Tag Archives: 2yo

Saturday Facebook Shorts

Flag of Regina, Saskatchewan

Flag of Regina.  Keeping it clean here… Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you have not already “liked” The Urban Daddy on Facebook, then you really should run and do it right now.  I’ll wait.

http://www.facebook.com/TheUrbanDaddy  in case you need help.

Done? Smart choice, because I post things there which never make it to the blog because they are too small (in my opinion), too random or too silly.

But on the weekend we had some great conversations, the kids and I which I posted there, and I had to get them in here for everyone to enjoy.  The discussions my kids had on Saturday and both are them are about the “Vagina”, or “Bagina” as my daughter calls it, and it all stated with “Regina”.

1) 7-year-old Linus is learning the provinces of Canada at school.  He has just finished his oatmeal for breakfast this morning and he had taken his 6-year-old brother over to the couch so he could practice and teach his brother too.

Stewie; “Where is Saskatchewan?”

Linus; “Right here…”

Giggling (I knew where this was going)

Linus; “But where is Regina? Daddy… Where is Regina?”

Boo (who is sitting at the table eating her oatmeal) “Bagina? My Bagina is right here!”

Me; “No, not your bagina… Regina.”

Boo; “Oh. I’m so silly (giggling).”

Stewie is completely oblivious to the reference but laughs at the Bagina comment.

lol

 

2) I was trying to get Stewie to take a bath with his sister and I told her that he was dirty.

He said; “I’m not dirty!”

“Yes you are”, I said. “You were born dirty!”

“Of course I was born dirty” he replied. “Everybody is born dirty.”

“Yes, they are.” I nodded in his direction.

“They are born dirty because they are born out of their mother’s bums.”

“Excuse me?” I said.  ”So you’re telling me that all 8lbs of you came out of your mother’s bum?”

“Yes”, he said.  That is how they get the baby out of their stomach.  Out through the bum.”

Before I could say anything, Boo piped in to educate her big brother, “Nooooo.  Babies come from the Bagina, not from the Bum.”

So there.

I’m not sure how she knew that, but I’m more surprised that he didn’t know that.

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Urban Daddy Digest: 30 things I should not have needed to say to my children this weekend.

I feel like I could remove myself from the family and be replaced with a giant robot with my voice to repeat over and over gain the same statements / rhetorical questions as I did this weekend, and probably have every other weekend.  As a parent, you get it.

How many did you use this weekend?

1) “Stop fighting!” when breaking up a 3-way fights between the 2 boys and the girl when the girl is kicking their asses with her shrieking and bossyness.

2) ”Get your finger out of your nose” or “get your fingers out of your mouth” followed by “Go wash your hands… again”, over and over again

3) “We’re in a restaurant / store and you have to behave.”  But behave like you have to in one of these locations where others will look at me and I will be ambarrassed by your behaviour.  Shouldn’t this just be common sense now?

4) First the story: Friday was Urban Mummy’s birthday and the kids and I bought her this magnificant glass necklace from the Petroff Gallery on Eglinton Avenue (www.petroffgallery.com) and a glass wine stopper.  The Gallery had a lot of beautiful stuff there.  After that purchase, we went to our favourite Indian restaurant, Indus Tavern, to pick up Indian food for dinner, over to Pharma Plus for chocolate and then on to Pizza Pizza for the kids dinner before heading over to Baskin Robbins for an ice cream cake.  The cake was all the kids wanted.  As a result, I must have said 40 times this weekend; “No, you cannot have cake”.

5) “Don’t hit your brother”

6) “Don’t hit your sister”

7) “No, you cannot stay up until the morning comes.”

8) “What do you say?” (after you have burped or farted – and the answer is “excuse me” sans giggles)

9) “Can you please stop banging your spoon on the table… You’re going to be a bad influence on your sister”

10) “Now go wash your hands again.”

11) “We don’t use those words.” (Used by 5-year-old Stewie to describe 7-year-old Linus.  “He’s an ASS”.)

12) “Go to your room until you have clamed down, please.”

13) “Can you keep it down, please”

14) “Turn down the music.”

15) “Can you please put the food back in the fridge”

16) “Where do your dirty dishes go?”

17) “He’s not trying to “kill you”

18) “For the last time, can you please clean up your toys”

19) “Are you sure there is no laundry under your bed?”

20) “Did you pick up all the Cheerios off the floor?”

21) “Please stop clucking in my house!”

22) “Do you really think you should be making that noise at 7 in the morning?”

23) “Please go back to your room until I come get you!” (It’s only 5:30 in the morning!!!)

24) “No, we cannot go to the park now.” (It’s 6am or it’s 7pm or it’s pouring outside)

25) “No, you cannot watch TV”

26) “No you cannot have your iPad.”

27) “No, you cannot use the treadmill.”

28) “Please stop bouncing on the couches.”

29) “Is that a ball in your light fixture?”

30) Did you empty that entire bottle of organic shampoo into the bathtub?  That is a $15 bottle!”

My personal favourites:

“Please start acting your age!”

“Don’t make me get up!”

and

“You want something to cry over!!”

OMG.  I’ve become my parents!!!

I’m telling you this list could have gone on for 300 more.

Which are in your most popular list?

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Should I be concerned that my kids are smarter than me?

I am totally serious here, folks.  I went to school for 12 years (didn’t need grade 13), I went to University for 5 years, and then after taking a bunch of courses here and there, I did a 3 year graduate degree.  By my math, that puts me at 20 years of school.  Today, I am turning 41-years-old, so that means I have been in school for almost half my life and still, my kids say, do and know things that blow me away.

A few examples are below.

This past weekend I realized that I watch a lot of wrestling on TV, when Mark Henry came on the TV and Linus blurted out, “Hey Stewie!  It’s the World’s strongest man, Mark Henry”.  Then of course came the questions from Stewie as to whether Mark Henry could have helped me take the treadmill downstairs instead of coach Eric, and if he would have needed just one pinkie or if he could tuck it under his arm and go.

Later in the day I was singing the theme song from new WWE star Brodus Clay and I blurted out, “Gonna call my doctor…” when Berry corrected me and said; “NO, daddy.  Gonna call my Momma”… and so she sang,   Should she know this???

Later that day, I sang “Gonna call my Momma” when she stopped me and said, “I don’t want to call my momma.  I want to call my doctor”, and so she sang.

Another interesting thought from Stewie occurred when he asked the urban mummy if she still had her sweet tooth.  Laughing, she said that she did, to which he replied, “Good!  Otherwise all food would taste like dirt!”

I love listening to Berry call her brothers.  She yells, “Brothers?  Where are you brothers?”

Tonight, during dinner, Berry wanted to pee, and I wanted one of her brothers to take her, but she wanted me to take her.  I was in the middle of making a batch of homemade pancakes. and really didn’t want to take her.  I tried rationalizing with her – a no no, I know – and I explained to her, but when I was about to give up, Stewie blurted out; “Berry!  You want ice cream?  There is an ice cream truck in the bathroom.  Go with Linus.”  In a second she was gone to the bathroom with Linus so I could finish making dinner.

Also, we have a rule in the house that the kids are not allowed to climb over the couches.  They do anyways, but we try to keep them from using it as a jungle gym.  Today, after telling Stewie to stop climbing over the couch for the 7th time, I resorted to some good old fashion attention getting and when he jumped up I took the spatula and whacked him on his little behind.  He spun, squinted his eyes at me, frowned disapprovingly at me, then said, “Don’t smack me with that spatula Daddy”.  I replied to him, “But I’ve asked you 6 other times not to climb over the couch and I even told you if you did, I would remind you not to, even if it meant smacking your behind – not to hurt, but to help you remember”.  At which point, he looked me right in the eyes and said, I’m telling mummy” and on came the tears. 

He played me.

He’s 5.

Linus got me today too, when someone asked me what 126 + 38 was and as I was calculating it in my head, Linus had already said 164 3 times.  Oy.

So after these few examples, I ask you all, parents, have you found your kids do or say things which are way beyond their years?  Like when you need your kids to program your iPad, much in the same way your parents needed you to program the VCR.

I’d love to hear your stories too.

This is also my 800th post.  Whew.

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My 775th post – for all readers for all seasons.

