Monthly Archives: October 2009

Thank you Google Street View!

I mean that…

Well, maybe it is a little sarcastic.

You see my wife and I had plans Saturday night (I know, can you belive it!) with a few other couples and we were all meeting up North of the city at a Japanese restaurant. 

After finding the address – and determining that it was very close to my office, I decided I could find it no problem, but since I did not recognize the name, I wanted to see view of the restaurant from the street.

So cleverly my wife went to Google Street View.

This is what we got…

bus

Nice, eh?  If you look closely through the windows of the bus you can see the restaurant… Who am I trying to kid.  No you can’t.

So imagine being the company who directs people to their URL and then from there to this application in order to see where they are located only to find out that a giant fucking TTC bus is blocking the entire view.

 

Nice!

 

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Raisins come from grapes…

Raisins come from grapes, people come from apes, I come from Canada…

That was a few lines from the Barenaked Ladies children’s song entitled, “Raisins”.  My kids, and wife, love that song.  It is rather clever and catchy.

But this post is not about the Barenaked Ladies – even though merely typing the tags, “barenaked” and “ladies” should result in a plethora of hits from perverts – but rather this post is about raisins.

You see this morning my son was completely bonkers.  So my wife and I tracked back to find out why.  We figured it out and we blame raisins.  Let me back-track and explain…

At over 8 months pregnant, my wife has mid-wife appointments every 2 weeks for now and I hate missing these appointments.  Forget being seen as a good husband for going – that’s so not why I go, but rather I live with her and I want to be on top of every feeling, issue or complaint she has.   With babies and pregnant woman, you can never be too prepared.  So I joined her for her late afternoon appointment with our youngest boy, while my almost 5-year-old (we call him Linus because he is attached to a blankie) was picked up form school by Gramma and off to dinner they went.

So the boys usually wind up in bed around 7-7:30pm but last night we all met in the driveway around 7:30 and there was Linus with a teeny tiny box of raisins.

Looks something like this;

raisins

 These are Sun-Maid raisins, not Sun-Kist, and if you google “sun-kist raisins” you are taken to Sun-Kist’s FAQ page in which they explain that they do not make raisins, and if you’re looking for them, you’ll need to go to the Sun-Maid website.

He also had 4 others in a ziploc bag.  

Thinking nothing about it, we let the boys finish their raisins, then we got them ready for bed…

But Linus didn’t sleep well.  He came into our room during the night a few times, tossed, turned and eventually woke up really early (before 6am), woke up his mummy and once downstairs for breakfast – looking very tired – was still really crazy and bouncing around the house.

Then my soon to be nutritionist wife did some research and found this following fact;

One box of raisins contains 20g of sugar. One Aero chocolate bar contains 24g of sugar.  Essentially, Linus ate almost 3 1/2 chocolate bars worth of sugar before bed.  No wonder he was crazy.  My son is not good on sugar.  Putting aside the fact that raisins are quite gummy and as a result the natural sugars stick to kids teeth and can contribute to cavities, I think of raisins in a totally new light!

Now we know!  Now you do too.

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What ever happened to the briefcase?

Think today as I walked to the subway with my laptop bag what I used to carry to University when I had my books, and notes for meetings… I carried a briefcase.  Do they even exist anymore?

I guess studies probably showed that carrying a heavy briefcase on one side probably put a lot of stress on the other side, causing back problems, hip problems, shoulder problems and all that jazz.

Did not see a single briefcase today.

Then again… Didn’t notice and laptop bags either.

So what DO people carry their shit to work in???

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Balloon Boy – The truth comes out

So it looks like the lawyer for Richard Heene, the man accused of perpetrating the balloon boy hoax to promote a reality show will be charged by police after emails showed that he had been planning this even for a couple months. 

In case you live in a bubble, or without TV, all the major TV stations carried this drama on live television to millions of viewers worldwide.  The alleged stunt temporarily shut down Denver International Airport, and the National Guard provided two helicopters in an attempt to rescue 6-year-old Falcon Heene, who was believed to be inside the flying-saucer shaped homemade balloon that hurtled more than 50 miles across two counties.

