I have had this list sitting in my draft folder for almost a year, and I finally filled in the 13 words which make me snicker as if I were still 8-years-old, and sometimes I burst out laughing.
So sit back and enjoy this week’s Thursday Thirteen, and please… No judging! I can tell if you are.
13. Query – It’s a funny word. Hey, look at that dude. He’s tall, in great shape, dressed to the 9’s and his eyebrows are plucked and perfectly shaped. He’s rough and tough looking but also a little query. It’s all good.
12. Mandate – When someone in a meeting says it’s time for a “mandate”, I try as hard as I can to focus, not smile, and not look around the room at the other men. It’s funny only in MY head I tell myself over and over again.
11. Chair – Will you chair the meeting? Who is the chair? Why is something I am sitting on leading a meeting?!?
10. Probed – nuff said. When I need my staff to get to the root of a problem I ask them to “probe” the issue as deep as possible. (Insert snickers in my head).
9. Mingle – We have friends of the family and their father is a Toronto Police Officer. When I was a little UrbanPainInTheAss there was a self-defence course and the officer said that if being attacked… Ladies… You need to grab a hold of the attackers “stuff” and squeeze as hard as possible and move your fingers around to create the most pain possible. That technique to try to crack the nuts she referred to as “mingling”. So when I’m at a party, I don’t go mingle, I go be social. :)
8. Aspic – You do that in the privacy of your own house, then wash your hands.
7. Uranus – It’s not just a planet in the solar system, but it’s a great joke that my kids are too young to get. “Hey, out of curiosity, what colour is Uranus? Is it hot on Uranus? How fast does Uranus rotate?”
6. Dictator. Dick. Tator —-> Penis. Potato…. Yup. Many dictator’s are giant penis potatoes.
5. Foo-Foo-Dust. My kids made this up but it has to be a word in the Urban Dictionary. Think of the uses.
4. Shoo-Sha-Lay – Another word created by my kids. They run their hands up and down their abs in opposite direction saying “Shooshalay. Shooshalay” while laughing hysterically.
3. Fwoof – The action of lifting up a crumpled up blanket / duvet and making it nice by lifting it off the bed and letting it drop down straight and softly. My wife came into the marriage with this word and when she asks me to fwoof the duvet so she can sleep better we both still giggle.
2. Snorfle – That disgusting noise people make with their noses that sounds like a combination between a snort and a sniffle. All I know is I hear it and it makes me cringe. I feel the only thing worse is the horking sound which precedes the spitting of said nose mucus after.
1. Urinate. I know, a lot of silly words, but about 6 months ago when we were watching Grey’s Anatomy there was a tense scene and all of a sudden up pops my wife to go to the bathroom. I yelled to her as she raced across the room (and I had paused the show); “On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re an eight”. She stuck her head back out the door at me and looked puzzled, when it donned on her and she returned to the bathroom and then back to watch the show.
Normally on a scale of 1 to 10, she’s a 10, but at that moment she was an 8.
Honourable mention: spiromalavitis – it’s a good diagnosis or a disease, so I’ve been told.
What’s your funny or code word?