Welcome to my 775th post.  If you’re a blogger you will know this is a lot of writing, covering 8 long years.  If you are not a blogger, trust me, it’s a lot of writing.

The thing is, I’ve been getting a lot of traffic in the last couple years, and some very kind accolades here and there, but both of them are from all over the place, as are most of my posts. 

So for my 775th post, I want to make sure I cover off as many visitors as possible by touching on some of my most popular topics;

If you’ve come to read about politics, I can confirm that those on the left in (downtown) Toronto are still way off base in thinking that this financial crisis was ”created” by Mayor Ford so that he could solve it to look good.  False.  Look at Greece.  Run by socialists and on the verge of bankruptcy.  Look at the TTC.  In effort to cut costs, the Mayor and the TTC chair Karen Stintz cut some routes and there was backlash, so the public spoke that we needed those routes and a $0.10 fare increase was added instead and the public… Back in an uproar.  You cannot have it both way, folks.  I’d love to help the poor, keep all social programs, have amazing snow removal, etc., but someone has to pay for this and I can tell you I’m already taxed up to the top of my head.  If you think you’re not paying enough taxes, then you can pay more and help those in need.  I’m maxed out, thank you.  If I don’t have enough disposable income, then I cannot afford to go out, buy things, eat out, and help re-distribute my income to those in need.  It’s the way the world works… Get over it.

If you’re here to read about coffee, then let me tell you about this great coffee I tried recently at a place called Neighbours.  It came highly recommended from one of my awesome readers and I was really surprised how nice it was.  Not too bold, not too weak, and the cool thing about the location I went to was that they have flavoured coffee mate and that removed the need to have flavoured coffee.  I didn’t put any in for my first cup and I probably won’t for my next one, but it was very nice!

If you’re here to read about parenting, then you’ll be pleased to know that I am the “Daddy 101″ blogger for Pink and Blue Baby.com. Cool, eh?  I find this site really useful, and I have a ton of great stories and baby / toddler / kid tips from almost 7 years of being a daddy and 3 beautiful children.  For example, just Wednesday was my son (Linus’) 7th birthday party and we had a Lego party.  It was great.  The Lego ninja had the kids sitting in 4 teams of 4 and they raced to build a Lego tower, then the built a Lego candy house.  The hour flew by.  After the hour the kids ate Lego candy blocks (thank you Bulk Barn) and Lego cupcakes that I made and my wife decorated so beautifully.  Pizza, grapes, whole wheat pretzels and air popped popcorn round it all out.  It was totally worth it.

For 5-year-old Stewie, we had The Magic and Comedy of IncrediBrent, Toronto’s birthday musician and Brent was amazing.  The kids loved him, the parents loved him and he interacted with the kids so well.  He was a pleasure to deal with and have in our home and I would totally have him back for any future kids parties.  His web-site is www.incredibrent.com.

For Berry’s 2nd birthday party – you saw the Hello Kitty cupcakes in a previous post – we had Applefun Puppetry, www.applefun.ca, and Mike was also spectacular.  He had all the 2-year-old’s participating and his show was so clever and funny that he had me in stitches.  I’ve seen him a couple of times before but that did not stop me from being completely engaged.  Worth the price of admission.

If you’re here to hear my views about food then I can recommend Java Joe’s for catering because they have added some new sandwiches and they are killer.  Spicy chicken and their steak and hot peppers goes great with their chicken Parmigiano and eggplant Parmigiano.  The coffee is great – some organic too – and they have these wickedly heavy brownies and skor brownies.  Find the location at Leslie and West Beaver Creek, call and speak to Randy.  Tell him the Urban Daddy sent you.  He’ll like that!

So I’m not sure what else to cover at this point in time, except to say thank you to all of you who take the time to comment and who tell me you’ve been following along with my posts at home.  It means a lot to mean and it always makes me wonder what’s so interesting that keeps people coming back.  But I like to tell stories, I’m proud of my family, and I like to write, so there.  I’m going to do it if 200 people come to read or 20 million (LOL).

Feel free to subscribe to my feed, or like me on Facebook.  If you are reading this through my actual blog, then go on the right side, check out some of the amazing writers on my blogroll, and further down you will see the link to my Facebook page and some other sites that have featured me.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy New Year to all of you from all of us!