Here is the image broadcast across the world…

ET

Crap.  That’s not it.

Oh yeah.  He was supposed to be floating away in this tin-foil piece of shit.

balloon boy

So when the balloon landed without the boy, officials thought he had fallen out and began the grim search for his body… On live TV no less.  But as it turns out, this was nothing more than a marketing ploy by the Heenes, this odd American family who met in acting school in Hollywood and have appeared on ABC’s reality show “Wife Swap.”

So essentially, the Heene family got what they wanted… Or what they thought they wanted.  They got the attention of the masses but with that “fame” comes the intense investigation into their private lives, including reporters trying to find out why they did this, what they had hoped to gain, who knew about it, and there has even been investigation into their private lives and into them as people.  It has been very overwhelming for a family that just wanted to be famous.  But they deserved it.

The gig was up when investigators were able to get a good look at the “flying saucer” and they were able to determine that the thin mylar balloon was covered with tinfoil and held together with duct tape, and would not have been able to launch with the 37-pound-boy inside.  

Then other parts of their “story” started to come apart, including whether their 6-year-old boy, oddly named “Falcon”, had been hiding in the rafters of the family’s garage during an intense five-hour search, or in their attack, turned out to not be true, ”For all we know he may have been two blocks down the road playing on the swing in the city park,” the sheriff said.  This lie came to light when the boy turned to his dad during a CNN interview on Thursday and said what sounded like “you had said we did this for a show” when asked why he didn’t come out of his hiding place.

The sheriff also said that all three of the Heenes’ sons knew of the hoax, but likely won’t face charges because of their ages. The oldest son is 10. One of the boys told investigators he saw his brother get in the balloon’s box before it launched.  Clearly a lie too.

Richard Heene, a 48-year-old storm chaser, inventor, wack-job, and self-described amateur scientist, has a high school education and most recently earned a living by laying tile.  Police records show that they have responded to the Heene house at least twice in the past year, including a possible domestic violence incident in February. No charges were ever filed, although officials did try to persuade Mayumi Heene, 45, to go to a safe house, but she declined. 

On the simply horrible “reality” TV show ”Wife Swap,” Heene was portrayed as erratic, at one point throwing a glass of milk on a participant on the program.

The sheriff said the children were still with the parents Sunday and that child protective services had been contacted to investigate their well-being.

Well done, Heene family… Well done.

Your 15 minutes of fame are up.  Enjoy jail.

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Thursday Thirteen

Let’s have a good long look at my 13 biggest Pet Peeve’s.  

A pet peeve is a minor annoyance that is particularly annoying to me, to a greater degree than others may find it.  Examples may be poor table manners, sloppy kitchen hygiene, smoking, grammatical errors in written passages, inconsiderate driving or lazy co-workers, and loud gum smacking.

Here they are;

13. Stupid People

12. People who throw garbage out of the windows of their car while driving

11. Grafitti – Hey, you with that paint can who sprayed my house at 2 in the morning.  I’m going to follow you home and spray pain my stupid-ass gang logo on your house, room and clothes.  How much would you like that?!?

10. People who chew with their mouth open

9. Cigarette butt flickers.  They toss them everywhere and never put them out.  Probably because it’s so fucking cool…

8. Drivers who don’t use their turn signals.  I always want to yell, “Hey doofus… It’s called an indicator!  Are you that inconsiderate that you don’t feel like indicating your intentions…”  Then I whip out my dart-gun and flatten all four of their tires, driving away smiling and feeling great.

7. Woman who wear low cut clothes, and a big, flashy piece of jewellery right in the cleavage, so if you look at the jewellery, they think you’re a pervert… This has NEVER happened to me…  I just hear it’s a big problem.

6. Texting in work meetings… Really rude.  Can be problematic for those who are texting, especially if you are the boss.

5. People who cannot pick their feet up when they walk.  My son did this in the summer and completely wore out the heels of his shoes.

