Rock hard erection.
Increased sex drive.
Increase blood flow.
No side effects.
Now that I have your attention, you probably recognize all these words in the numerous email spam messages we all get. But can you believe that this is what I got when I picked up my cell phone this afternoon… by a live human.
I did not order it.
I have not enquired about this.
These type of calls have been coming to my cell phone for a while now – about a year. I get these phone calls from a phone number that would show up on my call display as being “002″, or “007″ or some other 3 digit combination. When I would answer they would ask for someone else… and hang up while I’m telling them this is my phone and no longer belonging to someone else. But did they take the hint, heck no! They would keep calling and calling… So frustrating. I would tell them the person was busy, or no longer there, and I would ask them not to call anymore, but none of that worked.
To be honest, since these pricks (pun intended) have been calling me for so long, and even though I have asked politely to be removed from their list, and I’ve flipped out on them (but each time they hang up on me, wait a few days then call again) I felt I needed a different approach.
Since they’re not looking for me. They won’t remove the number… They are driving me crazy…
… That is until today.
Today my cell phone rang. I was at the office having just finished a few meetings and was exiting the boardroom. I looked at the number and thought today was the day I get to the bottom of this.
I walked to a quiet spot and answered the phone. On the other end of the phone was a man with a heavy Indian accent. When he asked for, I assumed, the previous phone owner, I said that it was me… So he continued.
He began by asking me if I found that I had any side effects from the Cialis / Viagra I had purchased, so I said “yes”.
He asked me if I was suffering from headaches, back aches, blurred vision and any thing else. I said headaches, but the rest depended on how good I was.
He continued and asked me if I found it too expensive. I said, fuck yeah!
He said I might want to sit down because he had a one day offer for me… instead of $3.00 or $4.00 per pill for some generic drug, I can get the real deal for only $1.00 each. So was I ready to buy 120 pills for $120.00. No side effects… 6 hour erection… Increased blood flow to my penis.
“Why would I want a 6-hour erection?” I asked.
He started to explain to me that these new pills had no side effects and therefore I should want to be “rock hard” for as long as I needed to “please my woman”.
How could I argue… “Sure”, I said.
So he continued. “Can I verify your address, please.”
“What do you have on the system” I queried.
He then proceeded to read out an address, complete with email address and credit card info.
He then asked me if I wanted to order the 120 pills, and they would email me the invoice.
I hesitated. I really wanted to put an end to this, but I didn’t want the poor fellow who all this info belonged to to have to hassle with them to get his money back. On the other hand, maybe this was a great deal and he’d thank me!
But I said no, I did not want to order right now.
So the salesman on the phone put the full court press sales pressure on me.
“The pills can be stored for up to 2 years in the refrigerator!” he said.
“No, that won’t work”, I replied. “I have no woman right now and I’m REALLY ugly so I have no chances of getting one in the next 2 years”.
“Oh”, he said. Probably realizing he’s getting played.
“Well if you change your mind, don’t go to the website and look at the prices. Look at the product and call me directly for the prices. I’ll give you a way better deal.”
“Awesome”, I said. “What is your name?”
“Jeff Hardy”, he said… “Like the wrestler”.
“Jeff Hardy??? Really?” I said. “Come on… Give me your real name.”
“Just ask for Jeff Hardy”. he responded, somewhat pissed off.
Then I asked for and received his website.
And in closing I asked him to no longer call me on this number because was giving up the phone and I would not want the next person getting the cell number to know I used Viagra… It’s “personal” you know.
I expect no further calls.
What would YOU have done? Placed the order or not?