Warren aka the urban daddy.

@urbandaddyblog

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Daddy Dumb Dumb, Indeed…

Actual conversation between myself and my almost 2-year-old daughter Saturday night just before bed-time when my kids have snack.

My daughter, Berry, is sitting at her little plastic table with a bowl of granny smith apple slices, when I turned to see what her brother was eating. When I turned back, she was no longer sitting at the table, but was standing in the family room, heading towards the hall.

Me: “Berry, what are you doing there?” I yelled.
Berry: “I’m done dumb dumb”
Me: “You’re finished??”
Her: “Yes”.
Me: “Are you ready for bed?”
Her: “No bed dumb dumb.”
Me: “Then please go sit down and finish your snack”.
Her – now back at the table and showing me the bowl – “Berry finish snack dumb dumb, no bed.”
Me: “Please finish your snack… AND MY NAME IS DADDY!”

Then I look to the big table and there is 5-year-old Stewie with a smirk on his face.

I have a feeling I know who told her to call me “dumb dumb”…

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It’s nice to be back from summer vacation

Home sweet home.

I missed you home.  I missed you bed.  I missed you air-conditioning, especially after spending 2 1/2 weeks in a car and on a boat in the heat, with 3 very energetic children.

We had a wonderful time and a tiring time as the same time on our family vacation.  Read on to see how we survived and maybe you will find some ideas for a trip with your families.

Since I do not generally like to announce my impending vacations, I kept this one quiet but now I can spill the beans and talk about this trip and how we became friends with Irene.  Hurricane Irene that is.

At a very high level here was what we did;

Our trip began with a nice relaxing drive from Toronto to Rochester, NY in which we had to pull off the 401 (Canada’s busiest highway) so my 4-year-old son Stewie could pee. Sure I asked them to pee before we left and yes he was the one who didn’t need to, but while we were standing on the shoulder with cars zipping by, he took the longest pee ever recorded on the cement barrier separating the West-bound traffic from the East-bound traffic. It never ended. My wife started laughing, and then I did too.

As well, having all 3 kids in the same row of the car was… Interesting.  When they were not doing the WWE / UFC and trying to kill each other, they were quietly playing on their iPad‘s, watching the Cat in the Hat, or playing Angry Birds or Plants versus Zombies.

So we left beautiful sunny Toronto at 1:23pm and arrived in Rochester just past 8pm. We stayed at the Strathallen Hotel and it was awesome. There were some nice things to do close to the hotel, but we arrived late in the evening (kids bed-time is normally 7:30pm) and it rained SO much that there was immense flooding in the area we decided to grab a pizza and hit the sack. Of course the kids wouldn’t eat the pizza so they ate the fruit we packed and went to bed really late in the night, a pre-cursor of things to come. As well, a huge tree around the corner from the hotel uprooted, blocking off the road. Little did we know the rest of the damage.

Rochester looked like this:
http://youtu.be/TiwmY6Vn304

After it stopped raining, Rochester looked like this:
http://youtu.be/pNMpF1eFqhc

For our Rochester activity, we took in the Children’s Museum and it was fantastic! The kids loved it, there was so much to do there and we raced from display to display. We of course stopped in the middle to eat grapes and watch the pouring rain.

The 14th of August, our museum day, looked like this after the rain left:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPWuP_8FclE&NR=1

I’m pretty sure we caught the tail end of this mishap as we sat in the car and watched the police drain the water into the sewers under this bridge. The car had probably just left.

From Rochester we drove to Howes Caverns, NY and we stayed in the motel and went into the Caverns the next morning. It was very cool… Literally. My wife had to purchase a hoodie from the gift shop prior to the adventure. The 45-minute trip was fun, the tour guides were very knowledgeable and they get extra credit for the boat ride that they had to paddle the 20 of us through. All in all, it was totally worth it and the kids loved it.

Later that day we headed closer to New York and stayed at a horrid Super 8 motel in New Paltz, New York. It was small and gross and the only thing that saved it was the 24 hour coffee and the “breakfast” the next morning. Sure the coffee in the morning was just coloured water, but at night when I needed it, it was hot, wet and strong.