4. Spitters… UGH.  Oh, please can I now walk on your hork…

3. Inviting people over to your house for holidays and parties, meals and playdates but never getting invited anywhere by them…

2. People who have no idea what “personal space” is

1.  Empty coffee cups in movies or TV shows.  You know they are empty by the way the actor’s swing them around or when they make that empty-cup-sound once they are put down on a counter.  I hate that!!!  Hire someone if you have to, whose job it is to fill up the fucking cups.  Grrr, that pisses me off.

Captain Lou Albano

Captain Lou Albano, Famed Pro Wrestling Manager, WWE Hall of Famer Dead At 76.

RIP Captain Lou

RIP Captain Lou

A flood of memories came back to me upon hearing about the death of the Captain, Lou Albano at the age of 76, from natural causes.  He was the manager I hated the most in the 80′s and 90′s when I watched wrestling, when he was a good guy AND when he was a bad guy.  The guy made me sick, and I HATED the elastic bands that were clipped to his face by safety pins.  UGH.  To me, that means he did his job and did it well.  He garnered a reaction out of me every time he was on TV. 

In the wrestling business, he was known as the mouthpiece for some of wrestling’s most ruthless villains, including “The Russian Bear” Ivan Koloff and the Wild Samoans.  His biggest gift / major annoyance was his talking as I remember him yammering on in interviews about nonsense and at ringside constantly talking and yelling at his wrestlers and their opponents. 

Albano’s working relationship with Cyndi Lauper helped open the door to other celebrity tie-ins, and helped make the first WrestleMania event in 1985 a big success.  He was Cyndi’s Dad in the “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” video, and he was in the “Goonies” videos and “She Bop”… I remember them as if they were yesterday.

As for his managing of wrestlers, Captain Lou handled a bunch of villains and thugs, such as;  Pat Patterson, Magnificent Don Muraco, Greg “the Hammer” Valentine.  They all won the Intercontinental title.  Albano also guided fifteen teams to the Tag Team titles, including The Valiant Brothers, The Wild Samoans, The Blackjacks, The Moondogs and The Executioners.  By the end of his career, Albano managed over 50 different wrestlers who won two dozen championships.

I remember being thrilled when he wound up in the ring and was throttled by the “good guy”, as I really felt he deserved it.

What are your greatest memories of the Captain?

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A sucky end to a fun long weekend

Today, Monday, is Thanksgiving in Canada and man was it cold outside.  I had the boys out in the park for an hour and a bit, until we decided to strol up the main Avenue to see if our local Starbucks was open… It’s ALWAYS open! 

starbucks-logo-thumb1

We went inside to warm up.  After casing the yogurt / juice / sandwich fridge, the boys ran ahead to find a seat, having been there numerous times before, and within a few seconds I found them chatting up a storm with fellow blogger, and neighbours Haley-O and Josh-O of The Cheaty Monkey, who were there with their kiddies.  We all sat for a few minutes and talked about life, blogging, the kids’ schools, basketball (the Toronto Raptors) and other (ahem) stuff while the kids, played, talked to strangers and danced.  Fun times were had by everyone.

From there we went by the “flower store”, really an outdoor market, where the kids went nuts grabbing gourds, mini-pumpkins, Indian-corn (is it still really called that?) and other festive decorations to take home for the front steps of our house.  Every year my in-laws grab a bunch of pumpkins for our front steps.  The kids LOVE it!  It has become tradition in our household.  This year there were 10 of them, assorted sizes, colours and varieties.  To that pile we added a mini-pumpkin and 3 small white pumpkins.

Our annual tradition

Our annual tradition

Sadly, the small white pumpkins have since disappeared – we believe via squirrel-power.  This morning my oldest boy took the new nanny out with him to cover the remaining ones with cayenne pepper.  Smart kid…

Once back home we ate yummy turkey scalopini and stuffing made by my very pregnant wife and we got the kids bathed and into bed nice and early (before 7pm).  I then set off to do the tasks I normally do before bed the night before our nanny comes home… I clean and make sure the house is tidy so she will see the way we like to (try to) keep it.

