Life

Parenting Frustration 101: Paralysis by Analysis


Being a father of three children is a lot of work.

Work that I love to do more than anything else in the world, but with this work comes the real hard work or the hidden work that gets little recognition, is not discussed at birthday parties between dads, nor does this work get or deserve high-fives among the dads at swim class.

The work I’m referring to is being consistent.

As parents we want our kids to be safe, and felt loved and supported and all that stuff, but if we don’t teach our children the right way to treat others and if we don’t set them up to be able to take care of their own affairs, then what are we doing for our kids besides providing food, shelter and love?

As the “helicopter generation” hovering over our children to keep them free from harm and protect them from a wanton stare from little Suzie or a mean word from little Billy, we do our kids no favours at all stuck to their sides.  We tell them to say please and thank you, and we correct them on everything they do that does not meet our approval but do they remember what we tell them?  If they did, why would we have to do it over and over again, so it seems, or why does someone in their class calling them silly crush them, but us telling them they behave poorly does not?

It’s because they hear our voices and they tune out.  No one wants to be corrected constantly, nor do they want to feel unloved, or disliked, so if our kids are in an environment where they feel any of these things, then we have to step up and act.  Not talk the talk, but walk the walk.

In The Urban Daddy household, we teach our children to stand up for themselves – without violence and without having to tell the teacher – to make sure that they are able to handle a situation now, in later grades, in business and in life. They don’t have to be mean, or demanding – they should try to be nice and use please and thank you, but they certainly do not have to take someone else’s bullshit or be picked on for no reason at all.  I believe we call this bullying.

Our kids have to be organized, and be part of a routine at school and at home.  Organization helps out our family unit and helps their teachers do what they need to do without my kids being a distraction or causing interruptions. Sometimes this is not possible as we are learning with 2 boys, but it is what is expected by us and taught to the kids.  If they are able to do this, they are expected to.  If they are unable to, then they will be taught it.  If they are still unable, they will be helped and hugged.  Never blamed.  Never made to feel bad.

But back to consistency…

Without consistency at home (and I struggle the most with this – always have) the kids get mixed messages and it throws them off.  When our morning routine involves a good morning, the opening of the shutters to let in the light, getting a glass of water to drink, a piece of fruit to eat, and then helping make breakfast and lunches, it messes up the children when the routine is fixed some days but not every day?

Even before the kids come down for breakfast they must get dressed, make their beds and on Monday’s and Friday’s made sure their bedroom floors are empty from toys they do not want to have stored in the vacuum cleaner.  So if they come down one day not dressed, they must be sent back upstairs to be dressed, so they understand the importance of following our routine.  Our consistency.

To be consistent is not something that can be accomplished in one day.  It’s a long-term challenge.

It’s also a long-term challenge when you work hard at home to develop a routine, have the kids buy-in, then be consistent with that routine, but when the kids go to school, or to extra-curricular programs the same does not hold true?  With different teachers, or teachers who do not understand the importance of organization and consistency, and that by putting in that effort in each and every kid, the benefit pays off ten-fold in the near future and for the rest of their lives.

Each and every year I sit down with my kids teachers to let them know what works for my child and what doesn’t. What should be brought to my attention and what should be handled by the child themselves. I do this so that the teachers know that we are on their side, we support them, and that while we check in often, it’s not out of concern for the children, but rather to ensure that they are learning, contributing and being good members of their classroom.

Imagine the surprise of finding out that one of these external providers of education are failing your child, and doing so in a big way.

Imagine the feeling of emptiness knowing that all that support and information your poured into the teachers and all the feedback you received was not worth the air it was breathed into.

I’ve been nice, and I’ve been kind and I will not give them the satisfaction of removing him from this situation and going out of my way to find him a new program to attend.  I’m going to fix this. We’re going to fix this, and at the end of the day, my kids are going to get the consistency, organization and respect they deserve and someone else is getting my hard-earned money.

The problem is that until all the pieces have fallen into place – whether we stay or whether we go – I feel like I’m in a state of paralysis by analysis.

For Any Night When You Just Don’t Feel Like Cooking: JUST EAT. So Quick. So Easy.


Parents, you know what it’s like, right? You want to have family dinners together and you want to take the kids to their activities, and you want to clean the house and there are still errands to run, shopping to be done, and don’t forget work…

So some nights you just don’t have it in you to cook, or maybe it’s a special occasion, but there has never been an easier way to order food in The Urban Daddy household, than using JUST EAT.  All we have to do is order online and within minutes we can easily navigate through their website for a convenient and easy way to order food.

Take Saturday night, for example.

We visited http://www.just-eat.ca, entered our postal code, and within seconds were browsing the closest options for dinner.  Choosing Indian Food, we picked 5 things off the menu and sent off the order to be processed and just 30 minutes later, we received the most delicious dinner from our local Indian Food restaurant, Clove the Spice.  The food came piping hot, the containers were packed full, and the food was fantastic.

The delivery experience was great and as an added bonus, we can either choose to tip the driver online when we order, or give cash at the door if we so choose.  The food came, it was handed over and within minutes we were eating.

This time we ordered our food through their new free JUST EAT App.  It is available on iOS and Android devices, and this JUST EAT App really puts local delivery and pickup restaurants in the palm of our hands so we did not have to wait until we were home to order our dinner.

If you are not yet sold on the idea, it really is this easy:

Tap in your postal code and JUST EAT matches it to delivery in your area.  Pick one that looks good.  Buy the most delicious things on the menu.  Place the order securely, pay with card or cash on delivery.

You’re in good hands.JELogo

In addition, when using JUST EAT for online ordering of food, you are eligible for exclusive 20% (or more) discounts on many delivery choices, plus you can check restaurant feedback from other JUST EATers before you order.  That feedback is crucial when trying a place for the first time and it allows the restaurant owners to see where they need to step up their game and make the corrections or risk losing business.

Thursday Thirteen: The Urban Daddy Ponders His Usefulness


The absolute best trait a person with ADD-like symptoms possesses is the ability to think about 45 different things over the course of one full minute.

Since today is Thursday, I’d like to put together 13 items that have crossed my mind in the past 13 minutes – many of course coming as a result of something one of my children has said to me, about me, recently when he questioned my (in)ability to help his with his homework.

  1. On the weekend my son needed help with a project for his math enrichment class. I wanted him to at least try it before asking for help, but I knew that he was hungry and when he’s hungry he is helluva cranky. Not realizing that his crankiness was meant for his mother whom he wanted to work with, my offer of help generated this reply from him; “I DON’T want your help! You’re useless!!”

This lead to #12.

  1. Being called “useless” by a 7-year-old child with low blood sugar is hilarious. I didn’t want to help him anyways! It’s the weekend and I have other things to do… Even things for (gasp) me!

Then I started thinking… See #11.

  1. Then as I set out looking to help one of my other children with schoolwork, I started to think about what my son called me when I came to the conclusion he’s off base. I’m 43-years-old. I’m married. I’m a great dad. I have 3 children, and have 3-years of accounting qualifications under my belt, plus a MBA which I earned while that child was a baby sleeping only 2-3 hours at a time for almost the first year of his life! I am far from useless.

Or…

  1. They say (and I don’t know who “they” are or if this even counts as a fact) that if you can question whether you are “crazy” then you must not be “crazy”. Granted terminology is terrible, but what if I’ve been telling myself that I am useful all these years but in the eyes of my kids, I’m already a dinosaur incapable of helping out wit Grade 2 math… Maybe I do belong in the museum of life.

  2. Or… If I was subconsciously pulling a fast one on my kids to get out of having to help them with their math. I mean when I was growing up and my family decided that I needed to help make lunches before bed, I sabotaged their lunches and was never asked to help out again.

  3. But after a hug from mummy and a handful of grapes, I could hear the cries for “DADDY!!!” from the child who actually needed my help… I think.

  4. I made him apologize. I didn’t need it, but I wanted him to get used to saying sorry. It’s not easy for everyone to say but it’s powerful and liberating to clear your conscience.

  5. Even at 7-years-old, children do not like to be forced to apologize, yet when they know they need help and you are their only option, you get the short, unemotional, “sorry”.

  6. Then we got down to business, and after 2-hours or being creative and cutting, solving, gluing and decorating this project, the light-bulb went on in both of our heads.

  7. It had become my project and it had to be good. Really good.

  8. Daddy was doing his project and it was looking good… Really good.

  9. I stepped back and said to him, “Hey man! It’s your project, not mine. We’re going to do whatever you want to do. Please don’t let me take over or tell you what to put where I think it goes. It’s all yours (and in the back of my mind, while he’s staring at this piece of art, I know he’s thinking it’s awesome and I’m thinking – still think I’m useless?)

  10. He takes over. He colours, aligns, decorates, fixes, alters, and adjusts the project and now it’s ALL his. It’s amazing,

He turns to me with his eyes wide as saucers and says; “I love you Daddy!”

Totally worth it!

But I Didn’t Get The Email…


“I didn’t get that email.”
“I never saw that email.”
“It must have gone to my spam folder.”

How often have you used any of those comments when you need to get out of a jam? We all know it’s a bullshit response, but we use it, it gets accepted, then you had better make sure that you find that email (usually sitting unread in your inbox) and respond to it.

But what if you really didn’t get the email?

Does anyone really believe you any ways?