From New Paltz, we headed into Brooklyn, New York where we had rented a floor in an old brownstone through http://www.airbandb.com. What an amazing experience. Not far from where Jay-Z grew up, we were on the top floor of this historic building in a pretty interesting area. We parked the car in front of the building and left it there for 3 days until we had to move it for the street cleaning.
An aside: Do you know how hard it was to find cottage cheese or plain yogurt in Brooklyn? I mean why spend $5.99 on yogurt when you can buy a prepared dish full of preservatives and salt for $1.99. That was one horrible realization for us. Might be a reason for rising obesity rates in Americans…

From our headquarters in Brooklyn, we hit the subways and headed into the City. Navigating the subway was easy enough but lifting the stroller up and down the stairs, not so fun. That and the subway staff couldn’t give a rat’s ass whether you had directions or not, or if you paid or not. They often chatted with each other instead of tending to the people around or they mumbled their responses back to everyone. The announcements were inaudible. These guys could learn something from the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) who had dramatically improved the clarity of their announcements, especially when calling out stations. But all that aside, we were really worried about Berry who hates subways, and the first trip we took she was held by her mummy, head down on her shoulders and very scared. But as we travelled, she really started to enjoy the subway trips, and eventually she came around. Whenever someone looked at her, she would point to herself and say, “Berry”, then wave and say hi. She had quite the audience and considering how friendly New Yorkers are, each trip was a lot of fun. She had plenty of new-found friends to keep her company and give her attention and we had one less frightened child with us.

We hit the City every day and visited a bunch of must see shops, like; M&M store, Lego store, FAO Shwartz (kids played on the giant piano there), Disney store, bead shops and TD Bank which has no ties to the Canadian TD Bank… Very odd there.  We walked to Canal Street and bought Cherries, raw peanuts and strawberries from the vendors, we bought a Hello Kitty backpack for Berry and Angry Birds t-shirts for the boys. We took a cruise of the skyline and saw the Statue of Liberty and the new and old Twin Towers locations. We walked up down and sideways the City, my step count for the Global Corporate Challenge was in the 40,000′s almost every day. We ate Dim Sum in Chinatown and found yogurt in Manhattan. We took in a unique Chinese candy store and had the kids pictures taken with New York’s finest. It was a hot, tiring, but really fun experience. We had very little rain, usually in the evenings and the apartment we rented had air conditioning and Netflicks so the kids were kept cool and they watched Phineas and Fern, Dora and Diego and other kids shows to bide their time from their 6am wake up’s.

By Saturday – a week later – we had said goodbye to Brooklyn and we drove to the pier in Manhattan where we parked for only $21/day so we could hop onto the Norwegian Cruise Ship, the Jewel, for a week long cruise.  The Jewel is identical to the Pearl which we had been on before, however this time with 3 kids we needed 2 staterooms and we had adjoining cabins with the ocean views (we were concerned about having balcony’s). Each room had a bunk bed and a pull out, but we ended up sticking the 3 kids in one room and we hung out in the other.

The cruise was good, the kids camp was okay (although for the life of me I never understand why they won’t: 1) change the kids – not an issue this time around, the boys are 4 and 6, but was a huge problem on the Pearl when Stewie was left standing in the corner soaking wet because they would not ask him if he needed to pee and he forgot, and they didn’t want him sitting and getting the floor wet. 2) Why the kids are inside all the time. 3) Why the kids watch movies in the camp. I don’t pay all that money for my boys to cruise so they can watch TV.  I can turn up the heat at home and we can do that here.

Anyways, we had Berry with us for the trip and that was fine as she was too young for the kiddie camp.  As a family, we all ate together, we swam, we walked the ship endless amounts of time and we walked up and down the stairs instead of taking the elevator from the 5th floor, to the buffet on the 12th floor whenever possible and that includes Berry.