At 1am as I was turning off the outside lights, I noticed a light shining into the new hybrid SUV.  It looked like the street light was shining into the car and I turned away, only to wonder if possibly, just maybe there was a light left on in the car.  I grabbed the keys and ran out in my shorts and barefeet to see.  Yup.  There were 2 lights on in the car… From early afternoon.  The car was dead!  I called roadside assistance to set up towing to the dealership in the morning and the first tow-truck – a young, cold, sleepy kid, couldn’t get it to start.  Told me the car was toast.  I called back roadside assistance and they sent a second truck to take me to the dealership in the morning but this guy – an older fellow – started the car.    I drove to the dealership and that re-charged the battery… PHEW.

While at the dealership, they finally activated our XM Radio.  Anyone have any suggestions as to what stations to listen to?  I programmed in the XLMetal station, but found it way too disturbing for my morning drive.  I don’t need to get psyched up to go to work anymore… It’s not the government.  I also found a station with only love songs, a station for every decade and a station dedicated to hairbands!  Cool. 

What stations do you like?

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397th post

Post 395 was about Twitter. Since I have been tweeting about this blog, my hits have shot from 6 per day to late 20′s per day.  Post 395 went up at 10:40pm and by that point my hits were 27.  By midnight I was at 31.  My all-time high??? 41. Not great by any stretch of the imagination, but for me, it was exciting.  Sure beats the days of no visitors,  Sure I made my blog private for a couple years, but it’s back…

I am just not sure if the increase in hits is as a result of twitter, as I have been tweeting when I put up a new post,  or because I posted with tags like “penis”, “tits” or other crude words.  Either way, my hits have increased but my comments have not.  No big deal, right?  Right.  :)

I was thinking of putting up a test post, and tag it with everything and anything imaginable to see how many hits I get, then putting up an older post about coffee shops and tweeting about it to see which one gets more hits.  I suspect there are more perverts than there are legit “followers” on my twitter account. 

What do you think is the real reason for the increased exposure?

Pictures?

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Really?

Little boy runs across the grass to the higest point on my neighbours lawn and looks at me with the biggest smile ever.

I look at him and comment on how high he is.

He responds with this;

“I’m the king of the castle, and you’re the dirty frassle”.

I look at him puzzled and ask him to repeat it.

He does;

“I’m the king of the castle and you’re the dirty frassle”.

I wont correct him.

I don’t mind being a frassle…

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Tweeting fool

I must admit, I do not understand this thing called Twitter.

I have an account and I am “following” currently 179 people. In return, I am being “followed” by 101 people.

Thus far the only people who have actually had a conversation with me on this thing are my wife, Haley-O @ the Cheaty Monkey and our kids summer camp, Centre Camp during that municipal worker strike when that idiot Mayor picked their camp as a garbage dump site. That decision has cost him his job!

Here is what I don’t get… What is the point of this Twitter thing? To be able to text friends? To listen to the nonsensical ramblings of celebrities? Or to add as many friends, strangers and porn spam as possible to look like you are popular? Tell me please, I just don’t know.

At first, I removed all the porn spam follows. As flattered as I was that Trixie wanted to follow me and show me her big tits, I didnt want the real creator of that site, probably a dude, knowing that my kid got pee’d on in school.

Then I’d get followed by 5 new people one nigh and then have 9 less followers the next night. Seriously, were you just waiting for me to follow you back? But what really irks me are the questionable accounts who are going to tell me how to make money, grow my hair back, extend the length of my penis or run a 2 minute mile. If your stuff was that good you would already be famous, my friend. Trying posting yet another spam link that no one will ever follow.

My question is, why are they doing this? The potential advertising earned because I accidentally follow a link surely cannot be enough hits to allow you to be paid well. Even if you are being followed by 1 million people, you need substance… Don’t you?  Then again, why am I doing it?

Aww, fuck it. Follow me too. I talk shit here and I talk shorter shit there.

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