, post them here and I’ll make sure to follow you from my account @urbandaddyblog

Thanks!

… and also check out my wife, @naomicatgirl

When it rains and rains and rains we… Build an ark.

Ahhh, children.

The other night after 5 days of rain, my 4-year-old awoke at about 2 in the morning.  Seems the rain was waking him up.

“Daddy?” he said.

“Yes buddy, what’s wrong?” I replied.

“If it doesn’t stop raining soon am I going to have to build an ark???”

“Errr, no.” I said.  “But you’ll need rain boots”.

I paused for his next question but all I heard was snoring.

———————————————-

In the car today on our way back from seeing Free to Be (You and Me); “Daddy.  Daddy.  Daddy!”

Me: “Yes, buddy”.

4-year-old Stewie; “How do you make apple sauce?  From apples?”

Laughing begins with myself and my wife.

——————————————————

Me to Stewie this morning;

“Why on earth are you awake at 6am… On a Sunday, no less”

Him; “I had to get up so my animals could practice for their show.”

—————————————————-