Speaking of Berry, she stole the show this cruise with her knowledge of her body parts in Tagalog, with all the Filipino staff calling out for her to perform – which she obliged to do – and the other staff asking for a wave and a smile. Since this ship was also a Nickelodeon ship, and my daughter loves Dora the Explorer, this doubled her fun. “Berry see Dora… Yeh-hey” was her cry. She was one very happy camper. Linus on the other had was miserable. He had bumps on his tongue and refused to eat anything healthy, sticking to the starches – bread, pasta, crackers, cereal and it took him 4 days to get something with vitamins and nutrients in his body before he could have any treats – which turned out to be the night of the chocolate buffet.

So we saw Dora, Diego, Sponge Bob, Patrick Starr and 2 other guys – Chum Chum and Fan Boy if I remember correctly at the character breakfast and at other events for the kids.  It got to the point that the Nickelodeon crew would point out Berry to the characters and she would get hugs and high fives.  She loved them and they loved her.  She had a blast.

Our had 3 scheduled stops; Port Canaveral Florida, their private beach and Nassau in the Bahamas.

We stayed on the boat and swam on the Florida day, taking an hour in the afternoon to taxi into Cocoa Beach to buy bottled water and to play on the beach. Our $24.00 case of water was cheaper than the ships $4.50 a liter water. It was a good buy even if we had to shlep the leftover bottles with us back off the ship. I’ll never forget my wife’s comment to me as we were packing them up; “Start drinking!”

Also in Florida, we walked around Ron Jon’s – which was identified to us as being a tourist destination – it was very cool in there and super hot and humid in Florida so that worked for us. Taking Berry into the ocean for her first time was a lot of fun. We walked to the beach and dipped in our toes, but because it was so hot and the water was sooo nice the 5 of us ended up soaking wet, the boys essentially jumped into the water fully dressed. That was a ton of fun until walking back when they started complaining about being wet, tired and full of sand.

It was also in Florida where we got more information on Hurricane Irene. It was really coming.

From that point I started with my Hurricane Helms sayings… “Stand back, there’s a hurricane coming!” I had the kids doing it too. It fit.

The following day on the Great Stirrup Cay expedition we met a couple couples, both from the NY/NJ area, and we hit it off with a couple from NJ who had kids around the same ages as our boys. We hung out with them the rest of the trip. It made it more fun for us because of the adult conversation and it gave us an opportunity to keep our kids up late and hang out as families.

A side note from the NCL private beach was that Linus got stung in the inner thigh by a jellyfish. He was complaining of an itchy rash on his leg and it looked really ugly, but when I saw an older teen complaining about the same thing, I asked the lifeguard and he said, “oh yeah! There are jelly fish and they sting!”. Thanks buddy. So we went to the dive hut and they sprayed it with vinegar which stung a LOT.  Linus crumpled to the floor crying and the woman there said in a very monotone delivery; “I won’t kid you, the vinegar stings worse than the bite, but it will get better”.  No shit.  Really.

10 minutes later he had completely forgotten about it.

Another highlight of this beach was the outdoor buffet and our 4-year-old eating machine, Stewie, who ate 2 giant hamburgers at 11am topped with lettuce, tomatoes and onions.  These were big hamburgers, not the small thin ones. 

We never did make it to Nassau as a result of Hurricane Irene scheduled to be there the same day as us, so the ship turned and booted it for Washington where we stayed for 2 days in the middle of the ocean.

We came into Manhattan and everyone got booted off the ship earlier so the Jewel could take the next group into the ocean before the storm hit.  We got into our car and headed out to visit my wife’s uncle and then to New Jersey to hang out with her cousin. 

While in Jersey we were west enough that the hurricane hit at night when we were sleeping and the following day there was a lot of wind, but we were not in any danger.  The kids LOVED staying inside and playing on their iPads with their cousins and playing with toys and eating treats they would not get at home.  I was watching the clouds fly by in the sky, I took a walk in the storm (and got soaked), my wife went to Target to shop for school supplies, and the kids had the blast.

We hung out for an additional day and left the next morning at 8am, arriving in Toronto at 10:30pm after stopping at every rest station and to shop.

A fun, yet tiring vacation. 

Would we do it again?  Sure.  If there was a way to seperate the kids, it would be better.  Or maybe a shield like they have in cabs.  Watching Berry using the back of his fist to backhand smack Linus every now and then was funny – it’s what she saw them doing, but the mouth fart noise that Stewie taught her… So NOT cool.

I love NY!

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