This morning in The Urban Daddy household, my wife and I decided to run through our days after school drop-off (we have a lot going on, clearly) and she mentioned to me that she would be missing the kids swimming tonight.

Errr, I take the kids swimming… Me, and me only.

“Why?” I sheepishly asked, figuring that I clearly forgot some details about tonight.

“It’s parent-viewing tonight…”

“Oh” I replied, with zero recollection of this conversation.

“Didn’t you get the email?” was her reply.

Well, I did not get the email. I am not on the swim school’s email list. I have never been on that list, although I have been included many times and I have asked to be included even more times.

I’m not part of that club…

So we laughed, and moved on…

How about next week, when your son writes his math test through Spirit of Math.

“Huh?” was my response.

“Geez… Don’t you read the emails from Spirit of Math!?!”

“Nope… Not on that list either” was my reply.

I know I now have to get myself included on these lists, but really, after 5-years of swimming and 3-years of math enrichment, have I missed anything?

But I’ll get on the list anyways.

Support the Toronto Taxpayers Coalition: Stop Chow Now!


In case you missed it, I wanted to share with you a startling and shocking bit of news about the size and cost of municipal governments and their workforce. While we are paying more and more taxes, they are getting bigger and bigger and richer and richer. Doesn’t sound right now, does it?

A newly released study put out by Western University professor Timothy Cobban reveals that since 1995’s amalgamation, local government in Ontario has swollen by 39%!

Here are some more sobering facts made available by the Toronto Taxpayers Coalition;

  • In 1995 Ontario had 160,000 municipal employees, today there are 270,000 – an increase of 110,000.
  • Spending on municipal wages and salaries has increased almost fourfold – from less than $200 million in 1981 to $750 million today!
  • Ontario has only 38% of Canada’s population, yet 43% of the country’s municipal workforce.

Clearly, amalgamation, despite all the promises to the contrary has failed to deliver smaller, more efficient government.  Even the mere talk of closing or downsizing locally resulted in attack after attack on Rob Ford for being uneducated and hating libraries, for example.  It can’t be done if no one wants to admit there is duplication and waste, but then again it cannot continue to operate this way in the red…

So what went wrong?

Well for one thing, the merging of collective bargaining units meant compensation was harmonized upwards to the highest salaries and benefits for that position.

In fact, according to a Toronto Taxpayers Coalition analysis, the number of Toronto municipal employees earning $100,000 or more grew by an astounding 30% – from 5481 up to 7123 – in a single year.

Also, the layers of middle management in general administration positions were often duplicated

The bottom line from all this is obvious: local government is too big, too costly and too burdensome.

And brace yourself for some more bad news.

If Olivia Chow and her left wing NDP pals take control of the Toronto government in the next municipal election, things are guaranteed to get worse.

Much worse.

That’s why we need, more than ever, to stand up and promote the idea of smaller government and lower taxes.

We need a strong voice to offset the union bosses, the media and other assorted left wing groups who will be helping to push Chow’s big spending, high tax agenda while taking aim at the Fiscally Conservative candidates.

The Toronto Taxpayers Coalition will be that voice!

Indeed, they are already making a difference in Toronto politics, former Deputy Mayor Doug Holyday recently had this to say about them:

“The Toronto Taxpayers Coalition is a great organization, one that we sorely needed here a long time ago. Increases in taxes and an increases in spending by the Toronto council has gone on for so long that it’s a shame a group like this wasn’t in place to try to maybe put a stop to it earlier on.”

But we will to step up it up a notch for the next election and do even more.  You can help make sure the Taxpayers’ Coalition has the resources it will need to be a force in the next municipal election.

How?

Lots of ways. You can host fundraisers for us; you can introduce our group to your friends and business associates; you can volunteer your time, and of course you can contribute to our special municipal election fund.

But whatever you do, you need to help soon. The election is only months away, and the Toronto Taxpayers Coalition is already putting together a budget for a special “Stop Chow Now” campaign, to get out the message to voters, to expose and oppose the ruinous policies of Chow and the NDP.

That will be costly. Running an effective media campaign always is.

I’m hoping you will help, because I know you share my belief that Toronto can do better, and that we must do better. I also know that you’re willing to fight for what’s right!

So I’m asking you to donate $10, $25, $100, $500, or more to help “Stop Chow Now.”

Or better yet, sign up to make a monthly contribution automatically – it takes less than a minute to set up.

Whatever you donate, please make it the most generous contribution you can afford.

Together you and I, along with all the other Taxpayer Coalition supporters, can make a difference.

Thanks in advance for your support.

 

P.S. Thanks to forced dues and government funding, bug union bosses and special interest groups have lots of money to help Chow and the NDP. The Toronto Taxpayers Coalition relies on voluntary support. We rely on you and your generosity. Help us Stop Chow in 2014. Donate today.