This week’s Thursday Thirteen will be about 13 really dumb things I did before I reached my Bar Mitzvah (13 years old).
13. Used to actually run away from the girls while playing kissing tag in public school
12. Fell over the handlebars of a friend’s 10-speed bike – landing on my head in the middle of an intersection – knocking myself out in the process.
11. Held my fist beside the face of one of the toughest kids in middle school, then called his name. He turned quickly, his face hit my fist – more specifically his braces chewed apart his lip – and boy was he unhappy… My classmates were surprised that I survived… It was that moment that when I realized that I possessed a high pain threshold.
10. Let a relative stranger pick my first girlfriend at school. We went “around” on and off for a while instead of actually hanging out. Granted he asked me who I “liked” but the whole process was… odd.
9. I found some “adult” magazines in the basement of our house and thought the best thing to do would be to take them to school and sell them. I made a lot of money… Until my friend’s mother became suspicious as to why a 12-year-old carried hundreds of dollars in twenty’s in his wallet.
8. Mullet… Nuff said
7. In Hebrew school, I once filled the teacher’s desk drawer full of whipped cream from the spray can. Why? I had never used a can and wanted to see how much was in it. Problem is… I have a conscience and to this day I imagine the kids coming back from recess and seeing their treat gone. The guilt eats me up inside. If I was faced with the same scenario 100 times over again, I would walk away.
6. I’m not sure how to explain this one – it’s kind of personal – but let me say that it is never a good idea to jump on someone’s back when you are a 250 pound kid for fear that you may slide down their back and pierce a certain low-hanging body part with a thick wood pencil. The tip of the pencil snapped off and later that week I pulled it out… UGH.
5. Piggy-backing on the previous one (pun intended), can you say size 52 tall jacket and size 48 pant…
4. I was a pleaser – that on its own is a dumb thing – but I remember my Dad was in Milwaukee on business and brought back for my sister and I a note pad with Michael Jackson on the front. I was young, he was getting a ton of airplay for Beat It, Billie Jean, and Thriller. So I brought it into school and showed it to a cool girl who I liked. She said she REALLY liked it so I gave it to her thinking she would appreciate it and talk to me. She didn’t. I would spend the rest of the school year seeing her use it, wondering why I gave it to her.
3. As a sufferer of migraines right up until I was 18 years old and had my wisdom teeth out, I spent 4 straight hours outside cutting the grass and digging a vegetable garden then for some stupid reason decided I needed to then ride to the convenience store and but a “Twist Shandy” with 0.5% alcohol to refresh myself.
Being thirsty and nearly exhausted I downed this drink and within one hour had the worst migraine ever which saw me incapacitated for the rest of the weekend in severe pain.
2. In grade 4 I was booted out of French class for not being able to identify a picture my teacher was showing me. I really had no idea and she was so irate that she berated me in front of the class for being juvenile (yeah, and?) and for being a clown. She sent me to the principal’s office and asked him to remove me from the class as she was fed up with my lack of seriousness.
Before the principal called my parents he walked me back to the classroom and asked to see the picture.
The picture contained a church, the moon, a clock that read midnight and snow.
He asked me what I told the teacher it was.
I replied that I thought it was a “rumble” as I did not know what it was.
“You seriously don’t know what this is?” He asked me in an angry tone.
“I have no idea”, I replied, now very close to tears.
“It’s a midnight mass”, he blurted out.
“What?” I said.
“Midnight mass!” he said. “You know, where people go to church…”
“Oh, I cut him off… I’m Jewish”.
The teacher and the principal left the room.
When they returned, they apologized to me and explained the picture.
I got a great mark in the class and if I recall, did very little work the rest of the year…
1. I know everyone does this, but it’s still really dumb.
I came home from school one cold winter day and decided to stick my whole tongue, not just the tip, to our front metal screen door.
Then I panicked and ripped it off, sans a lot of skin…
If you could see me, I’m shaking my head right now at this list… What a dumb dumb.
So there was a tornado tonight in Midland, Ontario… An earthquake this afternoon and more severe weather throughout the night.
A question, however:
Why do all Tornado’s roll through trailer parks?!?
Was that an earthquake I just felt up in Richmond Hill, Ontario? Lasted about 30 seconds.
Confirmed! Yes it was.
I was on a conference call with colleagues in Montreal, Calgary, Vancouver and Mississauga and it was felt in Montreal at the same time!
Reports indicate this quake hit between 5.0 on the Richter scale. The epicentre was confirmed to be Gatineau, Quebec.
One update on twitter came in from downtown Toronto where someone felt the quake as they saw President Obama’s helicopter pass his building on the way to the G20.
Can this be blamed on the G20.
This quake was felt in Southwestern Ontario, Montreal, New York and down through Virginia.
I’m going to have the most hits ever for a post today! Guaranteed.
I was checking out the keywords people used to access my blog, and my sports blog and found some very bizarre / interesting items.
Miley Cyrus car upskirt. Remember the big issue a few days ago when some blogger posted a picture of 17 year old Miley Cyrus leaving a car, claiming that she had not panties on… He said the picture was photoshopped as did she – probably because they’d both be in deep shit knowing it to be true. Well the fallout from that was that he rightfully lost advertisers and she is going to wear undies and learn how to exit vehicles.
Anyways, I posted about like that Miley Cyrus song, Party in the USA, and as a result, Google is sending people here looking for that pic.
Sorry folks… Not here.
Captain Lou Albano:
Also still have a TON is hits on Captain Lou Albano. Not sure why people want to look him up unless they are thinking of having elastics attached to their faces and need to see what they’ll look like when they are 60.
In I’m sure an effort to get publicity, some organization called the Center for Science in the Public Interest has decided they want to sue McDonalds for contributing to obesity among children by putting toys in with Happy Meals. I could joke and say how happy would a Happy Meal be without a toy, but as a parent of 3 children under 6 who have only been to “Ol MacDonalds” once, I am offended that this “public health watchdog group” would use Mc D’s to promote their own interests.
I don’t buy Happy Meal’s because there are toys in it, because I don’t buy Mc D’s at all for my kids. I just don’t feel it’s healthy enough. If they want to eat it when they are older, every now and then, they are more than entitled to make that choice but the ultimate choice is being made by the parent.
To think that toys in food combos are making kids fat is as stupid as saying cookies in my cupboard are going to make my kids fat. By blaming McDonald’s, this organization is passing along the blame of childhood obesity from the parents to the a multi-national corporation. That is totally unfair.
If you don’t want your kids to get fat, then don’t let them eat McD’s 5 days a week, give them lots of exercise and lead a healthy lifestyle. And if you do want your kids to eat there, that’s fine too. They have some healthy food too – I remember seeing apples there.
It’s the parents… Not the toy!!!
Today is the official first day of summer yet, being the longest day of the year (or midsummer) it also means that from this day forth we will have less and less sunshine and warmth until winter arrives.
The Summer Solstice occurs exactly when the Earth’s axial tilt is most inclined towards the sun. The solstice occurs on the day of the year with the longest period of daylight. Thus the seasonal significance of the Summer Solstice is in the reversal of the gradual shortening of nights and lengthening of days.
Worldwide, interpretation of the event has varied from culture to culture, but most cultures have held a recognition of sign of the fertility, involving holidays, festivals, gatherings, rituals or other celebrations around that time.
The word solstice derives from Latin sol (sun) and sistere (to stand still).
So now my son can stop asking me if we are still in spring and if so, when summer will begin. That is, until he starts asking me if it’s summer and when will be the first official day of fall.
Enjoy the day!