Tuesday Newsday… For a Friday

First, a Happy Boy story…

“They’re similar”.

The Happy Boy – almost 3 years old, picks up the last cheese string in the house and is now eating it instead of letting his baby brother eat it. So the baby, now whining, is now forced to eat a chunk of marble cheese that I have to slice from a brick of cheese. Wanting to make sure his 1 yr old brother understands he’s not getting the short end of the stick in the cheese market, the Happy Boy shows the Weed that the 2 pieces are almost alike by saying to him, “look baby, they are similar… see, the pieces of cheese are similar”… He then tells me that his little brother will eat it because they look similar… How does he know that word? When did he get his drivers license? How do they get to be so friggin smart and cute at such a young age.

… And now to the news as seen through the eyes of UrbanDaddy… with a big thank you to Google news…

32% of workers fake sick

Excuses. Everybody has one to dodge exercise or chores, but a new survey shows nearly a third of U.S. employees use a fake one to miss work — and over a third of bosses don’t believe them.
Thirty-two percent of workers questioned in a Harris poll admitted calling in sick when they were well at least once last year — and some employees had excuses for missing work that left their bosses baffled.
One woman claimed she got whiplash from brushing her hair. Another said her psychic told her to stay at home or something awful would happen, and a man said he had nothing to wear because his roommate had locked all his clothes in a shed.
What??? I buy all those excuses… I’m sure everyone has – once in their lives – had their clothes locked in the shed by a roommate, parent, spouse or imaginary friend names “Cleo”…

Dandruff’s genes sequenced

First, researchers grew enough fungus to give dandruff to 10 million people. Next, they sequenced its genes. Then they found out that not only does an icky fungus live on your head and cause dandruff– but it could be having sex. On your head. Right now. Sex??? Really??? I told UrbanMummy I always hear panting and moaning and she swore it wasn’t her…
A team at Procter & Gamble Beauty said on Tuesday they had sequenced the genome of Malassezia globosa (that was in the top 5 for names for our first son… we chose the Happy Boy..) , a fungus that grows on the skin of between 50 percent and 90 percent of the population. It causes dandruff and a range of other skin conditions. I’m still perturbed about dandruff flakes having sex on my head. Fuck that’s gross.

Being fat is still unhealthy, experts warn (was it ever healthy???)

Being overweight may not kill you, but it could lead to obesity, U.S. health experts cautioned on Wednesday in response to research suggesting that being a bit heavy does not raise the risk of death.
A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that being overweight did not increase the risk of dying from heart disease and cancer. It also was linked with a significantly decreased rate of death from non-cancer and non-heart related causes, such as accidents or diseases like Alzheimer’s. Yup… Still unhealthy…

RCMP claimed Leveque had sexual problems, fancied young women – I needed this one because the headline tells me that liking young women is a sexual problem… Read on folks…

A secret RCMP file on former Quebec Premier Rene Levesque alleges that he suffered from sexual problems and was so drawn to very young women that it left his party at times in an embarrassing situation.
New files obtained by The Montreal Gazette under the Access to Information and Privacy Act reveal that Levesque may have been under even closer scrutiny than many realized.
In a report dated Feb. 9, 1972, for example, Levesque’s sexual proclivities are discussed.
“Levesque could have (aurait) certain problems of a sexual nature,” says the heavily censored report. “He likes skirts. And particularly when they are young. Which at times puts the Party in an embarrassing situation since Levesque, after an interesting encounter, would disappear for a few days.” LOL That was some secret file, eh? It’s been 35 years since all this happened… I’m 36… Who the fuck cares. He likes skirts… LOL. Maybe it was kilts. This guy was probably a Liberal… That would figure.

It’s prime time for procreating

Colder temperatures leave you feeling hot and bothered? You’re not alone.
For those with babies on the brain, the latest data from Statistics Canada shows October through December may be prime time for procreation. Although live births were fairly evenly distributed in 2005, the most recent year for which numbers are available, a subtle increase took place during the three-month period between July and September.
Given that most pregnancies last 40 weeks, the implication is that “spring fever” might not come when it’s pouring rain but with the falling snow.
July, August and September each accounted for 8.8 per cent of the year’s newborns; by comparison, babes born November through February comprised between 7.3 and 7.9 per cent. Spring was the least likely time for making babies, with roughly 5,200 fewer infants born in February – suggesting a May conception – than in any given prime time month: 24,896 versus 30,174 in July, 30,083 in August, and 30,112 in September.
go sperm go… go sperm go…

… and finally under the category of duuuhhhhhhhh

Pedestrians not built to take on cars

Drivers also need to exercise extra caution. Recent tests of the current model of pedestrian revealed a glaring safety-design problem — it always comes off worse in crashes with cars.
Not surprisingly, more than half of pedestrian related crashes take place at intersections. So let me get this straight… when there is an accident involving people and cars, the cars win??? No shit??? This IS breaking news. I’m fucking speechless.

2 responses

  1. You know I like taupe…it’s a nice color to paint with, and you’re right for resale value most of the time it’s a sure thing. But it’s not a favourite…it’s taupe because I hate arguing with hubs so I just concur. It’s only paint and I’m too tired ;)

  2. Your take on the news is too funny for words! Thanks, I needed that laugh!!!

Don't be shy! Please leave a reply!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,827 other followers

%d bloggers like this: